Monday, July 30, 2018

The Flowery Journal My Sister Gave Me (Part 1)


I'm going to get back into my self-indulgent journal/diary posts.  

This next one is from 1996. I was no longer using the Hallmark lock and key diaries. This one was a question/answer journal.

I'm skimming through and seeing that I didn't answer every question, but I did answer quite a few.

By the way...speaking of journals. One of the reasons I went on hiatus is I wanted to spend extra time writing in a private journal. That decision was inspired by reading my old Livejournal entries and my old diaries.  

Because I've had experiences with gaslighting, I'm extremely grateful to my younger self for writing things down. It feels good to have verification of memories. Also, as I'm a victim of gaslighting, I'm also a victim of my own memory losses. When reading these private journals, I come across things I have somewhat forgotten or totally forgotten.  

I want to do for my older self what my younger self has done for my present self.  

This public blog helps a bit, but not as much. I know I seem overly open at times, but there's still a lot I hide...especially when it comes to bitching about other people.  And a lot of times I talk about things in vague-terms. I kind of make hints about the drama. Sometimes I can read an old post and know what I'm talking about. Other times I read an old post and think, what the hell was I referring to there? 

Anyway...onto the flowery journal.

Wow! I just saw something that's a bit sexist in the journal.

The book says, At the time, my father worked as a (blank) while my mother (blank).

Fuck the creators of this book.

Why is it assumed the father is working and not the mother?

Anyway, I liked how I answered. 

I said, My father worked as a law student while my mother worked very hard as a mother.  

I just realized the book is not very welcoming towards people who have single parents or people who have gay parents. Hopefully, people creating books like this today are being more careful to be inclusive.

More stuff....

How I got my name-I was named Adina after my great grandfather Arthur Propper. That's how they got the A. The rest was taken from a baby book.  

I stopped using Adina a long time ago. I didn't like the way it sounded when people said it.  I felt like they were saying, A Dina. Like...I'm not THE Dina. I'm A Dina.  Not that I needed to be THE Dina. I just wanted to be Dina. I didn't want an article in front of my name.

There have been times I've regretted not keeping the original name. For example, when Idina Menzel came into my radar. I like her, so it would have been cool to have a name that sounds like hers.

And also, now Adina kind of sounds exotic to me. name would have the same first letter as Australia.  

What I've been told about my birth-My mom's pregnancy was predicted by a tarot card reader. I was born at 7:00 in the evening and I peed at the delivery so everyone thought I was a boy. I guess boy babies are expected to pee on everyone.

I love the tarot card thing. It makes me feel supernatural.

If my EEG says my brain is okay, and I don't feel like blaming it on psychology....I might go the supernatural avenue.  MAYBE my myoclonus is a precursor to getting my powers.  

As for the peeing thing. Did they not notice a lack of penis? On TV, when someone has a baby, they're so quick to announce the gender. Does that not happen in real life?  Did my urine block the view of my genitals?  

And about my babyhood-I think I was a good baby, as in easy. At least I was easier than my sister. I don't think I cried too much.  

I was easy as a baby, maybe.  As I got older, not so much. Though I was usually well-behaved, I had emotional issues, sensory issues, fine and gross motor issues, etc.

And...that's it for now.