Ending Things, Red Shirt, Home Videos, and Memories

1. Dreamed of having extreme love for Australia. I get to Sydney with my family. We're walking around. I bitch my mom out for being a bad listener. Then my mom asks if we can check into the hotel and freshen up a bit before going out again.  

I wouldn't mind using the toilet and freshening up a bit. But I'm afraid, if I go back, we'll end up being in the room too long. I worry that my family will take too long to get ready. And if I am ready earlier and want to leave on my own; they'll give me a hard time about that.  So I decide to not go to the room, and I explore Sydney on my own. I walk around. There's so much I want to see. I'm overwhelmed. And I'm so much in love. I'm tempted to kiss the walls. 

I woke up; went to pee; and then later the dream continued.  My dad and I decide to go to a museum. We hop on an elevator to get to the museum; and the elevator goes all crazy. It tilts in various ways. We get off without getting to the museum. We both express regret about not taking the stairs, especially since we're usually both the type to take the stairs. 

2. Wanted to say that the Sydney in my dream looked nothing like Sydney in real life. Since my dream self had such a strong passionate love for the place; you might think that Dream-Sydney was better than Real-Sydney. But no. It totally wasn't. I don't really remember what it was like, but I remember waking up and thinking it wasn't at all impressive.

You know what. Maybe it felt like a giant mall. Like all of Sydney was inside a building.

3. Got a text from Tim telling me that he watched a video about Tasmania while he was in the airport lounge.

4. Bemused by what I just read in an old 2011 blog post: Felt thankful to Noel Pearson and Ruth Parks, because I found two of my favorite friends through them. I once wrote blog posts about Parks and Pearson. Later they were read by strangers who were kind enough to write to me. Now those strangers are my friends. I think that's really awesome.

I cut off ties with both of those friends. I mean I told them, Sayonara. It's over between us. Let's stop writing each other.

Not in those exact words.

I don't usually do that.

I don't know if I've ever done that with anyone besides those two people.

I broke up with a boyfriend, which was incredibly hard for me. But I didn't tell him not to talk to me anymore. It was more along the lines of, we can still be friends.

I've reduced contact with someone—just by not responding to her emails. But I still plan to write her back if she stops being so damn self-absorbed.

5. Remembered that there might be one more person I told to get lost.

But I'm not sure.

Anyway, it's interesting that both Noel Pearson and Ruth Parks brought me friends that would end up making me feel angry and uncomfortable.

The other thing they had in common is when I cut off the ties, both ex-friends tried to get me back by sending me an attacking email full of insults. I think they felt if they challenged me, I'd come crawling back. The message was kind of along the lines of, unless you continue our friendship; you're going to prove to me that you're a selfish, superficial, weak loser who can't handle differences of opinion.

6. Wanted to say that there is a part of me that feels not good enough, because I cut ties.

I guess I'd like to be one of those people who can tolerate anyone—the type that has unending patience and is 100% open-minded.

It turns out that's not me. I should have known, since often I can't even tolerate very likable people.

7. Remembered that both the Noel Pearson and Ruth Parks friends were quite homophobic.

There're quite a few coincidences here. Should I start to wonder if maybe one of them was pretending to be the other?

8. Decided that it's unlikely that the two people I rejected were one and the same, despite there being various coincidences.

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online  a novel by Dina Roberts 

9. Read Andrew's comment on my last post, which reminded me that last night I remembered the T-shirt I forgot in the last post. It's a red one from Melbourne. And there are things on it. I forgot what. Maybe it's the seal of Australia? Or the seal of Melbourne?

The crazy thing is, it's the shirt I wore most recently; and the shirt I wear most often. Probably because red is a good color for me.  I don't know why I forgot it when I was listing shirts yesterday.

There's one thing I don't like about the shirt ,though. When I try to look down at a book when wearing the shirt, the letters on the shirt look like they're moving. I don't know if it's a normal optical illusion, or there's something wrong with my brain.

I don't remember having the problem recently, though; so maybe it was a temporary thing. Or maybe it depends on how I'm sitting when reading a book.

10. Figured out my red shirt optical illusion thing. At least I think I did.

I'm pretty sure it happened when I was reading books on my iPhone. Because just now I held the phone up as if reading, and I could see the lower half of my World Series t-shirt. Then I held up a regular book and that area of my shirt was blocked.

11. Decided that, if I remember, I will change into my red Australia shirt later and see if the letters still move for me if I try to read on the iPhone.

12. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.

Here is the non-USA shirt I mentioned yesterday.

13. Found article about Osaka 6 shirts. They're made by a company called Superdry.

14. Learned from Lord Wiki that Superdry is a British clothing company that specializes in vintage Americana and Japanese stuff.

15. Went to the Superdry website.

It looks like most of their shirts say Superdry or Osaka 6, so I don't think they're making all the USA shirts I've been seeing on Aussie television. I kind of wondered if that was the case.

16. Watched Toadie (Ryan Moloney) showing Chris (James Mason) his videos of Baby Nell (Scarlett Anderson), and that inspired me to watch a video of baby Jack.

I hadn't watched it in so long.

Even before the Nell videos, though; I had been thinking of home movies.

Last night I dreamed about the Cystic Fibrosis camp where Tim and I first met. In the morning, I started thinking of the kids in my cabin the first year. I surprised myself by remembering all their names despite it being over twenty-five years ago.  I made a video the second year. I haven't watched it in so long, and I don't really have a working VCR in which I can watch it. Or it might work, but I don't know how to use it.

I was wondering if I should transfer the camp video, and other videos, to DVD.  But then I started wondering if it would be a mistake.  Do we need to have all these videos available to watch? Is it important to keep watching the past?  Or is it enough to just remember what we naturally remember? More importantly, is it better to stay focused on the present rather than diving into nostalgia?

I have lots of home videos that are easily watchable. They're on DVD or on YouTube. I rarely watch those.

17. Thought that maybe it's good to have videos and photos available...even if you look at them only once in a great while.

Maybe sometime in the future, I will go ahead and have my VHS tapes transferred. As for today, I at least have some photos of camp I can look at. I might do that.

18. Looked at the old camp photos. It really didn't do anything for me. So I think I might disagree with the advice that Toady gave Chris. He told him to take many photos of his future baby.

Sometimes I think we spend too much time trying to capture life and not enough time enjoying it.

One of the reasons we take these photos is for the benefit of our future selves. But it's likely our future selves are going to be too busy with their present to look at forty pictures from a past birthday party. One picture from that birthday party would probably be enough.

19. Thought about our lost camera fiasco in Sydney. We lost many photos, and for the time period that our friends visited us from Tasmania, we have only one photo. It was a souvenir one from the aquarium.  I mourned the loss of the photos, but now I really don't care much. The one photo is kind of enough.

That's not to say I don't appreciate the many videos and photos I DO have of Australia. I look at them every so often. But I think on future trips there, I'm going to cut down on taking pictures. I'm going to follow my dad's old rule—don't take a picture of something you can buy on a postcard.

If we go to Cradle Mountain, we should take one or two photos of us in front of the mountain. But we don't need to recapture a photo that's already on many websites and photography books.

Now it might be different for Tim, because he's into serious photography. So taking professional-level photographs of Cradle Mountain might be an important activity for him. But for me? I should make sure to put down the camera and enjoy the sites with my eyes.

20. Thought about my dad. Although we're on the same page about the postcard thing. Or at least he used to believe that. He's very much like Toadie. He believes in taking as many photos as possible, and then the photos become one of his most valued treasures. He has online photo albums but also creates physical albums.  He has so many albums! I think, for him, you can never have too many photos. One of his arguments is that we need photographs to help us remember things.  I think he has a point...to some degree. Maybe?

But if we don't already remember something, and we look at a photograph of it, won't it just confuse us?

21. Decided to try and think about what I remember from our 2009 days in Australia—the ones not photographed.

Although that's kind of cheating, because I have detailed trip journals of those days on this blog.

But without looking back at those, here's what I can remember—We went to Manly with Tracey and her family. There was a blue bottle a little too close to Tara. There was a bomb scare at the ferry. We were stuck in Manly for awhile. Tara felt sick later and thought she might vomit. Her dad told her to throw up on his shirt. I freaked out because I have a vomit phobia. We had Indian food. People ordered goat meat. I was upset and ashamed about freaking out. The next day I took a walk alone to the Opera House where they had the swim race. I saw Ronald McDonald, who looked creepy. We all went to the Rocks Market. Alex and Molly went off alone somewhere.  Wait. Rewind.  Remembered that Jack broke his Crocs in Manly. Had to buy him new shoes. Okay, back to the Rocks Market. Tracey and her family had scones, while Tim, Jack, and I went to Hyde Park where there was a food festival. Gina met us there. Later Tracey and her family showed up. Tara and Jack played with their little Russian doll things they had bought at the puppet store. We ate some Peruvian Dessert. Molly wanted Tracey to take her shoe shopping. That night we went on the train to go eat at the Outback Steakhouse. At the station, we smelled one of the Russian dolls thing. It smelled like cherries. Somewhere along the line, Tyrone killed a cockroach.  Jack impressed Molly or Alex by knowing some of the Australian National Anthem. The next day we went to the aquarium where we met up with Michelle and her son Gabriel. Michelle was angry about the fact that in order to exit the aquarium you have to go through the souvenir shop.  On the way to the aquarium, we stopped at the bank and also got mini cupcakes. After the aquarium, we went to the Lizard Lounge. Maybe ate lunch there? Then later we went to get ice-cream at the Passionflower place. We got mad at the people who worked there, because they didn't let us eat inside. I don't remember what flavor ice-cream I got but for some reason, I remember that Tracey got Jaffa. Or at least I think she did.  We walked Tracey and her family to the train station when it was time to say good-bye. I remember I almost cried when Tara and Jack hugged each other good-bye.

22. Felt satisfied with myself and my memory. I think it's evidence for the fact that we can remember a lot without photographs.

23. Thought about how, even if we take a lot of photos on the trip, we often fail to capture important moments—the fights, the tears, the inside jokes, the conversations, the belly laughs, etc.  All that gets captured in the camera of our mind. Sometimes those photographs are remembered forever. Sometimes they're thrown away. Sometimes, they're hidden away and come out out only in our nighttime dream adventures.

24. Compared our 2009 trip with our 2013 one. In 2009, my main way of recording the trip was by taking notes and later writing blog entries about each day of the trip. For 2013, I took videos and later edited them into montage thingies.

I much prefer the 2009 method. I can't say I read those entries often but writing them was a fantastic experience. I felt like I was reliving the trip.  Editing the videos was mostly frustrating, because there were too many things I failed to capture. Plus, I tried too hard to fit the video clips into a song and ended up cutting too much out.

25. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.

I'm going to take close notice of the t-shirts.

The first one, on this episode, is worn by Bailey (Calen MacKenzie). It's a USA thing again, but also space-related. Bailey's into that kind of thing.

I didn't get a good capture of the writing on the shirt, and I'm too lazy to try again. So I'll just tell you what it says. It's USS Enterprise. I see from Google that the spaceship version of USS Enterprise is a fictional Star Trek thing, but there are also real aircraft with that name.

26. Felt bad when watching blood drive on Neighbours, because I've never donated blood before. It's silly. I'm not afraid to do it, and I'm not against it. It's more like it's never been convenient.

That sounds really shallow.

On the other hand, why don't they make blood drives more convenient? Why aren't they there at our local yearly Stock Show? Or when we go to get a wellness check-up, why don't they offer to take our blood?

Are there ever blood drives at our local library?

Most pharmacies these days offer vaccines. Why not also collect blood?

27. Figured that I will probably not donate blood anytime soon. With my driving-ability deficiency and Tim hardly being here, I am stressed enough about feeling the need to go places and worrying about when I'll find the chance to do it. I want to go to the doctor to figure out if I have leg circulation problems. I want to get my moles checked out by a dermatologist. I don't think I've gone to one in over ten years. I also would like them look at the ugly brown spots on my face. And, I have a rash on the top of my breast that's taking a long time to go away.

I need to take Jack to his wellness exam sometime this summer or fall.

I'm already stressed enough about medical stuff, so I'm going to ignore the persistent mean little voice that's telling me I'm selfish and lazy for not going out of my way to donate blood.

28. Continued to feel bad.

29. Made myself feel better by searching for news I remembered reading awhile back. It's about how scientists are saying blood transfusions are overused. So although my blood might save a life if I made the effort to donate; it could also be that my blood ends up harming someone.

30. Wanted to say that although blood transfusions are overused; that doesn't mean they're never needed. So kudos to people who HAVE donated blood, especially those who have gone out of the way to do so.  If everyone was as lazy as me when it comes to blood-donating, many lives would probably be lost.

And kudos to all the dead people who have donated their organs. Yeah, there's a chance your organ might have ended up killing someone. But that person would have likely died anyway. At least you gave them a chance and maybe a time period of healthiness.

31. Wanted to also give a big pat on the back to all the living people who have donated a kidney, part of their liver, their blood marrow, etc.  It's a fantastic and brave sacrifice. I hope I'd be brave enough to do the same if put in that situation. And I hope if someone I love is in that situation; there's someone brave and generous enough to make that sacrifice.

32. Remembered the Nina Proudman dilemma on Offspring.  It was a great ethical/moral question. Do you donate part of your liver; risk your own life; and potentially orphan your baby daughter? Or do you say no and let your brother watch his infant daughter die?

Shit. That makes me want to cry.

33. Enjoyed Nikki's post about knowing about her upcoming surprise party.  Her husband failed to keep the party a secret from her. Then later Nikki failed to keep it a secret that she knew about the party.

Tim planned a surprise party for my 30th birthday party. A friend accidentally (or maybe purposely?) told me about it. It was kind of fun watching people try to hide things, and I tried to hide the fact that I knew they were hiding something.

It's like the storyline on Coronation Street. Kylie and Gail are trying to hide the fact that Kylie's baby might be Nick's and not David's. Meanwhile David is trying to hide the fact that he knows his daughter might be his niece rather than his daughter.  Nick is in the hospital recovering from a brain injury. Kylie is afraid he'll tell David about their affair. Meanwhile, David already knows about the affair and is afraid Nick will let Kylie know that David already knows.

What's harder—keeping a secret or hiding the fact that already you know about the secret that the other person is struggling to hide?

34. Did some major kitchen cleaning. Still. The kitchen continues to look like crap. It's so frustrating. Now I'm going to take a break and watch another episode of Neighbours. Or actually, I'm going to take watch a segment of an episode of Neighbours. Then I need to vacuum.

35. Thought about what Evan (Samuel Johnson) said on The Secret Life of Us about the universe screwing with you when you feel like your life is on an upswing.

I was thinking that another time the universe messes with us is when we're very stressed about small things. Then suddenly, the universe will send you a disaster that makes all the small stuff seem quite small.

So I started to worry because I've been stressed lately about probably-small things. I don't want the universe to send me a disaster to make me appreciate my easy life.

That being said...we have been thrown a pretty huge curveball this summer. Tim's brother is very sick. It's so sad and stressful.  Is that enough? I would think so. But the universe might think differently.  That's why if you have one sick relative, it's likely you're going to soon hear about five others that are very sick. Upset to learn that your favorite aunt has breast cancer? Well, soon you'll probably be hearing that your best friend is dying of pancreatic cancer. And if that's not bad enough, your dog will get run over, and your cousin will fall down the stairs and end up in a coma.

36. Realized my red Australia shirt is in with the dirty clothes. So I won't be able to do my optical illusion experiment.  I did find another Aussie shirt, though .It's a grey Manly one.

37. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.

38. Wanted to say that I think Imogen (Ariel Kaplan) is adorable. Maybe she's my favorite character on the show.

39. Wondered if my favorite male character is Toadie.

Yeah...I think he is.

Madge, Accidents, Bad Memories, and Japan

1. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.

2. Bored a bit by that episode, but I liked what I saw in the preview segment. It looks like exciting things are coming.

3. Started watching the last episode of season one of The Code.  

I'm still struggling to figure out who is very bad and who is doing bad things for what they see is the greater good.

4. Listened to Bernard Fanning's "Shelter for My Soul".  It's a very good (though sad) song about dying. 

I thought it was timely of my Spotify Shuffle to play it, because we have someone in our life that is in the process of dying.

I guess the one thing we all have in common is that we're all going to die someday. We share that trait with every human and every other living thing out there.

5. Loved the last lines of the song.

When I am released from this mortal load 
I'll take my leave but I don't wanna go 
When fate delivers me all, I'll ask it for 
A place to rest and shelter for my soul  

6. Saw that the lo mein noodles we bought today are a product of Australia.

7. Looked up the brand name of the noodles. They're called Wel-Pac, and they're part of some group called JFC International Inc.

8. Saw that there is a JFC headquarters in Australia.  Five actually. There's one in Brisbane, the Gold Coast, Sydney, Melbourne, and Perth.

9. Failed to find our noodles on the JFC Australia page.

10. Thought what Jesse (Ashley Zuckerman) said to Hani (Adele Perovic) on The Code was very sweet and romantic. You definitely look better without the bruising, but you are still the most beautiful person on the face of the earth. 

11. Felt lost and confused about The Code. But I'm still enjoying it.

12. Thought the climax of The Code was very exciting. I don't fully understand all that happened, but I think I now know who the main villain was.

13. Consulted Lord Wiki about the Logie Awards. I was curious about whether Ashley Zuckerman won the award for best actor.

He didn't. He lost to Luke Arnold for INXS: Never Tear Us Apart.

14. Went to Random.org to pick my next show. It's The Librarians!  That should probably be fun.

I'll start watching that on Wednesday.

15. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.

16. Felt that The Code has made me slightly anxious, depressed, and paranoid.

I have an urge to burn my laptop and go hide out in the woods somewhere.

17. Figured the good news is, I don't have any deep dark illegal secrets on my laptop. But I probably have some embarrassing ones.

Plus, that show and Neighbours have both made me paranoid about someone remotely getting into my laptop and stealing my identity.

18. Wondered about the Madge storyline on Neighbours. Harold (Ian Smith) is seeing his dead lover Madge (Anne Charleston). Is she a ghost or a hallucination? I'm guessing the show will never explicitly tell us. They'll probably keep it open-ended.

I remember Madge from when I was watching early episodes of Neighbours. I'm not sure who she was, though.

Maybe she was Max Ramsey's sister?

19. Saw from IMDb that Madge's last name in the 1980's was Mitchell.

I suppose Madge could have been Max's sister, and Mitchell was her married name.

20. Consulted Lord Wiki. He says Madge was the matriarch of the Ramsey family.

Like Haley Cropper on Coronation Street, she died of Pancreatic Cancer.

21. Reminded, by Lord Wiki, that Madge was the mother of Charlene (Kylie Minogue). Now I'm starting to remember! The two of them were always at each other's throat.

So Madge would be Daniel's (Tim Phillips) grandmother.

I think the show actually mentioned that before. And Daniel referred to Harold as being like a grandfather. I guess he would be Daniel's step-grandfather.

22. Reminded of The Walking Dead episode "30 Days Without an Accident" when I read about Aussie blogger Eric Thompson's experience at a car rental place in Japan. There was a sign there saying that their cars had gone nine days without an accident.

Wow. What does that mean, really? It's kind of giving me the idea that driving in Japan is more dangerous than living in a zombie apocalypse.

Although the without an accident thing, on The Walking Dead, was referring to a small survivor group.  The Japanese car rental company probably has a large number of customers, so statistically it's probably more likely for disaster to befall one of them.

23. Started to think that it seems quite unrealistic for a group of survivors, in the zombie apocalypse, to not have any accidents.

24. Felt a little confused and disillusioned. I used to think that Australia reminded me of the setting of some of my dreams.  I felt that was evidence in favor of the idea that I had some kind of special spiritual connection to Australia.

But now I'm looking at pictures of Japan on Eric Thompson's blog, and they remind me of my dreams...maybe even more so than Australia does.

25. Amused by what Thompson says about Jacaranda Trees. He wasn't too excited to see them at a Japanese botanical garden, because he sees them quite frequently in Brisbane.  Furthermore, as he says, In fact they still instill a dense of dread in us as the flowers are well known for exploding into bloom during the university exam period.

It's interesting how something benign, or even beautiful, can bring up bad memories for us.

26. Tried to remember why I was thinking of the same concept recently.

Now I remember. It was about the gifts I gave Tim for Father's Day and our anniversary. They're really cool, and I think he actually liked some of them. But it's been a very difficult summer for Tim. I started thinking he might end up disliking the gifts, because he'll look back at them in the future and remember this summer.

27. Decided that we have two choices when we connect a bad memory with something—we can avoid the something or we can create new positive memories to associate with it.

Another example I have is a World Showcase restaurant at Epcot in Disney World. We had some drama there, and honestly it's given me bad feelings about not only that one restaurant but the whole World Showcase. Even though World Showcase is completely innocent of any wrongdoing.

We go to Disney World a lot, and I don't think we're going to avoid Epcot. So we'll probably go back to World Showcase many times and eventually good memories will replace the bad ones.

28. Thought about the Lake House. We've had huge dramas there. Oh Lord...if those walls could talk.

It's a place full of bad memories, but we all love the Lake House, because the good times overshadow the bad memories.

29. Learned from Thompson's blog that there is a flower called the Amorphophallus Titanium plant.  It's name means Giant Formless Penis, and it's supposed to smell like a dead mammal.

Wow.

What is a formless penis?

30. Learned from Lord Wiki that the stinky penis plant is native to Sumatra.

31. Reminded by Lord Wiki that Sumatra is part of Indonesia.

Because I forgot. For a moment, I was thinking Sumatra was in Africa. Then I remembered it was in Asia, but I didn't remember where in Asia.

Yeah. I know. I'm looking very American right now.

32. Wondered if my two biggest obsessions in life (Australia and Cystic Fibrosis) were all about connecting me to Japan. Because through Cystic Fibrosis, I ended up with Tim. Both his sister and brother have/had a huge passion for Japan. And Tim has a slight thing for Japan as well. He's already been there three times; and for his birthday trip, he wants to go back.

Then one of my favorite Australians has a thing for Japan and has been living there.

Although actually I had three major obsessions. The other was the Poltergeist movies. Do they have a connection to Japan somehow?

33. Remembered that my son Jack came about ultimately from the Cystic Fibrosis obsession. One of his main obsessions is Nintendo, and that's a Japanese company.

Everything is starting to come together.

Really. I think all roads lead to Japan.

34. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.

I'm trying to cook at the same time, which might be a mistake.  I'm not good at multi-tasking when it comes to cooking.

35. Consulted Lord Wiki about Giselle, the ballet that Georgia (Saskia Hampele) saw with her admirer Nick (Damien Fotiou)

Lord Wiki says it's about a woman (Giselle) who dies from a broken heart when she learns her lover is engaged to someone else. Then Giselle is summoned from her grave by some other characters. They want Giselle to bring her former lover to his death.

Was the ballet an inspiration for the Harold (Ian Smith) and Madge storyline?

Did Harold leave Madge for that other women they've mentioned? I forget her name.

36. Used our Australia oven mitts to get my baked pasta out of the oven.

The result of my efforts weren't worth a standing ovation. But it was edible, at least.

37. Consulted Lord Wiki about Harold.

He took over Daphne's (Elaine Smith) coffee shop when she left for maternity reasons.  I remember Daphne! She's the former stripper.

38. Learned that Harold once saved Des (Paul Keane). I remember Des too. He was coupled with Daphne. And he had an annoying meddling mother.

39. Didn't see anything about Harold leaving Madge for someone else.

But still there are similarities between Giselle and the Harold and Madge storyline, just in the fact that they both involve a lover coming back from beyond the grave.

40. Intrigued by Sheila (Colette Mann) serving clotted cream with her cake.

I didn't know people did that. I've heard of clotted dream with scones, but not cake.

41. Googled and found recipes for cake that has Clotted cream inside of it; or on top of it.

Sheila has the cake, and then near it is a bowl of clotted cream.

I guess that might taste good.

42. Saw Kyle (Chris Milligan) wearing a California t-shirt. And this is not the first American shirt I've seen today on an Aussie TV show.

It seems like anytime a character is wearing a t-shirt on an Australian show, it's for an American thing.

Where are the t-shirts promoting Aussie locations?

43. Remembered that I saw someone on Neighbours wearing an Osaka t-shirt. So maybe I was exaggerating when I said every t-shirt is promoting the US.

44. Thought that Naomi (Morgana O'Reilly) was being a bit unfair with Mark (Scott McGregor). She's upset because A) she learned he warned Paige (Olympia Valance) about dating her brother B) She and Mark were having a moment of public affection. He stopped when Paige walked into the room.

Naomi feels Mark would rather be with Paige, and these are the reasons why those things happened. Mark argues that he just doesn't want to rub Paige's face in it. Well, because he and Paige were dating. He dumped her, and Paige was hurt by that.

If Paige had dumped him; I could understand Naomi's worry. Then it might be a case of Mark using Naomi to make Paige jealous. But that's not the case.  I think it's actually nice of Mark to want to avoid hurting Paige.

45. Wondered if real Australians wear USA t-shirts as much as fictional TV ones do.

And either way...Is this a new fad, or has it been going on for a long time?

46. Wondered if I have more Australian or USA t-shirts.

I think Australian. I have several shirts from there.

As for the US: I have two American flag type t-shirts and a New York t-shirt.

Oh, and I also have a YMCA shirt from Hawaii. I bought it, because it was the YMCA where they filmed parts of Lost.  It's not very comfortable, unfortunately.

47. Remembered I have a Disney World t-shirt. That would count as American.

48. Looked down at the shirt I'm wearing. It's a World Series one. Definitely American.

So...maybe I'm wrong about having more Australian than USA t-shirts.

49. Decided to count my Aussie t-shirts.

There's a green Sydney one, but I never wear it anymore. I don't know why.

I have two map ones which enhance my ugliness, so I don't wear them much.

I have two fitted shirts. One is promoting Australia in general; and I think the other is promoting Sydney.

I have a pink Koala one. I've been using it as my pool shirt.

I have an I Love Melbourne shirt.

I have an Australian flag shirt.

I have a No Worries shirt.

Anything else?

Oh! Yeah. I have a green and gold Australia shirt. I liked it a lot, but it has stains. So now it's kind of a wear-at-home or lake-house kind of shirt. I wore it during our big lake house water balloon fight.

I feel like I'm forgetting a shirt....

Maybe I'm not.

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and we could easily talk to our dearly-departed loved (or hated!!!??) ones with the Internet?   The Dead are Online  

Couples, Jesse, Eric Thomson, and Steve Toltz

1. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.

I'm curious about certain characters; and who they're going to end up being coupled with.

Will Amber (Jenna Rosenow) end up with Daniel (Tim Phillips) or Josh (Harley Bonner)?

Will Daniel end up with Amber or Imogen (Ariel Kaplan)?

Will Imogen end up with Daniel or Tyler (Travis Burns)?

Or will Tyler end up with Paige (Olympia Valance)?

It's like a love square.

I saw a spoiler about Amber getting pregnant. I wonder who the father of the baby is. I'm guessing it is NOT the man she wishes to be with. Isn't that how it usually works on soap operas?

2. Started watching The Code.

3. Heard a North-American accent on The Code. I wonder if the actor is American or Australian.

If I can find out the character name, I'll look it up on IMDb.

4. Felt like there is something very endearing about Jesse (Ashley Zuckerman). I love his extreme intelligence and honesty.

Well, actually he's not always honest. He can be a bit sneaky at times.

I can think of two times on the show where he lied, and both of them were for the purpose of giving himself time online.

5. Struggled to understand what's going on in the show. I think I got most of it but am a bit fuzzy about a few things.

6. Looked at IMDb for The Code because I was wondering which actor played the torturer.  I think it's Eric Thomson from Packed to the Rafters.  Well, I know Thomson is in The Code, because I see him in the credits.  But I'm not 100% sure he's the torturer guy. He could be playing someone else on the show.

I looked at the torturer guy and tried to figure out if he looks like Dave from Packed to the Rafters.

Oh here! I'll post a photo to see what other people think.

 It's kind of hard to tell from the photo; but now that I've watched parts of that scene three times, I'm pretty sure it's him.

7. Finished reading, A Fraction of the Whole.  I think I'm going to take a break from reading books for awhile. But I'm glad that book was the last I read before my break. It's quite amazing. It has so many clever and deep thoughts in it.

8. Excited to see that Steve Toltz finally has another novel out. When I'm done with my reading break, maybe I'll read that.

From Goodreads, I see it came out in Australia in April, but it's not going to be here until September.

So maybe September will be a good time for me to end my break. Or maybe not, because I'll probably wait until I get get it at the library.

Will they have it at my library?

Maybe.

I hope so.

Comment Verification, Casual Weddings, Art Direction, and Tracey

1. Had a very weird comment verification experience. First of all, I don't understand why I have to verify my identity on my own damn blog.

Now it's no longer about reading close-to-impossible numbers and letters. I had to look at a bunch of photographs and click which ones are steak.  I could see only one thing that looked like an obvious steak, but apparently there were more steaks, and I failed that. The next one had me click on the pictures that were of drinks. I was able to do that.

I guess I'm not the only one getting these things, but it was my first time today.

2. Tempted to write a bunch of comments on my blog, just so I can play more of this picture game. Well, it's not very fun, actually. But I'm curious about what other things they're going to make me find.

3. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.

4. Liked Daniel's (Tim Phillips) casual wedding plan ideas.

He wants it to be a picnic where anyone who wants to come should just show up. And they bring their own picnic food. For entertainment, he wants to just use the already-planned Erinsborough Festival.

It's a great way to save money, but it's also very inclusive. It's a good idea for people with many friends.

I think one of the hardest things about a wedding is coming up with a guest list. Who do you include and who do you exclude? And it's not just about liking someone, but also the fact that you'll have to pay a $50-$100 (or more) catering fee for them.  Then there's the political crap—not really liking someone but feeling you have to invite them anyway.

That being said. I did have fun planning a wedding—choosing a cake, music, menu, decorations, etc.

Actually, what I hated was the bride dress stuff. So maybe I'd want a normal wedding but everyone (including the bride and groom) dress very casual.

5.  Felt anger towards Tony Abbott regarding his response to the United States legalizing gay marriage. He said,  What happens in the United States is obviously a matter for the United States, just as what happened in Ireland a few weeks ago is a matter for the Irish.

Well, I think it's also a huge matter for many Australians, who are waiting for the chance to get married. Or they just want to know, that if they find the right partner, marriage is available to them.

And how about all the Australians who aren't gay, but care about, and are supportive of, those who are?

Gay marriage is not an American or Irish issue. It's a universal, international issue.

6. Started watching episode four of The Code.

7. Realized that three actors from The Code were in Slide—Adele Perovic, Steve Rodgers, and Dan Wylie.

There could be more that I'm not aware of.

8. Checked to see if Slide and The Code have any directors in common.

They do. Shawn Seet. He directed twelve episodes of The Code. Ah...so there's a second season. I didn't know that.

Well, actually Shawn Seet is the only listed director of The Code.  He also directed the first four episodes of Slide.

9. Saw that Shawn Seet has done directing for a lot of shows, including The Secret Life of Us, Hiding, Love Child, House Husbands, and Underbelly.

10. Hoped the Australian government is not as evil as it's depicted in The Code.

11. Thought about the cool editing and imagery in The Code. Who is responsible for that?  Is it the director? Cinematographer? Editor?  Do they all work together?

12. Wondered if Sophie Nash is responsible. She did the art direction for the series.

13. Consulted Lord Wiki about art directors. He says they're responsible for creating the vision of the project. So I think maybe it is Sophie Nash who does the cool visual stuff. Or she's the head of the team who does the visual stuff.

14. Saw that a guy named Martin Crouch did the screen graphics. The Code has a neat way of showing what's happening online. I'm not sure how to explain it.  There's a word I feel I need, but it's not coming out of my head.

Oh! I know. I can take a picture of it. Next time it happens, I'll do that.

15. Guessed that Sophie Nash oversees Martin Crouch, and also special effects, costume, and make-up people. And then maybe Shawn Seet oversees the work of Sophie Nash?

16. Wondered if the villains in The Code are doing bad things for a good cause. Or are they doing bad things for a bad cause?

I'm not saying that the ends justify the means. I'm just wondering if the means are good—sympathetic.

17. Thought of the word I wanted. Overlay! Or at least I think that's the right word.

18. Took screenshot of what I'm talking about.

I think that's an overlay. Probably?

If I'm wrong, tell me.

19. Went to the local Italian restaurant for dinner with my family.

My niece went to use the bathroom. She came back and told us she was freaked out. Why? Because there was a wasp in the bathroom. It was on the ground, but it's legs were still moving.

I found that somewhat significant, BECAUSE it kind of fits in with my bee story.

In 2009, we went to Tasmania to meet my Livejournal friend Tracey. She picked us up at the airport. I was very nervous about meeting an Internet friend. While Tim and Jack went to meet up with her; I went to the bathroom. I had to pee, but I was also kind of hiding. There was a bee in the bathroom.

I don't remember ever seeing a bee in the bathroom again, until 2013. We went back to Australia. Tracey and her family were now living in Melbourne. We went to visit them there. They picked us up at the airport. I went to the bathroom, and there was a bee.

The thing about today is this. I haven't talked to Tracey in a pretty long time, minus rare times where we comment on each other's Instagram photos. Then today, she came to my blog and left comments.

So I felt the wasp was kind of significant.

That being said. It's not like there's a bee-thing in the bathroom every time I have some kind of encounter with Tracey.

We went to Hawaii with her family. I don't remember ever seeing a bee in any bathroom.  Then again, Tim went to pick them up from the airport. Maybe if I had gone, there would have been a bee.

Also, it was my niece who saw the Wasp; not me. And a wasp is not exactly a bee. But I think they're in the same family.

On the other hand, Tracey leaving a comment on my blog is not exactly the same as her picking us up from the airport.  So a bee in the bathroom wouldn't exactly be appropriate.

20. Wondered if I ever told Tracey about the bee story. I guess if I did, I would have told her in 2013. I wouldn't have told her in 2009, because it wouldn't be that huge of a deal to see one bee in a bathroom.

Then again, it was a big enough deal that I remembered it and thought about it the second time I saw the bee.

21. Wanted to tell my other weird Tracey story.

I was playing Sims 3. I started a neighborhood where I created Sims based on pretty much everyone we knew. I was so excited for my Sims to start forming random connections and relationships to each other. I wanted people from various parts of our life to fall in love; get married; make Sim babies, etc. I thought that was the whole point of Sims 3—create people and then they develop a life and story on their own.

I'm not sure if my Sims 3 game was defective, or the game is not as good as I thought it would be. But what I wanted didn't happen. My sims would never get married or make babies. They just grew old and died. So I was super excited to see that the grown-up version of Tracey's daughter Tara was pregnant. I worked to find out who the father was.

I guess I had to wait for the baby to be born?

Anyway, it was Jack (my son).

And the Sim based on me became friends with Tracey's stepson, Alex.

So no Sims families formed connections, except my family's with Tracey's family. At least I think that's the case. There could have been a couple of others I've forgotten about.

I'm pretty sure there wasn't.

22. Thought about how there are other things, like Tracey and I having similar dreams about each other around the same time.

23. Used The Southern Ocean when playing Scattergories. My mom didn't believe it was an ocean. Well, at first. But she was nice enough to take my word for it.

Then I started kind of doubting myself, so I made her look it up on the phone.

24. Was having a few moments of feeling quite sick, and I saw Julian McMahon on my screensaver.  So then I felt more sick.

No, I'm joking. I think it made me feel better.  Because I like him. He's one of my favorite Australians.

And that's the other Tracey story. It's kind of silly, but oh well. I will share it anyway.

As I've said before, my Australia obsession began with Julian McMahon. And someone in Tracey's family has the same birthday as him.

I think both Julian McMahon and Tracey and her family have played huge parts in my Australia life; so I think the birthday thing is kind of cool.

25. Wanted to elaborate on the dream thing. I forgot the exact details. But we both dreamed that the other was giving birth. And both dreams had something to do with helping each other. Or not helping each other? I think maybe Tracey dreamed she helped me, and I dreamed I failed to help her.

Or something like that.

26. Sat here staring at the computer screen, feeling like I might want to say something else.

But I can't think of anything.

Well, maybe I'll just say that I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day. Or night. Whatever.    

How would our society change if we knew for sure that there was life after death, and it was easy to talk to the dead on the Internet?  The Dead are Online.  

Raft, Deborah Mailman, Pasta, and Dan Spielman

1. Dreamed that I'm on some kind of quest with people. We're in the front of a room filled with water.  We have a small raft. The others sit on it. I'm kind of half on it. There are some dolphins to our right. We're kind of playing with them.   

We seem to have the goal of getting across the room. We're about to set out to do that; when I begin to get nervous. If there are dolphins here why not sharks? I insist on getting on the raft.  

The problem is, we're too heavy and the raft sinks halfway into the water.  We're all pretty much immersed in the water.

We see the next room we're supposed to go to. It looks very industrial. I ask if it's Australia, but there's this sense that of course, it's Australia. It would be nearly impossible for it to be anything else.  It's almost like I'm asking just to be funny. 

2. Dreamed that I was friends with Deborah Mailman. She comes out to dinner with me and my family. She and my sister Dawn start talking. They're connecting well. They both realize they want to order lasagne and start talking about sharing it. I watch them and start thinking about things. I realize I'm feeling jealous.  

The dream reminded me of old feelings I used to have—worries that one of my friends or a cousin would prefer my older sister Dawn to me.

I do wonder why lasagne came into the picture.

3. Wondered what Deborah Mailman likes to order when she goes to an Italian restaurant.  Is she a pasta person? Meat dish? Salad? Pizza?

Lately, I've been getting eggplant parmigiana. We go to an Italian restaurant almost every lake house weekend. I've already gotten burned out on Greek Salad and Pizza.

4. Received fantastic amazing wonderful news from Jack.

The Supreme Court has ruled that gay marriage is to be legalized in all US states!!!!

How awesome is that?

I hope Texas doesn't shame me by trying to fight against it.

5. Decided to check on the gay marriage situation in Australia. I used to pay a lot of attention to that, but it's kind of faded from my focus.

Recently I've been reading my 2011 posts. And back then, it wasn't legal in any state. However, in Tasmania, they recognized gay marriages done in other countries.

I think things have improved since then. I have vague memories of the ACT allowing it.

6. Consulted Lord Wiki.

He says that, in Australia, states cannot legalize gay marriage. It's not like the US where some states allowed it and some states did not. In Australia, it's up to the Federal Government, and, so far, the Federal Government is saying no.

But I know there are people in Parliament trying to change that.

7. Read one of my old posts in which I act like a total Jewish mother to my readers. I give this major guilt trip about people not watching one of my videos. It's pretty shameful.

8. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.

9.  Surprised to hear Kyle (Chris Milligan) say G'day Mate to Matt (Josef Brown). I rarely hear that.

When I do hear or see it, it's usually either from an American imitating an Australian or an Australian introducing themselves via email to an American fan of Australia.

I actually don't know how often that has happened. I'm pretty sure I've gotten some emails with G'day Mate as the greeting. I'm doubting the emailers usually begin their emails that way. Though I could be wrong. I would be less surprised about them using G'day without the mate bit.

10. Wanted to say when I was in Australia, I heard G'day fairly often, and Mate too, but I don't think I heard the two words together. Or if I did, it would have probably been in a tourist setting. Like a tour guide or someone working at a tourist attraction.

11. Felt repetitive. I have a feeling I talked about these things before.

12. Started watching episode three of The Code.  I feel a bit lost sometimes with this show. It keeps me on my toes—maybe a little too much.

13. Felt also a little bored when watching The Code. I like some parts of it, but other times I'm eager for it to be over. Or I liked it more in the beginning but then towards the end of the second episode, I found myself losing some interest.

14. Annoyed by The Code, because I thought it was too dark. Then I remembered that I lowered the brightness on my computer last weekend so I wouldn't bother Tim too much.

I fixed the brightness. Now I might like the show a little more.

I do like the scenes with Jesse (Ashley Zuckerman). The government stuff is boring too me. I'm lost in the web of conspiracies.

15. Impressed with Dan Spielman. He had this adorable dorky, grin on The Secret Life of Us, and I figured this was just part of Spielman. But he hardly does the grin at all on The Code.

I'm wondering if the grin wasn't something Spielman often did, and he invented it for Tidy on The Secret Life of Us. Or maybe it is his usual grin, but he toned it down for The Code.

16. Saw beautiful scenery on The Code.

I wonder where that is—Broken Hill, Silverton, or Cockburn.

24. Saw from Google Maps that Cockburn is only about 35 minutes away from Broken Hill.

Right now I'm envisioning a road trip from Adelaide to Broken Hill, with a stop at Cockburn.

Soap Operas, In the Same Boat, The Code, and Diagnostic Labels

1. Thought of what I heard Paige (Olympia Valance) say yesterday, on Neighbours, about the Incredible Hulk Syndrome. I'm having an episode this morning. It's not the one where I turn into a monster and become scary. It's the one where I'm boiling inside.

It's mostly about family. I'm angry with one person about a recent thing. But because of my Incredible Hulk Syndrome, past grievances are leaking into my anger. And my anger with one person is leaking into anger towards two other family members.

 I'm also angry and disappointed with Haley on Coronation Street.  I feel disillusioned about her.  I had her so high on a pedestal. Then, when I watched an episode last night, she came tumbling down. 

What happened is she met with her estranged son who is a bigot towards transgender people. Haley is transgender. So the reunion was strained and awkward. And, in the past, the son was so bigoted that he punched Haley. Yeah. That's bad. But it was years ago, and in the reunion scene, he was TRYING to be decent. He stumbled a lot, but he tried to explain that he needed time to adjust. Haley gave up on him and walked out.  

The thing is, I think we need to have a little more patience with bigots, especially if they're our own children. Some people are small-minded about things, and what they need is love and patience. Then maybe, slowly their minds might open.  

See, though, once I had anger towards Haley about this, I also started to realize I have anger at her for other things that I had been pushing under the rug. I hate that she's using her terminal illness to get Roy to agree to things he doesn't want. He hates parties, but she pushes him to have a huge birthday party. He doesn't want to drive, but she pushes him to learn before she dies. It's like she's taken on the attitude, Well, now that I'm dying, I have the excuse to mold you into what I've always wanted. 

2. Wanted to say that my anger towards fictional characters is never as strong as it is towards real people. So maybe it doesn't qualify as an Incredible Hulk Syndrome.  

3. Felt conflicted about using so much space to talk about a show that's not Australian. But I really wanted to get that Haley stuff off of my chest. 

I actually feel a little better. So maybe the fictional characters had more influence on this morning's Incredible Hulk Syndrome episode than I imagined. 

4. Learned from Lord Wiki that, in the 1960's, Coronation Street was more popular in Australia than the UK. If I'm understanding things right, the show is no longer available on Australia's free TV.

I wonder if the show is still popular in Australia despite that.  

5. Wondered how many Americans are addicted to an Australian or British soap opera. Any of you out there?  

6. Thought about how there might be people in the world who are watching old episodes of Neighbours or Coronation Street, and they might be on the same episode I am.

There is probably someone out there, right now, who is watching Erinsborough get ready for their Erinsborough Festival and someone else who recently saw Haley reject her own son for his outdated prejudices. 

There might be someone who recently finished watching season three of The Secret Life of Us.

7. Wondered if there are other people out there who are going to start watching The Code on Netflix today.

I'm doubting I'm the only one.

8. Thought it would be cool if Netflix and Hulu had a thing where, on an episode, they tell you how many other people watched that episode today. It would be like what they have on Hotels.com. On there, they tell you how many people are looking at a particular location or hotel.

I think there's another website that does that as well, but I can't remember what it is.

9. Thought it would also be cool if Hulu and Netflix had a map thing that showed the location of people tuning into a show. 

10. Started to watch an episode of Neighbours. 

11. Started to watch The Code.

12. Loved the colorful striped shirt that the student is wearing. 

13. Saw that some scenes take place in Canberra. I think this might be the first time I've seen an Aussie TV show having any Canberra scenes.

14. Realized I'm wrong. I saw At Home with Julia, and that took place in Canberra.

15. Saw from IMDb, that although At Home With Julia, takes place in Canberra, it was filmed in Sydney.
Yeah. See the thing is I don't remember any shots of Parliament.
The Code shows Parliament.

16. Impressed with Dan Spielman's and Ashley Zuckerman's acting.

17. Liked these lines from The Code.

Ned (Dan Spielman) talks to a woman about his brother (Ashley Zukerman). 

He says: You know Jesse has a condition.

She says: Really? Selfish, manipulative, pain-in-the-ass-itis is a condition now?

Now it seems Jesse is autistic—judging from what I saw in earlier scenes. And I think autism does provide a reason and possible excuse for certain behaviors.

But I don't think diagnostic labels can be a full blanket excuse for all bad behavior.

For example, if someone has a diagnostic label of Bipolar Disorder; they can use it to explain why they're very sad and having trouble getting out of bed to go to work. But it really wouldn't excuse them hitting their spouse and children or going on a shooting spree. 

18. Decided that I might be okay with someone using their diagnostic label to help explain their bad behavior...IF they still take responsibility and take action to change or fix what they've done.

I am not okay with someone using the diagnostic label as an excuse, with the attitude I can't help myself. This is the way I am. So you better feel sorry for me and accept any of my bad behavior.  

19. Thought that a pedophile would be a good example. If someone is sexually attracted to children; well, that's a good excuse for being sexually attracted to children.  I don't blame them for feeling this way. I would respect them for doing what they can to fight against the urge. I'm not going to hate them for something they can't help.

But I WILL hate them if they molest children. I will hate them if they try to blame their condition for their actions and take on the attitude that they're going to keep up with hurting children, because it's in their nature.

20. Wanted to say that this is one of the reasons I don't like the born-this-way argument for homosexuality. If we use that for homosexual behavior; then it seems logical to apply it to pedophiles as well.

I prefer the argument that love between two consenting adults is the business of the two people in love. Other people should stay out of their business unless they plan to be supportive. If someone has a problem with it, that's the problem of the people having the problem.

It's like me being obsessed with Australia. Maybe I was born with this way.  Maybe it's in my destiny. Maybe it's something I have chosen. But it's my life, and I'm living it the way I want to live it.   

21. Wondered if the born-this-way argument could also be used for a sociopathic serial killer. Can they help that they were born that way? Should we excuse and allow their behavior?

There is ALWAYS a reason for bad behavior, but that doesn't mean it's excusable.

There's always a reason for decent and harmless behavior. There doesn't need to be proof that it's caused by predetermined biological factors in order for it to be legalized and accepted by broad society.  

22. Looked at the credits of The Code again, and saw that Lani John Tupu is in one of the episodes.  He was the voice of Pilot on Farscape and also played the villain Captain Crais. 

23. Saw that Tupu is on the episode I'm watching now. I'll keep a look out for him.  

24. Realized I kind of miss Farscape.

25. Intrigued by the mystery in The Code, and also a bit creeped out and scared. 

26. Looked at location on IMDb for The Code, and Sydney is the only place listed. Is that a mistake? Or do exterior shots of Parliament not count? 

27. Found article that says some of The Code was filmed in a South Australia town called Cockburn.

Yikes on that name.

But anyway....IMDb is incorrect in listing only Sydney for The Code. So maybe At Home with Julia was filmed in other places besides Sydney as well. 

28. Consulted Lord Wiki about The Code. He says parts were filmed in Canberra.

Other locations used were Silverton and Broken Hill. 

29. Saw that Jesse from The Code is super smart. He's a computer brainiac. I'm very impressed.

30. Started watching the next episode of The Code.

31. Wondered about the use of music as torture, because they're doing that on The Code. Apparently, hearing "We Built This City" too many times can break a person. 

I can believe it. I've just heard a tiny bit of the song while watching the show, and I kind of feel on edge.  

32. Found website that lists songs used by the CIA to torture people. 

They say the Barney theme is one of them.

33. This article has a quote from the Nine Inch Nails singer. He says,  It’s difficult for me to imagine anything more profoundly insulting, demeaning and enraging than discovering music you’ve put your heart and soul into creating has been used for purposes of torture

Yeah. It's quite awful.

I don't think it's a condemnation of any particular song, though. I think most songs becomes torture when we hear it too many times.  

34. Saw that Dan Wylie's character works with the torturer people. I wonder if he's bad. 

The torture guy (Steve Rodgers) seems VERY bad.  

35. Felt saddened and chilled by one of the scenes from The Code. Actually, it was two scenes.

In the first, Lyndon Joyce (Dan Wylie) plays good cop to Jesse in the torture room. He's very gentle, and gains some of Jesse's trust. Jesse asks Lyndon if he'd put his hand on Jesse's neck.  I think what was inferred here is that this is what Jesse's brother does for him to provide comfort.

Then later Jesse is returned home and soon he's reunited with his brother.. Ned doesn't yet know that his brother had been kidnapped, but he can see that his brother is distraught.  He puts his hand on Jesse to calm him down, and it doesn't work. Jesse completely freaks.

I feel like I'm not explaining it good enough.

There's just something about it.  I guess it brings back memories of when Jack was very young—that need to protect him and comfort him when he's terrified.  

And so much is brilliantly conveyed in that scene.  Because they never show Dan Wylie doing anything evil towards Jesse. We don't know exactly how and why the neck comfort thing became a scary thing.  But we're shown that what once brought Jesse comfort now feels horrible to him.  

Arrogant People, The Incredible Hulk, Choking, and Neighbours Nostalgia

1.  Gained new sympathy for Nate (Meyne Wyatt) on Neighbours.

I couldn't understand his ambivalence about his partner Chris (James Mason) making a baby with Lucy (Melissa Bell).  Nate doesn't want a child, and Lucy's offer gives Chris an easy way to be a father. He donates his sperm and then has permission to be there or not be there—to whatever degree he desires. This allows Nate and Chris to be a childless couple, while Chris still gets to be a father. I thought it was brilliant.

But last night I dreamed Tim had his own daughter. I offer some kind of help or support to Tim—from both myself and/or Jack. Tim rejects the offer of support, telling me that HIS daughter is going to do it/be there for him. 

There was that sense that he didn't need us as much, because now he had this daughter.

2. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.

3. Liked Anthony Dillon's editorial on Aboriginal identity. He talks about being of mixed race, and complains that many people want to acknowledge their Aboriginal ancestry and not their European (or other) ancestry. 

Dillon talks about people who say that white people should pay them rent for living on their land. Dillon says, What happens in the case (which I suspect is the majority of cases) where a person is of both Aboriginal and non-Aboriginal descent? Do they pay themselves rent?

I wonder what it would feel like to be a mixture of two groups with a turbulent history. I think it would be especially confusing if one group abused and exploited the other. It's probably easier to identity with the victims in the story rather than the perpetrator. 

4. Noticed that the episode of Neighbours I'm watching was broadcast on my dad's Australian birthday.

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online  a novel by Dina Roberts 

5. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.

I'm feeling a sort of kinship with Brad (Kip Gamblin). He's antagonized by his brother-in-law Nick (Damien Fotiou).

Nick had a rough life, but pulled himself up from his bootstraps. He's now a successful cancer doctor who's full of self-love and self-confidence.  He's critical and judgmental of other people and pushes his ideals on them. He's the kind of person who makes people feel they're not good enough. You know, it's that type of person who asks you questions about your life, and you feel whatever you say isn't going to be good enough for them.

I feel that way about my father. I feel so much pressure to impress him and also a fear of making mistakes in front of him.

6. Decided some people give off an expectation of success. We know they believe in us, and there's a fear we'll disappoint them and prove that they were wrong about us.

Other people have an expectation of failure. We get the sense that they don't expect much out of us. They expect us to fail. We want to prove them wrong. If we succeed, we're eager for them to know about it.  If we're lucky, they're nice enough to act somewhat impressed. But often they ask questions about the success in a way that helps us realize we really didn't do anything that amazing. When we fail, we feel we've given them what they expected and maybe even desired. We imagine that behind their expressions of sympathy is smugness and amusement.

6. Started watching another episode of Neighbours. I think I'm going to watch a lot today.

Though I plan to clean a toilet somewhere along the way.

I dread that.

7. Wondered about the singer that is supposed to be performing at the Erinsborough Festival. Someone mentioned the song "Born to Try". I've heard it before, but I don't know who sings it.

8. Looked up the song. It's by Delta Goodrem. So I guess she's going to be making a guest appearance on Neighbours.  Though I think Paul referred to the singer by another name and said she once lived in Erinsborough. So maybe they're creating a fictional-real singer hybrid?

9. Related to what Paige (Olympia Valance) said about the Incredible Hulk Syndrome—being so angry that you can't even think straight. I've had moments like that.

I think I have two types. One is where the anger is kept bottled up. It goes through my head, and it becomes somewhat paranoid and irrational.  It's like one person has done me wrong, and this escalates into feeling the whole world is against me.

The other is where the bottled up anger explodes and I become a monster. I had more problems with this in the past than I do now.

I never went as far as Paige, vandalizing a whole store. But I did break a plate once. And in a horrible parenting moment, I threw a sock at Jack and tore up some of his garage sale stickers. Neither of these things actions are that harmful, destructive, or dangerous. However, the anger behind them was terrifying—for myself and the people to whom I was directing my anger.

Incredible Hulk level anger is scary and traumatizing on its own. There's no need to add violence or destruction to the mix.  I mean it's enough to just smash a plate to the ground. People will get that you're crazy mad. There's no need to get a gun and shoot people or burn down the house.

10. Wanted to say that I think there's nothing wrong with expressing anger.  I actually think it's creepy and unhealthy for people to talk in annoying sweet voices to each other when you know they want to grab the person by the neck and strangle them. But there's a difference between a healthy somewhat-controlled expression of anger and an Incredible Hulk hissy fit.

11.  Thought about Paige and how she does a lot of kick-boxing type exercise. This is probably good for people who suffer from an Incredible-Hulk syndrome.

I do a lot of walking and step-climbing type exercising. This is very helpful to me. As soon as I start feeling mildly stressed, tense, or hurt,  I have a strong desire to walk. This happens to me at the lake house a lot.  But actually there, I do a lot of walking BEFORE I even start to feel bad. I think it keeps me in a relatively decent mood.

12. Tried to speak badly about Johnny Depp to Tim. Because he told me he learned today about mites killing bees; that Australia has less of a problem; and it's because of strict boarder controls. There are REASONS for these rules. Yeah. Australia might be the land of no worries, but the government understands that sometimes you do have to worry about certain things.

But as I was trying to talk about Johnny Depp, my phone kept auto-correcting it to Johnny Drop.

13. Amused by what Chris and Nate have done to Naomi (Morgana O'Reilly) and Brennan (Scott McGregor).  Naomi is mad at Brennan, and he wants to know how he can get back on her good side. He has the idea of buying her an expensive gift.  This is the type of thing Naomi would like. But Chris and Nate say otherwise. They say she prefers simple homemade gifts. So, Brennan goes out in the bush looking for that.

I think it's funny (though also kind of mean) on it's own. But what makes it even better is that it can be sort of seen as revenge against Naomi. For Christmas, Nate and Chris had ideas for very thoughtful gifts to give each other. Naomi convinced them that their gifts wouldn't be enough and pressured them to buy each other expensive, unwanted gifts.

 14. Liked Paige's advice to Tyler (Travis Burns). He's trying to flirt with Imogen, and it's not working. Taking off his shirt, doesn't impress her. Paige tells him he needs to talk to Imogen—ask questions and show interest in her life.

This episode seems to be taking on a theme of different people desiring different expressions of love.

Some people appreciate very expensive gifts. If you don't pay a lot for the gift, they won't be impressed or happy.

Other people prefer gifts that have a lot of thought put into them.

Some people want someone who has a great body and shows it off. Other people want someone who shows interest in them.

I really hate expensive gifts that have no thought put into them.  And when I say thought, I mean thoughts about ME—the one that is supposed to be receiving the gifts.

I would rather receive a used copy of an Australian book I already own or a bag of Aussie chocolates that have gone white with age, than an expensive necklace that has nothing to do with me. And no, it wouldn't count that the giver thought the necklace was my color or thought it would look good on me.

15. Felt the universe was in tune with me, because earlier today I suggested crowdfunding, to someone, in order to help with a very difficult and desperate situation. Then less than a hour later, I saw Bailey (Calen MacKenzie) suggest the same thing to his parents.

16. Saw that the advice given to Brennan about Naomi's gift preference WAS a direct reference to the gift advice she gave to Nate and Chris.

Naomi tells Brennan about it.

17. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.

18. Felt reassured by Michelle's post on what she calls off-off Broadway Bloggers.  She was very impressed with the writing on a blog, and says, It was an example of the sort of writing I aspire to produce (emphasis on aspire), and it fully deserved attention for all the right reasons. Yet at the end I saw it had garnered a grand total of 3 comments. This was a welcome reminder for me that in the world of blogging, mass appeal and attention are not necessarily correlated with quality or worth.

It's nice to see her say it, but I've already come to believe it.

Though I have, at times, been hurt by the lack of comments on certain posts; I no longer feel like a loser, because I hardly get any comments.  Maybe it's because I've come to realize you can enjoy reading a blog post without feeling compelled to comment.

19. Learned that the fictionalized version of Delta Goodrem, on Neighbours, is named Nina Tucker.

20. Started watching another episode of Neighbours.

21. Wondered if one of the Erinsborough festival guest-stars is someone that I've seen before. Months ago, I watched several 1980's episodes of Neighbours.  There was a cranky woman who would give people a hard time.  Now there's an elderly cranky woman at the medical clinic. I'm wondering if it could be the same person. Though I think the 1980's woman was somewhat elderly herself. So if she was 50-60 back then, now she'd be 80-90.  Well, I guess that's possible. I'm not good at judging ages.

22. Saw from IMDb that one of the guest stars is Anne Scott-Pendlebury. She played Hilary Robinson from 1987-1990. I don't think the cranky woman I remember was a Robinson.

I don't remember a Hilary Robinson.

23. Learned from Lord Wiki that Hilary Robinson was after my time.  So I guess I watched 1985-1986 episodes.

Hilary was the cousin of Jim Robinson (Alan Dale) and was introduced to the show at Charlene and Scott's wedding.  When I stopped watching the show, Charlene and Scott were only dating.

24. Had sudden Neighbours memories pop into my head—an old woman who didn't want to lose her house and was in dire need of food; Lucy and her little boyfriend getting into all types of mischief together; some kind of pancake contest; the younger Ramsey boy having nightmares.....

Oh, and there was some teenage girl who dated Guy Pearce's character, and she won some contest to meet an actor she liked.

25. Heard on Neighbours, that the Heimlich maneuver is no longer the preferred method for dealing with choking. Really?  Why didn't I get that memo?

26. Read a Wollongong article that says, that though the Heimlich maneuver is the advised method in the US, in Australia, the preferred thing to do is back blows.

27. Looked a the Mayo Clinic website. They advise starting with back blows and then doing the Heimlich maneuver. Do both until something (hopefully!) works.

28. Saw that the American Red Cross also advises to start with back blows.

29. Remembered name of the younger Ramsey boy. Danny!  I'm having Danny memories now. He had some wild party with people drinking. Then I remember him and Paul's brother being accused of stealing. So they ran away and went to work on some farm.

I'm acting like I'm remembering things from decades ago; but no...probably from less than a year ago, actually.

30. Wondered if I've sort of developed a delusion that I'm Australian, and I watched Neighbours back when I was a young teenager. The good old days.

Yeah. You know what. I like this delusion. Maybe I'll keep it going in my head.

Actually, I think what I'll do is delude myself into thinking I lived in Summer Bay. I was best friends with Steven and his foster sister, Lynn. When we weren't taking walks on the beach with our dog, we would watch Neighbours together.

Once when we were taking a walk, Celia Stewart almost ran me over with her bike....






                

Zaky Mallah, Resistance, Medical Mistakes, and Math Formulas

1. Saw from Google News that exciting things happened on Q and A.

I'm going to have to read about that.

2. Read article about the dog fiasco of Johnny Depp and his partner Amber Heard.

Heard says they're going to avoid ever coming to Australia. Why? Because the Australian government actually required them to follow their quarantine laws—even though the two of them are top celebrities? The nerve of Australia!

I think everyone in the world should boycott Australia. And the boycott will only end after Australia says that if you're a Hollywood celebrity, you may bring all your pets into Australia and prance them around the land down under.

3. Disgusted with Amber heard. According to the article, she said, I have a feeling we're going to avoid the land Down Under from now on, just as much as we can, thanks to certain politicians there. I don't know, I guess everyone tries to go for their 15 minutes, including some government officials.

That just sounds incredibly wrong to me—someone famous accusing someone else of trying to get famous. By what? Asking them to follow the law?

4. Thought of one thing that would make me more sympathetic to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

What if many people break Australia quarantine law with their pets but when Depp and Heard did it, they were singled out because of their celebrity status.

Or what if many people do it and get in trouble as Depp and Heard did. But they don't get turned into news stories?

I'm doubting that's the case, though. If anyone knows differently, please let me know.

5. Started to read article about the Q and A drama.

A guy named Zaky Mallah was in the Q and A audience. He accused the Australian government of pushing Australians to join Islamic Terrorist groups. He said controversial things. Now the government is mad at the ABC for allowing Zaky Mallah to be in the audience. They feel it was wrong for the ABC to give Mallah a platform for his views.

I don't know.

I do believe that free speech does not mean an entity is required to provide a platform for speakers.

On the other hand, Q and A is about controversy and disagreement. It's about people debating each other. Where do you draw the line between what is acceptable and what is not?

I disagree with Mallah's viewpoints. But maybe it's better to discuss them and debate them rather than hide them.

6. Started to change my mind as I listened to Malcolm Turnbull's speech. He's making Mallah sound pretty scary.  He's making Mallah sound like a guy who doesn't just have big scary ideas but has actually worked to put those ideas in action.

Although from what I'm reading in the article, it seems maybe Mallah was a terrorist in the past but not any longer. The article says he doesn't support ISIS, and that he urges Australian Muslims to stay put and not go off and become a Jihadist.

Is Mallah a terrorist who wants to harm Australians? Or is he an ex-terrorist who disagrees with how the government is handling terrorism?

7. Started to watch video of Waleed Ally scolding Zaky Mallah.

A woman interviewing Mallah asks Mallah about his words on Q and A being misinterpreted as a call to arms.  Mallah talks about the government threatening to strip those who join the fight in the Middle East of their citizenship. Ally then criticizes Mallah for avoiding the interviewers accusations and using it as an excuse to criticize the government.

8. Felt sympathy towards Mallah UNTIL Ally asks him if he feels any responsibility for people misinterpreting his words. Mallah says, No, I don't hold any responsibility for the stupidity of the Abbott government. 

Ally tries to get him back on track.

What Mallah is doing, though, isn't very unusual. I think politicians do it a lot. You ask them a question that they don't want to answer, and they skirt around the subject. Often they'll try to point guilt at someone else—move the focus away from themselves

9. Saw that the interviewer finally got Mallah to say what I imagine Ally wanted him to say—he doesn't support ISIS, and he doesn't believe Australians should go and fight for them.

10. Went to the ABC's Q and A site. I want to read the transcript.

I'm kind of skimming through to find the part with Mallah.

Okay. I read it.

From what I understand, and in my opinion, Mallah started off as level-headed. He's against stripping Australians, who have crossed over to the dark side, of their citizenship. In the past, he went to the dark side and got into trouble for that. Mallah didn't like his punishment, but he especially dislikes this idea of not allowing Australians to return from the dark side.

Mallah's opponent, Steve Ciobo says he'd be pleased to be part of the government that would kick Mallah out of Australia.

Mallah responded,  As an Australian, I would be happy to see you out of this country. I think that's a fair response. And I like that Mallah reminded Ciobo and the audience that he is Australian. I would applaud Mallah for that statement.

But then later, Mallah loses the plot a bit. It happens. He says, Yeah. Yeah, sure. The Liberals now have just justified to many Australian Muslims in the community tonight to leave and go to Syria and join ISIL because of Ministers like him.

Yikes.

Is that a call to arms, though?

I don't think so.

It's more like he's saying, I wouldn't blame Australian Muslims for being so disgusted with the government, that they want to go and join the Islamic fight.

Tried to think of an analogy.

How about you're at the grocery store and see a mother refuse to let her toddler pick out any toys or treats. On top of that, she's on her phone the whole time and gives the child no attention. The child starts having a tantrum. You say, I can't blame that kid for having a tantrum.  That's different than saying, Hey kid! You should fight against this. Kick your mom! Scream at the top of your lungs. If she bends down, pull her hair! Don't let her get away with this.

However, if you simply comment on the tantrum, and the child hears your words of support; this might inspire him to embark on future tantrums. And what if another child hears your statement? What if he takes this as a call to arms...tantrums.

11. Tried to figure how I feel about stripping Australians of their citizenship.

I really don't know. In a way, I might be against it. But I'm speaking out of ignorance. I don't really know much about it.  I fear, though, that it WOULD close the door to people changing their mind and coming back to the fold.

As for the government causing terrorism by putting the idea into action. I don't agree with that mindset.  I think we can disagree with plans and ideas; but it's wrong to take things that we disagree with and declare they're justification for terrorism.

12. Realized I might be wrong. We can disagree with stuff and that disagreement can be justification for terrorism.  It's all a matter of our morals, and where we draw the line.

I don't agree with the Islamic State's line of reasoning. I don't think what they want justifies terrorism. But I CAN imagine situations where I'd support terrorism.

What if a government had a plan to execute all homosexuals? Would I not support an entity who used violence to fight against this. Yes, I'd prefer they try to change things peacefully. But if they couldn't do that, I would accept them blowing up things to get their way.

13. Thought about the miniseries V that I loved as a child. The resistance fighters could be seen as terrorists.

It's like the editorial I read and wrote about a few posts ago—the one that compared freedom fighters to terrorists.  We all have our own personal way of distinguishing one from another.

14. Imagined a terrorist group fighting against a government that made gay marriage legal. I'd be against them, and I'd label them as terrorists. And I'd see their opposites as freedom fighters.

15. Thought about parts of the Q and A transcript I skimmed over. It was about labeling or not labeling criminals as terrorists.

Maybe we should stop worrying about the terrorism label and just ask ourselves two questions:

A) do we believe in the ideology of the person taking a stand?
B) do we agree with the action they have taken?

I think we can have A without B; and B without A. And we can have yes to both or no to both.

I would support the ideology of a group who wanted safety and freedom for homosexuals. In most cases, I would not support them using violence to get their way. But if their lives and well-being were in severe danger, and there was no other way to save themselves, I'd support them using kick-ass methods.

16. Thought of Jews using violence to fight against the Nazis. Would I be against that?

Nope.

17. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.

18. Thought that the Christmas elves featured in the Project 2014 blog looked quite frightening. It's hard for me to imagine they're not evil.

But yeah. I know. We shouldn't judge people on their looks.

19. Started to watch an episode of The Secret Life of Us.

I should probably finish with season three today.

20. Thought that the show was a bit dishonest. In the beginning of the season, there was a tear-jerker speech about how Evan (Samuel Johnson) and Alex (Claudia Karvan) weren't alone together for a long time. Now it's the end of the same season, and I see Evan and Alex alone together. What gives?

I guess it could be a matter of me misinterpreting Evan's speech. I can't remember if he said it was years before they were alone together again or if he just said it was a long time.  But really. I think I wasted some sadness, seeing that it was only a few months of separation.  I know separation between friends can be difficult, but I don't see a few months as being tragic or tear-jerker material. Especially in the age of email.

21. Felt bad for George (Gigi Edgley). She's in love with Evan, and he doesn't love her back very much. Maybe not at all. I'm not sure.

George has a job offer in Sydney. She's been wanting to advance her career for awhile, and this is her chance. But as she is facing this decision to take the job or not, she realizes it's all about Evan. If she takes the job, it's because of Evan. If she doesn't take the job, it's because of Evan.

It's hard when all our focus and decisions are centered around one person.

22. Reminded of Julia Gillard when watching the storyline about Gabrielle joining the world of politics. She's being pushed by some guy (David Roberts) to tow the party line. At times that she's shared her opinion, either with him privately or to a potential voter, the guy tells her to stop.

Gabrielle has begun her journey into politics with strong passion and ideals. But will she be able to hold onto them? Or will she just become a mere puppet?

I suspect that might be what happened with Gillard. I still wonder why she, an atheist, was against gay marriage. Was that her idea? Or was someone from the Labor Party pressuring to take that stand?

It's not just Gillard, of course. I think pretty much all politicians become puppets. Unfortunately.

23. Felt very bad for Alex (Claudia Karvan). Major nightmare!

She removed a cancerous breast from a woman who was very reluctant to get a mastectomy. And now her boss (Kim Gyngell) is telling her that the lump removed wasn't cancer. It was a healthy breast.

Holy shit.

Alex says she made the decision based on the mammogram and biopsy report. Did the radiologist or pathologist make a mistake? Or was it her?

I don't have one ounce of sympathy for doctors who make mistakes because of arrogance. I have a ton of it for doctors who make honest mistakes.

If the patient insisted on getting a second biopsy and Alex refused—belittled the patient for questioning her; then I'd be disgusted with Alex. But if there was an honest mix-up, that's a different story.

24. Understood that the mistake would be very upsetting to the patient. Though I think if a doctor is going to make a mistake, it's better that it be in this direction. The opposite is worse—a doctor telling a patient their lump is benign and then it ends up being an invasive cancer.

I think false positives are usually better than false negatives. Although yeah. False positives can be a huge pain. I think my false positive was a huge pain, and the worst I had to endure was a needle stuck in my breast. I think I'd be very upset if it went as far as having to get my breast chopped off.  Maybe then I'd wish for the doctor to have been an asshole, because then I wouldn't feel conflicted about suing his ass.

25. Did not admire the Huntsman spider on Beth's Welsh Girl in Australia blog.  I've gotten over most of my past dislike of spiders. But the Huntsman still gives me the creeps.  I know they're not particularly dangerous, and they benefit humans by eating insects that cause us grief. But their ugliness bothers me.

I should get over that. It's really superficial and unfair of me.

Plus, if my dream of spending a lot of time in Australia ever comes true, it's likely one day I'll end up with a Huntsman spider on my wall.

26. Used Google Images to look at photos of the Huntsman spider. Maybe if I look at them enough, I'll get used to them?  I'll desensitize myself. Maybe I can grow to like them.

27. Realized my Google Image plan is not working.

28. Disappointed in Kelly (Deborah Mailman) and felt bad for her. She cheated on her exam. And got caught. I wish she hadn't cheated, and I wish she hadn't gotten caught.

Although knowing what I know about Kelly. I think even if she hadn't gotten caught, her decision to do the wrong thing would have haunted her throughout her life.

29. Thought the comparison between Kelly and Alex's situations was interesting. They've both made a huge mistake that can cost them their careers. One mistake was completely on accident, and the other was on purpose. But they both greatly regret what they've done.

30. Figured out why the unneeded mastectomy victim looks so familar to me. Thanks to IMdb, I learned she's Kirrily White—Steph from All Saints.

31. Felt my hypochondria rising up with this episode. It seems the breast mistake wasn't Alex's fault after all. It looks like it was a lab mistake. That's scary.

I think about times I've been worried about my health. Then I get my blood tests back. Everything is fine. I tell myself to stop worrying. But there's this little voice within that asks, what if the lab got it wrong?

32. Thought of something that made me feel better.  When I was having problems a couple of years ago, I had two positive results that were re-tested.  I started to wonder, okay, but why am I retested for positive results but not the negative?  Why do they doubt one side but not the other.  But now I'm remembering...I'm pretty sure one of the doctors was somewhat skeptical about my negative thyroid test and had me retested.

It would be a waste of time and money to do every medical test twice. But if the results don't match the symptoms, it might a good idea to retest.

33. Wondered about the breast that Alex cut off. Did it look healthy? Did she take notice of that and push her feelings aside? Did she put too much faith in the pathology report? Can a surgeon tell the difference between a cancerous breast and a healthy one? Are there signs?

34. Learned that the mastectomy wasn't a mistake.The woman did have cancer. It was the pathology done after the surgery that was messed up. Two women had similar names, and the lab got them confused.

35. Gained understanding of why Kelly cheated, and now I feel the school shouldn't punish her too harshly.

Kelly is pursuing a career in psychology. She wants to help people. Of course. That's Kelly's thing. She's full of compassion.

The test she cheated on was in statistics. The test required her to memorize mathematical formulas. Kelly tried very hard to do so but then ended up feeling she didn't have what it takes to pass the test. So she wrote the formulas on a ruler.

Does a psychologist need to memorize formulas to help someone?

I seriously doubt it.

If she ends up needing to do statistics during her career, Kelly can always jump online to find the appropriate formula.

So, my conclusion is this. Although I feel Kelly did the wrong thing by cheating, I think the school did the wrong thing by asking her to memorize the formulas.

In this day and age, there's really not much need to memorize formulas. Maybe if you're a mathematician, physicist, or engineer? Because they might use formulas on a very frequent basis, and it would be time-consuming to have to keep looking them up.

Then again, if they do have to keep looking them up, eventually they'll probably accidentally memorize them. And this way, they'd be learning what they actually need for their careers.

So yeah. I don't think anyone should ever have to memorize a formula for a test.

36. Wondered if formulas need to be memorized for college entrance exams. I imagine this will be the case; and Jack will have to learn them.

37. Found a website that lists formulas needed for the SAT.

38. Liked what is said on this website about the SAT.

Despite what many high school students believe, you need to know very few formulas for the SAT Math section. Nearly all the formulas you need to know are provided for you at the beginning of each math section, and the other 10 formulas are easily memorized.

The website explains that those using the test are more interested in reasoning skills than ability to memorize.

It's more important for someone to be able to know which numbers to plug into the formula than memorizing the formula.

If Kelly read information on the statistics test, and didn't know how to plug it into the formula, THAT might be a problem. But a lack of ability to memorize formulas probably wouldn't make her a bad psychologist.

Actually, it was a lack of faith in her ability rather than an actual inability. Because it turned out that Kelly never had to use her cheat-sheet ruler.

39. Started watching the last episode of season three of The Secret Life of Us.

40. Saw that Jemima (Diana Glenn) is in this episode!

Wow. I wasn't expecting her to return.

41. Fascinated by Jemima and Evan's disagreement. Evan talks about love turning into hate and that once it crosses over, it can never be love again.  It evolves into indifference.

Jemima disagrees. I think maybe from personal experience. She loved Evan; then hated him. It seems maybe now she loves him again.

42. Decided I probably agree with Jemima.  Most cases might work out the way Evan imagines they do. But I don't think it's an always thing. I think sometimes indifference can turn back into love.

43. Decided love often turns into indifference, whether or not hate is involved or not. Or at least crushes do.  And you know what. I do kind of think crushes are a form of love.

It's really too hard to distinguish a crush from love or real love from false love. It's love until we fall out of love; then we question whether it was ever love in the first place. I think that's because there's the rule that true love has to last forever.  

I think love is love. Sometimes it lasts a very long time. Sometimes it lasts a short time.

44. Looked at IMDb and saw that Jonathan Hardy plays the tribunal man—the one who has the job of determining Kelly's punishment.

I knew I knew Jonathan Hardy, but couldn't remember from what.

Then I saw that he's one of the stars of Farscape!  I haven't clicked on the details yet. I want to see if I can guess correctly. And my guess is he played the floating alien guy.  I don't know how to spell his name, but it started with an R.

45. Clicked for details.

I'm right!

And the name is Rygel.

46. Finished with season three of The Secret Life of Us.

I'm impressed. They never ended up bashing Scientology. In fact, they were a bit critical of someone who was critical of it...but not overly so.

I wonder if the Scientology storyline will continue into season four.

47. Saw that Pia Miranda (the Scientologist) is in the first two episodes of season four. Then she goes away.  Will the dark side of Scientology emerge? Or will she be leaving for other reasons?

48. Saw that Diana Glenn appears in five episodes of season Four.

49. Went to Random.org to pick my new TV show.

It is....

On Netflix.

The Code!

I look forward to watching it. I'll probably start with that on Thursday.

50. Went to Netflix and added The Code to my list. There I saw that Dan Spielman, from The Secret Life of Us, is one of the stars.

51. Looked at the cast of The Code.

I know Adele Perovic from Slide.

I know Ashley Zuckerman from Rush.

And there's Dan Wylie!

52. Excited to see Ursula Yovich in the credits.  I had a sort of thing for her...because of her doing some narration on The First Australians. I don't know. I guess I just loved her voice.

52. Surprised to see Lucy Lawless in the credits.

53. Saw that David Wenham is on the series.

54. Saw Steve Rodgers. I know him from Slide as well.

55. Saw Aaron Pedersen from City Homicide.

56. Felt more and more excited about watching The Code. So many actors from past shows I've watched. I almost feel like I'm going to be attending a reunion.

Well, I'm reuniting with the actors...not literally, of course.  My eyes and ears are reuniting with them. I'm not sure how many of the actors are reuniting with each other.

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-departed to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts