Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Missing in Australia

A day or so ago, I thought about Sayid from Lost.  Why?  I don't know.  But he got into my brain.

Then I suddenly felt this horrible feeling of dread.

Why?

I don't know.

It happens to me...not too often.  But fairly often.

I'll get these random brief moments of dread and depression, sometimes over things that have no rational reason to bring about dread and depression.

A dark cloud passes over me. Fortunately, it passes quite quickly. Usually. Sometimes the bad feelings will slightly linger but not enough to be debilitating.

Okay, but when I had that Sayid bad feeling? I realized something.

I don't remember ever having that weird bad feeling while in Australia.

When I was in Australia I didn't realize it was missing.  I didn't feel gratitude for its absence.  

I didn't notice it had been gone until it came back.

It's not that I wasn't ever afraid in Australia.  On one of my long solo walks in Halls Gap, I made eye contact with a man and got a bit creeped out. I started thinking of serial killers and missing tourists.   I picked up a handful of pebbles as a weapon. Just in case....

That feeling was different, though.

I was afraid of something that was unlikely to be a threat; but possibly could be one.  That's different than feeling an awfulness that makes absolutely no sense.  

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