Hardly Any New Cases and No New Deaths

I checked to see if Tarrant County ever ended up finally updating their site for yesterday (July 27). 

The site says they did.

But things look suspicious to me.

First I saw the Covid hospital beds. That went down quite a bit, but the difference wasn't shocking. It went from 622 to 573.  I didn't think much of that.

But then I went to the zip codes page.

Our zip code went up only one...from 270 to 271. 

That wasn't too surprising either, though. Our case count doesn't jump too much. The differences day by day are usually higher than just one, but they're usually under 10.  

The thing that looks more suspicious is our lake house zip code. From July 26-27, it moved up six spaces from 272 to 278.  

Usually, there are much bigger jumps.  

Actually I should just go ahead and find out the average. That would be the sensible, responsible thing to do.

Okay....

I went through and set up the numbers, so it's easier for me to get an average.

I haven't done that yet. But I will in a minute.

Two things I noticed, though.

First of all, the big daily jumps didn't begin when I first started keeping track on June 9.  Until June 25, most of the jumps were under five.

The other thing I noticed is I think I miswrote the numbers one of the days, because it went down instead of up—from July 17 to July 18, I have the numbers going from 537 to 535.  ???????  I don't know what's up with that.  But I'm leaving it out of the average, along with July 18 and July 19, since that probably won't be accurate either.  

Okay...I calculated the average. Twice. Because I messed up.

I might have messed up again, but I'm not going to count again. I'm too tired.  I suck at playing mathematician. 

But if I'm right, the average was 13. 

Some of the highest numbers include: 20, 37, 24, 17, 17, 24, 19, 19, 18, 22, 26, and 17.  And then there were some numbers in the mid-teens and some lower ones.

I think, though, that I AM right about yesterday's difference from the day before being lower than usual.  

And then there's the deaths.

We have 0 recorded for July 27.

That's definitely unusual.

Well...not that unusual.  I'm now seeing that we also recorded no deaths on July 13. 

 Lately, though, there have been more deaths than usual. So the zero seems especially suspicious.

On July 25, we had 15 deaths, which I think was a record.

Before that, we had 10 deaths, and the day before that we had 9.

We've also had a scary jump in young deaths (25-44).  We had stayed study at 16 deaths for many days. Then between July 19 and now, it jumped up to 20.  

I'm thinking this is how the death thing is going to go:

Boomers and the Silent Generation are most likely to have a deadly outcome when they contract the virus. And the nursing homes were a double whammy, because it's easy to spread germs there.  But now I think nursing homes are being more careful and more and more old people are staying home if possible.  

Generation X are in less danger from the virus but so many of them were out and about at their essential jobs in March, April, and May. So statistics were working against them. Tim is the one who pointed this out to me. What age are most of the essential workers going to be?  

Millennials and Generation Z have a very, very low chance of dying from the virus. But it seems they've been partying a lot lately. And now many of them are going back to school.....

I don't think we'll see a huge increase in their deaths. However, I think there will be SOME increase. The thing is.... Though their youthful, healthy bodies help to keep them safe from dying of Covid 19; I think hiding safe away at home also helped these generations keep their death numbers down.

And of course, as many of us keep saying, it's NOT just about death.

People sometimes seem to forget that it's not a matter of a few sniffles vs. dying because your whole body has turned into a mass of blood clots.  There are a lot of scary in-betweens.

I wonder, for these scary in-betweens, how many people will end up in the mode of what-doesn't-kill-you-makes-you-stronger. And how many will end up with lifelong psychological struggles because of their severe illness and/or hospital experiences?  

Well....it's a few hours later. Tim asked what I was writing about. I told him, and he says he thought he heard there were 28 deaths in Tarrant County. I'll have to look at the news to see if that's true.  

Well, I don't see anything about that. But there IS an article saying that Tarrant County reports no new deaths for the first time in a month.  

Could it be that death took a holiday? At least in Tarrant County?

Or could it be that reporting took a holiday?

I think I'd be more willing to fully believe in the former if I didn't also see the mysterious low lake house zip code increase.  

But who knows......

Well, I just checked.

The stats for today (July 28) are up.  

I'll see what that looks like.  

Covid occupied hospital beds have gone back up to what they were on the 26th...well, close to it. It was 622, and now it's 620.  Between those days, it was 573. 

What's up with that????

Maybe 40 or so of them left the hospital for a day trip?  

Disappeared into a time warp?

Hospital beds have been added to the capacity. I haven't been keeping track of that number, but I do know it's lower than it was before. Anyway, that has brought down the percentage of not-available beds. Yesterday, it was 71%, and today it's 68%.  

Our zip code has gone up by four from 271 to 275.

The lake house zip code is back to doing its big jumps. They've jumped 21 cases—678 to 699.

There was one death reported today.

 

The Very Safe Beaches of Amity

Our adventures with the scientists of Cal Tech are over.

Tim and I are now spending our evenings with the Twilight Zone.

Last night, we watched the episode "One For the Angels". It's about a salesman getting his visit from Mr. Death.

While watching, I started looking up the actors on IMDb. This led me to learn that Mr. Death is played by the same actor who played the infamous mayor in Jaws—Murray Hamilton.

That led me to finding this very clever, fun video. It's Jaws with Trump's face inserted over the mayor's...talking about the pandemic.

I first thought of the Jaws and Covid 19 connection back in March. On Instagram, a Dallas fan event was cheerfully planning for an upcoming convention. They seemed oblivious to the pandemic. I made a comment suggesting that they not be like the Jaws mayor.

They soon canceled. And I was relieved (and proud of them) to see recently that they have also canceled one of their make-up conventions. They are no longer the Jaws mayor.

Unfortunately, there are still many entities trying to pretend that all is well.

Except for Jaws, I don't remember ever seeing this kind of mindset it any piece of fiction dealing with zombies, a pandemic, animal attacks, etc.

I feel Jaws can't be the only one. So I'm guessing the storyline has been there, and I just haven't paid attention to that part?

BUT...then why would I remember it from Jaws?

And okay...one of the most recent horror movies I've watched is Us.  There's no scene with someone from the government pleading to the public. Yes there are violent doppelgängers of all of us walking around with sharp scissors. But let's not lose sight of what's important. If society can handle the flu, it certainly can handle the Tethered. Businesses need to open! Get back to work! Go to your favorite restaurants. Open schools now!

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

They're Late. Should I Be Worried

As I said in earlier posts, everyday I check out certain statistics on the Tarrant County covid site.

They're usually up around 2:00, and that's around the time I check.

Today I was running late...mostly because the overly long blog post I wrote earlier, AND we did some college shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond.

I didn't go to the website until close to five.

And it turns out, I'm not the only one running late.

The Tarrant County website is running late as well.

So, what's up with that?

Should I be suspicious?

Should I be worried?

Maybe the person who runs the site is like me and had a busier than usual morning.

I'm not really sure if it's one person who runs the site or a whole team.

I have no idea, really.

Anyway.....

As for our shopping trip.  This is the second we've gone on.  Tim has gone on many, and he noted that Bed Bath and Beyond is less wonderful than other places he's been to, because they didn't have anyone disinfecting the carts.

As for masks, most people wore them.

I think I actually messed up. Not mask-wise. But I think at one point, I stood close to people to look at the same stuff they were looking at. Later I realized that Tim complains about this when he comes home from shopping.

I don't think I got super close into these people's personal space. Because I'm not that kind of person. But I probably failed to keep six feet away.

I'm sorry about that.

I need to be more aware and remember not to do that next time we go shopping.

When we went to check out, it was time for other people to be the bad ones.

One woman had no mask, and another had a mask on but it was pulled down to her chin. That annoyed me. But now I feel I can't be too self-righteous in my anger, since I messed up as well.

Well, to my defense, though. My actions were out of stupidity and forgetfulness. It's hard for me to understand the mask failures.

The women were Black.  If they were white, I would guess that they were Trump supporters, and they were showing their Trump love by being mask-defiant.

At Central Market ten days ago, we saw young white men with their masks slipped down to their chin. They looked like frat boys, and I immediately got the sense that they were being Trump-flavored defiant. White people make me angry, but at least I understand their motivation. Or I IMAGINE I understand their motivation.

I guess the women today could have been some of the rare Black Trump supporters? Or maybe there are other reasons to be mask-defiant.  I'm guessing it would have to be a matter of defiance rather than ignorance.  It would be hard to not notice that pretty much everyone else is wearing masks. And if everyone is doing something, it would be logical to assume there's a reason for it.

Other explanations I'm thinking of....

A) They are under the common mistaken belief that masks are to protect ourselves rather than others. They could be thinking....oh, we're not afraid of getting sick!  We'll be fine. Don't worry about us.

I think sometimes people feel they're being kind by not wearing masks or using antibacterial gel. It's kind of like the mindset of those who say, Oh! Don't worry that you barfed on my shoe. I'm not bothered by it. Let me hold back your hair and give you a hug.

B) They could have simply forgotten their masks...not realized they're not wearing them. This happened to Tim once. He went into a shop to pick up food; then afterwards realized he forgot to wear a mask.

I think this would better explain the woman who was totally missing a mask rather than the person who pulled down her mask.

C) They actually already had the virus and believe they're not in danger of being contagious anymore.

If we ever get confirmation that it's NOT possible to be reinfected, it would be nice if people get some kind of stamp or bracelet that lets people know it's fine for them to go out without masks.

I mean I am TOTALLY pro-mask.

But I've come to realize the masks can be really uncomfortable at times...especially when it's hot.  I really feel for people who have to wear them all day.  But....

I still expect them to do it.

Which brings me to my other mask tattle-tale story. We stopped at Burger King to pick up some lunch and the guy working the drive-thru had his mask pulled down.  Our encounter with him was very short, so I'm pretty sure we didn't catch Covid from him. But what about his coworkers?

Anyway, in my very limited experiences of going out, I feel I've seen too many examples of people not following the mask rules. It's giving me even less faith in the whole college dorm thing than I had before.

First of all, I can't fully blame the college students for not masking up all the time or most of the time. It's bad enough having to wear the masks for a trip to the grocery store or a few hours here and there for classes. But in the dorms...when they're just hanging out and relaxing?  To keep the virus from spreading, they would really need to wear the mask every time they leave the room.  Actually, they probably would need to wear it even IN their room...in order to protect their roommates.

But who the hell would want to wear the mask full time?  Everyone deserves a time and place where they can have the relief of taking off that mask.

Jack's college is not requiring the kids to wear masks in their own rooms. I doubt any school is.

Hopefully roommates won't be passing the virus to roommates. I'm not sure how that's not going to happen. But...oh...well.

Even with the required mask times, though, which will be in common areas like the laundry room, kitchen, and lobbies, I imagine there will be many students letting at least their nose be naked. Some will go totally maskless and some will use the required mask to cover their chin and neck. And like the shops we've been to, there will be no one who feels brave enough to speak up. I imagine, in most cases, everyone will politely keep quiet about it.

Well....then in other cases, people will not keep quiet about it. They'll record it on their phone. There'll be a huge fight, and we'll all get to see it on Twitter.  

The Last Three Episodes of The Big Bang Theory

Lately, Tim and I have been watching the last three seasons of The Big Bang Theory.

It used to be one of our shows but then we stopped watching it for some reason. I think maybe because it was not easy to get access to it without paying extra. And it's much easier to watch all the shows we already get via our subscriptions to Amazon, Hulu, Netflix, Disney Plus......

But then we got the new HBO Max service, and it turns out that it comes with The Big Bang Theory.

So we got back to it.

Which felt really nice, actually.  

Last night we watched the last three episodes.

I wanted to do a list of what I liked and what I didn't like about those episodes.

I'll start with what I liked.

1. My favorite thing was probably the airport scene with Raj (Kunal Nayyar) and his best friend Howard (Simon Helberg).

Raj is a romantic who plans to surprise his girlfriend Anu (Rati Gupta) in London with a proposal inspired by the movie Notting Hill. The problem is, Anu is not a movie romance fan. She was totally lost when Raj did a romantic gesture inspired by Love Actually, and she'll be equally lost if he tries a gesture inspired by Notting Hill. 

Howard rushes to the airport to stop Raj from getting on the plane. He makes a scene convincing Raj to not give up on searching and/or waiting for the woman who is a better match for him. In other words, it ends up that the big romantic gesture comes not from Raj to his girlfriend but TO Raj from his best friend.

I thought it was very sweet.

2. I really liked Stuart (Kevin Sussman) ending up with Denise (Lauren Lapkus). 

Unlike Raj and Anu, Stuart and Denise are a perfect match.

Stuart is a comic book fan who owns a comic book store, and Denise is a comic book fan and expert who ends up working for Stuart. 

I'm glad Stuart had a happy ending in general. And it was all down to Neil Gaiman visiting his comic book shop and Tweeting about it.  Before that, Stuart lived a lonely life with a struggling business. His social circle didn't see him as part of their friend group. They treated him like a burden or a joke. 

 

Pre-Neil Gaiman Stuart reminds me of those annoying anti-suicide posts on social media. They say things like, You are important. You are Special. You are One of a Kind. You are Loved. The World Would Miss You if You were Gone!

And I'm like...uh, no. That's actually not true for everyone. There are people in this world who are NOT loved by anyone. They're not appreciated. They have no one to turn to. They have no one who would notice if they went missing for a few weeks. They're very lonely.  And I doubt seeing that kind of post on social media is going to trick them into believing otherwise. If anything, I imagine it might help to further rub in their loneliness and/or make them feel that the general public (or those who create these popular social media posts) really don't get their situation at all.  

Anyway....I think Stuart was one of these people. But then Neil Gaiman came to his store. Gaiman wrote a Tweet in praise of the shop. The shop became popular and busy; and through all that, Stuart met Denise. 

So....I think Stuart's story is much better in terms of an anti-suicide message. No, there's no guarantee things can get better for someone who has an awful existence. In fact, things might actually get much worse. BUT there's always a chance things could get better. So people might as well stick around to see if they're one of the lucky ones...if anything, it could be just for curiosity's sake.  

The other thing I liked about Stuart's ending is that Stuart didn't really change. I always liked him, though. I guess for someone who didn't like Stuart, not-changing would have been a negative.

But yeah. He stayed the same. And it's more like destiny changed his life by bringing him the things he deserved.

I like the message: even though no one appreciates you, you're actually awesome. And one day life might bring you to the people who WILL appreciate you.  

3. I liked the storyline about Sheldon (Jim Parsons) being traumatized by the changes that come with him winning the Nobel Prize. I had a LOT of empathy for him there. 

I don't always have a problem with change. 

But sometimes I do.

When I was very young, I quit ballet after the class changed buildings.

I don't know if I've done anything that drastic since. But watching Sheldon struggle....I felt kind of depressed and overwhelmed.  And when Penny (Kaley Cuoco) helped him realize the whole thing about the one constant in life being the expectation that there will be change....I felt kind of calmed. Centered. 

Thinking of it, though. I'm not sure why I felt so affected by this storyline. Because I feel for the most part, I've grown quite good at accepting change. Maybe it brought up old feelings?

I don't know.

I think, though, that the thing that has gotten me to accept change is parenthood.  The adults in our life don't often change that much. But kids? There's a huge difference between our children at six months and our child at eighteen years...and everything in between. The toddler years. The preschool years. The tween years....

And it all goes by so damn fast.

Sometimes (and not too rarely), Jack will start going into some kind of political monologue. He'll share his brilliant, deep thoughts, and I think back to when he was a bouncing baby in an exercauser.  It's amazing that the bouncing baby in the exercauser became the adult standing next to me talking about serious world issues.  

4. I liked the scene with Howard and Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) on the flight to Sweden, realizing that they are getting farther and farther away from their children, and holy shit, what if something dreadful happens?  It's going to take too long for them to get back to their kids.

I REALLY related to these feelings...probably too much.

I thought about how I've never been in a different country than Jack. And I've actually been in another state only once.

Yeah. I know. Crazy.

And I'd still be terrified to go out of the country without him.  

No wait.

I forgot. 

He and Tim went on another  trip without me a couple of years ago. 

And I'm relieved to say that I don't remember having any emotional problems with it.  

Tim and I both want Jack to escape from us and travel a lot—interstate and internationally. And Tim and I have already started to push him to move to a different country....IF Trump becomes president again...IF it's by voter suppression rather than too many assholes liking him. Too many assholes liking Trump is scary but less scary than not being able to rely on the democratic process.  

So...anyway, I'm fine with Jack leaving us to go explore the world. I'm sure I'll worry. I'm sure I'll miss him. But I'll also be happy and excited for him.

What I think I might always continue to have problems with is us leaving him to have our own adventures.  Hopefully I'll get over that...at least interstate-wise.  It would be nice if Tim and I could go on vacations together while Jack is busy living his life.  

In the past, I did kind of have the idea that once Jack was fully settled (content and busy) in college, Tim and I could maybe go on a short trip somewhere not overly far away. Or maybe....even sort of far away.  And now that's off the cards. But maybe, one day, things will go back to close-to-normal, and I can work on taking those steps.  

Okay....now for things on the show I didn't like.

1. I hated that Amy (Mayim Bialik) suddenly cared about her appearance. And this comes after winning the Nobel Prize. Raj finds Amy crying in the bathroom. She has suddenly realized she looks frumpy.

Really. WTF?????

Were they trying to get away from the message that women have to choose between beauty and intelligence?

I think the idea that women can be smart AND pretty is a great one. But a more important message is that fashion and beauty does not need to be important to every woman. Or...more precisely, in Amy's case, that beauty can be defined in different ways.

It's not like Amy didn't care about her appearance. She just had a very unique sense of style. Then suddenly, as the show concludes, she decides she hates her style, and she wants a change.

I would have been more accepting of this development if it happened much earlier and was more gradual.  Amy's conclusion shouldn't have been an ugly ducking storyline.

And I also hate that one of her last scenes of joy was about losing some weight.

Amy is a Nobel Prize winning scientist....but let's not forget she's a typical girl who wants to look prettier and thinner.

Yuck.

2. I didn't like how they ended the storyline between Leonard (Johnny Galecki) and his mom (Christine Baranski). 

Leonard has always felt unloved and mistreated by his mom. She's a psychiatrist who has always seemed more interest in studying Leonard than actually loving him. Not only that, but she has often given him the message that he's not a priority to her.  

She comes to town, and he's happily surprised that she seems to have changed. For the first time, she seems interested in him. She wants to spend time with him. She seems proud of him. Then he learns, she's only doing this, because she's writing a new book about parenting and is trying to get further insights.

Leonard is hurt and furious.

What does he end up doing?

He tells his mom he forgives her.  This suddenly changes her into a mother who cares. She gets all sniffly, and they share a warm mother and son hug.

I think there's always been a push for mistreated people to forgive those who have hurt them.  What seems to be maybe new...or at least it's new to me is that forgiveness is not for those who have hurt us. It's for our own well-being.

Yeah. I think that's all bullshit.  

I'm on the team that thinks pushing people to forgive is adding more toxicity to what is already toxic.

To me, forgiveness should be saved for the people who understand they've done wrong; feel bad that they have done wrong; apologize; and plan to try to change their behavior.  

For the people who continually hurt us and feel they have done no wrong?  For those who gaslight us and try to manipulate us into believing WE are the problem?  No. I don't think forgiveness is what we should be aiming for. I think what we should aim for is apathy.  

Instead of giving his mom the undeserved gift of forgiveness, he should have aimed for no-longer-giving-a-shit.  He should have worked on not caring what his mom thinks of him. 

That doesn't mean he can't ever be nice to his mom. But the niceness should come from a place of apathy...or a simple generous good mood. It shouldn't come about, because his mom has manipulated him into believing she's changed—that she actually appreciates him or cares about him.  

I'm fine with Leonard giving his mom a hug in the final episodes. But it shouldn't have been a hug of forgiveness. It should have been a hug that says: Goodbye. I know you're not capable of change. But I'm going to stop hoping and caring. Because I have other people in my life who are awesome, and I'm going to put my energy into them instead of you. 

3. Penny's ending storyline was pregnancy. This would have been lovely. Except Penny had decided earlier that she probably didn't want to have children. This was somewhat problematic, because Leonard DID want to have kids. But he had seemingly grown to accept her decision.  

The message in those episodes seemed to be that women don't have to have children to feel fulfilled and that women have the right to make that choice.

This message was erased with Penny accidentally becoming pregnant.

I might have found it less awful if the show was a drama, and we dealt with Penny's decision of whether to abort the baby or decide motherhood might work for her after all.

But the show's a comedy, and we never got to see Penny's struggle. The show jumped ahead two months, and all we see is Penny being completely okay with being pregnant. 

4. I didn't like the very last episode in general.  It all felt very rushed. The conflict was too overplayed, and the same goes for the resolution.

On the airplane to Sweden, Leonard and Penny end up telling Sheldon that Penny is pregnant. They tell him this, because he's  germaphobic and is afraid they're all going to catch her mysterious vomit bug.

When Sheldon hears the news,  he shows no happiness or excitement. He's just relieved she's not sick.

Leonard is furious. I don't blame him for being angry.  But Sheldon has always been blunt and self-centered.  Leonard almost always gets annoyed about that. But this time, he gets extremely annoyed.

I kind of agreed with Sheldon when he gave an excuse for why he wasn't congratulating them. I forgot his exact words but it was along the lines of why would I?  Penny didn't want to be pregnant in the first place.  

I feel also maybe the information hadn't yet sunk in with Sheldon?  I think in other episodes, Leonard and Penny would have just rolled their eyes. Then later, they would have made some jokes about it...made little digs at Sheldon.

But instead, what would have usually been used for comedy is used for high drama.

Leonard is furious.

Howard and Bernadette say they might go home and miss the award ceremony, because they're worried about their kids. Sheldon doesn't understand why they'd do that. His not understanding their parenthood angst makes them angry, and they announce they're out of there.  Leonard decides they too will abandon Sheldon.

Sheldon is angry and sad. Amy lets him know that she too has often been hurt by him.

Sheldon suddenly realizes he's an asshole who is lucky to have such good friends.

The show ends with him having a complete personality change. He gives up his chance to recite his very self-centered acceptance speech and instead gives a heartwarming tribute to each of his friends (who had a change of heart and decided to stay).

I will say that the speech was very touching. I was blinking back the tears. But at the same time, I also felt a desire to be rolling my tear-filled eyes.  

What bothers me is that Sheldon HAD been growing a lot in the last three seasons. He was still self-centered, insulting, and overly honest. But he had been gaining some empathy skills. He was starting to change in small ways, which was both realistic and hopeful. 

It's like in the last three years Sheldon had taken little baby steps here and there. He was slowly becoming a slightly better person. Then suddenly, in the last episode, he jumped back to square one. And after a few strong words from Amy, he leaped forward to being completely changed. He suddenly knows how to fully appreciate his friends and makes a perfect on-the-cuff speech to express those feelings.

To me, it felt contrived. 

If it had been my choice, I would have ended the show with the second to last episode; the last scene being Penny and Sheldon riding the elevator together.  

 

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

 

The Dark Agnes Obel Songs

So....

I just want to let it be known that my mind is not 100% occupied on Covid statistics and drama.

One of the other things I've been obsessing about lately is the Agnes Obel songs from the Netflix series Dark. 

I actually didn't realize until recently that each of the three seasons of Dark has an Agnes Obel song.

I knew only of "Familar" from the first season.

It became one of my favorite songs after we watched the show.

I think I actually mentioned this in a post before. I remember saying that the song became kind of my theme song back when I was writing my diary posts. 

In Dark, the song is used to connect past and present. When I was doing my diary posts, I was connecting my past with my present....so it fit really well.  

So...the past few years, "Familar" has been one of my favorite songs.

Now I have two more Agnes Obel songs to love.

From season 2, there's "It's Happening Again".  I'm not sure when they played it in the show. But I think it's a super pretty song.

And with season 3, we get "Broken Sleep"

I love that song too.

I haven't looked at the lyrics to any of the songs.

I think I'll do that now—see if anything is meaningful. Either Dark meaningful or meaningful to me personally.  

Well...I don't get any particular Dark meaning in the lyrics of Familar.

No.

Never mind. I do.

But one would have to finish the whole series.

For our love is a ghost that the others can't see.

That line...kind of? fits.  It depends on who these "others" are. And it would depend on what we mean by seeing. Probably.  

In terms of personal stuff.....

I've never personally had a love with someone that others couldn't see.

BUT...the novel I'm reading now (Tipping the Velvet) has a secret lesbian love affair.  

And in one of the novels I wrote, Zoe has a secret love thing going on with a man who visits her in her dreams.

Okay onto the next song.....

"It's Happening Again"

I'm loving these lyrics.  They fit even better with my diary post adventures than "Familar" does.

I mean the lyrics of "Familar" don't really fit with my diary posts at all. It was more like the scene in Dark where the song was played fit with my diary posts.  

I swear it is true

The past isn't dead

It's alive, it is happening

In the back of my head

The lyrics also fit well with Dark.

The title of the song itself is a perfect fit with the show. 

As for "Broken Sleep"....

The lyrics seem pretty simple.

I think maybe it's about insomnia? Well, the whole broken sleep thing. I think it's about wanting to dream instead of struggling to fall back asleep.  

I would like to fall, silence every call

(Will you level me with a dream?)

If I will (Fall) fall, fall

I would like to fall (Fall asleep)

Silence every call (Will you level me with a dream?)

If I will (Fall), I will fall

Yeah. That sounds like insomnia. Right?  Or is there a deeper meaning that I'm missing?

I'm worried there is, and that I'm showing off my stupidity.

Uh...so.

Let me check my brain.

Person, Man, Woman, TV?

I think I'm missing something.

That's not good. 

Is it camera?

If it's not camera, should I be worried for myself? 

Ah! It is camera.

Yay!

So if I'm right about that, maybe I'm also right that the "Broken Sleep" song is about insomnia.

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and we could easily talk to our deceased loved ones (and hated ones!!!??) with the Internet?   The Dead are Online  

594

So....

I checked back at the Tarrant County Covid website.

Today's the day they were supposed to get back to reporting the number of Covid confirmed occupied beds.  The number had been paused at 702 for three days, and they said the information was stalled because of the new DSHS reporting guidelines.

Now the number is at 594.

That's a pretty big difference.

Usually the difference between days is around 20-30 cases (plus or minus).

Though there was one day where it jumped from 516 to 635 (July 8-9)

Oh! And on June 12-13 it jumped from 209-342. I think that was the day I sent out a warning to my family.  But then the next day, it went back to 204.  So I think the 342 was probably some kind of error.

And I'm just noticing that from the 14-15, it paused on 204. So maybe then they were having reporting confusing as well.  So it turns out this week wasn't the first time, the Covid beds were stuck on a number.

Anyway....

I wonder why there's been such a big subtraction of Covid patients. Was 702 an over count? Are they now undercounting to hide the severity of the shit show?  Did it turn out the confirmed covid patients weren't so confirmed after all?

Maybe a lot of patients went home in the last few days?

Another mystery is now the ventilator information is missing.

I haven't really been keeping track of that. But now it's blank, and there's a message saying that due to the DHSH guidelines, it will take a few days for the ventilator info to be available.

702

Everyday, I go to the Tarrant County Covid website to see how things are going.

I look at various statistics including how many hospital beds are being taken up by Covid patients.

Tim warned me a week or so ago that I might not be able to get these statistics for much longer. He was referring to that whole thing where the White House assholes were insisting medical info bypass the CDC and instead go directly to the DHHS.

I feared he was probably right about that and also right in his idea that Team Trump is going to suppress Covid info as much as possible.

But I thought MAYBE I could still get access to the data, because I didn't get my statistics from the CDC.

I guess I had this ridiculous idea that some people are relying on the CDC for their stats, and they'd be the only ones effective.

Now that I write that out, it sounds really stupid inside my head.

Well.....

I will say everything seemed fine for awhile. I went to the Tarrant County Page and saw the same statistics I've always seen.

But then yesterday, there were 702 beds.

And the day before that, there were 702 beds.

The Covid bed situation has never not changed before.

Sometimes there are less.

Sometimes there are more.

But it doesn't remain the same.

Of course, I checked the updating time and date to make sure I wasn't reading info from the day before.

I wasn't.

I didn't think too much about it, though.

Then today....guess what.

It's at 702 beds.

Again.

Now there's a little message by the bed number: Due to new reporting requirements by DSHS, hospital capacity data will not be updated until 7/25/20.

Although I'm confused.

Is it DHHS or DSHS?

When I Google DHSH, I get to the Texas Department of State Health Services.

So maybe this is not related to Trump at all?

Maybe I'm being paranoid over nothing?

Well....it's not like our state Government is that great. And this could be CONNECTED to the national department of health thing.

I wonder, though. What will I see tomorrow?  Will it be a shocking number?  Like....now suddenly only 10 people are in the hospital for Covid.

And what are the new reporting requirements?

Well...

Now I feel a little better.

I searched for and followed the links on the Texas Department of health website and ended up on the Texas Covid site I usually go to (when I want info on Texas in general and not just Tarrant county)   Not that I know for sure that this site is reliable. But at least it's one I'm used to and have been depending on.

They don't have information for Tarrant county specifically. But they do have our general area (which includes Tarrant County, Dallas County, Collin County, and Denton County). According to their info, there are 1,925 Covid hospitalizations happening.

Well....I guess I'll see what things look like tomorrow.

Hopefully it has no connection to Trump's evilness.

I Wish I was a Witch

If I let myself think about things long enough, I get scared.

I'm not too scared of Tim, Jack, or me dying of Covid 19.  I think the chances of that are pretty slim. 

But I can imagine us being sick enough to be hospitalized. And even if not hospitalized, I can picture us being gross and horribly sick at home.

I don't like being sick.

I also don't like having my family members sick.

Sickness depresses me.

Also, Tim sometimes gets in a very bad mood when he's sick.  So...along with compassionate reasons for not wanting my husband to get sick, I also have selfish ones.

But the main emotion I'm feeling now is anger.

Overwhelming anger.

Like the type of anger that makes me wish I had witchy powers, so I could bring forth revenge and justice. 

Well, these feelings might be influenced by the fact that I've been watching season 2 of The Magicians lately.

Anyway, here are some of things making me angry.

1. That if someone in my household DOES happen to die, there won't be much outrage from the world.  It's not because we're not good enough or that too many people are uncaring.  It's because there is way too much to be outraged about.  We'll just be a number. And I'm not just counting the 140,000 plus Americans who have died of Covid...but also all the other Americans who have died due to greed, corruption, incompetence, sadism, etc.

It's kind of like George Floyd. We all know his name. And we know a few other names. But there are so many other Black people who have died from racism. Most of the grieving family members are left screaming into the void.

2. I'm angry that Texas is one of the few states who are not allowing us to vote by mail. Apparently being afraid of catching a deadly virus is not a good enough excuse to want to stay home.

Not only that but our Governor Greg Abbott has designated voting as an exception to mask mandates. 

Don't worry. He's doing this out of the kindness of his heart. He doesn't want people to lose the right to vote simply because they don't have a mask.

What the flying fuck.

Could they not just give out free masks at the polling places?

Here's a question.

What happens if we end up getting Covid when it comes time to vote? Do they want us to go to the polls anyway?  Risk other people getting sick?

Or is this what they're hoping for in the first place—that most of us will be either dead or too sick or too (knowingly) contagious to go vote?

Really. How does this make sense?

Greg Abbott doesn't want lack of masks preventing people from voting? But he's okay if fear of the virus or actually HAVING the virus prevents people from voting.

It actually does make sense if you realize one important fact.  That is...Greg Abbott is an evil human being. And if I had witchy powers, he'd be suffering greatly right now.  I mean like massive diarrhea, nightmares, terrifying hallucinations, etc.

3. I'm angry that Jack's college is requiring Freshman to live on campus, and I'm angry that they're acting like they're doing us a favor. I'm angry that it took way too much effort to get them to answer my questions and concerns and that when I finally got answers, I didn't feel reassured at all.  

I'm angry for the students. I'm angry for the faculty. I'm angry for the custodial staff who will risk their lives and NOT be given any hazard pay. 

I am angry imagining students and their families, custodians and their families, and faculty and their families getting sick and/or suffering from the fear of getting sick....while the executives of the school work remotely from the comforts of home. I actually don't know that this is the case. I hope I'm wrong and that the executives plan to put their own selves in the same risky situations that they're asking from the rest of us.  

4. I'm angry at my parents for disagreeing with me about opening up and saving the economy. They pushed the idea that we need to get things open; that a damaged economy is more dangerous than the virus.

I pushed that opening up wouldn't save the economy, because people would be too (rightfully) scared to go out, and all the reduced capacity for social distancing wouldn't bring in enough profit to make opening up worth it.

Also...you know....sickness and dying.  I don't think those things are great for the economy. For one thing, hospitalizations and body disposal services cost a lot of money. 

It turns out those in power took my parent's side.

And look where we are now.

No, Texas is not like how New York was in March and April.  But every day, we get closer and closer to being like New York.

I've been thinking, what if we did things the way that I wanted instead of how my parents wanted?

What if non-essential shops stayed close?

What if restaurants continued to have pick up or delivery only?

What if bars remained closed?

What if gyms stayed closed?

What if people prayed via Zoom church? 

What if people weren't pushed to go back to work?

What if instead of giving money to businesses, we gave money to people so they could survive while their businesses were put on pause for a few months?  

What if we felt humans being alive was more important than humans having jobs?  

What if instead of pushing for things to go back to normal, we pushed for innovative ways of creating new normals?  

What if those in charge also did what Tim pushed. What if they had spent the last few months building up a strong system of testing and tracing? 

I think if the government did what Tim and I had wanted instead of what my parents had wanted, we'd have much less cases...and we would keep the low number of cases in control with testing and tracing.

Instead we are completely out of control.

We have too many cases, and we don't have enough testing abilities to keep up with all these cases.

All this hit home for me when someone, I know, had a sore throat.

I already had the idea that Texas didn't have enough tests to test random people to look for asymptomatic cases. But I thought that we had enough testing to test people who had signs of illness.

The person couldn't find a time and place to get tested.

She was taken to a pediatrician's office where she was told she didn't need to be tested. Not only that, but she was also told she didn't need to quarantine.

That made me realize that I'm very much living in a shithole state. 

If we had done things right, we'd have very few cases and a lot of tests.

Instead we have way too many cases and not enough tests. 

But hey....

As long as you were able to go get that haircut and sip a beer at your favorite bar.

And now we're being told that schools should open, because it's important for kids to go to school.

If people really believed that, they would have done the things that needed to be done to MAKE it safe for kids to go back to school.  

So yeah. I'm furious that the Trump government went with my parent's way, and I'm angry that it seems at this point that Tim and I were right, and they're wrong. 

And I'm angry that my parents haven't come forward to give a little....Oops. We got it wrong. We got it really wrong. 

I don't know what's worse for me to imagine—that they still think they're right, and I'm wrong. Or they know they're wrong but are hoping their magical gaslighting skills will make me forget that they pushed for the reopening?  

5. I'm angry that my parents and sisters act like they have forgotten I had a DVT in October.  It was given less attention than medical dramas typically get in my family. That was bad enough.

But then when it turned out, that Covid causes blood clots....I kind of imagined, this would help them remember, and my medical issues would get the amount of attention that other people's medical issues receive in my family,  

I've tried to do research on this.  I'm not getting any idea that having a past blood clot makes you more likely to have Covid 19 blood clots.  But still....

Well, I'm also not seeing anything saying that you're NOT more likely to get Covid blood clots if you've had a mysterious blood clot in the past.. 

I guess I'd just like my family to show some amount of interest and concern. Have they even thought about it?

If anything....it can just be a simple association thing. They could read one of the many articles about Covid. It would probably mention blood clots. They think about how their sister/daughter had a blood clot. They'd reach out to me to ask me how I'm doing in that regards.  

Yikes.  One must be really desperate for attention if she hopes that a negative thing in the news will remind her parents and siblings to think of her.  

Okay....I just want to clarify a point here. About....my medical drama getting less attention than other medical dramas. 

Recently, we were the targets of one of my dad's rants. Why? Because Tim got confused about who in our family might be seeking a Covid test. It was a combination of forgetting and misreading a text...which is understandable, because the text had auto-correct issues.

It was like how dare we not be fully up to date and informed about medical dramas happening within the family. How dare we get a little confused.  

But....guess what.  The same family unit that might have someone needing a Covid test?  I hadn't heard from them when I was diagnosed with the DVT....which was partly due to us being in a fight at the time.  But I reached out a few weeks later to one of them (about various things) and one of the things I said  was something like I assume you know I had a DVT.....

And he didn't know.  

No one had told him.

So I'm supposed to be aware of all illnesses that happen to other people in the family. But the same doesn't go for them knowing about mine. Why is that?

Sometimes I think I don't want people talking about me behind my back. But no. When it comes to having a serious medical drama, if people are not showing loving concern to my face, I'd at least like to know they are worrying about me behind my back. 

Well, that's it for my main anger issues lately.

I'm angry, scared, and feeling powerless.

I like imagining I could magically change things with witchy powers of revenge and justice.

Sometimes these little delusions make me feel a little better about things.

Though it's hard to stick with these delusions, because Trump not having a loud, public explosion of burning diarrhea kind of proves I'm not as powerful as I wish I was. (tbh, this is one of my more benign Trump wishes. I'll keep the other ones more quiet so secret services doesn't come knocking at my door) 

BUT....I still at least can have faith in Karma.

I have hope that one day things will be righted in the universe. Or they will be righted via one of the many alternative universes. I have hope that people will either become worthy of forgiveness or redemption...Lost style. Or the universe will give them a huge and painful deserving kick in the ass.  

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Covid 19 Statistics in Tarrant County

I'm one of those people who have become obsessed with Covid 19 statistics.

I don't know why some of us are like this. I guess it's partly due to being morbid. And then there's a fascination with science and an attraction to numbers and charts.

In the beginning, I was more interested in international statistics and comparisons. I pay much less attention to that now.

Lately, I'm more interested in the statistics of my own county—Tarrant county.

I started keeping track of day to day changes.

I thought I'd share some of those...for people who are interested in such things....and also I guess for people who are interested in seeing how weird I am.

So, here we go.....

One thing I started keeping track of was Covid occupied hospital beds.  I started that on June 8. On that day, there were 177 occupied beds.

On June 27, I began also looking at the percentage of beds that were occupied. On that day, there were 405 occupied beds and 70% of hospital beds were occupied.

On July 2, I added the percentage of occupied beds that were Covid. On that day, it was 14%.

One thing I've noticed and have not kept track of is that the number of total beds change. I guess they've been adding beds....maybe finding them deep in scary storage spaces or buying them at the online hospital bed store?

So now we're at July 21.  There are 683 Covid occupied beds; 69% of the total beds are occupied, and out of the beds being used, 17% are Covid.

Only 17% are Covid. Yeah.

So what does that tell me?

That not only do we need to be scared of Covid, but there's a lot of other shit that can come for us.  In the past, I wouldn't need to have been reminded of this. I'm not one of those people who take good health and safety for granted. But since Covid has come along, I have this irrational feeling that we need to worry about only Covid. Like every other illness and disaster has become impossible.

For example, it's not possible for your upstairs toilet to suddenly break in the middle of the night and pour water through your ceiling.  Your ceiling won't then fall down and drop rat shit all over the floor because a few years ago, you had a rat infestation.

BUT...the workmen working downstairs as I write upstairs tells a different story.

Anyway, back to my statistics.

I've been keeping track of various zip codes in Tarrant County.

I'm guessing it's probably not a good idea to give out our exact zip code....so I'll just be mysterious about it.

I started keeping track of our zip code on June 9. At that point, we had 57 cases and 7 deaths.  Our lake house zip code had 129 cases and 0 deaths.

Today's statistics. Our zip code has 248 cases and 10 deaths.

The lake house zip code has 577 cases and 2 deaths.

One thing Tarrant county has been doing is changing the color code parameters. I think...when I first started looking at it, 300 cases per 100,000 was the YIKES (dark blue) color.  Our zip code reached that color. But now the YIKES-HOLY-SHIT color is for zip codes with 2000 cases per 100,000.

Our zip code isn't there yet. We're down to the light blue level. For now.

Anyway, so....

From June 9-July 21, our zip code grew by 191 cases.

The lake house grew by 448 cases.

I have to wonder what's going on at the lake house area.

Our people having mass parties where they all lick each other?

Though per capita speaking, our zip code actually has a higher rate. But...not by much. At the lake house, it's 1008 per 100,000.  At our home, it's 1105 per 100,000.

The last thing I've been recording and keeping track of is deaths in terms of race, age, and gender.

I started on June 26.

Since then, in Tarrant county, we've lost....

32 white people.

33 Hispanics.

I know countrywide, it's black people who are having the worst time with Covid. But in our area, it's Hispanic people who are being shit on the most.

We've lost 16 black people.

Though percentage-wise, I think there's some bad stuff.  They make up 23% of deaths.

What are they in terms of population here?

Well....

They make up 14% of the population.

If life was more fair, they'd be making up 14% of the deaths.

Hispanic people make up 27% of the population. They make up 30% of the deaths.

So...some unfairness there as well.

And what about the white people?

They make up 66% of the population but only 43% of the deaths.

If you want to believe that's because white people eat more fruits and veggies and do yoga more often, then....

Well, you're probably a bit racist.

It's more likely due to the fact that Hispanic and Black people are more likely to work in jobs that can't be done online. They're more likely to have to have to use public transportation. And they're more likely to live in areas that suffer from pollution.

Before I forget them....there's the Asians.

We've had 1 death since June 26. They make up 5% of the population and 2% of the deaths.

I just realized I'm being confusing.

I should probably also list the actual total deaths.  So at this point, in Tarrant County, it's White (124) Hispanic (86) Black (69), and Asian (7).

The numbers I listed before were the totals from today minus the day I started counting.

Okay, onto gender.....

Since I've started counting, we've lost 45 men and 36 women.

In total, we've lost 171 men and 133 women.

As for ages, Tarrant County does a lousy job of dividing the ages. The categories are so wide. 15-24, 25-44, 45-64, 65+.

I think health-wise, there's a big difference between a typical 45 year-old and a 64 year old. I think there's also a big different between a 65 year-old and a 99-year old.

My mom, though, doesn't seem to understand this.

She, my sisters, and I were having a girl talk about our health ailments.

I've had a DVT. I have myoclonus, a tremor, and according to my MRI, my brain is starting to have premature atrophy.  Instead of showing parental worry or sympathy, she told my sisters and me to  wait until we're 70.

Really????

I don't understand why we should compare the health of someone in their 40's to someone in their 70's. There SHOULD be a difference.  Well, I don't know if it's a should in terms of science and reality. But in terms of fairness, I think it would make sense if the younger you are, the less health ailments you have.

Anyway....back to the ages.

Since I've started counting, there's been 5 deaths of people between the ages of 25-44...16 total.

There's been 21 deaths of people between the ages of 45-64....82 total.

There's been 55 deaths of people over 65+....201 total.

There's also been one death of someone under the age of 24, but I'm not sure if that happened before or after I started counting.

So, that's it for Tarrant County.

I do still look at some world stuff.

Trump has said we're doing the best in terms of deaths per capita.

That's very much not true.

But if we want to put a nationalistic spin on things, we are NOT doing the worse.  We are the 10th worst.

Countries worse than us include: Belgium, UK, Spain, Italy, and Sweden, France, and Chile.

If you're a Trump supporter, you can feel smug for a few minutes.

Okay. Ready to move on?

Countries that are doing better than us in terms of deaths per capita include: Peru, Brazil, the Netherlands, Mexico, Canada, Germany Romania, Denmark, Iraq, South Africa, Russia.....

Countries that are doing MUCH better than us include: Austria, Turkey, Hungary, Finland, Argentina, Norway, Israel, Egypt, Iceland, Greece, Japan, South Korea, Australia, and New Zealand.

Although, nothing here is static.

A country doing well today can be doing the worst next month.

So...don't do embarrass yourself and jinx your people by doing a DeSantis.

One last thing.

A question.

How many of American deaths can be blamed on Trump?

I've seen some irrational people on the left try to blame Trump for all the Covid 19 deaths. This makes absolutely no sense. And hyperbole really helps no one.

There is no magical, good president who could have prevented every single Covid death.  If that was the case, New Zealand would have 0 deaths rather than 22!

So I came up with my own way of calculating how many deaths to blame on Trump.

According to the World Meters website, the average per million death rate worldwide is 79.

The United States has 331 million people. So if we were average instead of way below average, we'd have 26,149 deaths.

What we ACTUALLY have is 144,657 deaths...according to World Meters.

So...I'll blame Trump for 118, 508 deaths.

BUT....that's only if I'm being charitable towards the most powerful evil person on the planet.

If I'm being less charitable....

Well, the United States is supposed to be the best country in the world. Right?

So we should be doing at least as well as New Zealand. Right?

Their rate of death is 4 deaths per million.

If United States was doing as good as them, we'd have only 1324 deaths.

And if New Zealand was doing as bad as us?  They'd have 4807 deaths instead of only 22.



Read my novel: The Dead are Online