You Totally Deserve It But I Still Feel Bad For You

Tim and I were chatting this morning, and the conversation led me to a realization.

I mentioned an article that I read in which a man made the wrong choices, used his platform to promote those choice, got sick, regretted their choices, and then died.  I said I felt no sympathy for him.   

But then I realized it wasn't true.

I DO feel some sympathy for him.

But...at the same time, I don't regret what happened to him. I feel he totally deserves what happened to him, and I'm glad Karma showed a strong display of her power.

I think I've been confused all my life, because I've had these two seemingly conflicting feelings.  A) feeling sympathy for someone B) Feeling satisfied when Karma kicks someone's ass. 

But now I'm going to try to be okay with having both these feelings. I'm going to try to be okay with the sympathy feelings and not worry about being too soft or weak. I'm going to be okay with my I-love-Karma feelings and not worry that I'm an evil, cold-hearted villain.

I am okay with bad things happening to people who make bad choices especially if they are awful about it.  The example I gave Tim is someone smoking and being obnoxious about it.  They purposely smoke in people's faces. They break non-smoking rules. They're combative about it.  They encouraged and led other people to start smoking.  If a person like this gets lung cancer, I will feel sympathy for their physical and emotional pain.  But I won't think it's wrong that this happened to them.  

It's not only about people making the wrong health/safety choices.  Sometimes it's about someone saying something that is hurtful towards me—insulting, rude, judgmental, ignorant, etc.  Or they acted in a way that was hurtful.  When Karma seems to respond by giving them a little pinch...or a big pinch, I'm okay with being okay with Karma's doings.  But I'm also okay with feeling sympathy and concern for the person. And I'm okay with going back and forth between feeling: I want to be there for this person and support them and: this person was shit towards me when I was going through something similar, so why should I be there for them?  

I was looking through my photos
to find one that might fit with the post. I
decided to use one of my test result screenshots.
My plan was to jokingly say that
in case you read my post
and think I'm evil, this test proves you wrong.
(I picked this one sort of randomly)
But then I realized the result for
this particular test is super-fitting. 
I actually made an Arya-type list
a few months ago.
I didn't plan to actually kill anyone.
It was more like a
wish list.  
Oh. Okay. I found the list.
I made it last October and 
it's actually called 
"My Arya List" 
They're all political figures, btw.
As my dad would probably see it:
a display of my "Trump Derangement Syndrome"
Just as I'm super proud of my probable autism "disorder"
I'm also very proud of having a strong case of TDS

Read my novel: The Dead are Online