We are all autistic!
No. We're probably not.
But I personally have trouble figuring out the line between autistic and allistic (non-autistic).
Today, I came up with a test...not full-proof at all. But it's something to think about.
The question: If we are married or have been married: Who was in our wedding party?
My two sisters and my sister-in-law made up my wedding party. I had no lifelong friends I could ask. I had no real friends from work. I was not still close to anyone from college.
I think not having friends to fill our wedding party is a sign that autism is likely possible.
If we had friends in our wedding party, and we continue for years or decades to remain friends with these friends...I'd say that was a good sign that autism is likely not be part of the story.
There are exceptions, though.
A) If we had to hide huge parts of ourselves to keep these friendships going. Was it the type of friendship where we felt like we had to wear a mask and if we let the mask slip, we knew we'd be in danger of losing our friends?
B) We overestimated the friendship. We told ourselves we were friends with this person but looking back, the friendship was quite one-sided. We might have admired the person in some way and told ourselves they were our friends. I've also had people I tried to imagine were my friends, because they were connected to one of my special interests in some way.
Anyway, we might have WANTED to think someone was our friend. We ask them to be in our wedding, and they oblige. Why did they say yes? Maybe out of obligation? Sympathy? OR....they too are confused about who is a friend and who is not.
C) We were (undiagnosed) autistics blessed to have other (undiagnosed) autistics as friends. I say undiagnosed, because if we were all diagnosed, we probably don't need this wedding-party test anyway.
There are also exceptions to the no-friends-in-wedding-party=autism. For example: We have a large number of siblings, cousins, etc. and are obligated to have those people in the wedding party. We might have five best friends but also have ten first cousins that need to be included somehow.
Another little test I have is whether someone who has met their partner in the 1990's or early 2000's...did they meet online?
If we met our partners online, I'd say both or at least one of us is probably autistic. I didn't technically meet Tim online. We met at camp. BUT our friendship began after camp via email...and it was an AOL chatroom that led to us finding each other.
I also would look at how people today are finding most of their friends/acquaintances. I think most people probably do a large chunk of their socializing online...whether they are autistic or allistic. BUT how did we first become friends with these friends in the first place? If we're finding friends at parties, work, neighborhood book clubs, the gym, bar, etc...we're probably less likely to be autistic. If most of our friendships begin on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Discord, etc....I'd say autism is likely.
Now...autism isn't just about having social struggles or social differences. It also involves having special interests, differences in communication, sensory issues, rigidness, and various co-existing conditions. So before looking saying YES! Autistic! or NO! Not Autistic! We should look at the other traits as well.
Another thing I want to add is that I suspect the social differences/challenges with autism comes from the other traits...not making eye contact enough, having special interests that other people see as creepy or weird, being too picky about food, sounds, clothes; stimming in ways that look strange to others, having awkward posture, being bad at PE, etc.
Read my novel: The Dead are Online
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