1. Dreamed that, we're in Brisbane. I like it a lot but feel I haven't been giving enough attention to my surroundings.
The Chorus: It must be something that I said 'Cause you smile in my face,
then Bitch behind my back when I'm gone
I do that. Guilty as charged.
I feel bad about some of it but not all.
What I feel is okay is being nice and polite when you dislike someone. It's fake, but I don't think it's a bad kind of fake. I'm not sure the world would be a better place if we treated people the way we felt about them.
I think it's okay to act excited to see someone you really don't want to see all that much.
I think it's okay to act sad about leaving someone when you're really not that sad.
I think it's okay to act interested in someone's story even when you're bored to tears.
And I think it's all right to vent about our negative feelings towards these people to other people.
What I don't think is okay is pretending to be supportive of something and then turn around and talk to other people about it in a derisive way.
I did that in a major way in the last few months. It made me feel like a two-faced bitch. It made me feel dirty.
And no, I'm not saying I'm such a great human being that I've been guilty only once in recent months. I've sure I've done it other times. This particular example, though, was awful.
I won't go into details just in the slight chance the person happens to reads my blog.
You know what. I have an idea. I'll give a pretend example, pretending I'm the victim.
Let's say someone acts super supportive of homeschooling. They act like they're on my side. They seem totally behind our educational choices. Then later, to their friends, they talk about how horrible homeschooling is.
They should have either toned down the support or not been so negative when gossiping.
So yeah...that's kind of what I did but with a different subject.
30. Thought about these lyrics.
When Billy Has a bitch about Susie to Milly
It says more about Billy than Susie
I think that's true most of the time but not all the time.
Or maybe it says something about both people.
I think our opinion about the person having a bitch depends on various factors—A) our own opinion and experiences with the person they're bitching about B) Whether the person doing the bitching often bitches about other people C) Whether the person doing the bitching is usually negative or positive D) Whether we share the same viewpoints as the person bitching.
Example of D) I like to have time to myself. I need my space, so I have respect and understanding for people who are the same. If someone bitches to me about going on a cruise with a friend that wanted to read her book while laying out on the deck instead of chatting, I'd probably have stronger opinions against the person doing the bitching.
31. Learned from Lord Wiki that the Thundamentals appeared on Like a Version. They did a cover of Matt Corby's "Brother"
32. Started watching the cover.
It's very cool. Some of the lyrics are rapped. I don't think Corby does that in the original, though, I might be wrong. It's been awhile since I've heard the song.
33. Decided to listen to Matt Corby sing "Brother".
34. Didn't hear any rapping.
I think it's great that the Thundamentals did something very different with the song.
35. Listened to some of the rap parts and looked at the lyrics to the song.
It seems Thundamentals added the rap lyrics. I don't see the rap lines in the original song lyrics.
36. Preferred the idea of the Thundamentals changing song lyrics to rap lyrics but adding lyrics is pretty cool as well.
37. Started to watch an Olympia Valance backstage Neighbours video.
38. Reminded by video that Toadie (Ryan Moloney) was hit by a car. Paige hit him, I think.
Was that when she was driving with her grandmother?
39. Saw that when Valance talks, she has the rising inflection thing a lot.
Does Paige talk that way? I don't think so. Or maybe she does?
40. Learned that there's a nurse on set for the Toadie-gets-hit scene.
Was there one for Matt (Josef Brown) getting hit as well?
41. Started watching part two of the video.
42. Saw Stefan Dennis being adorable like usual.
If I was delusional enough, I'd have fantasies about him joining us at the lake house one weekend. Really! I can totally picture him fitting in to our craziness. He could do karaoke with us and join in on our water balloon fights. I wonder if he'd be good at filling water balloons? Would he be good at tying them. It takes some skill to do so.
43. Decided I'd have to add Tim Phillips to my fantasy as well.
Anyone else?
Probably.
Maybe Morgana O'Reilly.
44. Figured I have other favorite cast members that I'm forgetting.
45. Remembered Saskia Hampele.
I like her.
But maybe I like her more in a read-her-blog-kind of way. I'm not sure I can imagine her at the lake house.
46. Saw that I will have to add Kip Gamblin to my lake house fantasy as well.
He's so funny in this video.
Olympia Valance asks why he's using crutches. He talks about doing a short film—he's a method actor and wanted to get used to using the crutches. I totally believed him. Valance orders him to tell the real story. So then he goes into a whole spiel about being a hero and rescuing some girl who were being harassed by some men.
His story is very detailed. He has quite an imagination.
The real reason he was using crutches? He had some kind of Ninja Turtle injury.
47. Saw that Olympia Valance is wearing an Antartica T-shirt instead of an American-themed shirt.
I wonder if it's her own clothes, or if Paige actually once wore a T-shirt not American themed.
48. Thought that Olympia Valance seems funny and sweet. I'm going to invite her to my imaginary lake house weekend as well.
49. Remembered that I also like Eve Morey and Ryan Moloney.
50. Felt that my imaginary lake house weekend is getting way too crowded.
We don't have enough beds or seats at the dining room table.
51. Decided I will invite the whole cast, and they can all sleep in tents in the backyard.
52. Decided since it's a fantasy, they should have magical Harry Potter tents.
Jenna Rosenow would probably like that.
We've been going to some club, and I decide it would be a good idea to get something with the club's name on it, so I can find out, and have a reminder of, what it's called.
I go to a desk with postcards. I pick one up, assuming it's free. There's a woman working there who doesn't seem very friendly. She seems annoyed by my presence.
I see they also have bookmarks. I decide I'd rather have that. But then I see the bookmarks cost money—$0.92. I go into my wallet to get money and find to my dismay that I have only American money. I never got myself any Australian money. I'm annoyed by this.
2. Had sudden memory of Jack and/or Tim talking about the pronunciation of Brisbane.
I guess it was in a dream; although it might not have been last night's dream.
I can't imagine why they'd be talking about it in real life. But maybe they did?
3. Saw that Julia Gillard is no longer against gay marriage.
Well, that's good.
It might have been better if she had that change of heart a few years ago.
4. Started watching an episode of Neighbours.
5. Intrigued by the Jimmy (Darcy Tadich) and Nell (Scarlett Anderson) storyline.
Jimmy is asked to watch Nell and tries to refuse. His mother (Zoe Cramond) pretty much forces him to say yes. He goes over to watch her and then Nell starts crying. Nell's parents, Sonya (Eve Morey) and Toadie (Ryan Moloney), try to figure out what happened, but Jimmy doesn't have an answer.
It's a simple storyline, but my curiosity is piqued.
6. Saw Nell biting Toadie.
I think that's probably the answer.
Jimmy has likely been a victim of her biting, and that's why he doesn't want to be near her.
7. Started to watch an episode of Packed to the Rafters.
8. Recognized Rachel's (Jessica Marais) new coworker. I looked up the actor. It's Kain O'Keefe, and it turns out I saw him a month or so ago on Pirate Islands: The Lost Treasure of Fiji
9. Thought that the bitchy receptionist at Rachel's new workplace reminds me of the woman from my dream yesterday—the one who worked at the club.
10. Thought Dave (Eric Thomson) was being a bad husband.
Julie (Rebecca Gibney) finds him getting a bed ready for Chel (Gillian Jones), so she can move in.
Did Dave ask Julie if she was okay with her mother-in-law living with them?
Nope. And when Julie questions this, Dave just asks annoyed.
Yes, I understand Dave loves his mother. And yes, I understand she's recovering from major surgery. But that doesn't give Dave the right to be an ass of a husband.
11. Wanted to note that Dave also hasn't asked his mother yet if she wants to move in.
12. Thought that there is something adorable about Coby (Ryan Corr). I don't know what it is.
I'm also not sure if it's more about the actor or the character.
13. Compared my feelings about Coby to those for Jake (James Stewart).
I adore Jake, but I didn't like him the beginning. I didn't find him at all appealing. With Coby, I immediately thought he was adorable.
14. Felt it probably doesn't matter if someone is quickly adorable to us.
I found Matt Smith to be completely unappealing. I dreaded him as the Doctor. But then he totally grew on me.
15. Saw Dave continuing to be awful to his wife. She's weary about having Coby work for Dave, because the job gives him access to their home. He broke into their home in the past, so I think it's understandable that she's not 100% behind the whole thing.
Dave is abrasive with Julie, about her misgivings, and pretty much says she's a snob.
I can relate to feeling highly pressured to welcome people into our lives when I'm not feeling completely great about it.
16. Saw that Mel (Zoe Ventoura) was probably right when she said that Cabo (George Houvardas) and the girl he met from the Internet had a love at first site thing going on.
I looked up the actress—Hannah Marshall. She's in sixty-five episodes of Packed to the Rafters.
She's going to be around for quite awhile.
She's going to be around for quite awhile.
17. Saw another spoiler on IMDb regarding her relationship to Cabo.
It all gets quite serious.
18. Hoped that Chel going to visit a friend isn't another way of saying that Gillian Jones is leaving the show. Chel is one of my favorite characters.
I think Gillian Jones is beautiful; though I haven't liked her as much on other shows as I like her on Packed to the Rafters. So I have to give a lot of credit to the character.
19. Could relate to Dave's feeling of being redundant and unwanted.
I have days like that. Sometimes I feel useless. Other times I feel useful but not appreciated. Then there are times where it's worse than being useless. I feel like I'm actually a burden.
I guess it's when I start asking myself, would people notice that much if I was gone? When things are really bad, the question is, would people be happier if I were gone?
The Answer: yes, they might be. Sometimes. If it's temporary.
There are certain people I adore, but at times I'm happy when they don't show up. It's nice to have a break from them.
I have to imagine that there are times that people feel the same way about me—that my absence is a relief to them.
20. Realized I might have veered into a whole other subject.
Needing breaks from people we love is quite different than having bouts of low self-esteem.
Or maybe it IS connected.
Maybe when we have low self-esteem and feel like no one loves us, we can change the script to something more realistic. Such as: People might not like me that much today, but usually they like and love me.
If most people usually dislike us, or we feel they usually dislike us; that's a more serious problem.
It does happen sometimes.
21: Realized and remembered that I have had feelings of being vastly disliked. I haven't felt it lately, though, so it's hard for me to currently relate.
22. Decided that in order to have chronic low self-esteem, you not only have to believe a lot of people dislike you, but you have to believe they have good reason to dislike you.
You have to agree with your haters.
23. Imagined most people have days, or at least hours, where they agree with their haters.
People who never do are probably narcissistic.
It's not good to have too much self-doubt, but nor is it good to have none at all.
24. Went to the Triple J 2014 list.
Today I'm going to listen to the 30th song, which is "Something I Said" by the Thundamentals, featuring Thom Crawford.
As far as I can remember, I've never heard of them before.
25. Started watching the film clip for "Something I Said".
This is the second time I've encountered a film clip instead of a video when watching music from the Triple J 2014 list. The last time I guessed that the difference is a video clip has parts that do not contain the song.
26. Saw a woman in a messy house—dirty dishes in the sink. She knocks on the door to the bathroom where her man is taking a bath. The knock causes a bottle to knock over a mop. The mop hits a hairdryer. The hairdryer falls into the bath, and the man is electrocuted. Yikes!
It's not graphic, fortunately.
It's not graphic, fortunately.
27. Thought the video was entertaining, so far. It's like a dark comedy.
The death is tragic but somewhat comedic.
There are somber funeral and graveyard scenes.
Then, all of a sudden, some of the pallbearers start rapping.
28. Got idea from the lyrics that the song deals with talking about people behind their back.
29. Looked at the lyrics to the song.
The Chorus: It must be something that I said 'Cause you smile in my face,
then Bitch behind my back when I'm gone
I do that. Guilty as charged.
I feel bad about some of it but not all.
What I feel is okay is being nice and polite when you dislike someone. It's fake, but I don't think it's a bad kind of fake. I'm not sure the world would be a better place if we treated people the way we felt about them.
I think it's okay to act excited to see someone you really don't want to see all that much.
I think it's okay to act sad about leaving someone when you're really not that sad.
I think it's okay to act interested in someone's story even when you're bored to tears.
And I think it's all right to vent about our negative feelings towards these people to other people.
What I don't think is okay is pretending to be supportive of something and then turn around and talk to other people about it in a derisive way.
I did that in a major way in the last few months. It made me feel like a two-faced bitch. It made me feel dirty.
And no, I'm not saying I'm such a great human being that I've been guilty only once in recent months. I've sure I've done it other times. This particular example, though, was awful.
I won't go into details just in the slight chance the person happens to reads my blog.
You know what. I have an idea. I'll give a pretend example, pretending I'm the victim.
Let's say someone acts super supportive of homeschooling. They act like they're on my side. They seem totally behind our educational choices. Then later, to their friends, they talk about how horrible homeschooling is.
They should have either toned down the support or not been so negative when gossiping.
So yeah...that's kind of what I did but with a different subject.
30. Thought about these lyrics.
When Billy Has a bitch about Susie to Milly
It says more about Billy than Susie
I think that's true most of the time but not all the time.
Or maybe it says something about both people.
I think our opinion about the person having a bitch depends on various factors—A) our own opinion and experiences with the person they're bitching about B) Whether the person doing the bitching often bitches about other people C) Whether the person doing the bitching is usually negative or positive D) Whether we share the same viewpoints as the person bitching.
Example of D) I like to have time to myself. I need my space, so I have respect and understanding for people who are the same. If someone bitches to me about going on a cruise with a friend that wanted to read her book while laying out on the deck instead of chatting, I'd probably have stronger opinions against the person doing the bitching.
31. Learned from Lord Wiki that the Thundamentals appeared on Like a Version. They did a cover of Matt Corby's "Brother"
32. Started watching the cover.
It's very cool. Some of the lyrics are rapped. I don't think Corby does that in the original, though, I might be wrong. It's been awhile since I've heard the song.
33. Decided to listen to Matt Corby sing "Brother".
34. Didn't hear any rapping.
I think it's great that the Thundamentals did something very different with the song.
35. Listened to some of the rap parts and looked at the lyrics to the song.
It seems Thundamentals added the rap lyrics. I don't see the rap lines in the original song lyrics.
36. Preferred the idea of the Thundamentals changing song lyrics to rap lyrics but adding lyrics is pretty cool as well.
37. Started to watch an Olympia Valance backstage Neighbours video.
38. Reminded by video that Toadie (Ryan Moloney) was hit by a car. Paige hit him, I think.
Was that when she was driving with her grandmother?
39. Saw that when Valance talks, she has the rising inflection thing a lot.
Does Paige talk that way? I don't think so. Or maybe she does?
40. Learned that there's a nurse on set for the Toadie-gets-hit scene.
Was there one for Matt (Josef Brown) getting hit as well?
41. Started watching part two of the video.
42. Saw Stefan Dennis being adorable like usual.
If I was delusional enough, I'd have fantasies about him joining us at the lake house one weekend. Really! I can totally picture him fitting in to our craziness. He could do karaoke with us and join in on our water balloon fights. I wonder if he'd be good at filling water balloons? Would he be good at tying them. It takes some skill to do so.
43. Decided I'd have to add Tim Phillips to my fantasy as well.
Anyone else?
Probably.
Maybe Morgana O'Reilly.
44. Figured I have other favorite cast members that I'm forgetting.
45. Remembered Saskia Hampele.
I like her.
But maybe I like her more in a read-her-blog-kind of way. I'm not sure I can imagine her at the lake house.
46. Saw that I will have to add Kip Gamblin to my lake house fantasy as well.
He's so funny in this video.
Olympia Valance asks why he's using crutches. He talks about doing a short film—he's a method actor and wanted to get used to using the crutches. I totally believed him. Valance orders him to tell the real story. So then he goes into a whole spiel about being a hero and rescuing some girl who were being harassed by some men.
His story is very detailed. He has quite an imagination.
The real reason he was using crutches? He had some kind of Ninja Turtle injury.
47. Saw that Olympia Valance is wearing an Antartica T-shirt instead of an American-themed shirt.
I wonder if it's her own clothes, or if Paige actually once wore a T-shirt not American themed.
48. Thought that Olympia Valance seems funny and sweet. I'm going to invite her to my imaginary lake house weekend as well.
49. Remembered that I also like Eve Morey and Ryan Moloney.
50. Felt that my imaginary lake house weekend is getting way too crowded.
We don't have enough beds or seats at the dining room table.
51. Decided I will invite the whole cast, and they can all sleep in tents in the backyard.
52. Decided since it's a fantasy, they should have magical Harry Potter tents.
Jenna Rosenow would probably like that.