On the episode of Coronation Street, I watched today, Michelle (Kym Marsh) broke up with Robert (Tristan Gemmill).
The main problem in their relationship is that Robert strongly longs for a child, and Michelle doesn't want one.
Michelle doesn't want another child, because she went through the horrible experience of having a stillborn baby. She doesn't want to risk enduring that pain again. And well...even if the next baby survives, it still might be painful, because the new baby might remind her too much of the child she lost.
Now, of course, many mothers go onto have new children after losing ones in the past. It can work out for some families in very lovely ways. But every family is different. Every mother is different.
Some months back, Michelle TRIED to be like the mothers who choose to try again. At first, she said no. Then she changed the no to a yes. I'm guessing most of this was about wanting to please Robert. Sacrifice her own needs to make him happy.
I'm betting, though, that she convinced herself that it was NOT just about pleasing Robert. She probably started to believe she truly was okay with it.
Then, a few episodes ago, she was in a mood of some sort. Anxious, maybe. Tense.
She told Robert she thought she was pregnant.
And now I'm going to actually get to the point of my damn post.
Robert's bad behavior.
It started with his reaction to her maybe-pregnancy.
He was ecstatic.
And I do love seeing a man who's enthusiastic about having a baby.
The problem with Robert, though, is he was so wrapped up in his own happiness, he didn't notice that Michelle seemed much less happy.
They went their separate ways for a few hours with plans to get a pregnancy test later.
Then Michelle gets hit in the stomach by a ball. She's horribly upset. She goes to the hospital. There, she learns the baby hasn't been injured, because...there is no baby. There never was.
Michelle's upset; the assumption being that she's disappointed.
BUT...no.
It turns out Michelle is relieved. Relieved not to be pregnant. But it's not a happy, easygoing kind of relief. Because she knows she has to deal with Robert.
Michelle's solution is for them to break up. It's not the happiest of solutions, but with Robert so strongly wanting a child and Michelle so strongly NOT wanting a solution, it might be the solution that's needed.
They talk. Robert gets more and more shitty.
Here's a list of what I saw in today's episode.
1. He tells Michelle she might change her mind.
For Michelle to feel okay staying with Robert, she needs Robert to accept her decision. Telling someone they might change their mind is NOT accepting their decision.
I feel conflicted saying this, because recently I told someone they might change their mind. I felt kind of rude saying it, but I'm not going to feel too guilty. Because this was different. It wasn't a huge emotional decision. It was about travel plans. And this person actually DOES change their mind a lot when it comes to their travel ideas. And sure enough...a week or so later, they had changed their mind.
It's still kind of rude, though. And annoying. So I should probably watch myself with that.
Now whether it's over huge things or trivial things, I think it's okay to SECRETLY wish that someone change their mind. Though you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.
AND you might say or do subtle, manipulative things that shows the other person that your patience and understanding was a big fat lie.
2. Robert criticizes Michelle for her grief over her baby Ruairi. I forgot his exact words, but the general idea was, enough already. Get over it.
Get over it, so you can give me what I want.
3. When Michelle becomes furious over this, Robert defends himself by saying yeah, he knows how much she's hurting. He was the one that was with her when she was about to jump off a ledge.
Yeah, Robert. Now is not the time to flaunt your good deeds.
This is one of my pet peeves. Someone says or does something shitty; then they defend themselves by reminding their victim of a time they acted decently in the past.
I mean, MAYBE, I have it wrong. Maybe Robert really was trying to convey that, despite his misbehavior in the break-up conversation, he truly does understand her pain, because he's seen that pain at its worse.
But to me, it felt more like...defensive bragging.
I had this issue with my father a few months ago.
I got mad at him, because in a text exchange, he made it known that he had not been paying attention to what I had told him about my neurological issues.
Okay. So he wasn't paying good enough attention and/or misunderstood the stuff I had explained to him. Fine. But what he said was also very minimizing, and that bothered me a lot.
When I confronted him about it and said I was fed up, instead of apologizing and asking for clarification, he got defensive. He brought up the fact that he was the one who had offered to use his connections to get me a doctor, and he was the one who had offered to pay for the doctor.
It's like: I tried to do this for you in the past, so I can't be faulted for mistakes I'm making now.
But since he had minimized my issues with his mistake, I didn't take his past offers as evidence that he DOES care. I saw it as evidence that he had simply been humoring me and my concerns while at the same time flaunting his power and connections.
Now I don't think Robert was humoring Michelle and flaunting his power when he helped her in her suicidal moment. However, just because someone talks you out of killing yourself, it doesn't mean they're truly sympathetic or understanding about the root of your death wish.
4. At one point, Robert warns Michelle not to do something she might regret—referring to breaking up with him.
That just sounded so arrogant to me.
I think I'd feel better about him if he said something like, Please don't do this to us. Or, I really fucked up. Please give me another chance.
When Robert warned her about regretting dumping him, I sort of wished she would have said something like, No. What I'm going to regret is not dumping your ass sooner.
5. When Robert hears that Michelle was seen with her cousin Carla (Alison King), Robert gets angry and declares that Carla has been turning Michelle against him.
In reality, Carla was simply providing support and comfort to Michelle.
His paranoia was extremely unattractive.
It's pathetic that he was trying to blame Carla for his relationship problems instead of taking responsibility for his own ugly behavior.
Now I'm thinking, though.....
Maybe I haven't been paying attention enough through the years.
But I don't think I've seen considered Robert as being such an asshole.
He has usually seemed pretty okay.
He's had some gambling and drug issues but usually has seemed like a fairly nice guy despite that.
I could be forgetting something?
Or could it be that he's a decent guy who is slowly losing the plot.
Maybe he just wants that baby too much.
I think sometimes we can want something too much, and that desire can lead us to acting selfishly and/or manipulatively. We can also maybe become defensive and paranoid.
Anyway....
I wonder what will happen.
Will Robert and Michelle stay broken up?
Will Robert realize he's lost the plot and get back on track? Will he be able to give Michelle a genuine, mature apology? And if he does, will she accept it?
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