I know.
I should probably write things in a more positive and less snarky way. But at this point, this feels more therapeutic to me.
And I probably need real therapy...like with a professional. Because things are getting a bit too much for me to handle, maybe. But if I didn't trust professional helpers before the neurology fiasco; now things are even worse.
So I'm kind of on my own. For now.
Anyway.....
Here is my list of manipulative tactics. There are many out there, but these are some of those that I have personally encountered (mostly from my dad).
1. Deny that you have done anything wrong. If you haven't naturally forgotten, pretend that you have forgotten. This is easier done if the incident happened decades ago. But even if it happened yesterday, you can still TRY to go for this tactic.
2. Remind the person how long ago it happened. Ask them, why are they bringing it up now? Give off the (pretend) impression that if they had approached you with this grievance the minute after it happened, you would have been totally apologetic, comforting, and understanding.
3. Act sad, not sorry.
4. Show concern for the person you have hurt. NOT because you care about them, but because this pushes the idea that the problem is with them and not with what you have done.
5. Don't think about what you have done to hurt the person. Instead think about all the times the person reacted to the pain you caused them. Think of the times they lashed out. Think about the times they backed away from the relationship. Think about the times they spoke up and tried to explain why what you have done has hurt them. Think about all those reactions and then label those actions as abusive. You're good. They're bad. End of story. Repeat that to yourself often.
6. Announce that you feel rejected; you can't do anything right; no matter what you do....
7. If the person gives you ideas on how the relationship might improve, pretend you didn't hear.
8. Stomp carelessly and gleefully on eggshells; then turn around and accuse the person of making you walk on eggshells.
9. Remind the person of what you have given to them in the past or what you have offered to give them.
10. Bring up other names into the conversation. Whether it's true or not, push the idea that other people have a problem too with this person. It's not just you that's angry. It's the other people too. It's not just you that is concerned; it's everyone else as well.
And if you really want to ace this method, bring CHILDREN into the mix. I'm worried about your son. I'm worried about your daughter. I could see how much your behavior hurt your niece.
11. Kind of the opposite of #10. Maybe. But accuse the person of turning people against you. Assume that, and act as if, this person is responsible for your relationship to others.
12. If you're going to say the word sorry make sure to follow with for your feelings. Or you can say the similar, I'm sorry you didn't like what I said.
Instead of this, or along with this, you may also throw other people under the bus. Claim that you had wanted to do the right thing, but other people led you astray.
13. Don't rely on accidentally saying something insensitive or cruel. Even if you naturally make insensitive mistakes, it's not enough. So every so often, purposely say something that will push your victim's button. Is their a drama between you two that they haven't brought up in months? Is there something you know that really gets to them? Make a joke about it! Bring it up under your breath. Then take a little peek at their reaction. If they don't say anything, maybe let it go. If you're feeling lazy! But if you have the energy, try again. Say something more.
Once you've gotten them all riled up, accuse them of being too sensitive. Act wounded. Act victimized. And at the same time, act as though you were actually doing the person a favor. Say something like, I'm just trying to teach you to be less sensitive. You need to learn how to roll with the punches.
Read my novel: The Dead are Online