1. Dreamed about commenting on Andrew's blog. I don't remember it exactly, but it involved me accidentally typing the wrong word. And also, I somehow left bits and pieces of a dead insect on his blog.
In real life, Andrew has left Australia to visit my continent. I hope he has an exciting and meaningful adventure.
2. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.
Georgia (Saskia Hampele) is having a hard time, because Kyle (Chris Milligan) wants to make a baby with her. She's reluctant, because they got pregnant before, and she had a miscarriage. Apparently, the death was devastating for her.
I wonder why women have such different reactions to miscarriages. Some get over it pretty swiftly. Others mourn for a few months; then are ready to start again. Others hold on to the pain for years.
Well, of course no reaction will be the same. Every woman is different. I just wonder if there are certain situations that cause certain reactions.
Is it worse for women who were very excited by the pregnancies? Or is it often worse when there were ambiguous feelings, because that might lead to guilt?
I'm guessing it's usually worse when the pregnancy ends later than earlier, but I imagine that's not always the case.
Do partner reactions matter a lot? Is it worse for women whose husbands don't seem that sad? Because then the woman might feel she carries the weight of grief upon herself.
3. Felt I needed to confess that when I saw Georgia being sad; I felt impatient and unsympathetic. She didn't lose a child. She lost a collection of cells. Get over it.
But then I thought about how much I loved Jack the minute I knew he existed. I started bleeding early on in the pregnancy. I was devastated and terrified.
I think I WOULD have had a reaction like Georgia's if tragedy had been the outcome for us.
It's just now, as a parent of a child I know and love, as a living out-of-the-womb person, I have to remind myself that there was a lot of love before I met him.
Also, each child is a unique miraculous individual. Georgia and Kyle can make another baby, but it can't replace the baby they lost.
4. Decided that although one problem is worse than another, it doesn't mean the other pain isn't bad or doesn't deserve sympathy.
I can't imagine that having a miscarriage is as bad as losing a child that one has gotten to know. But that doesn't mean a miscarriage isn't very sad.
It's like illness. Yes, terminal cancer is worse than breaking a leg. But the person who breaks the arm still deserves compassion. They're still going through a tough time.
And the person with painful, terminal cancer probably once moaned and groaned when they had a cold or hangnail.
5. Worried that people would think I'm trying to say that having a miscarriage is equal to having a broken leg.
But then that would be saying I think having children is like having incurable cancer.
So I am thinking (hoping) most people would take my analogy in the spirit it was meant.
6. Amused by Valentine's Day mishap on Neighbours. The guys meant to get tattoos of their lovers, but the tattoo place messed up and put the wrong names on everyone.
I agree with Susan (Jackie Woodburne). She laughs and says it's the best Valentine's present over.
Seeing my name tattooed on my husband would be kind of romantic, but also maybe a bit...not my kind of thing. Seeing the name of my sister or a family friend, cousin, etc. on my husband's back; that would be priceless.
7. Started watching an episode of The Secret Life of Us.
The episode is about something that interests me. Our dark sides.
I think we have an indefinite amount of sides. But maybe there are three basic sides to us—the side we show to others, the side we show to ourselves, and our real sides.
I don't think we can ever truly know our real sides. We can try really hard to, but there's always something hidden.
8. Saw that this episode also involves Scientology. That fascinates me too.
9. Understood George's(Gigi Edgley) anger towards Evan. They go to a party where she feels like a loser, because of how people react to her unsuccessful career. She doesn't have a good time and is mad at Evan for not noticing that.
The scene gave me another urge to divide something into parts.
I'm thinking there are different levels to how people are there for us.
At the top level, someone knows us so well that they will know we're upset even if we hide it. They just know that certain things bother us. Now if the person is eager to see us upset—if they get some kind of demented thrill from it; it's not at the top level. It has to be genuine concern.
At the middle level is someone who can't predict what would upset us, but they notice if we act withdrawn or have tears forming in our eyes. They can tell when we're about to cry.
At the lowest level is someone who doesn't know what things will upset us, and they don't notice that we're looking upset. We have to spell it out for them.
10. Decided that top levels aren't always better friends than low level ones. A low level person can just be really dense and oblivious. But maybe if you let them know something is wrong; they're super comforting and really good listeners.
A middle level person might know when you're about to cry. But if they ask you if you want to talk about it, and you do so; they might be very insensitive and unhelpful.
So maybe I shouldn't say levels of how people are there for us. Maybe it's levels of observance skills.
Although if someone is at top level...if they have paid attention to us enough to be able to predict when something would upset us; then I think it's likely they are very supportive. UNLESS they have some secret (or not so secret) animosity towards us. Then, as I mentioned before, they might enjoy some of our discomfort.
11. Loved conversation between Evan and George. He tells her some story about his dad. She says, Thanks for giving me that story. He says, I want to hear more of your stories.
It's very lovely when people show interest in each other's lives.
I also love that when George explains that she feels horrible being the only one at the party who isn't doing something with her life; Evan tells her she IS doing something. She's just not being paid for it. For those of us who do a lot and don't get paid much for it; it's nice to be reminded that our work is still worth something.
12. Felt bad for both Evan and George.
George is very excited, because she has finally gotten a job. She goes into Evan's room and finds him writing. He doesn't look up at first. Then, when he finally notices her, he is polite and gentle but very distracted. He tells George he's on a roll—meaning he doesn't want to be bothered.
I can strongly relate to not being bothered when writing. A lot of times it's okay. But other times, I'm really into it, and it feels quite awful to be interrupted.
I also can relate to wanting someone's attention, but they're too busy.
I guess it's about balance. As for writers. Unless we live alone, we have to expect to be interrupted. And when I say alone, I mean no pets either!
If a writer is fortunate; when they're doing intense work, they can give a warning and their housemates will give them the needed space.
As for the ones needing to interrupt, it depends on the quantity and the needs. If we're often interrupting, shame on us. If our husband is writing the last chapter of his novel, we don't need to come in and show him the new pants we bought at the mall. But we shouldn't feel bad interrupting him to tell him we seem to be having appendicitis, or we're going into labor.
13. Decided it also depends on how often the person is in don't-interrupt-me mode. If they never have time to look at what their partner bought at the store; then that's not very nice.
14. Finished with the episode. It was less about dark sides than I expected. Well, the title, of the episode was "The Dark Side". I thought it was referring to the dark sides of individuals. But I think maybe it was more about the dark side of life.
The episode showed the dark side of romance; the dark side of jobs; the dark side of roommates....
Now that I think of it, though, most episodes show those things.
This episode seemed somewhat aimless to me. Or I can't figure out the basic message. Although I guess it's not a requirement for a show episode to have a unifying theme.
15. Decided to watch another episode of Neighbours rather than The Secret Life of Us. Because we're going to the movies soon, and there might not be enough time to finish a longer episode.
16. Felt very confused about Paige (Olympia Valance) storyline.
She was doing online flirting with Bryson from Queensland. Then her family lost $800,000. They began to suspect that Bryson stole the money. And they found out the photos of Bryson were not of a guy from Queensland. The photos were of an American guy.
So then Paige contacts "Bryson" and asks him to come to Melbourne. He says yes. They make plans to meet in the park. We didn't get to see what happened in the park. Now it's after the meeting and I'm wondering what the hell happened.
If Bryson is fake, why would he agree to meet Paige? Wouldn't he just make an excuse?
17. Realized it might be someone from Melbourne.
They just showed Tyler Brennan (Travis Burns) doing some kind of money transaction on his phone. So maybe he's the one who met with Paige.
18. Came to my senses. Paige has already met Tyler, so he couldn't trick her into thinking he was Bryson from Queensland.
19. Learned that Paige didn't meet with Bryson.
But now she's meeting him. It looks like he's in high school.
I think the twist here is that Bryson is not going to be the one who stole the money.
He's a kid who wanted a romance with a beautiful woman, so he used photos of an older and better looking guy.
20. Wondered if Bryson isn't as young as I thought. I thought it was a high school kid wanting to be with an older woman. But the way the conversation is going, it seems he's close to Paige's age.
It's more about being in different leagues.
The scene between Paige and Bryson is bittersweet. First of all, she's very patient with him. She doesn't bitch him out for lying about his appearance. She just comments that he doesn't look like his picture. Bryson confesses that he had hoped she had lied about her appearance as well. When he saw her at the park, he panicked and stood her up.
He's brave, though. Eventually he came forward.
I think he's a good guy. Well, he lied, and that's bad. But he could have kept up the lie. He could have made excuses not to meet.
21. Saw that although Paige was being nice; she isn't feeling nice. She still believes this Bryson is the thief.
22. Learned that Bryson is innocent. Or at least that's what the police have concluded.
23. Looked at the filmography of Brodie Derrick, the guy who plays Bryson. In a few weeks, he'll be appearing in a TV show called Glitch.
The stars of Glitch include Patrick Brammall and Rodger Corser. I like both those guys.
I wonder if the show will be any good.
24. Learned that Bailey (Calen MacKenzie) found his own online friend, and it seems she might be the one who did the identity and money stealing.
25. Satisfied. Because although The Secret Life of Us episode did not give me my desired story about the different sides of us; I got what I wanted. We went to see Pixar's Inside Out. In terms of being a story about the different side of us; that movie delivered in spades.
The premise of the movie is that our emotions are cute little characters who work together to help us deal with our lives. And what's important to us is represented by islands. Riley, the young girl in the movie, had a goofball island, a friendship island, a family island, a hockey island, and some others.
I like to imagine my islands. I know one is definitely Australia.
That island started as a little rock around nine years ago. Then in 2007, it exploded into a full blown island.
Sorry. I don't know much about geology to make a scientific accurate analogy.
But anyway....
For the last eight years, Australia has been a very big island inside of me. There are times where the lights on my Australia island dim...sometimes to the point where I fear they might go completely out. I get scared I'll lose that island. I fear one of my other islands—like Doctor Who Island or Harry Potter Island might chase it out of existence.
Then the lights come back on—sometimes super bright. And I feel great relief that my Australia island is still there.
Actually, it's my Doctor Who and Harry Potter islands that have blinked out of existence.
Who knows. They might come back.
26. Thought about how one of my favorite parts of the Inside Out movie was the dream creation stuff. The premise there is that are dreams are made by a film crew. They decide what dreams we're going to have and then produce them.
I think the film crew inside my head loves the storyline of me getting on a plane to go to Australia.
27. Wondered about the people who read my blog.
What cute little emotion characters are the main characters in their head?
What are their islands? Do they have an Australia one?
Do they have an imaginative and active film crew that makes dreams for them? Or is their film crew the type that makes mundane films—the ones easily forgotten upon waking.
In real life, Andrew has left Australia to visit my continent. I hope he has an exciting and meaningful adventure.
2. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.
Georgia (Saskia Hampele) is having a hard time, because Kyle (Chris Milligan) wants to make a baby with her. She's reluctant, because they got pregnant before, and she had a miscarriage. Apparently, the death was devastating for her.
I wonder why women have such different reactions to miscarriages. Some get over it pretty swiftly. Others mourn for a few months; then are ready to start again. Others hold on to the pain for years.
Well, of course no reaction will be the same. Every woman is different. I just wonder if there are certain situations that cause certain reactions.
Is it worse for women who were very excited by the pregnancies? Or is it often worse when there were ambiguous feelings, because that might lead to guilt?
I'm guessing it's usually worse when the pregnancy ends later than earlier, but I imagine that's not always the case.
Do partner reactions matter a lot? Is it worse for women whose husbands don't seem that sad? Because then the woman might feel she carries the weight of grief upon herself.
3. Felt I needed to confess that when I saw Georgia being sad; I felt impatient and unsympathetic. She didn't lose a child. She lost a collection of cells. Get over it.
But then I thought about how much I loved Jack the minute I knew he existed. I started bleeding early on in the pregnancy. I was devastated and terrified.
I think I WOULD have had a reaction like Georgia's if tragedy had been the outcome for us.
It's just now, as a parent of a child I know and love, as a living out-of-the-womb person, I have to remind myself that there was a lot of love before I met him.
Also, each child is a unique miraculous individual. Georgia and Kyle can make another baby, but it can't replace the baby they lost.
4. Decided that although one problem is worse than another, it doesn't mean the other pain isn't bad or doesn't deserve sympathy.
I can't imagine that having a miscarriage is as bad as losing a child that one has gotten to know. But that doesn't mean a miscarriage isn't very sad.
It's like illness. Yes, terminal cancer is worse than breaking a leg. But the person who breaks the arm still deserves compassion. They're still going through a tough time.
And the person with painful, terminal cancer probably once moaned and groaned when they had a cold or hangnail.
5. Worried that people would think I'm trying to say that having a miscarriage is equal to having a broken leg.
But then that would be saying I think having children is like having incurable cancer.
So I am thinking (hoping) most people would take my analogy in the spirit it was meant.
6. Amused by Valentine's Day mishap on Neighbours. The guys meant to get tattoos of their lovers, but the tattoo place messed up and put the wrong names on everyone.
I agree with Susan (Jackie Woodburne). She laughs and says it's the best Valentine's present over.
Seeing my name tattooed on my husband would be kind of romantic, but also maybe a bit...not my kind of thing. Seeing the name of my sister or a family friend, cousin, etc. on my husband's back; that would be priceless.
7. Started watching an episode of The Secret Life of Us.
The episode is about something that interests me. Our dark sides.
I think we have an indefinite amount of sides. But maybe there are three basic sides to us—the side we show to others, the side we show to ourselves, and our real sides.
I don't think we can ever truly know our real sides. We can try really hard to, but there's always something hidden.
8. Saw that this episode also involves Scientology. That fascinates me too.
9. Understood George's(Gigi Edgley) anger towards Evan. They go to a party where she feels like a loser, because of how people react to her unsuccessful career. She doesn't have a good time and is mad at Evan for not noticing that.
The scene gave me another urge to divide something into parts.
I'm thinking there are different levels to how people are there for us.
At the top level, someone knows us so well that they will know we're upset even if we hide it. They just know that certain things bother us. Now if the person is eager to see us upset—if they get some kind of demented thrill from it; it's not at the top level. It has to be genuine concern.
At the middle level is someone who can't predict what would upset us, but they notice if we act withdrawn or have tears forming in our eyes. They can tell when we're about to cry.
At the lowest level is someone who doesn't know what things will upset us, and they don't notice that we're looking upset. We have to spell it out for them.
10. Decided that top levels aren't always better friends than low level ones. A low level person can just be really dense and oblivious. But maybe if you let them know something is wrong; they're super comforting and really good listeners.
A middle level person might know when you're about to cry. But if they ask you if you want to talk about it, and you do so; they might be very insensitive and unhelpful.
So maybe I shouldn't say levels of how people are there for us. Maybe it's levels of observance skills.
Although if someone is at top level...if they have paid attention to us enough to be able to predict when something would upset us; then I think it's likely they are very supportive. UNLESS they have some secret (or not so secret) animosity towards us. Then, as I mentioned before, they might enjoy some of our discomfort.
11. Loved conversation between Evan and George. He tells her some story about his dad. She says, Thanks for giving me that story. He says, I want to hear more of your stories.
It's very lovely when people show interest in each other's lives.
I also love that when George explains that she feels horrible being the only one at the party who isn't doing something with her life; Evan tells her she IS doing something. She's just not being paid for it. For those of us who do a lot and don't get paid much for it; it's nice to be reminded that our work is still worth something.
12. Felt bad for both Evan and George.
George is very excited, because she has finally gotten a job. She goes into Evan's room and finds him writing. He doesn't look up at first. Then, when he finally notices her, he is polite and gentle but very distracted. He tells George he's on a roll—meaning he doesn't want to be bothered.
I can strongly relate to not being bothered when writing. A lot of times it's okay. But other times, I'm really into it, and it feels quite awful to be interrupted.
I also can relate to wanting someone's attention, but they're too busy.
I guess it's about balance. As for writers. Unless we live alone, we have to expect to be interrupted. And when I say alone, I mean no pets either!
If a writer is fortunate; when they're doing intense work, they can give a warning and their housemates will give them the needed space.
As for the ones needing to interrupt, it depends on the quantity and the needs. If we're often interrupting, shame on us. If our husband is writing the last chapter of his novel, we don't need to come in and show him the new pants we bought at the mall. But we shouldn't feel bad interrupting him to tell him we seem to be having appendicitis, or we're going into labor.
13. Decided it also depends on how often the person is in don't-interrupt-me mode. If they never have time to look at what their partner bought at the store; then that's not very nice.
14. Finished with the episode. It was less about dark sides than I expected. Well, the title, of the episode was "The Dark Side". I thought it was referring to the dark sides of individuals. But I think maybe it was more about the dark side of life.
The episode showed the dark side of romance; the dark side of jobs; the dark side of roommates....
Now that I think of it, though, most episodes show those things.
This episode seemed somewhat aimless to me. Or I can't figure out the basic message. Although I guess it's not a requirement for a show episode to have a unifying theme.
15. Decided to watch another episode of Neighbours rather than The Secret Life of Us. Because we're going to the movies soon, and there might not be enough time to finish a longer episode.
16. Felt very confused about Paige (Olympia Valance) storyline.
She was doing online flirting with Bryson from Queensland. Then her family lost $800,000. They began to suspect that Bryson stole the money. And they found out the photos of Bryson were not of a guy from Queensland. The photos were of an American guy.
So then Paige contacts "Bryson" and asks him to come to Melbourne. He says yes. They make plans to meet in the park. We didn't get to see what happened in the park. Now it's after the meeting and I'm wondering what the hell happened.
If Bryson is fake, why would he agree to meet Paige? Wouldn't he just make an excuse?
17. Realized it might be someone from Melbourne.
They just showed Tyler Brennan (Travis Burns) doing some kind of money transaction on his phone. So maybe he's the one who met with Paige.
18. Came to my senses. Paige has already met Tyler, so he couldn't trick her into thinking he was Bryson from Queensland.
19. Learned that Paige didn't meet with Bryson.
But now she's meeting him. It looks like he's in high school.
I think the twist here is that Bryson is not going to be the one who stole the money.
He's a kid who wanted a romance with a beautiful woman, so he used photos of an older and better looking guy.
20. Wondered if Bryson isn't as young as I thought. I thought it was a high school kid wanting to be with an older woman. But the way the conversation is going, it seems he's close to Paige's age.
It's more about being in different leagues.
The scene between Paige and Bryson is bittersweet. First of all, she's very patient with him. She doesn't bitch him out for lying about his appearance. She just comments that he doesn't look like his picture. Bryson confesses that he had hoped she had lied about her appearance as well. When he saw her at the park, he panicked and stood her up.
He's brave, though. Eventually he came forward.
I think he's a good guy. Well, he lied, and that's bad. But he could have kept up the lie. He could have made excuses not to meet.
21. Saw that although Paige was being nice; she isn't feeling nice. She still believes this Bryson is the thief.
22. Learned that Bryson is innocent. Or at least that's what the police have concluded.
23. Looked at the filmography of Brodie Derrick, the guy who plays Bryson. In a few weeks, he'll be appearing in a TV show called Glitch.
The stars of Glitch include Patrick Brammall and Rodger Corser. I like both those guys.
I wonder if the show will be any good.
24. Learned that Bailey (Calen MacKenzie) found his own online friend, and it seems she might be the one who did the identity and money stealing.
25. Satisfied. Because although The Secret Life of Us episode did not give me my desired story about the different sides of us; I got what I wanted. We went to see Pixar's Inside Out. In terms of being a story about the different side of us; that movie delivered in spades.
The premise of the movie is that our emotions are cute little characters who work together to help us deal with our lives. And what's important to us is represented by islands. Riley, the young girl in the movie, had a goofball island, a friendship island, a family island, a hockey island, and some others.
I like to imagine my islands. I know one is definitely Australia.
That island started as a little rock around nine years ago. Then in 2007, it exploded into a full blown island.
Sorry. I don't know much about geology to make a scientific accurate analogy.
But anyway....
For the last eight years, Australia has been a very big island inside of me. There are times where the lights on my Australia island dim...sometimes to the point where I fear they might go completely out. I get scared I'll lose that island. I fear one of my other islands—like Doctor Who Island or Harry Potter Island might chase it out of existence.
Then the lights come back on—sometimes super bright. And I feel great relief that my Australia island is still there.
Actually, it's my Doctor Who and Harry Potter islands that have blinked out of existence.
Who knows. They might come back.
26. Thought about how one of my favorite parts of the Inside Out movie was the dream creation stuff. The premise there is that are dreams are made by a film crew. They decide what dreams we're going to have and then produce them.
I think the film crew inside my head loves the storyline of me getting on a plane to go to Australia.
27. Wondered about the people who read my blog.
What cute little emotion characters are the main characters in their head?
What are their islands? Do they have an Australia one?
Do they have an imaginative and active film crew that makes dreams for them? Or is their film crew the type that makes mundane films—the ones easily forgotten upon waking.