Saturday, April 16, 2016

Canada, Sticking With the Old, Adaminaby, and Felony

1. Had brief moments of Australians in my dreams.

In one, We're with people who talk to us about Sonia Todd. They tell us that when they first saw her they thought she was Russian, or something like that.  I start to think that maybe I had thought that too, at first.  

There was another dream where I started to think I might have a crush on Alec Snow from Home and Away, and a hardly-remembered dream where I saw Daniel Webber on some TV show.

2. Went to Livejournal to write down my dreams, and clicked on an add there for Qantas.

It had us flying out of Vancouver, and it's the page for Canadians.

I just checked again—went to the Qantas page via Google, and I'm still Canadian.

I think maybe it's the universe scolding me.

We had plans to go to Canada this year.  I imagined us going to Vancouver and then Whistler.  But then Jack wanted to go to Disneyland, and we decided maybe we'd just do another American-west road trip.

BUT then for the past few weeks, I've been craving a trip back to NYC.  Tim and Jack have seemed kind of interested as well. Yesterday I suggested we go there, and we started making plans.

I think maybe the universe is bitching at me. You have time for New York, but not Canada?

3. Figured Canada will end up being one of those places we often talk about going to, but never do.

I think this is the second or third time we've made tentative plans to go to Canada, and then cancelled.
But...oh well.

I've been missing New York lately.

4. Thought that we're really more repeat travelers than the type to seek out new experiences.

Tim and I lived in New York, and we've been back with Jack many times.

We go to Disney World over and over again.

We plan to go to Disneyland in Autumn. It will be our second time.

Each time we've gone to Australia, we've spent a long time in Sydney.  Jack is very reluctant to return to Australia without going to Sydney.  On top of that, there's the fact that out of the few times we've traveled internationally, our destination has been Australia.

I think of Tim as having more of a desire to try new places, but for his birthday we're planning to go to Japan.  This will be his fourth time there.

5. Thought about how I like to try new places, but what I love more than that is returning to places I love.

So if it's a choice between Canada and New York, I'd pick New York.

6. Decided it really depends.

I do love Disney World, but I'm so sick of it. There are many places I'd want to go to more...including Disneyland, which is sort of the the same but different enough to make me happy to go there.

I like the idea of going to Sydney. I can't say I'm tired of Sydney, because it's been three years since we've been there.  But if it's a choice between Sydney and going to places in Australia that are new to us, I'd want to pick the latter.

7. Thought about how, in the past few years, I've not been in the mood for big cities. So that might have been why I loved Sydney a bit less when we went in 2013.

But now I'm very eager to go to NYC which is the ultimate big city.  Maybe I'm over being over big cities.

8. Tried to remember if I was sick of big cities when we went to New York in 2014.

I'm pretty sure I was, but I do remember having a good time.

9. Guessed that maybe my attitude was along the lines of, This is nice even though I'm tired of big cities, rather than, This is horrible, because I'm tired of big cities.

10. Started reading one of my 2012 pretend-Australia-trip posts.

There's a part where I talk about us buying a lot of food for the apartment we're staying at in Adaminaby.  I wrote,  We have food now—lots of it. I stress about it going to waste, but we can take the nonperishable with us.

What's funny is in another one of my dreams last night: We're in NYC. Tim has bought a lot of snacks for the room, and I try not to stress about.  Then I am distracted and keep opening up cans of cat food. The cat food WOULD have stayed perishable if I hadn't opened them.

11. Thought having the dream and reading the post was sort of synchronocity.

Although it's not a huge coincidence, because stressing about wasting food is fairly common to me.  

It's not like I believe we need to clean out plates.  It's more about feeling wrong buying a bunch of perishable food if it seems likely a lot of it will be wasted.

12. Read something in my old pretend trip that made me annoyed.

It's another one of the manipulative things.

As I've said before, though the trip was pretend, a lot of the feelings were very real and the situations were often based on real things as well.

So anyway, one of the things I've experienced with manipulative people is this.  There'll be something they're doing that hurts my feeling.   I'll finally approach them about it, and then they'll accuse me of doing something similar.  I'll have a strong idea that they're accusation isn't true, but I'm not sure.  I start to doubt myself.

Then I don't know if it's a matter of me mistreating someone and being in denial about it. Or is the person being manipulative and avoiding their own guilt by accusing me of doing something that I haven't?

Sometimes I know I did something or didn't do something, but the other person showed no signs of being bothered about it, UNTIL I complained to them about something.  When that happens, were they never really mad or hurt, but they're bringing it up as a deflection tactic?  OR were they kind of bothered by it, decided not to mention it; but then when I complained, they felt they too should complain?

13. Could totally understand someone not expressing annoyance/hurt about something, and then bringing it up when I bitch at them.

There are a lot of things that make me angry about people, but I don't confront them.  I keep quiet.  If one of those people bitched at me about me doing something similar, I'd very likely bring up what they did in the past.

What I can't tolerate is the idea of someone accusing me of doing something or not doing something, and it's not true.  OR it is true, but it never truly bothered them.

It's bad enough to feel hurt by someone's actions.  But then to have that person also make you think you've done something wrong, when you haven't?  It's very unfair.  That being said, I can't guarantee that anyone has ever done that to me.  Maybe every accusation against me was true.  That's the thing with manipulation.  A lot of times there's just a gut feeling, but nothing tangible...no solid proof to back those feelings up.  

14. Thought of a pretend example.

Let's say there are two sisters. Abby is an artist.  Jennifer is a dancer.  Abby gives Jennifer's dancing a lot of attention.  When they text and email, Jennifer often asks Abby about her dancing. When Jennifer sends her videos of her dancing, Abby gives her compliments.

In contrast, Jennifer rarely gives Abby's art any attention. She doesn't ask about it. She doesn't visit Jennifer's art website.  She doesn't give Abby compliments. She pretty much acts like the art doesn't exist.

Finally, Abby has enough and emails Jennifer about her feelings. Jennifer gets very defensive and writes angrily about how Abby has never attended any of her dance recitals. Who cares that Abby watched the videos and often asked questions about the dancing?  Jennifer wanted her there at the recitals, and Abby never did that for her.

 OR was Jennifer never really bothered about it, and is just bringing it up as a deflection tactic?

Abby started off feeling hurt, and now she's also feeling confused and guilty.

15. Started watching an episode of Home and Away.

16. Got some insights to what's going on with Hannah (Cassie Howarth).

Now I'm understanding her more.

She tells Leah (Ada Nicodemou) that the reason she slept with Sean (Luke Pegler), and has been having Andy (Tai Hara) doubts, is because Sean reminds her of the life she wanted for herself. She wanted an adventurous, traveling life.  Then she ended up having to take care of teenagers—Evie (Philippa Northeast) and Oscar (Jake Speer).  She feels trapped.

I can understand feeling trapped.

17. Wasn't sure why Hannah ended up taking care of the twins. I think maybe her sister died?  Or something like that?  Well, I figure someone died and left Hannah as guardian.

18. Consulted Lord Wiki.

He says it was her sister that died.

And then there was that whole cult thing.

Hannah rescued the twins from her brother-in-law.

19. Wondered if Hannah counts Denny (Jessica Grace Smith) as one of the people she's responsible for.

20. Decided it's unlikely. I think Hannah and Denny are close in age.

21. Loved Andy for setting his brother Josh (Jackson Gallagher) straight.

Josh is mad at his girlfriend Evie for not telling him that her aunt cheated on his brother.  Andy says, Don't be an idiot, Mate. They're family. How many times have you lied for me in the past?

22. Thought about Matt's (Alec Snow) budding relationship with his biology teacher (Erika Heynatz).  I feel I keep running into Australian movies/TV shows with older women/young men storylines.  

I think the first was the TV show Rake.  Then there was two movies—Adore and My Mistress.

Now there's this Home and Away storyline.

23. Thought that there might have been others I've forgotten.

24. Remembered that I also read a book about the subject. The book wasn't by an Australian author, but the movie adaptation starred Cate Blanchett.  So...I kind of count it.

25. Started watching the movie Felony.

It's a police thing. It reminds me of the TV show Rush.

26. Saw that Mal, a police officer (Joel Edgerton) is drunk driving.

That's real nice.

27.  Thought it's possible I wasn't paying enough attention. Maybe Mal was among other drinkers at the party, but he himself didn't drink that much.

But it looks like he's having trouble paying attention to the road—either drunk or overly tired.

28.  Saw another police officer stop Mal's car. He asks if Mal's been drinking and mentions a breathalyzer test.  Upon the officer's request, Mal shows him his license which happens to be next to his police badge. And he gives a code word.  I think the police officer is going to let him go...keep on driving.

But I'll keep watching to see if I'm right or wrong.

29. Saw that I was right.

The police just let Mal go.

Shit.

30. Saw a police officer (Tom Wilkinson) mention the finding of adult female prints on an object.

Can gender be determined by fingerprints?

31. Found an article that says scientists have found a new technique that can determine gender.  But the article is from 2015, and the movie was released in 2013.

32. Found an article from 2012.  Scientists were working on it back then, too.

I'm doubting it was being used in regular practice.

My guess is the police officer was talking about the gender thing in order to make the suspect (Lizzie Schebesta) nervous.

33. Started to get into the movie.

I think it's a story about morals, and all that.

Mal has hit a young biker with his car...probably because he was drunk-driving.

He's done a bad thing, but I don't think Mal's a very bad person.

Well, first of all. He stops his car, and tries to help the victim.  He calls an ambulance and all that.

34. Saw that Mal hasn't admitted that he hit the biker.

So his morals are a little weak there.

I'd have much more respect for him if he immediately came clean.

35. Lost more respect for Mal.

He's not just passively denying what he's done. He actively lying. He talks about seeing another car at the scene, and that the car drove away.

36. Thought that I'm such easy prey to manipulation.  Even fictional characters can do it to me.

Because I'm sitting here wondering if there WAS a car there, but I wasn't paying good enough attention.

37. Decided to go back and watch the scene.

38. Watched the scene.

Mal did hit the boy, and there was no other car.

39. Saw that Detective Jim (Jai Courtney) is probably the hero in the story.

I'm getting the idea that the movie is about him dealing with the shitty morals of his colleagues.

40. Got the idea that Jim is a very nice guy.

He goes to the hospital to see how the accident victim is doing. He asks the mother if there's anything he or the other police can do.

Then again, as a bad action doesn't define a person, neither does a good one.

A person can be very caring in one situation; then be abusive and awful in another one.

There may have been times that Mal was extra nice to an accident victim and their family.

41. Saw Ankhila (Sarah Roberts), the mother of the bike accident victim, eyeing Mal with suspicion. This comes after she thanks him for helping her son, and Mal acts awkward about it.

Now I know Mal is guilty, because I watched the accident happen.  But I'm not sure responding to gratitude with awkwardness is a sign of guilt.

Let's say Mal was NOT guilty of hitting the kid on the bike, and he was just a helpful bystander.  What would he say, Why thank you, Ma'am.  I'm happy to be of service!  I think even a simple You're welcome or No worries would be hard to say.

42. Could imagine a modest person doing a heroic deed, and then acting awkward like Mal did.

43. That about how this movie is making me feel very bad for the good police out there who are having to work with the corrupt police.

I guess, though, it's the same in many careers.  There are teachers who love kids and are stuck with other teachers who are burned out and hating kids.  There are doctors who care about patients and their families that have to work with other doctors who care only about their egos.

44. Decided to stop watching the movie for today.

I'm really liking it.

I look forward to watching more of it tomorrow.