1. Had a dream about Australia early in the night. I considered writing it down on my phone but decided against it. I assumed I would remember it in the morning.
I was wrong.
I have absolutely no idea what the dream was about.
When I had the dream about Andrew recently, I did write it down on my phone. It's the first time I've done that.
I think I might do it again in the future. But only if it's a dream that I feel is fun or interesting enough to share. Or I might also write it down if it seems important for my spiritual growth. Stuff like that.
2. Started to watch an episode of Neighbours.
3. Felt very bad for Sonya (Eve Morey) and Toadie (Ryan Moloney). Life is totally fucking with them right now.
Toadie is in the hospital because of his bouncy house accident. He might be paralyzed for life.
That is totally enough shit for one family. But no. Sonya has learned she messed something up with the insurance, so they don't have any.
Who's going to pay the medical bills?
4. Wondered if things won't be so bad for Toadie and Sonya, since they're in Australia and not in the USA.
5. Watched part of a performance of "Any Dream Will Do" featuring past Josephs, including Jason Donovan.
Felt a flash of love for Jason Donovan, and Neighbours in general.
Then I had sadness, because I won't be able to watch Neighbours anymore.
6. Thought that maybe when Neighbours goes away from Hulu, I'll try to find old clips on YouTube.
Maybe I'll get back into the old school stuff.
7. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.
8. Wondered if this is the special episode I heard about—the one that fully focuses on the Brad (Kip Gamblin), Lauren (Kate Kendall), and Terese (Rebekah Elmaloglou) triangle.
It probably isn't, because the previously-on-Neighbours segment showed storylines not related to them. And usually the storylines, shown on the segment, relate to what's going to be on the episode.
The thing that makes me think it might be the episode is this episode seems more artsy. There was a lovely song playing in the background while Terese and Brad were fighting. And an unusual angle of Ramsey street was shown.
9. Wondered if Neighbours is upping their game—getting more artistic and paying higher royalties for impressive music. Maybe they decided their show is worth more now; so then they presented Hulu with a higher fee. Maybe Hulu wasn't willing to pay.
10. Wondered why the Hulu/Neighbours contract is ending before the season is up. It seems it would make more sense to finish the year, at least.
11. Had strong desire to know what happened between Hulu and Neighbours.
If anyone knows, please tell me.
12. Saw that the episode of Neighbours that I'm watching is not the special one.
13. Started to feel myself leaning more towards Brad's side.
Lauren acts so supportive of his art, teaching, and hobbies, while Terese seems bored and unimpressed by them.
I write, sing, make videos, etc. Some people, in my life, have acted impressed with these aspects of me. Some people seem indifferent. Some people have gone as far as insulting me.
I prefer to be around those who are supportive and complimentary.
I like when people see me as talented. It makes me feel special and appreciated.
Personally, I can see why Brad prefers to be around Lauren.
I guess the question is whether Lauren truly is supportive of Brad; or is she acting supportive to win him over?
Sometimes it's easier for the other woman, or other man, to be supportive of the married person.
People are often much more talented, attractive, charming, funny, and interesting when they're new to us.
Although in Lauren and Brad's case, they're not exactly new to each other. They had a relationship in the past.
Was Lauren as supportive of Brad back then as she is now?
14. Went to the Triple J 2014 list.
Today I'm going to be listening to the 61st song, which is "Talk Too Much" by Andy Bull.
15. Saw that there IS an official video for "Talk Too Much".
16. Thought that the man in the beginning of the video looks familar.
For some reason, he reminds me of the video "Frontier Psychiatrist". Was he in that? Or was someone who looked like him in it?
17. Liked the song..
The video is a lip-synching thing.
It reminds me of that episode from Nip/Tuck.
18. Watched "Frontier Psychiatrist".
There are men who look somewhat similar to the one in "Talk too Much"—mostly because they have white hair and are in a similar age range.
19. Started to watch the Neighbours backstage video about the return of Des Clarke (Paul Keane).
20. Wished Des was still on Neighbours.
21. Wondered if Paul Keane wishes the same thing.
When he was back on the set for the cameo, did he wish he could stay longer? Or did he look around and think, I'm glad this is no longer part of my life.
22. Started to read an article about Paul Keane's difficult life. I heard he had problems before, but I don't know if I ever found out the details.
23. Learned that Keane suffered from depression and anxiety. He tried to treat himself with alcohol, amphetamines, and painkillers.
That's not good.
24. Learned there was a time that Keane didn't want to hear about Neighbours. It brought back bad memories.
That's very sad. I wonder how he feels about the show now.
25. Saw that Keane is one of those actors who says they never wanted fame. They just like acting.
When most actors say that, my bullshit meter dings. But with Keane, I can believe it.
Well....
I don't know.
I have a hard time understanding the whole thing.
The thing is, it seems to me, that there are a lot of acting jobs that wouldn't bring fame.
26. Thought of something. Maybe it's about money. Maybe the acting jobs that don't bring you fame also don't bring in a good paycheck.
How much money does an actor get if he works in a local theater?
27. Looked at this article. As I suspected, theater actors usually get paid very little.
28. Started to feel bad for actors.
It's something that's said in the article. He (Keane) said he had always been a sensitive child and that he went into acting not for fame and fortune, but because he didn’t know what else he could do to make a living.
That reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode we watched yesterday, "Caesar and Me". It was about an immigrant from Ireland, and the only thing he knew how to do was be a ventriloquist. That wasn't working out, so he was sent to an employment agency. He didn't have any of the needed skills.
29. Thought that technically the immigrant couldn't even really do ventriloquy. The dummy was alive/possessed.
30. Learned that Keane did enjoy returning to Neighbours. Or at least that's what he says. Sometimes you don't realize how you truly felt about something until the event has long passed.
I hope, though, that he really did have a nice time.
31. Thought that actors who don't like fame should probably get training in an alternate career that will bring them money.
32. Wondered if voice-acting would be better for reclusive actors.
They'd be less recognized. There'd also be less social interaction. I think a lot of voice-acting is done solo.
33. Read Kevin Bacon's opinion about actor's who say they don't want fame. He doesn't believe in them. He says: First off, I’ve always said before that there are two kind of actors: actors that want to be famous, and liars. You don’t become an actor because you want to hide in the shadows. When you sign up to be an actor, what you really sign up for is to act. On the other hand, you also don’t do it in a vacuum: you do it because you want people to see it. You’re born to get in front of people, whether it’s on the screen or on the stage; you’re born to have people look at you and absorb you.
In the past, I would have agreed with Bacon 100%.
Now I'm trying to see things the other way.
Does a desire for acting have to be synonymous with a desire for attention? One thing is about the desire for love and approval. The other is about pretending—becoming someone else.
I imagine some actor's love of acting might come from a love of fantasy. It might be how I felt as a child when we'd play imagination games. It can be wonderful to become another character. Heck, even as an adult I loved it sometimes. When Jack was younger, we created this whole stuffed animal village storyline. I loved doing the different voices and using my imagination. I loved entertaining Jack. I had a great time, and I received no fame. That being said, I did have a few fantasies about us being discovered. But I wanted fame back then.If I hadn't wanted fame, then I probably would have skipped the fantasies about being discovered.
What if I hoped to financially support our family with a show starring our stuffed animal characters; yet I didn't want any fame or attention? It might be hard to have one without the other.
These days though, there are so many famous people. I think each of us is aware of only a small percentage of them.
34. Imagined that an Australian actor could make a fair bit of money working on an Australian TV show. Then if they didn't want to deal with the fame, they could take their money and move to the US. In most cases, Americans won't recognize them.
35. Thought that some actors might feel like Des Clarke. They go into acting, because they're very good at it and imagine they're not good at anything else.
36. Wondered what reasons people have for wanting to be famous?
I used to want it, because to me being famous equaled being special. It was like an elite club for the extra special folks in the world. But now it seems so many people are famous. How many people on Instagram have hundreds of thousands of followers? How many people are famous on Twitter, just for being on Twitter? How many famous YouTubers are there? How many famous Bloggers?
Famous people are a dime a dozen. It's lost its appeal for me. Now I think it's become special and awesome to be obscure. I love having a blog that doesn't get a lot of readers; and when I look for blogs to read, I prefer blogs that aren't popular. Really. If I see a blog with a huge amount of comments, I usually turn away from it.
To me, popularity is a turn-off online.
37. Wanted to say that I'm only this way with social media.
With TV shows, books, music, general websites, etc; I like both popular and not-popular thing.
38. Remembered that the other reason I wanted fame is because I saw it as a way to get friends. If I was famous, there'd be a lot of people loving me and giving me attention.
But now I realize the more people that love you and give you attention; the less time you have to watch your TV shows.
A social life would greatly diminish my binge-watching endeavors.
39. Thought also that a desire for fame could be a disguised desire to join a fictional universe.
If I have a fantasy of being an actor on Neighbours, is it really because I want to be an actor and have that type of life? Or do I want Ramsey Street to be real? Do I want the characters on the show to be MY neighbours?
40. Wondered if actors ever wish they were their characters and wish that they truly lived in their fictional universe?
For example, did any of the Harry Potter actors wish they were real Hogwarts students instead of actors on a hit movie?
That reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode we watched yesterday, "Caesar and Me". It was about an immigrant from Ireland, and the only thing he knew how to do was be a ventriloquist. That wasn't working out, so he was sent to an employment agency. He didn't have any of the needed skills.
29. Thought that technically the immigrant couldn't even really do ventriloquy. The dummy was alive/possessed.
30. Learned that Keane did enjoy returning to Neighbours. Or at least that's what he says. Sometimes you don't realize how you truly felt about something until the event has long passed.
I hope, though, that he really did have a nice time.
31. Thought that actors who don't like fame should probably get training in an alternate career that will bring them money.
32. Wondered if voice-acting would be better for reclusive actors.
They'd be less recognized. There'd also be less social interaction. I think a lot of voice-acting is done solo.
33. Read Kevin Bacon's opinion about actor's who say they don't want fame. He doesn't believe in them. He says: First off, I’ve always said before that there are two kind of actors: actors that want to be famous, and liars. You don’t become an actor because you want to hide in the shadows. When you sign up to be an actor, what you really sign up for is to act. On the other hand, you also don’t do it in a vacuum: you do it because you want people to see it. You’re born to get in front of people, whether it’s on the screen or on the stage; you’re born to have people look at you and absorb you.
In the past, I would have agreed with Bacon 100%.
Now I'm trying to see things the other way.
Does a desire for acting have to be synonymous with a desire for attention? One thing is about the desire for love and approval. The other is about pretending—becoming someone else.
I imagine some actor's love of acting might come from a love of fantasy. It might be how I felt as a child when we'd play imagination games. It can be wonderful to become another character. Heck, even as an adult I loved it sometimes. When Jack was younger, we created this whole stuffed animal village storyline. I loved doing the different voices and using my imagination. I loved entertaining Jack. I had a great time, and I received no fame. That being said, I did have a few fantasies about us being discovered. But I wanted fame back then.If I hadn't wanted fame, then I probably would have skipped the fantasies about being discovered.
What if I hoped to financially support our family with a show starring our stuffed animal characters; yet I didn't want any fame or attention? It might be hard to have one without the other.
These days though, there are so many famous people. I think each of us is aware of only a small percentage of them.
34. Imagined that an Australian actor could make a fair bit of money working on an Australian TV show. Then if they didn't want to deal with the fame, they could take their money and move to the US. In most cases, Americans won't recognize them.
35. Thought that some actors might feel like Des Clarke. They go into acting, because they're very good at it and imagine they're not good at anything else.
36. Wondered what reasons people have for wanting to be famous?
I used to want it, because to me being famous equaled being special. It was like an elite club for the extra special folks in the world. But now it seems so many people are famous. How many people on Instagram have hundreds of thousands of followers? How many people are famous on Twitter, just for being on Twitter? How many famous YouTubers are there? How many famous Bloggers?
Famous people are a dime a dozen. It's lost its appeal for me. Now I think it's become special and awesome to be obscure. I love having a blog that doesn't get a lot of readers; and when I look for blogs to read, I prefer blogs that aren't popular. Really. If I see a blog with a huge amount of comments, I usually turn away from it.
To me, popularity is a turn-off online.
37. Wanted to say that I'm only this way with social media.
With TV shows, books, music, general websites, etc; I like both popular and not-popular thing.
38. Remembered that the other reason I wanted fame is because I saw it as a way to get friends. If I was famous, there'd be a lot of people loving me and giving me attention.
But now I realize the more people that love you and give you attention; the less time you have to watch your TV shows.
A social life would greatly diminish my binge-watching endeavors.
39. Thought also that a desire for fame could be a disguised desire to join a fictional universe.
If I have a fantasy of being an actor on Neighbours, is it really because I want to be an actor and have that type of life? Or do I want Ramsey Street to be real? Do I want the characters on the show to be MY neighbours?
40. Wondered if actors ever wish they were their characters and wish that they truly lived in their fictional universe?
For example, did any of the Harry Potter actors wish they were real Hogwarts students instead of actors on a hit movie?