More journal stuff.
Note: The blue is what's printed in the book. The green is what I filled in. The book is from 1996.
What I wished for most as a child-To be very rich and to live in a huge mansion like the Madison capital building.
I vaguely remember that.
Dumb question: Do people live in capital buildings? Like the governor? Or is it just a workplace?
Here's the website of the Madison capitol building. They celebrated 100 years last year (2017). Back when I was living in Madison, and coveting that building, it would have been about 63 years old.
Now I'm looking at photos. It's quite lovely.
Well...I Googled and learned the governor lives in a governor's mansion. Here's a website for that building. It looks nice too, but I think I prefer the capital building. I'm betting my younger self would agree with me.
What I loved to imagine-That I was Peter Pan's girlfriend. That I was poor like Laura Ingalls Wilder. That I was a child loved by many.
How about: I'm Laura Ingalls Wilder. I end up in Neverland and start dating Peter Pan. Then somehow we get rich and move into the capitol building in Madison. OR maybe we somehow shrink into tiny people and live in the mouse holes.
And as for being loved by many. I bet the tourists would love us. Who wouldn't love seeing tiny people running around a capitol building? Plus, maybe they'd recognize that we were THE Peter Pan and Laura Ingalls Wilder.
In my dreams, how my life would change-I'd get a lot of money and probably a lot of toys.
I think my 22-year-old self saw my early childhood self as being very materialistic.
And she was probably right.
I think I once had a vomit-inducing tantrum because I wanted a toy school bus.
In my dreams, how would I change—I'd be more popular, cuter.
Besides the money and toy thing, being loved was also important to me.
Of course I was loved as a child.
Well, I shouldn't say "of course" because sadly not all children are loved.
But anyway, I think what I didn't have is that feeling of being adored. I don't mean adored in a spoiled-worship kind of way. It's more like that strong love that makes your heart sing or where you think someone is so damn adorable.
As a child, I think I felt that people loved me because they were obligated to, or because it was the custom to do so.
How my dreams were important to me-I existed in this dream world. It seemed much better than the real world.
In other words, I preferred fantasy to reality.
How my childhood dreams shaped me-I still live in a fantasy world. I feel much better thinking about going out and partying than actually partying. As for being poor like Laura Ingalls, I still am plagued by the notion that poor is noble. As for the dreams of being rich, buying all the lottery tickets probably proves I'm not over that wish.
I'm still that way—the fantasy world thing, at least.
I prefer seeing people have exciting lives on TV over having excitement myself.
I'm happy to have a few intense social events a year. And when I say intense, I mean like a Bat Mitzvah or a large family get-together. Not all night clubbing.
I do greatly enjoy some things that are not on a screen or in a novel.
I like traveling. I like going out to eat. I like taking walks.
But in terms of social excitement, I'd usually prefer watching a TV show.
Speaking of dreams....
I'm assuming the book was referring to wish-dreams and not sleep-dreams. But when it comes to sleep dreams, I think that might be one of the reasons I'm socially lazy. I have a LOT of socializing in my dreams. So I think in my waking life, I'm content with just Tim, Jack, my immediate family, my cats, and the conversations I have on Twitter.
I think it's also an age thing. I did like socializing in college...a LOT.
You know how characters joke on TV shows about how they're getting old, going to bed early, and not being exciting anymore?
Well, that's totally me. I usually start getting ready for bed at 9, and am usually asleep by 10. I get nervous when people want me to do something that has me going to bed later than that.