Thursday, November 4, 2010

What's the Deal With Heroin?

Today while washing my bras, I turned on the TV.   Little Fish was on, and it turns out the scene playing was the one I've seen before.   It's where Cate Blanchett is thinking of going back to her heroin thing.  She searches for a toilet so she can have some privacy with her needles, and ends up in a school.  There, a chorus of kids are singing, and I guess their angelic voices inspire her to do the right thing.

I put my bras outside to dry, and then I went to exercise.  As I've said before, I look at this massive screensaver slideshow as I get myself in shape.  The photos that came on when I started exercising made me think more about drugs.   I forgot all the photos.  One was of Heath Ledger.  Now I can't remember if it was determined if he died from drugs or not.   I think maybe he did, but maybe it was prescription drugs?  Oh!  No. You know why I associate Heath Ledger with heroin.  That movie he was in!  What's it called? I gotta go look.

Candy!  That's it.  It deals with heroin too. And both movies feature Noni Hazlehurst. Interesting.

There was also a photo shot from Lost featuring Charlie. He was a heroin addict.  

So being me....I figured these coincidences must be some kind of sign.

Was something warning me not to become a heroin addict?  That seems unlikely.   I can't imagine anyone offering me heroin in the next few days.  And if they did, I wouldn't accept it.  Although maybe it will be one of those cases where I KNOW something would never happen, but fate surprises me.   That happened on a TV show recently.  I won't say which one because I don't think Australia has seen the episode yet.   I don't want to ruin anything with spoilers.

I thought maybe the drug stuff was a sign I needed to have that talk with Jack.  Now he knows a bit about drugs. We're not the type of family to shy away from difficult topics.  But I was thinking in our ambitions to avoid being didactic, maybe I've given him the idea that I'd be supportive of him trying drugs.  I shouted out to him in the other room.  I'm thinking it might be a bad idea to try drugs!

Jack was kind and didn't respond with a Why the hell are you talking about that now?  Instead he said something like Isn't it always bad to do drugs?

Ah.  So maybe I've been less wishy-washy than I feared.

That's about as long as our conversation lasted. I started thinking about heroin. WHY do people start that stuff in the first place?   What are the benefits?  I know only the bad stuff. Addiction.   Obsession.  Money down the drain......

I started thinking maybe I should do a blog post about this. Research heroin. Try to understand it better.   But I was feeling a bit lazy and hesitant.

Then I went to look at my blog....I do that a lot. Maybe that's MY addiction. Vain, yes. But safer than heroin.

Anyway, I looked down at this widget that's at the bottom of my page. It lists my most popular blog posts.  I wanted to see if anything had changed, although I doubted it. The list never changes.

Today it changed.  The last post on the list is now Hey....Tim, Read This Post.  I thought that was very odd. I never see that post on Statcounter.  I don't think it's popular at all.  I went to check Statcounter thinking maybe some person went to that post and pressed reset a zillion times. 

Nope.   Not the case.

So why was this post suddenly listed as popular?  It's quite an anomaly.  My initial reaction was to delete the widget.  Obviously, there's something wrong with it.   But then I decided to check out the post itself.  For some reason, I didn't read the post. Instead I glanced down at ANOTHER widget, the one that provides links to other posts on the bottom of your post.

One of the posts was the one Say Maybe To Drugs.  

I should go read that. Maybe back then (3 months ago) I had insight into this whole drug thing.

Well, okay.   I read it.  I pretty much said that it's foolish to judge people for using illegal drugs, and then feel it's okay to use alcohol and prescription mild-altering drugs.  I still stand by that.

Maybe it's easier for me to understand alcohol though, because I know people who use it. Most people do.  Tim uses it.  My parents use it. My sisters use it.  A lot of our friends and relatives use it.   We know some people who use a lot of it.  Despite their use of alcohol, they live pretty good lives.   It hasn't ruined their lives.  I'm very aware that it can and DOES ruin lives, but some people seem to be able to use it in a way that's not horribly detrimental.

Is it the same for heroin? Are their addicts who stay safe, healthy, financially stable, etc.   Do we hear only the nightmare stories? 

I'm not doubting that it provides some great sense of euphoria. But with my limited knowledge of the subject....I don't know.  It doesn't seem that pro would cancel out the numerous cons.   

This drug addiction website provides some interesting insight.  

Someone asks the same question I'm asking.   She says, .... јυѕt cant fathom, οr ɡеt through mу skull, wһаt еvеr, how уou саn hear all this info, watch аƖƖ these videos, see all these people homeless, nodding οff, fcked up face аחԁ аƖƖ [іח person, family members, friends οr even in videos], аnd have the gall tο even consider picking up tһаt needle, never mind actually shooting up.

Someone else responds, don’t know that you can fully understand how BAD most drug users feel at the point they start drugs…. if you’re in constant, horrible, physical or emotional pain and someone hands you something and says “this’ll make you feel good” you’ll do it. Drug use is a poor coping strategy.

That's a brilliant answer.  It makes me understand things better. I live a pretty easy and sheltered life.   I don't know what it's like to feel so desperate.  Or maybe I do.   I've had moments...hours...where I felt like total shit. I hate myself. I  feel worthless. What if I felt like that, and someone offered me drugs?  Might I have said yes?  Maybe. If you're desperate enough to stop the hateful feelings......

I probably wouldn't do it though. Just guessing. It's hard to know for sure unless you're put in the situation. I've not yet been offered drugs while having my self-esteem plummet. 

The person on the website says that other people get addicted to medical painkillers, and then move onto heroin. That's understandable.

I'm guessing peer pressure would play a part for some people. Maybe they're at a party, and the guy that's stolen their heart is doing heroin.   In college I went on an upside down roller coaster so I'd impress my crush, and fit in with the group he was hanging out with. So I can relate to doing risky things to impress others.  

Well, I feel enlightened now, and a little less judgmental. I'm very glad I've never been tempted to try drugs. I hope I never come to a point where that changes.