Karen, Please Don't Sit So Close To Me

I had a Covid 19 dream.

I think this is my fourth or fifth.

So in this dream.....

We are siting in the den. Tim tells me he and his sister are planning to take a trip together in July. I'm annoyed, because he has been so careful about the whole quarantine thing. So why now does he think traveling will be okay by July?

Our friend Karen is there. She comes and sits close to me. I don't want to make a fuss, so I just discreetly move to another seat. Then she follows me there as well. 

I move away again and remind her about social distancing. She sheepishly tells me she keeps forgetting about that.

Based on my other dreams and conscious feelings, my guess is that the dream is 90% about coronavirus anxiety.  Though I think I might actually be more scared of the people than the virus.  I think the virus has just awakened something in me that I was somewhat suppressing.

I see people talking about wanting to get back together and hug their friends. I have no such desires!  And I really thought I liked hugging.  I thought I was a hugging type person.

Well, I'll see how I am after the pandemic has ended.  Maybe it's just a temporary aversion that I'll get over.

Note: I'm happy to hug my husband and son.  But the thought of touching anyone outside that small circle and getting close enough to smell them....it just makes me feel yuck.  And I wasn't like that before.

Anyway, I'm going on a tangent again.

I'm wondering if the other 10% behind the dream was Karen-related. I've had anxiety lately about whether or not I'm a Karen. I haven't called the police on any Black people or bothered a Black person for simply taking up space. Which is the worst aspect of a Karen.

I don't have the Karen-hair. Nor am I demanding a haircut. I haven't gotten a professional haircut in about 16 years, actually.

I don't ask for the manager.

BUT....I have been an assertive, complainer at times.  The main times were when I had problems with neurologists and neurology centers. There's a question of where do we draw the line between being rightfully assertive and being a Karen.

And maybe you can have rightful indignation but handle it in the wrong way.  For example, at the third neurologist, I spoke out because their bathrooms had zero soap.  And I went to two of their bathrooms!  I thought that was quite disgusting. I complained to the front desk. I didn't yell at them, but I think I acted kind of Karen-like.  I've been thinking...was it really their fault that the soap was out?  I could have probably talked to them in a more gentle way.

Earlier, with the second neurologist, I demanded an apology for how they treated me. I definitely still think they owed me major apologies. But was it too Karen to demand the apology?  And would things have turned out better if I hadn't demanded the apology. Or would they have still walked all over me?

Anyway, I'm going to have to learn how to balance sticking up for myself with not wanting to be a Karen.

All that being said, the dream could have also been due to the simple fact that I don't have a huge social circle, and three people in that circle are named Karen. There's family friend Karen (the one in the dream), my mother-in-law Karen and cousin Karen. And it's not unusual for me to dream of these Karens...even before Karening became a thing.

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Take Off Those Masks and Stand Close Together

I might be getting a bit paranoid.

Or I might not be.

But I feel I'm right about that, for Trump, this is not about saving the economy. It's about painting the left as people who want to squelch freedom and destroy the American way. That way, to his followers, Trump can appear as the one who is fighting to restore freedom.

The United States was very much not ready to reopen.

We're being infected too much. We're dying too much.

We're not testing enough. We're not tracing enough.

But we opened. I think almost every American city and state is opening...even Democratic ones.

Some places are doing it slowly. But what's slow to some of them seems quite fast to me.

On Saturday, I went on a car ride for the first time since March 24.  It was very disturbing to see the world looking very much the same as it did before the pandemic.

We went to get Bubble Tea. Jack and I stayed in the car. Tim put on his Bart Simpson mask and went into Kung Fu Tea to grab our drinks for all of us. I was glad to see every person going into Kung Fu Tea was wearing a mask. And Tim reported back that everyone inside the shop (customer and employee) wore masks.

I saw a woman from The Cat's Meow veterinarian place walk out without a mask. I judged her back then, but who knows.  If she was alone in there and then going straight to her car, it's probably fine that she wasn't wearing a mask.

I think sometimes some of us are taking the mask thing too far.

I took a walk with my mask when the mask movement first began. I saw hardly anyone and was definitely not within six feet of anyone.

AND

Jack and I both put on our masks for the car ride.  I think my main reason for doing this was because I bought this damn mask and when else am I going to wear it?  I've learned I don't need it for neighborhood walks.  So....

But this new mask is more uncomfortable than my homemade t-shirt one. I ended up taking it off, figuring I could put it on if, for some reason, we decided to get out of the car.

Anyway, we had our bubble tea and decided to drive around a bit. We wanted to see what was happening in the world.

We drove to the Central Market shopping center. There we saw an employee from World Market putting a box into a customer's car.  He wore a mask. The customers he was serving did not. They were standing quite close to him, chatting away.

I was scared for him and angry on his behalf.  I wonder if he was scared and angry as well.

It really bothers me that people see the employees wearing masks and view it as the employee protecting themselves. And they have this idea of, Well, fine if he's scared of the virus. That's his business. But I'm brave. I'm not scared of any virus.

Well, we're actually kind of lucky if they have that attitude of tolerance. Because from what I'm hearing, there are people who are not tolerant. They're actually getting angry at people for wearing masks.

But really. I wish people understood that the masks are for the benefit of the OTHER person and not the person wearing the mask.

I'm blabbing on and on and totally getting away from the whole point of this post.

So back to Trump and what I think he's going to do.

The last I heard he's been pushing for churches and schools to open.

And I think he succeeded with the churches, right?

Or some churches. In some places.

I'm not sure on the school thing. Is he wanting schools to open in the fall? Or is he talking about schools opening now for summer school or year round school?

Things are opening so fast, and there are so many different rules, I can't keep track.

But let's just say that, in general, Trump wants things to open.

A lot of places are making his wish come true. They're opening. But with rules. Employees have to wear masks, tables have to be six feet apart, paper menus, no self-serving buffets, no passing around the collection plate in church.

I've read so many rules. I'm not sure which are local, which have been decided on by individual businesses, which are mandated by the state, which are recommended by the CDC, etc.

What I think, though, is that soon it won't be enough that places have opened.  I think Trump will start complaining about the social distance guidelines.

It won't be good enough that churches have opened and people are in the same room praying together. He'll complain about the masks. He'll say they need to pass around the collection plate. The congregants need to sit close together. They should sing together. They should hug each other and shake hands.

Okay...now I'm remembering where I got these ideas from Trump. They didn't come out of thin air.

It's from what Trump said about sports returning. We really want to see it back to normal so when we have all these thousands, tens of thousands of people going to your majors and going to golf tournaments. We want them to be having that same experience. We don't want them having to wear masks and be doing what we've been doing for the last number of months. Because that's not getting back to normal.

Now if Trump set a good example by wearing a mask...which would not only protect those in proximity to him but also inspire some of his supporters to protect the health of people in THEIR proximity. Well, I'd be more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

But Trump has been playing the part of the asshole who thinks he's too cool for a mask.

So I think it's fair that I assume Trump isn't talking about many months from now or maybe years from now when Covid 19 is only a very rare threat.  I think he's talking about as soon as possible.

He's painting a narrative in which the left wants to prevent Americans from crowding together at sporting events and other venues and he and his cult as being the ones who will fight against this infringement on freedom.

I'm wondering, though. If Trump triumphs and crowds are back at the games while the virus is still spreading, will Trump be among those in the crowd?

A part of me says yes, because he did look up at the sun during the eclipse.  The other part of me thinks that Trump knows very well that Covid 19 is a serious and dangerous thing, But his attitude is that as long as he stays safe from it, he doesn't give a shit about anyone else.

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

If the Country Reopens That Must Mean Covid 19 is No Longer a Problem

Tim and I have noticed there's mindset happening in the United States...and maybe elsewhere.

This is that the country reopening means the Coronavirus drama is over. So it's not about positive tests or deaths. It's about whether you're allowed to eat at a restaurant, go to the gym, or get a haircut.

One of Tim's catch phrases lately is, What has changed?  Meaning: Are there less cases? Less deaths? Do we have a vaccine? Is there widespread testing in your area? A good tracing system in your area?

Has ANYTHING changed besides your favorite restaurant now allowing you to eat inside instead of just picking up food or your child's school declaring they shall be open in the fall?

I've been fascinated (and disturbed) by the Covid 19 skeptics. I mean fascinated enough to start saving Twitter profiles of some of these skeptics, so I can check back and see whether their mindset stays the same or changes throughout the next several months.  

One of the things I've been wondering about is what would change someone's mindset.  

As they say there are no atheists in foxholes. How about Covid 19 skeptics in ICU beds?  

I don't think simply contracting the virus would be enough to change anyone. I think, actually, if someone had a fairly mild case, it might actually confirm their belief that the disease is a small-deal.  

Okay...so my category thing again.  I divided the situations that would cause people to change from a skeptic level to this-shit-is-real-we-need-to-take-action level.

So looking at situations ranging from ICU-death, I'd put people in these categories.

A) People who don't know of anyone who has been in the ICU or died, but they still think it's a huge deal.

B) People who have 2nd and higher associations of ICU or death. For example, their neighbor's aunt or their cousin's teacher.

C) People who have an acquaintance who has been in the ICU or have died. 

D)  People who have a friend or relative who has been in the ICU or died.

E) People who have a very close friend or close family member who has been in the ICU or has died.

F) People who themselves are in the ICU and close to death.  Or I guess if there's an afterlife...maybe they could be dead and thinking, NOW I get why they were making such a big deal about all that.

I think someone would have to be very narcissistic to have to be all the way to F to believe there actually SHOULD be so much fuss over COVID 19. Well, I mean if they already knew other people dying of it.  There could be people in which the first person they know with a bad case of COVID 19 is themselves.  So I wouldn't see them as being super narcissistic.  But if someone's friend died; then wife; then son; etc. died and they were still thinking there's too much fuss over COVID 19 but then they got it and finally understood the disease is quite scary and shitty....well, that would be extremely narcissistic.  

Anyway, as I said I've been collecting Twitter accounts.  

One of them is a guy called Guy With a Phone.

He really seems to think that the rules determine how bad the Covid 19 situation is

On May 16, he Tweets  Yesterday in New Mexico I almost get arrested and refused service at food counter for NOT wearing a mask, Today in Utah, sitting inside Diner drinking coffee eating a meal, What a diff a couple of state lines make, danger zone in NM, ALL clear in Utah, almost like all this a hoax

A few days later, his Tweet: This virus is weird, so dangerous in New Mexico, Oregon, can't even buy food without a mask, in Utah, Oklahoma, Arkansas, sit in restaurants no problem, strange how the virus is so potent in some states and barely noticeably in others.

And the next day, he Tweets So I am in California, walk into a place to eat ... Won't seat you at all, walk across the street, sitting in a diner eating a meal drinking coffee ... One side of the street the virus is deadly, the other side, not dangerous at all ..yep, this is where we are America.

I'm trying to think of an analogy to help my brain deal with his thinking, but I can't think of anything for now.

Okay. Got one.

It would be like comparing two cars. One has seatbelts and the other does not. Then someone says that this shows that driving the car with seatbelts is dangerous and driving the car without seatbelts is safe.

Or how about the person who is getting chemotherapy HAS cancer and the person who chooses to forgo chemotherapy does not have cancer.

Even if the danger of the virus could be measured by what is open in an area...the thinking is still very illogical and ignorant.  Because there ARE areas, at this point, where the virus is more prevalent.  This is in no way evidence that the disease is a hoax.

Covid 19 is not evenly distributed around the world.  I think most people DO understand that at least. What some of them might not understand, though, is that the distribution can change. There might not be a scary amount of cases in our county this week, but there might be a lot next week.

Guy with a Phone shows he doesn't understand that with this earlier Tweet.  Look folks, if you don't want to die from the Wu Flu, it is simple, don't contract it while old or already badly ill ..and ..well ..don't Live in that Hell called New York .. The rest of you go about your lives normally ... You are Welcome!

One thing I'm thinking that gives me hope and peace of mind...while at the same time making me feel stupid is that this Guy With a Phone COULD be a parody account.  I kind of doubt it, though.

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Millions Dead from the Economy or 100-200 Thousand Dead From Covid 19?

We've been having a lot of discussion and debate in my family about reopening in the United States.

To us on the left, it's happening way too fast, and we're alarmed by the low level of testing and tracing and also by the people refusing to wear masks.

My parents, both on the right, push for the need to open the economy.

Recently there was a text declaring that millions would die if the economy falls, and that would be worse than the 100-200 thousand people who might die of the virus.

I had an urge to ask...well, what about the OTHER animals on this planet then? How do they manage to survive without an economy.

Although a lot of animals are NOT doing very well. But a lot of that has to do with us....and probably mostly due to our economy.

Now sometimes when people text things, I'm not sure if they are being hyperbolic, if they have facts behind what they're saying, if they're making things up, or if they've made a typo.

I'm not an expert on economics. I mean far from it, really.

Wait. Rewind.

I didn't say the animal thing in my head. Instead I suggested that the billionaires could help prevent people from dying.  They couldn't save everyone, of course. But maybe they could pitch in, so it's not millions dying?

Anyway, I was curious about how and why so many people would die from economic disaster. I didn't doubt that there would be despair and death. But the idea that more people would die from economic problems than a virus surprised me.

So I Googled deaths during the Great Depression.

I ended up with this article from History.com. According to them, people actually lived LONGER during the Great Depression.

Why?

Various theories and things. Less stress. Less driving. Less smoking. Less pollution.

Unemployed people were more depressed, but they had lower blood pressure.

Now before we cheer for the economy to totally collapse, the article does contain a counter-theory. This is that there's a lag. The good health seen is from what was happening before the economy tanked. The bad health from the economy tanking might be seen later.

I think, though, that I can continue wanting people to stay at home for a few more months and not feel guilty of having a mindset that has the potential to kill millions.

Yesterday I made up categories. Because that is something I tend to like to do.

I divided people into four groups.

A) Those who think protecting people from Covid 19 illness and death should be the top priority.

B) Those who think Covid 19 is horrible and scary but see an economic collapse as being worse. They're the cure-can't-be-worse-than-the-disease people.

C) Those who think Covid 19 is a hoax or a Democratic exaggeration. They think it's a political ploy to prevent Donald Trump from holding huge rallies and people from getting haircuts. These are the people who refuse to wear masks and get angry and disgusted with those who do wear them.

D) People who are just apolitical and really just want to visit their grandma, hang out at the park, go to Disney World, etc.  They will go without masks...not as a political statement. But they just haven't bothered to make or buy one.

This morning I started thinking of something.

It's something I've thought about in terms of Disney World but didn't apply it to the rest of the economy.

A few weeks ago, I started brainstorming ideas of how Disney could open before a vaccine.

My idea: Have double the amount of people they allow at the After Hour Event. I know it would look more intelligent if I gave a capacity percentage. But I'm ignorant to what the usual capacity is.

After Hours is pretty empty, though. So if they doubled that, social-distancing would probably be doable.

My suggestion was that 50% of guests pay double the price. This would be for the very rich folks who have money to spare. Then 40% pay regular price, and those people would be chosen by a lottery. And then 10% would be people given free admission. These could be families of essential workers and other struggling and/or extra-deserving people.

Anyway...I had all kinds of ideas about the parks. Some of it was similar to what Shanghai Disney ended up doing. I won't go into all of it.

But one question I had back then was whether it would be worth it?  Would revenue make up for the operational costs?

I really have no idea.

I don't know how much it costs to run Disney World on a daily basis.

I'm guessing the fireworks are expensive. And paying salaries. Does it cost a lot of money each time to run each ride?  Or are most of the ride costs due to the actual creation of the ride?  A part of me thinks it's the latter, because otherwise why would they keep running the very unpopular rides?

Well....maybe that's about guest satisfaction. Every so often, there might be someone angry that Imagination has closed.

Although...now I'm arguing with myself again.  Rides DO shut down for refurbishment, and guests seem to survive that.

The basic question, though, is would it be worth it for Disney to open parks up at low capacity?

Tim lately has said this kind of thing about other places. What's the point of restaurants opening up at low capacity?  How are they going to make enough money?

I wasn't ignoring him when he said this. I did hear him. I paid attention. But I was more preoccupied with the idea of people going to restaurants and catching the virus. I was more into the health aspects of reopening.

This morning, though, it alls started sinking in more.

The people who keep crying out about the economy....

I know some of them are quite educated about the economy...much more than me.

Why are they pushing for restaurants, gyms, beauty shops, tattoo parlors, etc. to open up if the businesses won't make enough money at the required capacity level?

Plus these places have to spend money on disposable menus. They'll probably need to redesign the bathrooms to be less germy. They'll have to hire more cleaning staff.  How are they going to make enough money to make up for all that and the other stuff that restaurants usually have to pay for.

Then I read somewhere.....

I'm not sure if it was one restaurant's rule or something more widespread. But it said waitstaff would be limited to one table at a time.

Members of my family have talked about people needing to get back to work so they can pay their bills.

I personally wish the government would do what other countries are doing and pay these people their salaries for a few months.

But that probably won't happen here. Unfortunately.

So the waitresses and waiters will need to put on a mask, hope for the best...so they can pay their bills and have enough food.

Okay but can they really manage that with only one table?  I don't think so. UNLESS restaurants do away with the whole tipping thing and pay their staff higher wages.

Oh and while we talked about that, Tim talked about how Australia has higher restaurant prices BECAUSE they don't have the tipping thing. Then I felt dumb and guilty, because I've complained about Australian restaurants being too expensive.

Anyway....

What I suspect is that social distancing and thriving businesses don't go well together.

From what I know, good business equals crowds.

We might not like the Disney crowds, but I'm pretty sure the executives love them.

I ended up with a rather nasty conclusion.  This doesn't apply to all conservatives. But I think it probably applies to all or most Trump supporter conservatives. The push to reopen is NOT about saving the economy. Because a robust economy probably can't coexist with social distancing.

I think the push to reopen is a protest.

A protest against what?

Democrats taking away freedom.

It's about shaping the narrative to one in which the left wants everyone locked up at home...hanging out in their basement, and the right wants to bring back freedom.

It's a narrative in which the economy and our old way of life are so sacred that the elderly are willing to die for it.

I personally am fine if we all stay at home for a few months, a few years, or even a few decades.

Why?

Because I'm picturing Ready Player One becoming reality. And I think with something like that, we can TRANSFORM the economy rather than kill it.

Although, I'd probably rather the world be a quarantine world for several months rather than decades.

 If we're all sitting on our butts all day in Ready Player One World, we probably WILL be unhealthy. Then the prediction of millions of people dying could possibly come true.

One more thing.

My other theory is that people who push for the reopening are also people who don't watch and read a lot of science fiction.  I think with people like me...we kind of always expected something like this to happen.

I think some of us, in the back of our mind, have always been waiting for four things to happen.

A) A pandemic (Zombie or otherwise)

B) Time travel

C) Visit from extraterrestrials.

D) An apocalypse...which could be caused by (A or C).

I think some of us are more open to the world totally changing, because we've been expecting it all along.

And also...maybe I wasn't paying enough attention. But I don't remember scenes in any movie where someone is more worried about the economy than the disaster.

When there's an astroid hurling towards Earth, I don't think the movie President says, We're all going to probably die soon, but make sure you keep clocking in at your job. We don't want the stock market going down. 

When the Hitchcock people were hiding from all those birds, I don't think anyone said something like Well, we can hide here for awhile, but eventually we're going to have to get out there and open things back up.

When Rick Grimes met Morgan for the first time, I don't remember them discussing how they can hurry up and get the economy back on track.

Sometimes you just have to run, scream, and hide.

Then later...if you're still alive, you can go shopping and out to dinner.

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Trying to Turn Off The Exorcist

Last night I had a recurring dream and also a dream within a dream kind of thing.

Tim and I are watching a documentary about movies. They start showing clips from The Exorcist, and there's stuff about the woman who played the demon face in the movie. 

I'm okay with, at first. But then I start worrying they're going to show the scarier scenes, and I realize I don't want to be watching them. I decide I want to turn off the TV.  I go to the TV and try to turn it off but am unable to do so.

This reminds me of the dreams I used to have where I couldn't turn off The Exorcist. I ask Tim to help me, and he's grump and very disinterested in offering assistance. I'm annoyed by his lack of help and also his apparent ignorance about my past issues with the movie.  

I've long ago lost my fear of The Exorcist. But I guess I'm still haunted by the idea I won't be able to turn it off.  I think this, though, was a new twist. I may be wrong, but I think usually, in the dream, I'm faced with the problem alone. Now I am not alone...physically. But emotionally I am.

Side note: I have confused memories of not overly long ago( I mean within the last decade) of talking to someone connected to the demon face in The Exorcist. I think she was married to an American-Australian who wrote an Australian novel, and I was critical of the novel. And she was critical of my criticism. But who was she??  Was she the actual actress/stunt woman? Or someone connected to the actress? 

I want to search my email to see if there are any clues there. But I'm not sure if it was an email or a comment.

OR wait. Maybe what happened is she had the same name as this person, and I thought she was The Exorcist demon face woman. But I just guessed and had no proof.

Well.....

Lord Wiki says the actress's name is Eileen Dietz. She's married to a guy named Thomas Albany. I don't see anything about him writing an Australian novel. 

Okay. I did some digging into my emails.  I first searched for Eileen and came up empty. Then I searched for Dietz and ended up with an email from a Denise Dietz.  I'm not sure how I got the idea she is somehow related to Eileen Dietz.

I shall keep digging. I have to trust that my past self (of 2011) was at least somewhat logical.

Well, before more digging, I should make a correction.

The author (Gordon Aalborg) is NOT America-Australian. He's Canadian-Australian. 

Denise Dietz had a website that she linked to in her email. Maybe that's where The Exorcist stuff was mentioned?  But now the website isn't working....so not much help there.

Here's an interview with Denise Dietz. I skimmed through; saw nothing about The Exorcist. Maybe 2011 me was NOT logical and had this idea that everyone named Dietz is connected to The Exorcist.

Although that makes no sense, because if you ever asked me who played the demon face in The Exorcist I wouldn't be able to give you the name offhand. I mean Linda Blair...I could that. And Mercedes McCambridge...definitely.  That's all common knowledge in my brain. But Dietz? No.

Well....

I just solved it.

I realized the obvious solution would be to simply Google Denise Dietz and The Exorcist.  I got another interview, and this one talks about her sister being Eileen Dietz.

Cool.

And I'm glad the mystery is solved.

I guess when she sent me the email, I went to the link she provided, and the factoid was there.

Another thing to note. I just reread the email, and she really was NOT critical of my criticism. It's more like she was correcting my misconceptions.  But I think I was sensitive and took it as criticism. Or...more precisely, I worried that I had offended her.

Well...I just reread my email back to her, more carefully, and I mention her sister being in The Exorcist.  So I probably should have just carefully reread both our emails before digging around Google. But I'm kind of glad I didn't, because the Googling-to-solve-a-mystery was kind of fun. 

Read my novel: The Dead are Online