Besides Aniz Ansari, the other news story I've been obsessing with is the one about the Turpin family in California. It's a true life horror story—something that I think Jeremy Slater could use when writing a future Exorcist season.
It's evil.
It's sickening.
It's sad.
It's strange.
These children were starved and could rarely shower or use the toilet. They were chained to their beds. They were ignorant and uneducated.
Some people are using the horror story as a platform to speak out against lenient homeschooling laws.
In some states, such as the one we reside, there are barely any laws about how you teach your children. We didn't have to sign up for anything—declare that we're homeschooling. We never had to test our child.We didn't have anyone checking our home or curriculum. I've always loved this freedom. It's great for families who unschool or use any other form of free-spirited, child-led education.
But by loving and clinging to this freedom are we allowing some children to live in terrifying, abusive situations?
I hope not.
At this point, I don't think we are. I might change my mind if I hear a good counterargument or I get more information.
The thing about child abuse and homeschooling laws is, if a parent is willing to break the law in terms of how they treat their children, isn't it quite possible that they might also break homeschooling laws?
I think families like the Turpins would simply hide the fact that they have kids. They'd probably have a home birth, avoid doctor visits, avoid dentist visits, and avoid taking their kids out of the house. Or even if they had a hospital birth, I don't the hospital checks up on families five years later to make sure the child is being sent to school or properly homeschooled.
Note: I have nothing against home births. I think they're awesome. I'm just saying it would provide a good start in hiding one's children from the world.
I'd worry that the homeschooling laws might cause decent parents to act in ways that are not so healthy for their kids. Let's say a family wants a child-led type of education. They want their kids to spend the day making their own choices about what to do and what to learn. Now some people would say THIS is child abuse. I can't argue or reason with them. They're not my people. But besides that...let's say the family wants a freestyle form of education, and then a new law is passed that says families will need yearly visits where they show they're giving their children a proper education. If the family thinks their style of education don't fit into the definition of proper education, they might decide to take their homeschooling endeavors underground. They might decide to simply avoid the required notifications.
The family is now breaking the law, though, they're not doing anything bad. But it might start making them do things that are not so great...like avoiding trips to the grocery store with their child. They might avoid taking their kids to the doctor. They might avoid the dentist. Why? Because they don't want to be reported. They worry about going to jail. They worry about their kids being taken away.
Even with the lenient laws in Texas, I've sometimes felt awkward when doctors and dentists ask us questions about school. I imagine it would be a thousand times worse if we were breaking the law, and we were scared of getting reported.
So yeah...I don't think stricter homeschooling laws are going to stop horrific stories of child abuse. And I think it would make life very stressful for families that are decent, but a bit weird.
Another thing is, though, public and private school can offer refuge to severely abused children, it often doesn't provide refuge for abuse that is less dramatic but still physically and/or emotionally damaging. And sometimes school itself is where the abuse happens. So to be fair, if we're going to check up on weird homeschooling families, we should probably also be having strict check-ups on schooled families and classrooms.
So....
How can we prevent severe child abuse? How can we stop the Turpin story from happening again? How can we save the children and adults who are currently in the situation?
I have no idea.
I don't think there's an easy way.
I don't think the government can do much.
How about neighbors? Aunts? Grandparents?
Maybe they can help sometimes. The problem is it's often hard to distinguish between weird but okay and weird but totally not okay. It's hard to distinguish between slightly toxic parenting and very abusive parenting.
It's hard to know if we don't like someone's parenting because it's bad parenting or if it's simply different from the way we parent.
And if you have a family that's very private, it's hard to know if it's because they're shy, less social people or if it's because they're hiding abuse. OR.... maybe they avoid you, because they don't like you.
My feeling is that the only way for a case of abuse to end is for there to be a huge act of courage from one of the victims. With the Turpins, one of the kids planned and succeeded in a daring escape. She saved herself. She saved her siblings. Now, instead, of dying she will probably become a character in several future TV movies and probably an Indie movie. Some actress is probably going to get a Golden Globes award for playing her.
I think these daring escapes, unfortunately, are the only way out. Well, it's the only avenue out that doesn't risk harming families that are weird but innocent of abuse.
As for what the rest of us can do? I think we just have to do the right thing if a person comes to us during their escape. We need to listen, believe, and do what we can to help in their rescue.
It's evil.
It's sickening.
It's sad.
It's strange.
These children were starved and could rarely shower or use the toilet. They were chained to their beds. They were ignorant and uneducated.
Some people are using the horror story as a platform to speak out against lenient homeschooling laws.
In some states, such as the one we reside, there are barely any laws about how you teach your children. We didn't have to sign up for anything—declare that we're homeschooling. We never had to test our child.We didn't have anyone checking our home or curriculum. I've always loved this freedom. It's great for families who unschool or use any other form of free-spirited, child-led education.
But by loving and clinging to this freedom are we allowing some children to live in terrifying, abusive situations?
I hope not.
At this point, I don't think we are. I might change my mind if I hear a good counterargument or I get more information.
The thing about child abuse and homeschooling laws is, if a parent is willing to break the law in terms of how they treat their children, isn't it quite possible that they might also break homeschooling laws?
I think families like the Turpins would simply hide the fact that they have kids. They'd probably have a home birth, avoid doctor visits, avoid dentist visits, and avoid taking their kids out of the house. Or even if they had a hospital birth, I don't the hospital checks up on families five years later to make sure the child is being sent to school or properly homeschooled.
Note: I have nothing against home births. I think they're awesome. I'm just saying it would provide a good start in hiding one's children from the world.
I'd worry that the homeschooling laws might cause decent parents to act in ways that are not so healthy for their kids. Let's say a family wants a child-led type of education. They want their kids to spend the day making their own choices about what to do and what to learn. Now some people would say THIS is child abuse. I can't argue or reason with them. They're not my people. But besides that...let's say the family wants a freestyle form of education, and then a new law is passed that says families will need yearly visits where they show they're giving their children a proper education. If the family thinks their style of education don't fit into the definition of proper education, they might decide to take their homeschooling endeavors underground. They might decide to simply avoid the required notifications.
The family is now breaking the law, though, they're not doing anything bad. But it might start making them do things that are not so great...like avoiding trips to the grocery store with their child. They might avoid taking their kids to the doctor. They might avoid the dentist. Why? Because they don't want to be reported. They worry about going to jail. They worry about their kids being taken away.
Even with the lenient laws in Texas, I've sometimes felt awkward when doctors and dentists ask us questions about school. I imagine it would be a thousand times worse if we were breaking the law, and we were scared of getting reported.
So yeah...I don't think stricter homeschooling laws are going to stop horrific stories of child abuse. And I think it would make life very stressful for families that are decent, but a bit weird.
Another thing is, though, public and private school can offer refuge to severely abused children, it often doesn't provide refuge for abuse that is less dramatic but still physically and/or emotionally damaging. And sometimes school itself is where the abuse happens. So to be fair, if we're going to check up on weird homeschooling families, we should probably also be having strict check-ups on schooled families and classrooms.
So....
How can we prevent severe child abuse? How can we stop the Turpin story from happening again? How can we save the children and adults who are currently in the situation?
I have no idea.
I don't think there's an easy way.
I don't think the government can do much.
How about neighbors? Aunts? Grandparents?
Maybe they can help sometimes. The problem is it's often hard to distinguish between weird but okay and weird but totally not okay. It's hard to distinguish between slightly toxic parenting and very abusive parenting.
It's hard to know if we don't like someone's parenting because it's bad parenting or if it's simply different from the way we parent.
And if you have a family that's very private, it's hard to know if it's because they're shy, less social people or if it's because they're hiding abuse. OR.... maybe they avoid you, because they don't like you.
My feeling is that the only way for a case of abuse to end is for there to be a huge act of courage from one of the victims. With the Turpins, one of the kids planned and succeeded in a daring escape. She saved herself. She saved her siblings. Now, instead, of dying she will probably become a character in several future TV movies and probably an Indie movie. Some actress is probably going to get a Golden Globes award for playing her.
I think these daring escapes, unfortunately, are the only way out. Well, it's the only avenue out that doesn't risk harming families that are weird but innocent of abuse.
As for what the rest of us can do? I think we just have to do the right thing if a person comes to us during their escape. We need to listen, believe, and do what we can to help in their rescue.