1. Gained new sympathy for Nate (Meyne Wyatt) on Neighbours.
4. Noticed that the episode of Neighbours I'm watching was broadcast on my dad's Australian birthday.
5. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.
I'm feeling a sort of kinship with Brad (Kip Gamblin). He's antagonized by his brother-in-law Nick (Damien Fotiou).
Nick had a rough life, but pulled himself up from his bootstraps. He's now a successful cancer doctor who's full of self-love and self-confidence. He's critical and judgmental of other people and pushes his ideals on them. He's the kind of person who makes people feel they're not good enough. You know, it's that type of person who asks you questions about your life, and you feel whatever you say isn't going to be good enough for them.
I feel that way about my father. I feel so much pressure to impress him and also a fear of making mistakes in front of him.
6. Decided some people give off an expectation of success. We know they believe in us, and there's a fear we'll disappoint them and prove that they were wrong about us.
Other people have an expectation of failure. We get the sense that they don't expect much out of us. They expect us to fail. We want to prove them wrong. If we succeed, we're eager for them to know about it. If we're lucky, they're nice enough to act somewhat impressed. But often they ask questions about the success in a way that helps us realize we really didn't do anything that amazing. When we fail, we feel we've given them what they expected and maybe even desired. We imagine that behind their expressions of sympathy is smugness and amusement.
6. Started watching another episode of Neighbours. I think I'm going to watch a lot today.
Though I plan to clean a toilet somewhere along the way.
I dread that.
7. Wondered about the singer that is supposed to be performing at the Erinsborough Festival. Someone mentioned the song "Born to Try". I've heard it before, but I don't know who sings it.
8. Looked up the song. It's by Delta Goodrem. So I guess she's going to be making a guest appearance on Neighbours. Though I think Paul referred to the singer by another name and said she once lived in Erinsborough. So maybe they're creating a fictional-real singer hybrid?
9. Related to what Paige (Olympia Valance) said about the Incredible Hulk Syndrome—being so angry that you can't even think straight. I've had moments like that.
I think I have two types. One is where the anger is kept bottled up. It goes through my head, and it becomes somewhat paranoid and irrational. It's like one person has done me wrong, and this escalates into feeling the whole world is against me.
The other is where the bottled up anger explodes and I become a monster. I had more problems with this in the past than I do now.
I never went as far as Paige, vandalizing a whole store. But I did break a plate once. And in a horrible parenting moment, I threw a sock at Jack and tore up some of his garage sale stickers. Neither of these things actions are that harmful, destructive, or dangerous. However, the anger behind them was terrifying—for myself and the people to whom I was directing my anger.
Incredible Hulk level anger is scary and traumatizing on its own. There's no need to add violence or destruction to the mix. I mean it's enough to just smash a plate to the ground. People will get that you're crazy mad. There's no need to get a gun and shoot people or burn down the house.
10. Wanted to say that I think there's nothing wrong with expressing anger. I actually think it's creepy and unhealthy for people to talk in annoying sweet voices to each other when you know they want to grab the person by the neck and strangle them. But there's a difference between a healthy somewhat-controlled expression of anger and an Incredible Hulk hissy fit.
11. Thought about Paige and how she does a lot of kick-boxing type exercise. This is probably good for people who suffer from an Incredible-Hulk syndrome.
I do a lot of walking and step-climbing type exercising. This is very helpful to me. As soon as I start feeling mildly stressed, tense, or hurt, I have a strong desire to walk. This happens to me at the lake house a lot. But actually there, I do a lot of walking BEFORE I even start to feel bad. I think it keeps me in a relatively decent mood.
12. Tried to speak badly about Johnny Depp to Tim. Because he told me he learned today about mites killing bees; that Australia has less of a problem; and it's because of strict boarder controls. There are REASONS for these rules. Yeah. Australia might be the land of no worries, but the government understands that sometimes you do have to worry about certain things.
But as I was trying to talk about Johnny Depp, my phone kept auto-correcting it to Johnny Drop.
13. Amused by what Chris and Nate have done to Naomi (Morgana O'Reilly) and Brennan (Scott McGregor). Naomi is mad at Brennan, and he wants to know how he can get back on her good side. He has the idea of buying her an expensive gift. This is the type of thing Naomi would like. But Chris and Nate say otherwise. They say she prefers simple homemade gifts. So, Brennan goes out in the bush looking for that.
I think it's funny (though also kind of mean) on it's own. But what makes it even better is that it can be sort of seen as revenge against Naomi. For Christmas, Nate and Chris had ideas for very thoughtful gifts to give each other. Naomi convinced them that their gifts wouldn't be enough and pressured them to buy each other expensive, unwanted gifts.
14. Liked Paige's advice to Tyler (Travis Burns). He's trying to flirt with Imogen, and it's not working. Taking off his shirt, doesn't impress her. Paige tells him he needs to talk to Imogen—ask questions and show interest in her life.
This episode seems to be taking on a theme of different people desiring different expressions of love.
Some people appreciate very expensive gifts. If you don't pay a lot for the gift, they won't be impressed or happy.
Other people prefer gifts that have a lot of thought put into them.
Some people want someone who has a great body and shows it off. Other people want someone who shows interest in them.
I really hate expensive gifts that have no thought put into them. And when I say thought, I mean thoughts about ME—the one that is supposed to be receiving the gifts.
I would rather receive a used copy of an Australian book I already own or a bag of Aussie chocolates that have gone white with age, than an expensive necklace that has nothing to do with me. And no, it wouldn't count that the giver thought the necklace was my color or thought it would look good on me.
15. Felt the universe was in tune with me, because earlier today I suggested crowdfunding, to someone, in order to help with a very difficult and desperate situation. Then less than a hour later, I saw Bailey (Calen MacKenzie) suggest the same thing to his parents.
16. Saw that the advice given to Brennan about Naomi's gift preference WAS a direct reference to the gift advice she gave to Nate and Chris.
Naomi tells Brennan about it.
17. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.
18. Felt reassured by Michelle's post on what she calls off-off Broadway Bloggers. She was very impressed with the writing on a blog, and says, It was an example of the sort of writing I aspire to produce (emphasis on aspire), and it fully deserved attention for all the right reasons. Yet at the end I saw it had garnered a grand total of 3 comments. This was a welcome reminder for me that in the world of blogging, mass appeal and attention are not necessarily correlated with quality or worth.
It's nice to see her say it, but I've already come to believe it.
Though I have, at times, been hurt by the lack of comments on certain posts; I no longer feel like a loser, because I hardly get any comments. Maybe it's because I've come to realize you can enjoy reading a blog post without feeling compelled to comment.
19. Learned that the fictionalized version of Delta Goodrem, on Neighbours, is named Nina Tucker.
20. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.
21. Wondered if one of the Erinsborough festival guest-stars is someone that I've seen before. Months ago, I watched several 1980's episodes of Neighbours. There was a cranky woman who would give people a hard time. Now there's an elderly cranky woman at the medical clinic. I'm wondering if it could be the same person. Though I think the 1980's woman was somewhat elderly herself. So if she was 50-60 back then, now she'd be 80-90. Well, I guess that's possible. I'm not good at judging ages.
22. Saw from IMDb that one of the guest stars is Anne Scott-Pendlebury. She played Hilary Robinson from 1987-1990. I don't think the cranky woman I remember was a Robinson.
I don't remember a Hilary Robinson.
23. Learned from Lord Wiki that Hilary Robinson was after my time. So I guess I watched 1985-1986 episodes.
Hilary was the cousin of Jim Robinson (Alan Dale) and was introduced to the show at Charlene and Scott's wedding. When I stopped watching the show, Charlene and Scott were only dating.
24. Had sudden Neighbours memories pop into my head—an old woman who didn't want to lose her house and was in dire need of food; Lucy and her little boyfriend getting into all types of mischief together; some kind of pancake contest; the younger Ramsey boy having nightmares.....
Oh, and there was some teenage girl who dated Guy Pearce's character, and she won some contest to meet an actor she liked.
25. Heard on Neighbours, that the Heimlich maneuver is no longer the preferred method for dealing with choking. Really? Why didn't I get that memo?
26. Read a Wollongong article that says, that though the Heimlich maneuver is the advised method in the US, in Australia, the preferred thing to do is back blows.
27. Looked a the Mayo Clinic website. They advise starting with back blows and then doing the Heimlich maneuver. Do both until something (hopefully!) works.
28. Saw that the American Red Cross also advises to start with back blows.
29. Remembered name of the younger Ramsey boy. Danny! I'm having Danny memories now. He had some wild party with people drinking. Then I remember him and Paul's brother being accused of stealing. So they ran away and went to work on some farm.
I'm acting like I'm remembering things from decades ago; but no...probably from less than a year ago, actually.
30. Wondered if I've sort of developed a delusion that I'm Australian, and I watched Neighbours back when I was a young teenager. The good old days.
Yeah. You know what. I like this delusion. Maybe I'll keep it going in my head.
Actually, I think what I'll do is delude myself into thinking I lived in Summer Bay. I was best friends with Steven and his foster sister, Lynn. When we weren't taking walks on the beach with our dog, we would watch Neighbours together.
Once when we were taking a walk, Celia Stewart almost ran me over with her bike....
I couldn't understand his ambivalence about his partner Chris (James Mason) making a baby with Lucy (Melissa Bell). Nate doesn't want a child, and Lucy's offer gives Chris an easy way to be a father. He donates his sperm and then has permission to be there or not be there—to whatever degree he desires. This allows Nate and Chris to be a childless couple, while Chris still gets to be a father. I thought it was brilliant.
But last night I dreamed Tim had his own daughter. I offer some kind of help or support to Tim—from both myself and/or Jack. Tim rejects the offer of support, telling me that HIS daughter is going to do it/be there for him.
There was that sense that he didn't need us as much, because now he had this daughter.
2. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.
2. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.
3. Liked Anthony Dillon's editorial on Aboriginal identity. He talks about being of mixed race, and complains that many people want to acknowledge their Aboriginal ancestry and not their European (or other) ancestry.
Dillon talks about people who say that white people should pay them rent for living on their land. Dillon says, What happens in the case (which I suspect is the majority of cases) where a person is of both Aboriginal and non-Aboriginal descent? Do they pay themselves rent?
I wonder what it would feel like to be a mixture of two groups with a turbulent history. I think it would be especially confusing if one group abused and exploited the other. It's probably easier to identity with the victims in the story rather than the perpetrator.
I wonder what it would feel like to be a mixture of two groups with a turbulent history. I think it would be especially confusing if one group abused and exploited the other. It's probably easier to identity with the victims in the story rather than the perpetrator.
4. Noticed that the episode of Neighbours I'm watching was broadcast on my dad's Australian birthday.
How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?
The Dead are Online a novel by Dina Roberts
5. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.
I'm feeling a sort of kinship with Brad (Kip Gamblin). He's antagonized by his brother-in-law Nick (Damien Fotiou).
Nick had a rough life, but pulled himself up from his bootstraps. He's now a successful cancer doctor who's full of self-love and self-confidence. He's critical and judgmental of other people and pushes his ideals on them. He's the kind of person who makes people feel they're not good enough. You know, it's that type of person who asks you questions about your life, and you feel whatever you say isn't going to be good enough for them.
I feel that way about my father. I feel so much pressure to impress him and also a fear of making mistakes in front of him.
6. Decided some people give off an expectation of success. We know they believe in us, and there's a fear we'll disappoint them and prove that they were wrong about us.
Other people have an expectation of failure. We get the sense that they don't expect much out of us. They expect us to fail. We want to prove them wrong. If we succeed, we're eager for them to know about it. If we're lucky, they're nice enough to act somewhat impressed. But often they ask questions about the success in a way that helps us realize we really didn't do anything that amazing. When we fail, we feel we've given them what they expected and maybe even desired. We imagine that behind their expressions of sympathy is smugness and amusement.
6. Started watching another episode of Neighbours. I think I'm going to watch a lot today.
Though I plan to clean a toilet somewhere along the way.
I dread that.
7. Wondered about the singer that is supposed to be performing at the Erinsborough Festival. Someone mentioned the song "Born to Try". I've heard it before, but I don't know who sings it.
8. Looked up the song. It's by Delta Goodrem. So I guess she's going to be making a guest appearance on Neighbours. Though I think Paul referred to the singer by another name and said she once lived in Erinsborough. So maybe they're creating a fictional-real singer hybrid?
9. Related to what Paige (Olympia Valance) said about the Incredible Hulk Syndrome—being so angry that you can't even think straight. I've had moments like that.
I think I have two types. One is where the anger is kept bottled up. It goes through my head, and it becomes somewhat paranoid and irrational. It's like one person has done me wrong, and this escalates into feeling the whole world is against me.
The other is where the bottled up anger explodes and I become a monster. I had more problems with this in the past than I do now.
I never went as far as Paige, vandalizing a whole store. But I did break a plate once. And in a horrible parenting moment, I threw a sock at Jack and tore up some of his garage sale stickers. Neither of these things actions are that harmful, destructive, or dangerous. However, the anger behind them was terrifying—for myself and the people to whom I was directing my anger.
Incredible Hulk level anger is scary and traumatizing on its own. There's no need to add violence or destruction to the mix. I mean it's enough to just smash a plate to the ground. People will get that you're crazy mad. There's no need to get a gun and shoot people or burn down the house.
10. Wanted to say that I think there's nothing wrong with expressing anger. I actually think it's creepy and unhealthy for people to talk in annoying sweet voices to each other when you know they want to grab the person by the neck and strangle them. But there's a difference between a healthy somewhat-controlled expression of anger and an Incredible Hulk hissy fit.
11. Thought about Paige and how she does a lot of kick-boxing type exercise. This is probably good for people who suffer from an Incredible-Hulk syndrome.
I do a lot of walking and step-climbing type exercising. This is very helpful to me. As soon as I start feeling mildly stressed, tense, or hurt, I have a strong desire to walk. This happens to me at the lake house a lot. But actually there, I do a lot of walking BEFORE I even start to feel bad. I think it keeps me in a relatively decent mood.
12. Tried to speak badly about Johnny Depp to Tim. Because he told me he learned today about mites killing bees; that Australia has less of a problem; and it's because of strict boarder controls. There are REASONS for these rules. Yeah. Australia might be the land of no worries, but the government understands that sometimes you do have to worry about certain things.
But as I was trying to talk about Johnny Depp, my phone kept auto-correcting it to Johnny Drop.
13. Amused by what Chris and Nate have done to Naomi (Morgana O'Reilly) and Brennan (Scott McGregor). Naomi is mad at Brennan, and he wants to know how he can get back on her good side. He has the idea of buying her an expensive gift. This is the type of thing Naomi would like. But Chris and Nate say otherwise. They say she prefers simple homemade gifts. So, Brennan goes out in the bush looking for that.
I think it's funny (though also kind of mean) on it's own. But what makes it even better is that it can be sort of seen as revenge against Naomi. For Christmas, Nate and Chris had ideas for very thoughtful gifts to give each other. Naomi convinced them that their gifts wouldn't be enough and pressured them to buy each other expensive, unwanted gifts.
14. Liked Paige's advice to Tyler (Travis Burns). He's trying to flirt with Imogen, and it's not working. Taking off his shirt, doesn't impress her. Paige tells him he needs to talk to Imogen—ask questions and show interest in her life.
This episode seems to be taking on a theme of different people desiring different expressions of love.
Some people appreciate very expensive gifts. If you don't pay a lot for the gift, they won't be impressed or happy.
Other people prefer gifts that have a lot of thought put into them.
Some people want someone who has a great body and shows it off. Other people want someone who shows interest in them.
I really hate expensive gifts that have no thought put into them. And when I say thought, I mean thoughts about ME—the one that is supposed to be receiving the gifts.
I would rather receive a used copy of an Australian book I already own or a bag of Aussie chocolates that have gone white with age, than an expensive necklace that has nothing to do with me. And no, it wouldn't count that the giver thought the necklace was my color or thought it would look good on me.
15. Felt the universe was in tune with me, because earlier today I suggested crowdfunding, to someone, in order to help with a very difficult and desperate situation. Then less than a hour later, I saw Bailey (Calen MacKenzie) suggest the same thing to his parents.
16. Saw that the advice given to Brennan about Naomi's gift preference WAS a direct reference to the gift advice she gave to Nate and Chris.
Naomi tells Brennan about it.
17. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.
18. Felt reassured by Michelle's post on what she calls off-off Broadway Bloggers. She was very impressed with the writing on a blog, and says, It was an example of the sort of writing I aspire to produce (emphasis on aspire), and it fully deserved attention for all the right reasons. Yet at the end I saw it had garnered a grand total of 3 comments. This was a welcome reminder for me that in the world of blogging, mass appeal and attention are not necessarily correlated with quality or worth.
It's nice to see her say it, but I've already come to believe it.
Though I have, at times, been hurt by the lack of comments on certain posts; I no longer feel like a loser, because I hardly get any comments. Maybe it's because I've come to realize you can enjoy reading a blog post without feeling compelled to comment.
19. Learned that the fictionalized version of Delta Goodrem, on Neighbours, is named Nina Tucker.
20. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.
21. Wondered if one of the Erinsborough festival guest-stars is someone that I've seen before. Months ago, I watched several 1980's episodes of Neighbours. There was a cranky woman who would give people a hard time. Now there's an elderly cranky woman at the medical clinic. I'm wondering if it could be the same person. Though I think the 1980's woman was somewhat elderly herself. So if she was 50-60 back then, now she'd be 80-90. Well, I guess that's possible. I'm not good at judging ages.
22. Saw from IMDb that one of the guest stars is Anne Scott-Pendlebury. She played Hilary Robinson from 1987-1990. I don't think the cranky woman I remember was a Robinson.
I don't remember a Hilary Robinson.
23. Learned from Lord Wiki that Hilary Robinson was after my time. So I guess I watched 1985-1986 episodes.
Hilary was the cousin of Jim Robinson (Alan Dale) and was introduced to the show at Charlene and Scott's wedding. When I stopped watching the show, Charlene and Scott were only dating.
24. Had sudden Neighbours memories pop into my head—an old woman who didn't want to lose her house and was in dire need of food; Lucy and her little boyfriend getting into all types of mischief together; some kind of pancake contest; the younger Ramsey boy having nightmares.....
Oh, and there was some teenage girl who dated Guy Pearce's character, and she won some contest to meet an actor she liked.
25. Heard on Neighbours, that the Heimlich maneuver is no longer the preferred method for dealing with choking. Really? Why didn't I get that memo?
26. Read a Wollongong article that says, that though the Heimlich maneuver is the advised method in the US, in Australia, the preferred thing to do is back blows.
27. Looked a the Mayo Clinic website. They advise starting with back blows and then doing the Heimlich maneuver. Do both until something (hopefully!) works.
28. Saw that the American Red Cross also advises to start with back blows.
29. Remembered name of the younger Ramsey boy. Danny! I'm having Danny memories now. He had some wild party with people drinking. Then I remember him and Paul's brother being accused of stealing. So they ran away and went to work on some farm.
I'm acting like I'm remembering things from decades ago; but no...probably from less than a year ago, actually.
30. Wondered if I've sort of developed a delusion that I'm Australian, and I watched Neighbours back when I was a young teenager. The good old days.
Yeah. You know what. I like this delusion. Maybe I'll keep it going in my head.
Actually, I think what I'll do is delude myself into thinking I lived in Summer Bay. I was best friends with Steven and his foster sister, Lynn. When we weren't taking walks on the beach with our dog, we would watch Neighbours together.
Once when we were taking a walk, Celia Stewart almost ran me over with her bike....