TV Shows and Movies I Watched in 2022

Here's a list of what I watched in 2022...well in terms of movies and scripted TV shows.  I'm not including all the YouTube and Instagram videos...or the many videos my family shares via text. I also don't count the shows that I get a glimpse of when I go into the kitchen and Tim is watching something.  Although if I sit down to watch; then I count it.

Shows and movies are divided by geography—settling location not necessarily the filming location. I put some shows in multiple places if applicable.  

Blue font means I especially loved the show or movie.  Though lack of blue doesn't mean a lack of love...at the time. Sometimes I will love a show when I see it but then later my enthusiasm fades. I'm going to try, though, to remember my initial love for a show.

Red font means I didn't like it.

Orange font is for shows that I watched a little bit of when I had control of the remote control during MY 50th Birthday Disney trip.  I was so excited to have control of the TV and do the old fashioned thing of flipping through channels.  I decided if I sat down to watch at least 5-10 minutes of something (before flipping to the next thing), I was going to count it.  

There are certain shows in which I sort of lie about location because of spoiler issues. I'm not going to specify which shows, because that in itself would be a spoiler.  It's kind of like when people tell you there's a twist at the end of the movie and just knowing there is a twist ends up being a sort of spoiler.  

Also....I started writing this a few weeks before posting.  It gets a bit confusing, because things are a bit out of order.  Most of the stuff I watched in the past throughout the year.  But other shows, I watched in the midst of working on the post.  Because this post is ordered by geography rather than time-of-watching, with the more recent watchings, there's a Doctor-River Song sort of vibe.       

For anyone interested: Here's my 2017, 2020, and 2021 list.  

CANADA

Turning Red

The Handmaid's Tale 

Trevor Noah-I Wish You Would

COLUMBIA

Encanto

EGYPT

Moon Knight 

GREECE

Glass Oven: A Knives out Mystery

IRELAND

Belfast-Didn't remember to add this until January 5.  I had forgotten to add it to my Google Docs where I write down everything I watch.  I can't remember how I thought of it.  But then I went through texts to find the conversation with my parents inviting me over to watch.  Hopefully, I didn't miss any other movies or TV shows    

ITALY

The White Lotus-What we're currently watching.  It will probably be our 2022-2023 bridge show.  

JAPAN

Mushishi-I was bored.

KOREA

Train to Busan-Koreans are very good at horror.

Dr. Brain

Miss Granny 

All of Us Are Dead-I loved this and was disappointed that we didn't see any trick or treaters dressed as the students.

The Call-Very scary. I realized while watching that it was a scary version of The Lake House. And then with some Googling, I learned the Lake House is actually a remake of a Korean movie.

Seoul Station

Extraordinary Attorney Woo

SOUTH AFRICA

Chappie-I actually more-listened to this than watched.  I used the Netflix narration.  I enjoyed the experience.  

UNITED KINGDOM

Coronation Street

Ted Lasso-This is one of those shows where I also even liked the odd low-rated-on-IMDb episode.

Afterlife-I like this show.  BUT it could have done without the transphobic joke. I also found it annoying that the deceased wife was shown as being so overly perfect.   

Green Wing-It took quite awhile for this to grow on me.  But by the last episode of season one, I was okay with it. 

Cold Feet-The more seasons I watch of this, the more emotionally attached I get.  

Moon Knight-I think this was the first show we watched on our new big screen in the theater/media room.  

Doctor Who-Two years ago, I was very much into Jodie Whitaker as the doctor...like crush level.  Now as I plan to get back to the show I feel nothing.  I'm just eager for the 14th Doctor.  Though by the time I reach the end of the season, I'll probably be back in love with the 13th Doctor and heartbroken that she's leaving.  BUT...I'm excited for Millie Gibson as a companion. I had sat on our backyard bench crying with relief when I realized I misunderstood spoilers and that Kelly Neelan was not going to fall gruesomely to her death; she was just moving away from the street. Then to find out, the Tardis was picking her up? What wonderful news.  I'm eager to see her adventures with the Doctor.  I'm also hopeful that one day Kelly Neelan will return to Coronation Street.  

The Sandman - I love it but it took me several episodes to get to that point. 

I was confused and bothered by the show not seeming to be in the same universe as Lucifer. I wish they were more connected.  Or that we, at least, had answers to explain away the differences.  Why are Cain and Abel together in dream realm in The Sandman but in Lucifer Cain has supposedly been walking the earth for many many years?  Why does Lucifer have a human face in hell in The Sandman? Why wouldn't he be using his demonic face?

Thinking...From what I know, Lucifer is a spin-off of The Sandman.  And knowing that different realms have different timelines, maybe in The Sandman, Cain and Able are in a before-period.  And God punishing Cain comes after their time in the dreaming realms?  Or whatever realm they're in. I'm not 100% sure it's the dreaming realm.   

I personally would have preferred that they use the same cast, director, writers, mood as Lucifer.  I mean the casts would be different, because the central characters are different.  But I would have preferred the same Lucifer, the same Cain, the same Mazikeen, etc.  (Guest appearance kind of things  Or at least have Gwendolyn Christie-Lucifer mention or show that she/he has shift-shaping abilities.

Anyway....Although I never disliked the show, my like turned to love with the Rose Walker storyline.  

 UNITED STATES 

Nine Perfect Strangers

The Power of the Dog-We saw this with my parents.  My parents and I rarely agree on anything. But we were united in thinking this movie was quite awful. Well, I wouldn't say it was awful.  I think, as a piece of art, it's great.  But I found it very unenjoyable.

American Horror Story-I'm not sure which seasons we watched this year.  Maybe "Roanoke" and "Double Feature"?  I think most of my strong-liking comes from the settings.  

Criminal Minds

Cobra Kai-We watched two seasons this year

Empire-I watched one season of this in the beginning of the year and another towards the end of the year.

What We Do in the Shadows-I still love this show, but I loved the latest season a little bit less than the other seasons.

Ozark-I can't believe the priest that helped the family in Chicago and all those foster kids on that Island turned out to be such a violent shithead.  

Schitt's Creek-LOVED this show and was super into it.  And then suddenly I wasn't.  It's nothing about the show itself.  I think it's personal issues really.  I was going to tie my fading love to trauma.  But you know, I think what really happened is I got really into using headphones and am almost constantly listening to TV shows, audiobooks, podcasts.  Prior to that, while I did kitchen chores, I had this whole thing of re-watching Schitt's Creek.  But then I stopped.  And well, actually...part of that was because of climate-trauma and moving.  But mostly...I think it was the headphones. In my quest to re-watch...I left off at the second to last episode.  I think it's kind of this unfinished business for me. I feel uneasy about the whole thing.  

Scandal-This show keeps getting better and better.  The more outrageous it gets, the more I like it.

Orange is the New Black-Watched the first season.  Hope Random.org picks more seasons for me...someday.

Succession-One of my ChatGPT adventures was asking the AI to write a pitch for a crossover TV show between this one and Empire.  

 Upload

West Side Story-I tried watching this with Tim, thinking I was being supportive.  Because the original is one of his favorite movies.  I didn't like it...and I don't think he was as into watching the remake as I expected. 

The Last Man on Earth-This is such a fun show. 

Greenleaf

Stranger Things-I greatly enjoyed this but then all the Holocaust stuff kind of put a damper on things.  Still. It's a fun show.

Outer Range-We watched the whole season.  By the end, I had sort of warmed to it.  But looking back, I feel cold towards it.   

Brooklyn 99

Flight Attendant 

The Shining Girls

Shameless-I was less into the 2nd season than the 1st.  But I still liked it.  

Community 

 The Handmaid's Tale-Well...it sort of (partly) takes place in the United States.  Location-wise.  

Complete Unknown-I had to Google this movie to remind myself what it was. I now can remember it. BUT I have no idea of whether I liked it, disliked it or loved it.  I should check to see if I rated it on IMDb.  That might help.

Severance- This show is SO SO SO good.

Nope-This was one of those things where I didn't like something UNTIL talking to other people and reading about it...and thinking about it.  My initial feeling was that I liked it much less than Get Out and Us.  But later...well, I still prefer Us and maybe Get Out,  But now, I also like Nope.

Heredity-Super creepy.  I didn't like the message the movie (intentionally/unintentionally) sends about mental health and people with neurological differences. Well, I want to say more but it would be total spoilers.  I think what I'll do is write something at the way bottom of this post...  I didn't like the movie, because I found it offensive.  But I did like the movie, because it was so creepy. Although the creepiness scared me which I find unpleasant.  At the same time, the fact that it scared me impressed me.  

Station Eleven-This miniseries is so beautiful.  Although not exactly in its entirety. Some of the episodes were amazing. Others were mediocre.  I think Tim and I both preferred the flashback episodes.  It's a great story about stories, and it replies to the assholes who think writers, artists, actors, filmmakers, musicians are not doing important work or were a waste of space during the pandemic. 

 I became obsessed with one of the trailers—watching it repeatedly and memorizing the lines.  I like to recite it sometimes.  ALSO...the miniseries is part of what inspired me to work on turning bits of my blog and my novel into a book-book instead of just an online thing. 

The whole miniseries revolves around a graphic novel written by a woman who makes only a few copies before a pandemic kills most of the population.  It made me think of how my writing is very unpopular now.  But there's a chance it could be super popular during the apocalypse when there's less reading material out there.  Or it might not be popular, but it might be special to one or two survivors.  And that would be nice.  I mean...so sad about the apocalypse.  Of course!

The Bear-I probably would have liked this more if I didn't watch it while addicted to the color-water sorting game.  My heart and mine were more into the game. That being said...I still liked the show.  

Chasing Life

The Lost City 

Invasion of the Body Snatchers-I'm pretty sure this was the first time I watched the entire movie.  I think we watched bits and pieces during my childhood. It was scarier than I expected. It makes me want to watch more horror movies of the 1960's, 1970's, and early 1980's.  

Poltergeist-Wrote a whole post about this one.

Bosch-It's nice to see a universe where Sophia survives and grows up...well reaches her teen years, at least. 

Modern Family-The last two seasons.  Our family enthusiastically watched the first three or four seasons; then the interest faded.  A few years ago, Tim and I got back into it and watched some of it...kind of jumped into where they were rather than going back to catch up with what we had missed.  We kind of forgot about it (or really it got buried underneath everyone else in our to-watch agenda.  Then a few months ago, Tim started watching the whole series from the beginning. I asked if he'd mind stopping at season 10, because that's where we left off.  So we watched 10 and 11 together...actually a few episodes at the end of episode 9 as well.   

Reboot

Enchanted 

Just Go With It 

The Conners-This was comforting in that I'm-not-the-only-one-aging kind of way. 

Family Guy

Charmed

Young Sheldon

Legends

The Sandman

Wednesday - I like it.  But I'm tired of seeing the dance everywhere.  In some ways, I like social media trends. It's cool seeing humanity come together to inspire and copy each other.  On the other hand, I'm realizing I much prefer original content.  I mean nothing is 100% original.  But I think I prefer the stuff that's vaguely inspired rather than seeing the same thing (with tiny variations) over and over.    

Lucifer-Just got back to watching this...I'm on season 4.  I usually love it, but it's probably going to take me a couple of episodes to get back into it.  

VARIOUS

Don't Look Up-Sometimes comedies have very sad moments.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness-This is one of those movies where I feel I should like it more, because of the subject matter.  But I don't. I didn't like Wanda turning evil.  I have a huge soft spot for bad characters turning good and find the opposite depressing.  I mean I know she also did bad things in WandaVision.  But I think all that was more understandable...and also fun.  

1899

Everything Everywhere All At Once-I liked this much more than Doctor Strange. 

NOT EARTH

Obi-Wan Kenobi For the stronger Star Wars fans like Tim and Jack...going on Rise of the Resistance was like, Oh, it's just like the movie!  For me, I watch this TV show and think Cool! I feel like I'm on the ride I love so much!  I'm really NOT into the Star Wars franchise...compared to Tim, Jack, and other people. At least when it comes to movies and shows.  Yet I've decided my favorite land of all the Disney parks is Galaxy's Edge. 

Mandalorian-I wanted to like this and expected to like this but was kind of bored.  I think we watched only one or two episodes. We would have probably watched more, so I could give it more of a chance.  But there were too many other shows we wanted to watch.  Just for the record: Tim had already watched it on his own and liked it. (I don't want inadvertently smear his Star Wars fan reputation) 

Rogue One-This one we watched recently.  I started to have certain questions about the Star Wars universe.  If this is a whole galaxy, why is there a Star Wars look?  Why does the design and landscape of so many different planets look similar?  Tim tried to explain it away with the imperialism, because I think he thought I was referring to the Vader stuff.  But no...I was referring more to the rebel and town/village sort of places.  It all very much looks like Galaxy's Edge.  However, then we saw the palm tree area...which I appreciated.  

ALSO...during the movie I started to think they should make a PRE-PRE prequel about one of the planets before they all became intergalactic. I think it would be cool to have a  (first) UFO/alien encounter movie in the Star Wars Universe. Does anyone know which planet initiated contact?  Or were there multiple planets having success simultaneously?  Googling....

And now giving up.  It looks like there is a very elaborate and long history...thousands of years.  I can't easily find anything pre-republic.

Added weeks later: I just asked ChatGPT, and it says the planet Coruscant was the first to travel through the galaxy.  Cool.  Unless they're wrong.  

Andor-Watching this now (at time of writing...this post).  I've now thought of justification for why there's a Star Wars look so prevalent throughout the entire galaxy.  It's just like how, with the Internet, on Earth we're probably starting to see and will continue to see more similarities between different countries whether it be in conspiracy theories, architecture, language, art, popular culture, etc.  

I didn't much like Andor except for the storyline involving Andy Serkis. That I loved. I told Tim that Disney should make an attraction based on these scenes. Disney guests can pay to have the chance to build equipment for the Imagineers. It would also provide more career placements for cast members who tend to be snarky/grumpy rather than cheerful and friendly.  

Lightyear- But maybe they were sometimes on Earth?  I forget.

The Midnight Club-Not bad, but I liked it less than the Haunting of Hill House, The Haunting of Bly Manor, and Midnight Mass.  It was fun seeing Heather Langenkamp.  

MYSTICAL PLACE

Schmigadoon-We watched only one episode.  I love musicals.  But I didn't like the songs. And since the songs were a big part of the show, I let Tim know I wasn't interested in continuing with it.  I don't think he was either.  Sometimes, one of us will like a show the other wants to quit; then we end up watching it alone.  OR, in my case, I put it in my long too-watch list and hope that Random.org comes through for me.    

Some shows that Tim has dropped out of that I'm waiting for Random.org to pick for me: Evil, The Walking Dead, and Doctor Who.  Good news is...my last Random.org pick was for Doctor Who.  I'm excited for that.  

Upload

Lost City-An island somewhere.  I was just trying to find out where it was supposed to take place and Google informed me it is similar to Romancing the Stone.  I vaguely remember liking that movie, but I guess I didn't remember the movie itself enough to recognize the similarities.

Westworld-I liked season four better than season three but much less than season one and two.  I was just thinking.  It's not just the loss of the main setting that bothered me. It's more Aaron Paul.  And I think Aaron Paul is wonderful.  I love him as Todd in BoJack Horseman.  I also loved him in The Path.  But in Westworld, he almost feels like a cousin Oliver. 

I think it would have been fine to add Paul to the cast. But they didn't just do that.  They made him the central character.  My heart wasn't with him.  It was almost like the creators were thinking...we can't have women robots or a Black man robot as our  main protagonist. We need a white man.    

Maleficent

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

My issue with Heredity: The daughter in the movie acts...strange, different.  She seemed kind of autistic. As an autistic person myself, I had that secret wish that in the end, it would turn out that despite her weirdness, creepiness...it would turn out she was a good person.  Instead...if you dig deep and read what the director intended, the daughter was possessed by a demon all along.  Also, with the title and other scenes, the movie seemed to imply that the whole family was believed to have mental health challenges and/or neurological differences.  Instead, it turns out...they were just involved with demonic stuff.  The movie could provide a pretty big contribution to negative mental health stigmas.    

Sorry This Isn't Holiday Related Nor Holiday-Cheerful

I am functioning pretty okay today.

But underneath the functioning, I feel a mix of

anxiety

despair

dread

guilt

shame

embarrassment

uneasiness 

disillusionment

Ah....now I'm thinking that the last one might be the cause of the ones above it.

I think what happens is I sometimes feel great joy and excitement about small things.  Then I suddenly realize those small things aren't as good as I imagined they would be.

OR...

Is it the opposite?

Are the other feelings causing my joy-for-small-things to fade?

* * *

In other feeling-news, I think I'm torn between three plans.

A) Stop creating new content. Give up as much as possible.  Fade into the background. Spend the rest of my life being more of a listener and content consumer. (though still planning to make book-books from stuff I've already written in case it's my destiny to be more appreciated after I'm dead)

B) Keep creating content but expect and be okay with rarely having readers, listeners, viewers, etc.  And also that nagging feeling that the little attention I receive is probably hate-reading or pity-reading.  

C) Keep creating content.  Maybe this will be my year.

C feels incredibly doubtful to me.

A feels the most comfortable to me, but I keep failing at it.  Like for example: I'm writing this post.  

B is depressing and stressing.  It kind of makes me spiral.  Because I tend to have this belief that it's my destiny to fail. 

I tend to imagine that it's my destiny to create stuff that rarely gets seen and when it does get seen, it's almost always going to be disliked and/or rejected.

And I think that's actually kind of narcissistic, because maybe (I hate to admit this) there's that underlying feeling of: I make good stuff but the universe is punishing me for some reason and no matter how brilliant my creation is, I will continue to be rejected, because....

I'm cursed or something.

You know...instead of having the mentally healthy and reasonable stance of: The content I make is not total shit, but it's a little shitty.  Keep working and one day, it might be good...or great.

No...never mind that mindset doesn't work for me.

If I was younger, maybe it would.

Now I'm old and feeling that if, after all these years of writing, I'm not good enough...I will never be good enough.

I mean it's not like I'm a cute little 50-year-old woman that suddenly decided to pick up a writing-hobby.  I've been doing this writing and failing thing since the age of twelve.  

If I'm a bad writer, it's NOT from a lack of practice and training.  

* * *

I have a lot of ageism.

Or maybe it's realism.

I know that people are successful in their 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, etc.  I know old people can do great things.  But I think usually they were already very successful...or they were at least nicely climbing their way up to success.

I don't think there are many cases of people being failures and then suddenly past 50, they're suddenly successful. Sure. It does happen.  But it's rare enough that when it does happen, somewhere someone is probably going to write an inspirational article about it.  

* * *

I'm actually now thinking (hoping) that maybe my delusional feelings aren't narcissistic.  I think with narcissism, there's a belief that we're brilliant and superior; but other people, because they are inferior, are unable to appreciate our wonderfulness.  

I don't feel that. 

My feeling is more along the lines of: the content I create is good enough.  Like all content, it's going to be brilliant, mediocre, or terrible...all depending on who is reading or hearing it.  And not because they are superior or inferior to me but just because we all have different likes and dislikes.

(For example: The Sandman is a 9 to some.  For me, it's like...a 7)

What I imagine is, I will continue to fail, because it's my destiny to create stuff that's usually not seen or heard at all.  And in the rare cases that it is seen and heard, it's going to be seen and heard by people who don't like me or my creations.  

* * *

I think a lot of autistic influencers write angsty stuff like this.

Woe is me.

I'm awkward.

I don't feel loved enough.

I'm a failure.

I've always been unpopular.....

Their content is very relatable to other autistic people. 

Then one day it becomes: Oh cool! I have a few followers.  This is SO wonderful.

Then: Oh wow!  I have two hundred followers.  People like me!

Then: If you're interested in supporting me, please join my Patreon.  It will give you access to my private chat group. 

When they get to the point of being successful influencers, does it make sense for them to continue to take on role of the lonely, rejected, angsty, awkward, autistic person? That's been their shtick.  Should they keep on with that?  

This is something I've thought about lately but am not personally worried about.  Because A) I don't have much hope in being successful B) If my curse and my destiny changes; (yeah, I'm going to fall back on that narrative) even though I have a fair bit of angsty posts like this, I have other stuff as well)

* * *

I turned off comments on this post, and I think I'm going to turn off comments on any future angsty posts like this.

Because 

A) I worry, that in parts, it sounds like I'm fishing for compliments.  

B) I HATE getting compliments, reassurances, pep talks, etc. when I'm in this kind of mood.

C) If I leave comments open; I see people reading; and no one is saying anything, the automatic assumption is that they hate me, I'm a burden, my blog's a burden, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  

 * * *

I wish I could say that writing this post has made me feel better about things.

But really...it just makes me feel stressed and behind with the various things I meant to get done today.  

* * *

(Edited to add)

I think I might be coming up with a plan for myself.

I'm going to make it public, because it will push me to stick with the plan.  Because breaking private plans is hard enough.  Breaking public-made plans is humiliating.

So....

My plan for 2023 is to.....

A) Take a year-long hiatus from blogging.  I'm going to publish my 2022 What-I-Watched post and maybe that will be my last post until I do my 2023 What-I-Watched-Post.  

I say maybe because if my curse is lifted and a miracle happens; if my blog suddenly becomes popular, I give myself permission to exit the hiatus.  

B) I'm going to try to post less on social media—spend more time consuming than creating.  This will save me the angst of wondering, why are my cousins never liking or commenting on my posts.  And...Did this person really like my post or are they just going to my profile and quickly liking the last few posts?  

C) I'm going to make four more episodes of my podcast before completely giving up.  If I still have only 1-2 listeners per episode, I give myself permission to label that venture a failure.

Note: I'd be totally happy with having only one or two listeners.  But I'm pretty sure the listeners I'm seeing listed in stats are just my own self.

Note 2: I just got back to doing my podcast. I did two episodes in May and gave up.  Then I realized that if a miracle happens and someone does see my podcast listed and it IS a subject they're interested in, they probably won't listen to it if they see that there are only two episodes and that I haven't made any new episodes for seven months.  But today, I did a third episode, and I plan to do four more in the next few weeks or more.  

D) I don't need to feel guilty about my hiatus, because I am going to be working on making a concrete, tangible Lulu version of one of my novels and some of my blog.  So it's not like I'm abandoning my creative side all-together.  

E) I'm trying to ignore the nagging voice that's saying I should at least create the content that promotes other content.  AMPLIFY VOICES!   But I have such low influence. My weak promotional whispers aren't really amplifying.  And I'll be at least quietly amplifying the books I read with the little Goodreads widget to the right.  

F) I will be honest and brave enough to admit that there's a part of me that believes I AM cursed and the cure to this curse is to go on a year hiatus.  I will spend some parts of this next year swimming in this delusion.  But mostly, I'm going to replace my content-creating time with content-consuming.  I'm going to hopefully read more, watch more, and listen more.   

The hardest thing will probably
be not sharing all my AI art.
But someone on Mastodon 
said something that made me think.
They said that
There's so much art being created and
probably not enough eyes to see it all.
So we should probably just make it
for our own eyes.
Plus, I know the concept of AI art is
terrifying and offensive to some.
So I feel somewhat uneasy
when I post stuff. 

 

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

My Adventures in AI Art

My special interest right now is AI art.  

I had read a little about it months ago, and Jack had given us some demonstrations.  But I didn't get very into it until a few weeks ago.

Someone I follow on Instagram posted their art with a link to the Starryai account and app.  I quickly decided to give it a try and soon became fairly obsessed.  I even bought a couple months of the pro version.  

I have come to figure out that with the free version, you get 5 credits a day; plus you can earn credits by watching an add or posting your artwork on social media.  There are limits, though.  Otherwise, I might be spamming Instagram and watching tons of ads all day.

Each credit allows you to use one prompt (which can include a ton of words) and the result will include four different pictures.  

The pro account comes with a bunch of extra credits. I sadly used up those within a couple of days. I'm not sure if they gave me all the extra credits at once, and I've used them all. OR if there's a monthly allotment, and at some point, I'm going to get a lot of credits again.

There's controversy surrounding the AI art, because you can tell the AI to make art in the style of specific artists.  Some (many?) artists aren't happy about this.  I've been mostly avoiding using prompts with the names of artists.  

Until recently, I was somewhat overwhelmed by all the style prompts there are to choose one.  I would kind of test various things out, often being unhappy with the results.  One of the problems is I don't know what a lot of things mean, and I think sometimes I would contradict myself.

A few days ago, I decided to make all my art acrylic on canvas and spend more time describing what I want.  I've been much more happier with the results.

In terms of subjects, every so often I use my personal angst to come up with prompts but mostly I've been going down the list of my dream symbols (objects, characters, and places) on the Oniri app.  And then I try to add some extra context, color ideas, etc.  

But...anyway....enough of my blabbing.

I'm going to share some of what I've received from my AI friends. 

This is one of the first I did. I was trying
to recreate "Dream City" the place I try
to go to in most of my lucid dreams. 

Another picture of Dream City

The subject prompt for this one was "The three doctors are
wondering what to do". I don't remember why I used that 
particular prompt, but I do know I was surprised that it 
ended up being a Doctor Who thing. I had been thinking
about medical doctors.  As this picture illustrates, AI art is 
not so great at counting.  

This is one of my favorites but when I was still all over
the place in terms of prompts.  My main desire, though,
was a blue, Victorian style restaurant.

Disney World, specifically Epcot
with way too many prompts...that
probably contradicted each other

With this one I was going for Anxious Hands, anxiety.
What struck me most about this result is that the 
girl in the picture sort of looks like me as a child.
Or at least I think so.  You CAN use actual photos
for a starting point.  But I didn't with that one. 
Using photos was something I did when I had
tons of credits.  I wasn't pleased with 
the results, so I had stopped trying.  

AI is great for creating unintentional horror.  This was
just supposed to be children at a birthday party in 1977...which 
would have been the year I had my first classmates-invited
birthday party.  

More unintentional horror. This one was supposed
to be a worried mother.  And yeah. I guess
there is reason to worry there.  

This one was supposed to be someone wearing
shorts and headphones.  Only the headphones showed up.
I was essentially trying to make autistic people.    

I think this was around the time that I
decided I would stick to the acrylic paint option
for most/all of my AI art.  I was happy with the results here,
and I've been happier since using the acrylic paint. 

With this and the one below, I had wanted
flowers, Creepers, Daleks, and monkeys. I
didn't think I had gotten Creepers but now
I'm thinking...maybe the guy on the right? 

I didn't get the frosting I requested, but I'm quite
happy that AI came through with the cherries
and cookies. 

Words used for this prompt included therapist,
neurodivergent, fun, kind, couch, and plushies. I
think this represents my hopes/fantasies for if I ever
manage to find a good therapist for
neurodivergent folks.  

I was trying to do a girl flying in the street
during a lucid dream.  

I have a lot more I want to share. I'll do so in future posts. Probably. 

With the photo posts I've been doing lately...I kind of worry a bit about reaching the Blogger-photo limit. Is there still one?

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

 

Shut Up!

Before almost any planned social encounter, I plead with myself to be as quiet as possible.

When I was young I was painfully shy and hated being that way.

But these past several years, I've wanted to go back to being super quiet.

Before the encounters, I tell myself to silently listen as much as possible. Blend into the background. If someone asks a question, answer it in as simple terms as possible. Try to redirect the question towards them.  But be careful. If you're too weird about it, they might get suspicious and ask even more questions.  OR they might bluntly ask, Dina. Is something wrong?

Maybe they'll say that in a nice way which is a problem, because you could end up crying.

There's more of a chance they'll say it with an aura of: Dina, once again you're being so weird. So, what's the problem this time?  

So yeah.

Keep quiet as much as possible but not too quiet.  

Smile and laugh.  Join in that way.  Be like a studio audience.  That's a safe way to participate.

* * *

I usually fail.

I go in planning to be quiet.  Quiet but friendly.

At some point, I become overstimulated.

I talk.

I talk too much.

I say too much.

I wish I could say that after the event, I feel content with what happened and realize how wrong I had been.

Nope.

Sometimes it happens immediately.  Sometimes it takes an hour or two.  Sometimes it might even take a day or so.  But eventually, I look back and feel regret and shame.

I worry I've revealed too much...that I've overshared.  And some of the stuff might later be used against me.

I worry I've said something to hurt someone's feelings.

I worry I put my foot in my mouth.  

I worry I wasn't warm and loving enough; that I was too cold.

I worry I've said something inappropriate.

I worry I didn't listen well enough or respond the best way.

* * *

I might be giving the wrong impression here.

It kind of sounds like I'm always taking center stage and hogging all the conversations.

In reality, I can be talkative but I'm often talked over and interrupted...especially when there's a group of us.  It's hard for me to get many words in before I'm cut off.  

It bothers me that I'm not heard.

It also bothers me and scares me when I am heard.

Even if I feel comfortable and content with reactions at the moment, later I look back and feel differently.  I feel people were bored by me or annoyed with me.  I imagine that they also miss quiet, sweet, polite Dina.  

* * *

I wish I could say that when I do succeed at being quiet, that I'm satisfied and all is well.

But that would be a lie.

I end up feeling invisible and unseen.  

Often when I manage to be quiet, I feel disgruntled and judgmental.   

Maybe it's because sometimes the other people made it too easy for me to be quiet.

They didn't ask me any questions.  They talked on and on about themselves. When I did try to say anything about my own life, they gave me a blank stare...or cut me off. 

I guess this goes back to the beginning and partly answers the question of WHY I tell myself to be quiet.

A lot of it goes from being embarrassed and ashamed of what I end up saying and the way that I say it.

But It's also predicting from past experience that I'm rarely going to be able to get past the first few words of my story.

That if I do end up getting to share a complete thought, there's a very good chance that I'm going to be bombarded with unsolicited advice.

That if someone asks me a question about something I actually do want to talk about...such as a trip I've just taken, they're going to quickly turn the conversation back to themselves and what happened to them when they went to that same place.  

That even if they listen with kindness...who knows what they're saying behind my back.  

That if I share something special, they will say something that makes me feel silly for thinking it's special or make me feel small with one-upmanship.  Raining on my parade. 

Keep those parades private and sacred.....

* * *

Well...so...that is why I tend to dread social events and why I can feel like my world is crashing when I go to one social event and soon hear that there is another social event I should be going to.

 

* * *

Do many other people feel this way?  A lot? A little? 

A tiny bit?

For the people who never feel that way or hardly feel that way....

I just can't imagine what that's like...to go to a social event feeling confident and to look back at the event still feeling confident and satisfied.  I guess these are the people who keep wanting more and more social events.  Right?  

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Can't You Be Happy For Me?

(inspired by a post I saw on Instagram...in which I had an urge to comment but decided it might be better to try to write a post)

We're very proud of something we've done.

We're very happy that something wonderful has happened to us.

We share our good news.

The response we get back from someone in particular is very blah.  

Maybe silence.  

Maybe a dull, simple response. Good.

Maybe a cutting remark.

Maybe they change the subject as quickly as possible.

Here are some reasons a person might respond in that way.

1. They're self-centered and/or selfish.  They can't stand when the spotlight is not on them.

2. They have a need to control us, and it's easier to control us if we don't like ourselves too much.

3. They are a foul-weather friend.  

4. They're jealous and don't have the skills to hide it.

5. We overshare, and they are literally tired of having to give so much validation. Enough is enough.

6. On more than one occasion, we have been silent or blah about their good news.  This could be revenge we deserve. Or it could be a cycle that goes back and forth.  

7. They are an instrument of Karma.

8. They are morally against what we're excited about, and they don't like to lie.  

For example: I personally do not like when people share their "good deed" of spending time with someone who is autistic, disabled, elderly, dealing with chronic illness, etc.  But....if they are doing a ton of actual work to help that person, that's (sometimes) a different story. 

9. We are racist, transphobic, homophobic, misogynist, antisemitic, Islamophobic, abusive, etc and when very good things happen to us, some people don't see that as a positive thing.   

10. They actually didn't get the message.  NOT they didn't read the message, because they're too self-absorbed to take the time to read what's going on with others. But the text didn't come through. The email got lost.  Our text or social media post got buried in a crowd of content or other texts.   

11. The sharing of good news about ourselves involves violating the privacy of others.  For example, we forward an email with someone giving us high praises, and the emailer also shared private/personal stuff about themselves in the email.  

12. We repeatedly fail to show gratitude, give credit where credit is due, or show humility.  It's Look what I've done instead of Look what we've done.  Or Look what I've done with the help and support of others.  

13. A mixture of all or some of the above. 

Made with AI art 
(which is totally my new special interest right now) 

 

 

Some Photos from My 50th Birthday Disney Trip

I'm not in a very talkative mood right now.  But I told myself I was going to make photo posts from my trip, and I feel if I don't do it now, I'll end up never doing it.  Then I'll feel I took an excessive amount of photos for no reason.

I was originally going to make multiple posts with lots of photos.  I think instead I'm going to do this one post.

So...here it goes.

A smiley, friendly sun at 
Animal Kingdom Lodge

Chair fabric at Animal Kingdom
Lodge.

Me at Disney Springs 

Tim at Saana. He was with me for the
first two nights of the trip

The many bread dips of the 
Saana bread service 

My first night alone I walked
around the Boardwalk and took photos
and listened to my audio book

Buildings like this, at night, remind me of
my special dreams that take place 
in what I call "Dream City" so
I'm kind of infatuated with them. 
Another place, at Disney, that gives me this
feeling is the city scene on the Mexico ride in
World Showcase.

Another picture from the night walk.
It's kind of become a special, magical
memory to me.  I was partly
there on the Boardwalk and
partly on a pirate ship with James Hook,
Smee, and Blackbeard.

Frozen was the first 
ride I went on this trip. 

Soarin' was funny, because
after the video where we are told
to take off our Mickey ears and stow other
stuff, a Cast Member (or was it via announcement?)
insisted that we keep our Mickey ears and 
other small things ON us. I guess there
have been too many cases of people leaving
small items under the seat. And Disney probably 
finally realized that Mickey Ear, glasses, hats, etc.
were NOT flying off people during the ride.

One of way too many photos I took
in the Living with the Land greenhouse.

There were many cast members
inside the Greenhouse setting
up little scenes and also working
in the science area. That was cool to see.
 I wish I had gotten
photos of that. Instead I got a photo of one
of the scenes they set up.

Epcot construction.

This is the best photo of Spaceship Earth
I've ever taken.  It might be the best I've seen.
It's probably arrogant to feel I deserve
some kind of reward. But...I do. 

Disney construction and random strangers.
Two things I like taking photos of. 

I was eating my Lefse and Rice pudding 
in Kringla Bakeri Og Kafe
when I suddenly noticed I had
a delightful butt view. 

A very cool plant at the Beach Club

Waiting for Rise of the Resistance 
to open in the morning. It had some problems.

A drone

Another drone 

I got many photos of the backside
of stormtroopers and Kylo Wren.
One thing about solo trips is there's
no one to stop you from spending your time
following Star War characters for an extended period of time
in an attempt to get a good photo of the front of them. 
Note: These guys move quite fast. 

Cast Members blocking the temporarily
closed Smugglers Run. They did the same 
thing at Rise of the Resistance, but I failed
to get a photo. They were very strict in a similar
spirit to the First Order cast members on the ride.
It was delightful.  Seriously, I think the quest to
get on Rise of the Resistance is just as exciting as the ride itself.
And I don't mean that as an insult to the ride. The 
ride is fantastic. But trying to get on the ride whether
by waiting in the rain, hoping it reopens or having a virtual queue adventure.
I think these will be some of my most favorite Disney memories. 

From Toy Story Mania.
Peter Pan was especially special to me this trip,
because I was reading the book below.

I choose my books somewhat randomly and luck had it
that I was listening to this through out my trip.
Well, I have a long list of authors and use random.org
to pick the author. I ended up with Serena Valentino who
writes stories about Disney villains.  I was about to say (because I believed it so)
that I had chosen Captain Hook. But now I'm thinking I didn't.
I think I used Random.org to choose which book to read. I'm horrible at making
decisions!!!!  Though later I read it's recommended to start with
the first book in the series. The Captain Hook one of the most recent. Oops.

If you look at this photo close enough, you will
see the little guy who decided that although it was fine for me to be 
at Disney World on my own, I shouldn't ride 
every single ride alone.  He kindly insisted on
staying with me for the entire duration of the ride.  AND I kindly moved to the
other side of the vehicle not wanting him to feel crowded. 

I got up very early that morning. I was the first and only person
at the bus stop. I was the only one on the bus. I was one of the first
in line at Magic Kingdom. Unfortunately, I wasn't one of the
first inside the park. Because I went through a fairly long round of
"Do you have lotion on your hand? Are you sure that's the finger
you used before?

 

Splash Mountain. It may be a bit racist.
But it is quite photogenic. I'm sure the Princess and 
the Frog will be as well. Hopefully the racists will
boycott the new ride, and the lines will be short.  

I usually don't have much of a desire to ride 
Pirates of the Caribbean.  The Captain Hook
book made me want to ride it twice. Though that 
ended up not happening, because it shut down when
I was in line the second time. 

Towards the end of the day, this popped up.
I texted to Tim: Hope Jeff Goldblum
doesn't have to eat his words. 
I was delighted, though, because getting
this message made the ride breakdown 
feel like a big deal. And I was in the line 
when it had the breakdown.  I felt
like I was part of history.

I used to have a crush on this guy. Now I
pretty much despite him. Thanks to Serena Valentino.

One of many photos I took of this guy. 

Tom Sawyer Island. I didn't go there
but liked the house and liked how
the photo turned out.

I meant to go on at least twice but only
went on once. I'm okay with that, though.

Carpet at Space Mountain.
I love Disney carpet so much. 

All in all, I had a really good time. 

 I'm hoping we will still be able to take whole-family trips to Disney World or Disneyland. But I think there will also be more solo Disney trips for each of us. Jack took one last summer. I took this one. Tim is going in February. 

 I tend to have post-Disney-trip regrets. 

My only one this time was that it seemed to be a birthday trip only inside my own head.  I don't think anyone else got the memo.  

No, I wasn't there exactly on my 50th birthday. I came home three days before...the reason being I didn't want to be there during the Thanksgiving week. But I had talked about it, and seen it, as being my birthday trip. 

The only time my birthday was mentioned, though, was by the TSA agent, at the airport, just before I went through security. He noticed the date on my ID and wished me a happy birthday. I was delighted and imagined it would be the first of multiple mentions of my birthday on the trip. But it actually ended up being the last. 

I didn't want any big surprises or an excessive amount of attention. I guess I would have wanted just a small acknowledgment. Like a text: Hope you're enjoying your birthday trip!  Or a commemorative photo.  

I briefly considered...maybe longed for...one of those celebration buttons. But I feared that would lead to awkward, embarrassing, and/or lonely moments. 

Note: I did get several birthday wishes on my actual birthday from family, friends, and relatives. I appreciate that. 

I think the mistake I made is depending on others to acknowledge that my Disney trip was a birthday trip. I should have done something myself to acknowledge it— bought myself a special birthday souvenir or labeled one of the many Disney treats I ate as a birthday treat. 

In the end, though...being there was a gift in itself. And another gift is the prospect of future trips. 

Next time I go, whether alone or with others, I'm going to make a point of labeling something I do or eat as a birthday thing. Even if it's months away from my birthday. 

(I guess I ended up being talkative, after all.  If anyone is surprised about that...they're either new here or haven't been paying enough attention) 

Edited to add (1/1/2021)-Was looking at old texts and saw that one of my sisters DID mention my birthday in texts!!  I'm not sure how I missed it.  

Read my novel: The Dead are Online