But this Other White Guy Said It was Okay!

Dear White Heterosexual Men:

Yes, it's hard to be politically correct sometimes.

And what's life without some edgy jokes?

How can we relax if we keep having to watch what we say?

Yes, sometimes there can be too many rules about political correctness. Plus, it gets confusing. What's okay today might not be okay next week.

It's hard to keep up.

We all make mistakes. We all put ourselves into positions where we feel ashamed, guilty, or sometimes...defensive.

But here's one piece of advise I can give.

If there is a person in your social circle that's from a marginalized group—person of color, female, transgender, gay, etc.  It should be THEIR opinion that matters when it comes down to whether a comment, joke, phrase, or label is acceptable or not.  I mean if it pertains to the marginalized group that they are a member of. 

Now I'm just talking about within your social circle or your relationship to that person. What's fine with your one black friend might not be fine with your other black friend.

You might have a gay uncle who tells you not to ever say that again in front of him and a gay friend who thinks you have a very good point.  

But if someone from a marginalized group speaks out, the best thing to do is listen to them, try to learn something, try to understand, and respect their wishes.

It's not the time to try to prove that they're wrong.

It's not the time to argue that other people from the group are okay with it, so they should be too.

It's certainly not okay to try to convince them that they're wrong by finding another white  heterosexual male who seems to argue your point more eloquently than you do.  

And yes, I'm targeting white heterosexual men. Because they seem to be the ones who feel the most victimized by political correctness.  But it applies to many of the rest of us as well...those of us who are part of marginalized groups and also part of the more dominant groups.

For example, in my household. I'm marginalized as a woman. Then Tim is marginalized as an Asian.

I should get the last say in our home over whether something is misogynist or not. He should get the last say in what is acceptable or offensive in terms of Asian-related stuff.  

And....

The advice I write here is also directed at me.

Because when I joked about Tim having the Coronavirus at the airport, he got a little uneasy. I wasn't used to that, because he's usually very accepting of that kind of humor.  I mean not just accepting, but he has that type of sense of humor as well.

Anyway, I got a bit defensive, and I shouldn't have done that. Well, also because as Tim has told me it's not really about offensive or not offensive. It was actually a safety issue. I mean what if someone heard us at the airport, believed us and panicked? Or what if our joking provoked a nervous, racist person to get violent?

So...yeah.

Tim sometimes does the misogynist act of mansplaining...and I do my best to not throw things at his face.  BUT there are situations where he does know more and his opinion has more weight...and in those times I should listen and accept.  

Read my novel: The Dead are Online