Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Exotic Adventures, Durians, Animal Encounters, and Trying to Let Go

1. Read some spoilers for the episode of Home and Away I'm about to watch.

I'm relieved to see that Team Billie (Tessa de Josselin) is shrinking.

2. Started watching the episode.

3. Finished watching the episode.

I really like the Billie and Nate (Kyle Pryor) storyline.

4. Started watching the movie Wish You Were Here.

5. Saw that the characters in the film are wild and adventurous travelers.

They take drugs and go off the beaten trail on their Cambodia travels.

They seem happy to see exotic things.

I'm happy to see exotic things...on my computer screen.

I'm not brave when it comes to traveling.

I'd be wondering about clean toilets and whether the clean toilets include soap and toilet paper.

I'm THAT kind of person.

6. Thought that the only thing I'm adventurous with is sugar.

I like trying junk food from different cultures, and I like tasting exotic fruits. Though I haven't tasted a durian. I think MAYBE tried durian ice-cream in Sydney. Or maybe I just thought of trying it.  We once bought durian cookies. I didn't like them.

7. Realized I might actually have wrote about durian ice-cream in my blog.

I searched and found the post.

I DID try the durian ice-cream, but I didn't order it. I just had a sample.  I thought it tasted like cheese. The cookies did as well. That's what makes me not want to try the actual durian. I like cheese, but I'm not a fan of sweet cheese. I don't like sweetened cream cheese or cheese cake.

8. Wondered if most people think durians taste like cheese.

Maybe I SHOULD try it someday.

I don't think I want it smelling up our house, though.

Maybe one day we'll find samples somewhere, or we'll have an opportunity to eat it outside.

9. Read part of a blog post about durians.

It sounds scary and complicated.

Durians remind people of a mix of things. Sometimes that involves cheese. The blogger says one of the problems is sometimes people try BAD durians—unripe or overripe.

It's like with any fruit. If you eat a bad one, it's a bit of a turn off.

10. Decided if I'm going to try durian, I'll do it with an expert who knows what to look out for.

11. Felt disoriented when watching the movie.

Dave (Joel Edgerton) and his friends are having fun in Asia.

Then in the next scene, Dave is looking sad.

Now Dave is back at home, and it seems some of his friends went missing?

But I feel like I've missed something.

12. Started to understand things more.

I thought two people were missing, but now I'm seeing it's probably just one.

Steph (Teresa Palmer) stayed back in Asia, because she didn't want to leave without her partner Jeremy (Antony Starr) who is missing.

13. Thought that the movie was too mysterious about what's going on.

Usually when I watch a good movie, I feel like I'm there with the characters. I feel like I'm a part of the action.

With this movie, I feel like I'm eavesdropping. I feel like an intruder.

It's like when I stand in line along to go on Tower of Terror at Disney World. I listen to conversations around me.  It's all interesting, but at the same time, it makes me feel lonely.

14. Started to finally get information...from a news report in the movie.

I think it would have been better if I saw the incident myself...or if I heard it directly from the characters.

Unless I missed something. Really. It's people partying, and then it cuts to Dave looking sad.  Then Dave and Alice (Felicity Price) are back at home, joking around with their children. There's bits and pieces of conversations about the missing person but nothing very concrete.

15. Wondered, why we aren't shown Alice, Dave, and Steph noticing that their companion Jeremy (Antony Starr) went missing. Why weren't we shown the fear, the tears, the questions, etc?

16. Went back to watch to make sure I didn't miss anything.

I didn't.

There's drunk partying. The scene goes to black.

Then there are wild dogs and something burning. Dave walks in the area with the dogs, looking traumatized.

In the next scene, Dave and Alice are back home with their children.

17. Wanted to say that I don't expect to be given everything. I'm fine with a little mystery. But I think the mystery is what happened to Jeremy.  Why do I need to be in the dark about everything that's going on? Why do I need to learn about the situation from a newscaster?

18.  Watched a flashback with Alice, at a market, getting tarantulas put on her. It's some kind of tourist thing, probably.

I think that's kind of cool.

I wouldn't mind doing something like that. Although with any animal attraction, I might worry about the treatment of the animal.

19. Felt prejudice. The first thing I thought when I saw the tarantulas was that it looks cool and exciting.  It took me a few minutes to care about the spiders and see them more than just a good photo opportunity.

With other animals, I think I'd be more quicker to wonder, worry, and care.

20. Wondered about tarantulas. I'm pretty sure they don't have deep thoughts and major self-awareness. But do they feel pain? Discomfort?  Unhappiness?

I FEEL like they would, but I also feel that way about inanimate objects—especially things like stuffed animals. So, that's where I'm coming from.

21. Changed my mind about the prejudice thing. Maybe.

I think with any street side exotic animal attraction, I'm going to be torn in two. There's going to be a part of me that wants to see and touch the animal, and there's going to be another part of me that worries about the treatment of the animal.

Plus, it's all sad.

I love the idea of having animal friends, but if the animal is forced into the interaction, it's not a friendship.

I have animal acquaintances on our property. I watch them and feed some of them. They wouldn't let me touch them or hold them, and I wouldn't try. We don't have that kind of relationship.

Yes, I wish the birds would eat out of my hand. I wish one of the lizards would jump on my shoulder.

That would be magical.

But I wouldn't want a forced interaction.  It doesn't feel worth it to me.

22. Thought about how I held a snake in Sydney.

I did think it was cool to do that.

Did I think at all about the feelings of the snake?

I'm not sure.

23. Thought about how I've also touched sea animals in touch tanks.

Why am I sometimes okay with these things, and other times I feel wrong and/or unsatisfied?

24. Thought that the all time best animal experience is when one comes to us and gives affection without any food involved. For example, our cat comes and sits on our lap when we're watching TV.  It's very sweet.

The next best thing is when an animal comes to us, by choice,  because we have food.  This is like at our zoo. We get little food sticks and can feed the parrots. It's up to the parrots if they want to interact or not. Yeah. They're using us for food, which makes me feel somewhat unloved. But still. It's fair and quite lovely

25. Decided the third best (or not so bad) would be an animal that endures a quick touch from us.  The animal is with a professional zookeeper or animal expert that knows, and cares, if the animal is in distress. There's no false sense of affection.  It's more about getting a chance to see what the animal's exterior feels like.

After that, for me, would be a paid for, forced affectionate counter. You get to hold and cuddle an animal—imagine it likes you. But it probably doesn't like you, and it probably doesn't want you holding it. It's probably damn sick of people holding it all day.

On the bright side, the animal encounter raises money for the accredited zoo or animal park. It's for a good cause, and the zookeeper is looking out to make sure the animal isn't distressed.

 Then, last on my animal encounter list would be an animal who's used purely for monetary gain. They're used as an expensive tourist trap.  The wrangler just wants your cash and doesn't care much about the animal's well-being. The animal endures your touch, but he hates you.  Why does he hate you?  Because you're human, and he's learned to hate all humans.

26. Thought what's kind of rude is when I go to put food out for the birds and squirrels, and they scatter away like I'm some kind of monster.

No, they don't need to gather at my feet while I sing Disney songs. But still.They don't need to treat me like the enemy.

27. Wasted way too much time looking at Sydney hotels.

I want to go.

I don't want to go.

I'm so emotionally confused about it all.

28. Stopped washing Wish You Were Here for today.

I'll watch more tomorrow.

29. Thought more about my mixed feelings.

There's a part of me that loves the idea of going. I even did find a hotel I imagine totally loving. It's calling out to me.

There's another part of me that feels terrified about going. I have this huge sense of dread.

The thing is, if we go, it might just be Jack and me. Tim might be working.

I used to travel a lot with Jack, and I was good at it. Now I do much less of that, and I've grown to be a coward about it. I was nervous enough flying without Tim just from Florida to DFW. The idea of being all the way in Australia makes me very nervous.

I know. I'm a chicken.

30. Wished I could completely want to go to Sydney, plan a trip and be excited about it.


Completely forget the idea of going in the near future. Let it disappear from my mind.

Instead I feel haunted and torn in different directions.

31. Asked the online Tarot cards what to do.

They gave me an answer, but I don't understand it.

32. Thought if I was Christian, I'd ask Jesus for guidance.

33. Felt kind of like Hamlet...except I'm not trying to decide if I should avenge my father's murder.

But still. There's that whole indecisiveness thing.

To travel or not to travel.

Whether it is nobler to endure a fifteen hour plane ride where people might vomit on me

Or sit at home and watch episodes of my favorite Australian TV shows.....