You Have a Lot of Black Friends!

You have a lot of black friends.

You don't judge people on the color of their skin.

You're not racist. 

You don't have a racist bone in your body.

You love black people.

Okay. 

Let's imagine you have a friend.

We'll call her Polly.

Why?  

Because that name just popped into my head.

Anyway...Polly says she is your friend. She tells other people that you and she are friends.

Let's say your parents abuse you. Your whole life they've been letting you know that they think you're worthless, ugly, unimportant, unloveable, dumb, etc.  They've made you feel horrible about yourself.  But you start to fight back. You start to realize they're wrong. 

One day you are talking to Polly. In tears, you proclaim, I am important!  I matter. 

How does Polly respond?  She says, EVERYONE is important. Everyone matters!

Okay. Let's move onto another scenario.  

You are in an abusive relationship. Your partner hits you, kicks you, and throws things at you when he is angry.

You go to your friend Polly, because you need a friend that you can talk to. You tell Polly what your partner has been doing to you.

She says. Yeah. That's not nice of him. But he's not always that bad. Right? Sometimes he just has his bad moments. Everyone has their bad days.  And also, what you should really worry about is how YOU treat you. I've noticed you put on a little weight lately. Are you eating healthy enough? Are you exercising? Are you taking your vitamins?  

Next scenario:

You've been having a really difficult life. Things have always been hard for you. No one has really taken that much notice. And you have felt you almost always have to struggle on your own.  But now a new bad thing has happened to you. It's not actually the worse thing that's happened. Not by a long shot.

But....

The difference is, finally, lots of people have noticed. They are giving you extra attention and extra love.

They are saying, I'm so sorry we didn't pay attention to your crying in the past. This is our fault. We were shitty friends. But now we are going to do everything we can to help you. We are going to fight so hard to help you. 

Polly sees all this happening. She gets angry and says. Why are you getting all this attention? I have problems too. Why is everyone ignoring my problems?

Another scenario:

You've been bullied by your coworkers. Polly works there too. She doesn't bully you, but she also never sticks up for you. She just watches and shrugs her shoulders. 

You ask the bullies to please stop. You also write an email to your boss asking for her to help you. Your boss says to just ignore the bullies. 

No. You're not going to just ignore them. That's not acceptable.

You decide to try something. You don't put on your work uniform one day. Instead you put on an anti-bullying t-shirt.

Polly rolls her eyes when you come into work.

The bullies laugh at you.

Your boss says she understands you don't like being bullied, but the T-shirt is highly offensive and inappropriate. She says wear your uniform tomorrow or don't come back.

You stop wearing the shirt and you go back to wearing your uniform.

The bullying keeps happening. It gets worse and worse.

One day....

Enough becomes enough.

You are so angry. You are so sad.

You take your coffee mug and you throw it. It loudly hits the wall. Then you scream. And you start sobbing.

Polly insists that you calm down. She says, You know. I think it's horrible that you were bullied this week. Of course we all want to help you. But you didn't need to throw the mug and scream like that. You should have just quietly and peacefully said something. Violence helps no one!

So.....

Do you think Polly is a good friend?

If she a supportive friend?

Is she a helpful friend?

If she was your friend, would you feel loved by her?  And would it be a love that helps you stay strong? Would it be a love that helps you feel safe?  

It makes me feel hopeful that so many citizens (around the world!), companies, politicians, etc. are standing strongly behind Black Lives Matter.  Yeah. A little late. A lot late. But better late than never.

And some folks might be doing it because it's the new cool thing to do.  I think even that, though, has glimmers of hope.  Because all of our passions begin somewhere. 

Yes, there will be people who drop the interest as soon as the noise quiets down. 

BUT.... 

There are also going to be people who become huge fighters for Black Lives Matter. They will fight for decades. They might keep fighting until they are old. And they will look back and say, It all started in those days when we were wearing masks and that black man was murdered by the police. His name was George Floyd.  

And there will be presidents, senators, governors, mayors, etc. who truly care about Black Lives Matter, and they will hopefully manage to make some changes.

There will be corporations and other companies that actually truly want to better themselves. Or they don't truly care about black people. But they care about looking good to the people who DO care. So they will make changes that help bring us all to a better place. 

And then there are all the Polly's. 

Maybe some of them will eventually change. They'll become good friends—supportive and loving rather than toxic.

For those that refuse to change?  The ones who won't help. The ones who won't listen. The ones who don't care. The ones who whine, But what about me??? Where is MY parade? Where is MY special month? The ones who scold, Not now! It's not the time! Calm down! Be polite!

Well, I hope they find themselves isolated and disenchanted.  I hope they find themselves lonely in a changed world that no longer entertains and accepts their toxicity. 

Polly can say, I have a lot of friends.

And we'll say. We know this girl named Polly. No. She's not our friend. She's just someone we know. She's pretty damn annoying.