Thursday, October 28, 2010

Insecurity and Uncertainty

I'm not sure that I like my new blog title.  I keep seeing it on Statcounter, and it doesn't give me a happy feeling.  I miss the old name.  I don't want the old name back. I really do think it was time to move on. But I'm not sure I'm satisfied with the new name.

I was thinking of putting a poll on my blog; have people vote on whether they like the new name or not.  Maybe put potential blog titles up as well....see what people like the best.

Then I started thinking of an episode of one of Jack's favorite TV shows, Victorious.   It's about a new girl at a performing arts school.  Tori takes a drama class where she has to perform some infamous bird scene. It's some kind of initiation thing. She can't move on to other things in the class until she does this. Tori does the scene for the class and the teacher. She asks the teacher if she did okay. He says no.  She tries a second time on another day.  Once again, the teacher doesn't give her performance any credit.  Tori goes nuts on the third try--adding all kinds of props.  She even trains a live bird to perform in the scene with her.  She puts her heart and soul into the performance. She might not be Meryl Streep, but it's hard to see why a teacher would be unhappy with her performance.  Yet the teacher tells her again that she didn't pass the assignment.    Angrily, Tori protests.  She says she doesn't care what the teacher or class think of her performance.   She likes it, and she's happy with what she did.  Then the class and the teacher applaud with relief. She has passed. The whole purpose of the assignment is to get the students to have self-confidence....rely less on the opinion of others.

That episode REALLY struck a cord with me because I am always seeking validation from others.  I know I need to have more faith in myself, and not rely on others to tell me if what I do is okay or not.  We don't live in a vacuum. I WANT people to like my blog.  I want people to be okay with the title.   I can't lie about that.  And I'm sure actors want others to like their performance.  The point is that you'll never get 100% consensus about anything.  If I asked people what they thought of my blog title, some will probably be happy with the change and some will think it's awful. In the end, it's better to just decide on my own what to do.

I think I shall give it a week or so.   Then I'll decide if I want to keep it, or change it. 

In other news.....Jack just gave me a near heart attack.    He asked me why it sounded like someone was trying to open the door.  I assumed he meant the front door.   I thought someone was trying to break in.   My impulse reaction was to rush down and check the door...make sure the major anti-break-in lock was locked.  It wasn't.  That's the scary news.  The nice news is no one was there.   And when I asked Jack what door he meant, he said it was the kitchen door—an interior door, not an exterior one.

I'm wondering...did I act like the smart horror movie survivor, or the not-so-smart horror movie victim?   The last time I had a break-in scare, I locked us into the bedroom so no one could come in.   But I was half asleep then.   Maybe when I'm tired and disoriented, I make safer choices. Maybe when I'm wide awake, I act foolishly brave.