I think I figured out why I'm not feeling very happy right now.
Well, first of all, I have my period. So there's the hormonal thing going on. Even minus the hormone fluctuations, I feel gross and blah when I have my period. I know women are supposed to be stoic while menstruating— diving with skimpy white bikinis, running with tight jogging shorts, and dancing with tight jeans. But I just want to hide my body behind frumpy clothes and give into my lethargic feelings.
And then there's the email I got from my friend in the morning.
Or maybe I don't want to call her my friend anymore.
I'm being mean.
Yeah, but sometimes being mean is better than being sad.
Anyway...
She blabbed on and on about problems she's having with her brother. Then she said, You're so lucky to have an easy and happy life.
It made me angry when I read it, but I brushed those feelings under the rug.
I do that sometimes.
But I HATE when people make assumptions about my life.
Today's not the first time I've encountered the attitude.
Some people are just so incredibly arrogant and self-centered.
You know what would be funny. If I said that in an email to my so-called friend.
Well, actually. My life isn't perfectly happy and easy. Why? Well, one of the reasons is because some of my arrogant and self-centered friends make me incredibly miserable at times.
I tried to go to sleep.
I can't because I started arguing with my friend...in my mind.
It's like I'm trying to prove her wrong by remembering all the bad times in my life.
I thought about all times I've been depressed. I thought about huge fights I've had. I thought about times I've felt betrayed and used. I thought of all the times I've been rejected.
I thought about the medical catastrophes and tragedies that have affected those I love.
I thought about the time I believed I had a ton of wonderful special friends; then in one awful instant the illusion was shattered, and I felt completely alone in the world.
I know there are people out there who have much worse problems than I do. I definitely recognize that. But no. My life isn't perfectly happy and easy.
I still can't sleep.
Now I'm even more mad.
Why?
Because I was thinking. In the past, I've TOLD my friend about some of my problems. So what does that mean? Why would she say my life is happy and easy?
Has she not been listening all this time? Does she think my problems are small in comparison to hers? If she does, that's ridiculous. She's told me about her problems, and I don't think they're any worse than mine.
Why would she say something so stupid?
Well, forget her.
I'm not writing her back.
I finally fell asleep. Thankfully.
I dreamed I was rollerskating with Rachel Griffiths.
I was actually pretty good at it. But she kept falling.
I also had a dream about breakfast cereal made from edible flowers.
We ate cereal for breakfast but not one that's made from edible flowers.
I feel like a bad person for not writing back my friend.
In a way, I feel she doesn't deserve a response. I may be a friend to her, but she's really not a friend to me.
But she IS going through a hard time right now. What kind of person would I be if I just ignored her?
I decided to write her back.
The question is, do I address what she said about my life? Or should I just ignore it?
If I do bring it up, what should I say?
Jack and I took a walk, so we could say good morning to the cows.
On our way back to the cottage, we saw some Black Cockatoos.
That was nice, although I feel I'd enjoy it more if I didn't have that gross feeling of leaking bodily fluids.
It's so unpleasant.
And I still can't get the annoying email out of my mind.
I wrote back to my friend. I decided not to bring up the issue. I worry that her response will make me more angry. I don't want to be angry on my holiday.
One thing I did, though, is give her less than I usually give. I usually write long and thoughtful responses to her venting. But this time, I wrote a rushed response.
I'm sorry things are hard on you right now. I hope things get better.
It's not mean; but it's not full of my usual TLC, encouragement, support, etc.
I changed my mind. I don't know. I started to think that it's stupid not for me to call her on this issue.
So I wrote a second email and said:
By the way, my life ISN'T perfect and happy all the time. It hurts my feelings to know you don't take my problems as seriously as I take yours.
I guess I shall have to wait and see how she responds.
I hate waiting for those types of responses. It puts me so much on edge.
We're going to go to the park now.
I'm a little worried that I'll have to use the toilet.
I hate using public toilets when I have my period.
Well, I never like using public toilets.
And I really don't like using ANY toilet when I have my period.
So using a public toilet with my period is double awful.
We're back!
We did the Lilly Pilly Gully walk.
It was fantastic in terms of seeing Aussie fauna and flora. We saw kangaroos. We saw many different types of parrots.
We saw emus.
We saw some mammal I couldn't identify.
We saw beautiful trees.
At times, I felt like we were in a fairytale or one of my adventurous lucid dreams.
I can't say the outing was perfect though.
I felt gross and I spent too much time thinking about the email I sent. I was distracted, and I hate being distracted.
I ended up having to use the toilet, and that wasn't fun.
Worse yet....we weren't properly prepared.
I didn't expect to be gone that long. I kind of pictured us taking a 15-20 minute walk. And I thought the drive would be really short. The park is really close to the cottage.
Well, it turns out the entrance to the park is close to us. But Wilson's Promontory is HUGE. It took us 30 minutes to get to the Tidal River area.
Then the walk itself was over two hours.
After about an hour I started having that low blood sugar feeling. Then just as I was thinking I should probably eat the Carman bar I packed, Tim asked me if I had any food. He was having that low blood sugar feeling as well.
We had to split the bar. Jack wasn't having issues, but we didn't want to eat in front of him. So we had to split the bar three ways. The little bit of food didn't really decrease the shakiness and weakness.
We did have enough water. I'll give us credit for that. We had two bottles— one reusable and one disposable. It wasn't too hot today, so that was enough. I think if we hadn't eaten the Carman bar; we probably wouldn't have desired a drink at all.
So yeah.
The first hour of the walk was pretty nice. The second hour wasn't so great.
At one point we saw other tourists pointing up at a tree. A koala! I didn't really care. I just wanted to get through the walk so we could get some food.
Fortunately the Tidal River area has a general store. We bought some snacks and felt much better as we headed back to our cottage.
Now Tim is warming up the pizza from yesterday. We're going to have that for lunch.
I have no idea what we're going to do for dinner.
There's no restaurants nearby, and it's not like there are tons of groceries at the general store.
We drove out of Yanakie to get some groceries.
We went up north to a town called Foster.
We got lots of food. AND we bought a cooler, so we can transport some of the cold stuff to Melbourne.
That way we don't have to throw out the things like butter and start all over again.
We should have done that before.
Oh well.
Live and learn.
It's not like we've thrown a lot of stuff out, really. It's more like we've sometimes avoided buying things because we knew we wouldn't use enough of it.
We made the exception a few times, like Parmesan cheese; and yesterday we bought butter.
The only problem with the cooler is we're going on a plane in a few weeks. We don't want to have to take that with us. But we remembered we're leaving from Melbourne. Our friends live there. They can babysit our cooler. Or actually they can adopt it, since we're not coming back after that.
We had another argument.
It started because Tim asked me what part of Wilson's Promontory do I want to go tomorrow.
Jack heard and started whining. He doesn't want to do another hike.
We started arguing. That's why we're here...for the park. What else is there to do?
We started lecturing him on how we're not here to sit around playing Minecraft.
Then I started thinking that maybe we're being too harsh.
This is not a week vacation where you can manage the energy to be action-packed. We're here for six months.
We DO need to have plenty of do-nothing days.
Jack also argued that he doesn't sit around all day playing Minecraft. And that's true. When we're at the cottage, he does go outside a fair amount.
So we've come up with a compromise. We're going to hang out here tomorrow. We'll read, watch TV, play video games, visit the cows, hang out with the birds, etc.
Then on Sunday we'll do another Wilson's Promontory Walk.
Well, we had to change our brilliant plans.
Tim looked at the weather. Sunday is going to be hot and rainy, not the best for walking.
We got Jack to agree to doing another (short) walk tomorrow. Then on Sunday, we'll rest. That's probably a good idea because on Monday we'll be in Melbourne. I have a feeling the city is going to keep us very busy.
We just finished dinner.
Tim and I had veggie burgers. Jack had macaroni and cheese. Well, and I had some mac and cheese too.
Now I'm going to take another walk. I need a lot of exercise to make up for all this eating.
I just checked my email. There's nothing back from my so-called friend.
I did get an email from my Melbourne friend, though. That was nice. She invited us to their house for dinner during the week. And they've booked a hotel in the city for the weekend. That way we can be closer and have more time together. Their house is in the suburbs, and it's a bit of a commute.
NOTE: This trip journal is fictional. We are not really in Australia. Some stuff in these posts are based on research. Some stuff is based on my reality. Some stuff is based on past experiences. And some stuff is based on fantasy. The non-trip journal posts ARE true and real…except for my dreams (which are written in purple).
Oh...and also....my 2009 trip reports are about a real trip to Australia. That's all true too.
Well, first of all, I have my period. So there's the hormonal thing going on. Even minus the hormone fluctuations, I feel gross and blah when I have my period. I know women are supposed to be stoic while menstruating— diving with skimpy white bikinis, running with tight jogging shorts, and dancing with tight jeans. But I just want to hide my body behind frumpy clothes and give into my lethargic feelings.
And then there's the email I got from my friend in the morning.
Or maybe I don't want to call her my friend anymore.
I'm being mean.
Yeah, but sometimes being mean is better than being sad.
Anyway...
She blabbed on and on about problems she's having with her brother. Then she said, You're so lucky to have an easy and happy life.
It made me angry when I read it, but I brushed those feelings under the rug.
I do that sometimes.
But I HATE when people make assumptions about my life.
Today's not the first time I've encountered the attitude.
Some people are just so incredibly arrogant and self-centered.
You know what would be funny. If I said that in an email to my so-called friend.
Well, actually. My life isn't perfectly happy and easy. Why? Well, one of the reasons is because some of my arrogant and self-centered friends make me incredibly miserable at times.
* * *
I tried to go to sleep.
I can't because I started arguing with my friend...in my mind.
It's like I'm trying to prove her wrong by remembering all the bad times in my life.
I thought about all times I've been depressed. I thought about huge fights I've had. I thought about times I've felt betrayed and used. I thought of all the times I've been rejected.
I thought about the medical catastrophes and tragedies that have affected those I love.
I thought about the time I believed I had a ton of wonderful special friends; then in one awful instant the illusion was shattered, and I felt completely alone in the world.
I know there are people out there who have much worse problems than I do. I definitely recognize that. But no. My life isn't perfectly happy and easy.
* * *
I still can't sleep.
Now I'm even more mad.
Why?
Because I was thinking. In the past, I've TOLD my friend about some of my problems. So what does that mean? Why would she say my life is happy and easy?
Has she not been listening all this time? Does she think my problems are small in comparison to hers? If she does, that's ridiculous. She's told me about her problems, and I don't think they're any worse than mine.
Why would she say something so stupid?
Well, forget her.
I'm not writing her back.
* * *
I finally fell asleep. Thankfully.
I dreamed I was rollerskating with Rachel Griffiths.
I was actually pretty good at it. But she kept falling.
I also had a dream about breakfast cereal made from edible flowers.
* * *
We ate cereal for breakfast but not one that's made from edible flowers.
* * *
I feel like a bad person for not writing back my friend.
In a way, I feel she doesn't deserve a response. I may be a friend to her, but she's really not a friend to me.
But she IS going through a hard time right now. What kind of person would I be if I just ignored her?
* * *
I decided to write her back.
The question is, do I address what she said about my life? Or should I just ignore it?
If I do bring it up, what should I say?
* * *
Jack and I took a walk, so we could say good morning to the cows.
On our way back to the cottage, we saw some Black Cockatoos.
That was nice, although I feel I'd enjoy it more if I didn't have that gross feeling of leaking bodily fluids.
It's so unpleasant.
And I still can't get the annoying email out of my mind.
* * *
I wrote back to my friend. I decided not to bring up the issue. I worry that her response will make me more angry. I don't want to be angry on my holiday.
One thing I did, though, is give her less than I usually give. I usually write long and thoughtful responses to her venting. But this time, I wrote a rushed response.
It's not mean; but it's not full of my usual TLC, encouragement, support, etc.
* * *
I changed my mind. I don't know. I started to think that it's stupid not for me to call her on this issue.
So I wrote a second email and said:
By the way, my life ISN'T perfect and happy all the time. It hurts my feelings to know you don't take my problems as seriously as I take yours.
I guess I shall have to wait and see how she responds.
I hate waiting for those types of responses. It puts me so much on edge.
* * *
We're going to go to the park now.
I'm a little worried that I'll have to use the toilet.
I hate using public toilets when I have my period.
Well, I never like using public toilets.
And I really don't like using ANY toilet when I have my period.
So using a public toilet with my period is double awful.
* * *
We're back!
We did the Lilly Pilly Gully walk.
It was fantastic in terms of seeing Aussie fauna and flora. We saw kangaroos. We saw many different types of parrots.
We saw emus.
We saw some mammal I couldn't identify.
We saw beautiful trees.
At times, I felt like we were in a fairytale or one of my adventurous lucid dreams.
I can't say the outing was perfect though.
I felt gross and I spent too much time thinking about the email I sent. I was distracted, and I hate being distracted.
I ended up having to use the toilet, and that wasn't fun.
Worse yet....we weren't properly prepared.
I didn't expect to be gone that long. I kind of pictured us taking a 15-20 minute walk. And I thought the drive would be really short. The park is really close to the cottage.
Well, it turns out the entrance to the park is close to us. But Wilson's Promontory is HUGE. It took us 30 minutes to get to the Tidal River area.
Then the walk itself was over two hours.
After about an hour I started having that low blood sugar feeling. Then just as I was thinking I should probably eat the Carman bar I packed, Tim asked me if I had any food. He was having that low blood sugar feeling as well.
We had to split the bar. Jack wasn't having issues, but we didn't want to eat in front of him. So we had to split the bar three ways. The little bit of food didn't really decrease the shakiness and weakness.
We did have enough water. I'll give us credit for that. We had two bottles— one reusable and one disposable. It wasn't too hot today, so that was enough. I think if we hadn't eaten the Carman bar; we probably wouldn't have desired a drink at all.
So yeah.
The first hour of the walk was pretty nice. The second hour wasn't so great.
At one point we saw other tourists pointing up at a tree. A koala! I didn't really care. I just wanted to get through the walk so we could get some food.
Fortunately the Tidal River area has a general store. We bought some snacks and felt much better as we headed back to our cottage.
Now Tim is warming up the pizza from yesterday. We're going to have that for lunch.
I have no idea what we're going to do for dinner.
There's no restaurants nearby, and it's not like there are tons of groceries at the general store.
* * *
We drove out of Yanakie to get some groceries.
We went up north to a town called Foster.
We got lots of food. AND we bought a cooler, so we can transport some of the cold stuff to Melbourne.
That way we don't have to throw out the things like butter and start all over again.
We should have done that before.
Oh well.
Live and learn.
It's not like we've thrown a lot of stuff out, really. It's more like we've sometimes avoided buying things because we knew we wouldn't use enough of it.
We made the exception a few times, like Parmesan cheese; and yesterday we bought butter.
The only problem with the cooler is we're going on a plane in a few weeks. We don't want to have to take that with us. But we remembered we're leaving from Melbourne. Our friends live there. They can babysit our cooler. Or actually they can adopt it, since we're not coming back after that.
* * *
We had another argument.
It started because Tim asked me what part of Wilson's Promontory do I want to go tomorrow.
Jack heard and started whining. He doesn't want to do another hike.
We started arguing. That's why we're here...for the park. What else is there to do?
We started lecturing him on how we're not here to sit around playing Minecraft.
Then I started thinking that maybe we're being too harsh.
This is not a week vacation where you can manage the energy to be action-packed. We're here for six months.
We DO need to have plenty of do-nothing days.
Jack also argued that he doesn't sit around all day playing Minecraft. And that's true. When we're at the cottage, he does go outside a fair amount.
So we've come up with a compromise. We're going to hang out here tomorrow. We'll read, watch TV, play video games, visit the cows, hang out with the birds, etc.
Then on Sunday we'll do another Wilson's Promontory Walk.
* * *
Well, we had to change our brilliant plans.
Tim looked at the weather. Sunday is going to be hot and rainy, not the best for walking.
We got Jack to agree to doing another (short) walk tomorrow. Then on Sunday, we'll rest. That's probably a good idea because on Monday we'll be in Melbourne. I have a feeling the city is going to keep us very busy.
* * *
We just finished dinner.
Tim and I had veggie burgers. Jack had macaroni and cheese. Well, and I had some mac and cheese too.
Now I'm going to take another walk. I need a lot of exercise to make up for all this eating.
* * *
I just checked my email. There's nothing back from my so-called friend.
I did get an email from my Melbourne friend, though. That was nice. She invited us to their house for dinner during the week. And they've booked a hotel in the city for the weekend. That way we can be closer and have more time together. Their house is in the suburbs, and it's a bit of a commute.
NOTE: This trip journal is fictional. We are not really in Australia. Some stuff in these posts are based on research. Some stuff is based on my reality. Some stuff is based on past experiences. And some stuff is based on fantasy. The non-trip journal posts ARE true and real…except for my dreams (which are written in purple).
Oh...and also....my 2009 trip reports are about a real trip to Australia. That's all true too.
What would our world be like if we
knew for sure there
was life after death, and
we could easily talk to our
dearly-departed on the Internet?
The Dead are Online a novel by Dina Roberts
No comments:
Post a Comment