I'm now watching the next episode of Lucifer—"Pops".
This one goes even further into the narcissistic parent thing, although they haven't used the term yet. I wonder if they will?
In the episode, a chef is murdered. As Lucifer and Chloe, his detective partner (Lauren German), interview the suspects, they learn that the chef was a father-figure to his staff. But it wasn't always a happy, positive father-figure kind of thing. The chef was domineering and demanding. It was a struggle to try to please him.
Lucifer (Tom Ellis) relates to all of this a lot, because he has that type of dynamics with his own father.
The show is really into pursuing parent-child issues.
And in this episode, we also get a mother and child one.
It turns out that Chloe's mother, an actress (Rebecca De Mornay) is a narcissist as well. She's the stage mother type—pushed her daughter to be an actress and is now doing the same to her grandchild.
When Chloe angrily protests and says her mother has no right to just barge into their home and—
Her mother interrupts and slyly reminds Chloe that Chloe doesn't own the home. She's living there rent free. Guess who's paying?
If narcissistic parents have the means, they will buy their children expensive gifts. But there are strings attached. The strings probably won't be apparent right away. The parent might even say. No strings attached. I'm giving you this, because we love you. We WANT to be able to do this for you. It brings us joy to be able to give to you like this.
Then later down the line, the strings will begin to show themselves. You'll learn that in exchange for the gift, you're expected to do any favors that are asked of you. If you're going to say no, you better have a good excuse.
Also in exchange for this gift, you will be expected to keep all grievances against your parents to yourself. If they offend you, keep quiet. If they have hurt you, keep quiet. If they have not been there when you needed them, keep quiet. If they did something to make you feel they don't love you enough, keep quiet. If you feel they're being unfair, keep quiet.
The gift is supposed to make up for all of that.
No. No. Not really. The narcissist can do no serious wrongs, so they wouldn't feel a need to make amends.
The gift is not about amends. It's more of an argument against your grievances. How can you say we don't love you enough? Look at all we've given you! What do you mean we weren't there for you?
Now not all narcissistic parents have money. And even those who do will resort to using other tools. Sometimes it might be gaslighting. You can't be mad at me, because that never happened! It's all in your overactive imagination. Or they'll minimize. Or they'll be insulting. Maybe there will be a mixture of all of the above.....
When Chloe gets angry, her mother says something like, for someone who's given up on acting, you sure are dramatic.
I am betting most people with narcissistic parents grew up hearing these types of things a lot. You're so negative. You're so sensitive. You're selfish. Why do you think everything revolves around you? You're our little drama queen. You have no sense of humor.
In narcissistic families, there is major indoctrination. And one of the main messages is that the problem is with you, the scapegoat.
I'm not sure about Chloe, but Lucifer is doing a pretty good job of fighting against the whole thing. He seems to have maintained his self-esteem despite his relationship with his narcissistic father. Though, like me, he's a bit obsessed. I guess true healing occurs when you do what Christian on Lost advised. Let Go and Move on. But I kind of think it's rare for that to happen. Unfortunately.
For better or worse, we never recover from our relationship to our parents.
For more like this: My Posts about Narcissism and other Toxicities
This one goes even further into the narcissistic parent thing, although they haven't used the term yet. I wonder if they will?
In the episode, a chef is murdered. As Lucifer and Chloe, his detective partner (Lauren German), interview the suspects, they learn that the chef was a father-figure to his staff. But it wasn't always a happy, positive father-figure kind of thing. The chef was domineering and demanding. It was a struggle to try to please him.
Lucifer (Tom Ellis) relates to all of this a lot, because he has that type of dynamics with his own father.
The show is really into pursuing parent-child issues.
And in this episode, we also get a mother and child one.
It turns out that Chloe's mother, an actress (Rebecca De Mornay) is a narcissist as well. She's the stage mother type—pushed her daughter to be an actress and is now doing the same to her grandchild.
When Chloe angrily protests and says her mother has no right to just barge into their home and—
Her mother interrupts and slyly reminds Chloe that Chloe doesn't own the home. She's living there rent free. Guess who's paying?
If narcissistic parents have the means, they will buy their children expensive gifts. But there are strings attached. The strings probably won't be apparent right away. The parent might even say. No strings attached. I'm giving you this, because we love you. We WANT to be able to do this for you. It brings us joy to be able to give to you like this.
Then later down the line, the strings will begin to show themselves. You'll learn that in exchange for the gift, you're expected to do any favors that are asked of you. If you're going to say no, you better have a good excuse.
Also in exchange for this gift, you will be expected to keep all grievances against your parents to yourself. If they offend you, keep quiet. If they have hurt you, keep quiet. If they have not been there when you needed them, keep quiet. If they did something to make you feel they don't love you enough, keep quiet. If you feel they're being unfair, keep quiet.
The gift is supposed to make up for all of that.
No. No. Not really. The narcissist can do no serious wrongs, so they wouldn't feel a need to make amends.
The gift is not about amends. It's more of an argument against your grievances. How can you say we don't love you enough? Look at all we've given you! What do you mean we weren't there for you?
Now not all narcissistic parents have money. And even those who do will resort to using other tools. Sometimes it might be gaslighting. You can't be mad at me, because that never happened! It's all in your overactive imagination. Or they'll minimize. Or they'll be insulting. Maybe there will be a mixture of all of the above.....
When Chloe gets angry, her mother says something like, for someone who's given up on acting, you sure are dramatic.
I am betting most people with narcissistic parents grew up hearing these types of things a lot. You're so negative. You're so sensitive. You're selfish. Why do you think everything revolves around you? You're our little drama queen. You have no sense of humor.
In narcissistic families, there is major indoctrination. And one of the main messages is that the problem is with you, the scapegoat.
I'm not sure about Chloe, but Lucifer is doing a pretty good job of fighting against the whole thing. He seems to have maintained his self-esteem despite his relationship with his narcissistic father. Though, like me, he's a bit obsessed. I guess true healing occurs when you do what Christian on Lost advised. Let Go and Move on. But I kind of think it's rare for that to happen. Unfortunately.
For better or worse, we never recover from our relationship to our parents.
For more like this: My Posts about Narcissism and other Toxicities