Sunday, August 3, 2008

My Wicked Plan

Back before I was a mommy, I was a preschool teacher.

I heard this awful rumor.  Apparently some of the snobby parents at the upscale preschool would not let their children play with firefighter toys or clothes.  Why?  They didn't want their children pursuing such a career. They wanted a doctor or a lawyer. A CEO of a corporation.  A world class Violinist.

Not a Fireman!  No way. Not good enough for a high-class family. Although this was before 9/11.  I suspect that after 9/11 it suddenly became incredibly wonderful and cool to be a firefighter. Maybe attitudes changed.


I told myself, when I became a mother, I'd let my child become whatever he/she wants to be.

I wouldn't push a career on him. Doctor?  Fine!  Garbage Collector?  Wonderful.  Bus Driver?  Lovely. Movie director?  Awesome!  Drug Dealer?  Ah, not so good.  But I'll still love him.

Religion:  Jewish?  Pagan? Atheist?  Born Again Christian? Satanist?  Scientologist?   Whatever! Follow Your Heart.   I might tease him a bit, but hey....all in good fun.

Sexual Orientation: Gay?  Lesbian?  Bisexual?  Transexual. All is fine with me. 

I'm open-minded.  

My feeling is as long as they don't do something like molest first graders, open-fire on college students, or hijack a plane.....we're all right.

Okay, but I can't help wondering....Is it so bad if I WISH for Jack to go in a certain direction?

Is it so bad if I kind of lead him in a certain direction?

I mean the final decision will be up to him. I just want to do a little steering.

I'm speaking of my wicked secret plan. Although some of my friends know about it.

The plan to find Jack an Aussie Wife.  (or male partner.....if he goes in that direction)

When I meet a new Australian friend (whether online or in real life) one of the first things I ask myself.  Do they have a daughter?

The awesome thing is most of them do. Beautiful little girls and I'm friends with their moms (in one case a dad).  If Jack marries an Aussie girl, not only will I have this great excuse to come to Australia ALL the time.....I'll totally love the in-laws.

We'll have so much fun planning the wedding together. OR praying together that the kids decide to elope.  I did remind one of my friends, after I made the proposal, that the bride's family is traditionally supposed to pay for the wedding. Well, at least in the American culture.

Don't worry!  I was joking.   The kids will totally elope. Or maybe skip marriage all together and live in sin.   So what if my grandkids are bastards? I'll still love them and have to visit them in Australia all the time.

Do any of you have potential future wives for my son?  If so, please leave a message and we will meet up in Sydney. We'll do a horoscope thing and all that--make sure the match is auspicious.

We will accept every ethnicity, gender, religion, or interesting disfigurement.  Although any amount of Aboriginal blood would be a bonus. I'd love for my grandchild to have some ancient Aussie history flowing through her blood.  Jack would give bonus points for any girl that looks like Bindi Irwin or Rachel Carpani

Let me say that Jack is quite a catch. He's handsome.  He's smart. He's sensitive. He's funny. He loves to cuddle.

His mom is a bit nuts.  But you'll learn to love her.  


  1. Well, let's face it, if your intentions are good, then there is nothing wrong with it, and in fact, I think an arranged marriage would be good, and why wait till he is eighteen? Bugger that for a joke, bring it forward to as soon as he is old enough to consummate the marriage, like about..........oh, I dunno, thirteen?

    whaddya reckon?

  2. Tribog,

    What the hell are you saying?????

    13 is way too young!!!!!!

    Maybe 14 would work.

  3. Sorry, my girls are 19 and almost 21, a tad oldish for Jack lol.

  4. Jayne.

    Hey, we have no prejudices about age.....

    We plan to teach Jack to appreciate older women.

  5. Well...he is already going to have sleep overs with my girl so I think we just need to build on that and go from there! :-D lol

  6. And Jayne--
    Jack is very mature for his age.

  7. Tracey:

    I think it will TOTALLY work.

    Laura: I should put you on our marketing committee.