Friday, December 31, 2010

Can People Change?

I'm now on page 68 of The Spell Book of Listen Taylor.  It's nice, but I don't love it yet. I'm having a hard time keeping track of who is who.

I just read something in the book that has given me some deep thoughts.  AND....it fits well with New Years.

People went around warning you: Never imagine you can change someone, for people NEVER CHANGE.  Then they talked about leopards and spots. Forgetting altogether about chameleons.  

So, can people change?

I think so.

Maybe the point is we shouldn't DEPEND on people changing.  If someone's interests or habits severely bother us, we probably shouldn't marry them.

I think it also depends on what we want to change.  I think there's a difference between saying, I wish she had healthier eating habits.  I worry she'll have heart problems later,  and saying I wish she didn't like romance novels. They're so boring and pathetic.  

I'll admit it though....shamefully.  I do sometimes want people to change; not necessarily for the better, but so they're more like me.

Like I'd love for my brother-in-law to suddenly decide he's on the left and hates Fox News.

Maybe we're all like that in some way.  Or most of us. It would explain why we spend so much time debating.  Aren't we kind of hoping that someone falls over to our side? 

It happens sometimes, but it's not something I count on.  Just like I wouldn't want anyone counting on me changing.  I probably won't suddenly start eating steaks, gain an interest in designer clothing, and stick my child in a posh private school.  It could happen, but it's doubtful.  

The best thing to do is be respectful of differences....or at least try.

But what about outside of interests, opinions, and hobbies?  Can negative attributes be reduced in people?  Can they become less materialistic?  Less grumpy?  Less controlling?  Less lazy?   Less racist? Less moody?  Less vain?  Less self-centered?  More charitable?  More funny?  More interesting?  More cheerful?

Can they stop smoking?  Gambling?  Drinking? Lying?  Hitting? 

They probably can. But I think it's one of those things where THEY have to be the one to want to change, and even then it's not a sure bet.  

I guess sometime we can help point out the problem, and guide someone on the path to changing.    You never know how someone will react to that.  There might be gratitude.  A lot of times there'll be denial and anger.  Sometimes, there will be anger....at first, and the gratitude will come later.

When I was doing eating disorder type things, someone lectured me on Livejournal. I was very angry and offended by her interference, but later I grew to appreciate her intervention. 
 
Now it's New Years, and tradition has it that we're supposed to make resolutions.  

I think this is all about changing ourselves, and it's nice to have hope that we CAN change.

I don't know if I want to have any resolutions.

Let me think.....

Yeah. Okay.   

I'd like to lose weight. THAT is in my nature, and I don't know if I can change that. But I'm fairly happy with how much I weigh now.  If I lose ten pounds, I won't complain though.  

I exercise a fair amount, but it wouldn't hurt to increase that.  It's good for my body, and it prevents me from losing my mind.  

I should probably eat healthier, but I'm not planning to give up chocolate or junk food.  I don't see me becoming one of those raw food enthusiasts.      

I definitely need to eat more ethically.  I want to reduce the amount of eggs and dairy I eat.   Last year, I tried doing vegan Wednesdays. That lasted about a month. I think this year I'm going to make better choices....when choices are available.


If Tim cooks dinner, and it's pizza....I'm not going to say no to that. If I'm at a restaurant and they have angel hair pasta or cheese pizza, I'll pick the pasta.  It's hard sometimes, because the non vegan food always seems so much more appealing to me. 

What about cheese in the house?

We already have a lot.   I won't let it go to waste.  But maybe I'll stop suggesting that we buy more cheese. We just bought a huge thing of Laughing Cow cheese at Costco.  I should stop doing stuff like that.  I mean it was ME that suggested that we buy it.  That was bad of me.

If it's a choice between sorbet and ice-cream, I'll pick sorbet....sometimes.   

Enough of the vegan topic.

I'd like to worry less.  Can that be changed? I don't know. Probably not.  

I'd like to spend less time being angry with people, and less time venting my anger.  I rarely think it helps.   I think it's better to keep my anger to myself.  I think when we're angry at someone, and then talk about it with someone else.....we kind of blow it out of proportion.   

I don't think it usually relieves anything; at least not for me.  I end up feeling I wasted time rehashing it all in my mind. Then I rarely get the empathy and validation I desired. Nor do I often get helpful advice.  So what was the point?

In the end, I think it's best to just keep the anger private.  Instead of wasting thirty minutes explaining why one of my sisters pissed me off, it's better to spend that time exercising.  For me, that provides much better relief.

I don't know if I'll extend that to blogging. I think blogging about my anger sometimes DOES help.   Or maybe it doesn't.  I have no idea.  All I know for now is that it definitely does NOT help when it's within private conversations.  

I'd like to learn more song lyrics. I love singing, but it's a pain because I never know enough lyrics. I'd love to be able to sing a FULL song in the shower, and not just bits and pieces of songs.    

Anyway.....

If any of you have New Years resolutions, I wish you luck and ease in fulfilling them.  Please wish the same to me. I'll need it!