I've been watching the first season of Jane the Virgin.
This evening I watched the 5th episode.
In the episode, Jane (Gina Rodriguez) feels betrayed by her mom (Andrea Navedo), because her mom kept Jane's father's identity a secret for all of Jane's life.
Jane leaves home and stops speaking to her mother.
She returns when she thinks her mom is at dance class. I can't remember why.
Wait. Now I remember.
She wanted her Abuela's (Ivonne Coll) recipe book.
Okay. So she goes home, and her mother shows up.
Jane tells her mother she thought she'd be at dance class.
Her mother says something like, Do you think I could dance while my daughter isn't speaking to me?
Then they have dialogue which includes Jane's mom saying multiple sorries and Jane not being able to forgive her. And miraculously Jane's mom reacts with patience, understanding, and love.
The exchange was so refreshing to me. I know it's fictional. But I'd like to imagine that there are parents who have this type of exchange with their sons and daughters.
Since I have narcissism and psychological manipulation on my mind even more than usual lately; I found myself imagining how the conversation would go down with a narcissist and/or manipulator.
First of all, some might say that Jane's mother's line about dance class WAS a little manipulative.
Is it?
I'm not sure.
Maybe slightly but I don't think in a harmful way. And in a way, it's sweet. It's kind of saying, You're important to me, and I'm sad that you're mad at me.
A manipulative person would take it much further. Do you think I can go to dance class when my daughter is hating me? No. I haven't been able to do anything lately. And now I'm probably going to have to drop out of class, because we're not supposed to miss any sessions. But you know what. That's not a big deal. I'm used to making sacrifices for you. What's one more?
Here are other things that might be said in the conversation if Jane's mom was a narcissist and/or manipulator.
Okay. What? So you're never going to forgive me? After all I've done for you? I put you through school. I put a roof over your head. I work so we can have food on the table. And how do you think I felt keeping that secret about your father? Do you think it was easy on me having to carry that burden all these years? No I bet you don't know. Because you only think of yourself. You never think about me. You're selfish.
And...
You know what. Fine. Hate me. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. The difference is, I just ignore your mistakes. I let it slide. I don't turn it into drama. But you? You can't let anything go. So, you know what. Leave if that's what you want. Go live with your father. Your darling father. Maybe that's what you need to do so you can see why I kept him a secret from you all these years. Just don't come running back once he starts treating you like dirt. Because he will. I guarantee it. Well, never mind. You can come back. BECAUSE that's the kind of mother I am. I'm NOT the monster you make me out to be. I am forgiving. One day you'll learn to appreciate that. One day you'll realize how lucky you are. I just hope it's not too late.
This evening I watched the 5th episode.
In the episode, Jane (Gina Rodriguez) feels betrayed by her mom (Andrea Navedo), because her mom kept Jane's father's identity a secret for all of Jane's life.
Jane leaves home and stops speaking to her mother.
She returns when she thinks her mom is at dance class. I can't remember why.
Wait. Now I remember.
She wanted her Abuela's (Ivonne Coll) recipe book.
Okay. So she goes home, and her mother shows up.
Jane tells her mother she thought she'd be at dance class.
Her mother says something like, Do you think I could dance while my daughter isn't speaking to me?
Then they have dialogue which includes Jane's mom saying multiple sorries and Jane not being able to forgive her. And miraculously Jane's mom reacts with patience, understanding, and love.
The exchange was so refreshing to me. I know it's fictional. But I'd like to imagine that there are parents who have this type of exchange with their sons and daughters.
Since I have narcissism and psychological manipulation on my mind even more than usual lately; I found myself imagining how the conversation would go down with a narcissist and/or manipulator.
First of all, some might say that Jane's mother's line about dance class WAS a little manipulative.
Is it?
I'm not sure.
Maybe slightly but I don't think in a harmful way. And in a way, it's sweet. It's kind of saying, You're important to me, and I'm sad that you're mad at me.
A manipulative person would take it much further. Do you think I can go to dance class when my daughter is hating me? No. I haven't been able to do anything lately. And now I'm probably going to have to drop out of class, because we're not supposed to miss any sessions. But you know what. That's not a big deal. I'm used to making sacrifices for you. What's one more?
Here are other things that might be said in the conversation if Jane's mom was a narcissist and/or manipulator.
Okay. What? So you're never going to forgive me? After all I've done for you? I put you through school. I put a roof over your head. I work so we can have food on the table. And how do you think I felt keeping that secret about your father? Do you think it was easy on me having to carry that burden all these years? No I bet you don't know. Because you only think of yourself. You never think about me. You're selfish.
And...
You know what. Fine. Hate me. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. The difference is, I just ignore your mistakes. I let it slide. I don't turn it into drama. But you? You can't let anything go. So, you know what. Leave if that's what you want. Go live with your father. Your darling father. Maybe that's what you need to do so you can see why I kept him a secret from you all these years. Just don't come running back once he starts treating you like dirt. Because he will. I guarantee it. Well, never mind. You can come back. BECAUSE that's the kind of mother I am. I'm NOT the monster you make me out to be. I am forgiving. One day you'll learn to appreciate that. One day you'll realize how lucky you are. I just hope it's not too late.