Putting Fences In Front of Caves

I had a shitload of anxiety last night.

I think most of it was due to a big (but normal) change in our lives. But I think playing Minecraft before bed made it a lot worse.

I've been thinking that the way I choose to play Minecraft is somehow symbolic of my mental state. 

With my current world, I've been building skyscrapers. THAT must mean something.

Some of my overlying anxiety has shown up in the form of putting torches everywhere.  I've been somewhat obsessed with making things light enough so that monsters don't spawn. This is in contrast to when I played a few years ago, and I was all about hunting monsters...so I could have enchantment points.

I have also felt a need to stay close to my budding city and not venture too far off.

BUT then I managed to craft some maps.  That was exciting. I started to feel more courageous.

I went on a little adventure. I found my way to a mountain biome. Then I put down a bed inside one of the mountains, so I wouldn't have to walk home at night.  

Oh! And I also made an extra map and put it in the chest next to the bed.  This way, if I died, I would have a new map ready upon respawning (along with a sword, food, other necessities) 

I went downward mining and found a cave.

Now usually when I find a cave when mining, I panic and immediately block it with dirt or cobblestone.  But I guess I was feeling brave that day. I crafted a door and put it in front of the entrance. I dropped a few things off in a chest; then entered the cave. 

With that excursion, I mostly just worked on putting torches everywhere that I could.  Hostile-mob birth control.  

The cave is huge, though. 

I ended up getting lost and dying. Well...because I stupidly forgot to carry enough wood with me.  So I ran out of both torches AND pick-axes. I couldn't craft more no matter how much cobblestone, iron, and coal I found.  Oops.

It wasn't a huge tragedy, though...because of my various (bed and map) precautions.

I later went back to the cave and did more mining.  I was very cautious and conservative....mining a few things at a time and putting it into the chest in the pre-cave area before seeking out new stuff.  

On Wednesday, I ended up getting lost in the cave again.  I gave up trying to find my oak door and instead decided to try and dig my way towards home.  (Maps are VERY helpful!) 

I can't remember things exactly.  But I did have some doubt that I'd survive.  I'm not sure why.  I must have been running low on something. Maybe food?

I ended up surviving, though and making it home.  I felt very triumphant and relieved.

I didn't play Thursday.

Last night I decided to play....just before bed.

I felt a little uneasy but ignored those feelings.

I had this idea, though that what I wanted to do is go back to the mountain, grab the treasures I left in the chest, come home, and then probably never ever go back to the cave.  

On my way back to my little city home, I ran into these very deep caverns. These caverns weren't new to me. They've bothered me since the first time we met.  I worry about falling into them, and I also worry about some of the multi-colored sheep falling to their death. Usually, I put aside my fears and head home. But last night, the caverns bothered me to the point of being intolerable.  I had the sudden compulsion to put fences around all the caverns and also in front of caves.  I started on that task; then went to bed and had all the anxiety.

Wait. I forgot.  At one point, I was putting a fence in front of a cave entrance, and a skeleton started shooting at me.  My heart was pounding.  I can't say that this is the first time a skeleton's arrow has scared me.  But this felt worse than usual.

Anyway.....

I came to the decision that I should quit Minecraft for awhile.

I also came to the decision that I would maybe write a Blogpost about my anxiety and Minecraft.

I decided, though, that I needed a photo for the post and signed onto Minecraft so I could take a photo of one of the caves.

The photo 

Seeing my little Minecraft world kind of quickly made me change my mind about taking a break.

I liked the idea of crafting fences and putting them around caverns and using them to block cave entrances.  Maybe I'll alternate between that and building my various skyscrapers.

I'm guessing my mood will determine whether I'm in a skyscraper mood or a fencing mood.  Well and I'll also have to dedicate time to cutting down trees for the fences and mining for the various skyscraper materials. 

I will probably try to avoid playing before bed.  

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-beloved to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts 

My Advice to Parents

I'm going to give some unsolicited advice to parents. Although I actually probably do that a lot on my blog...in less direct ways.

Anyway, this advice is directed to only certain types of parents.

My advice is for parents who are vaccinated (unless there is a genuine medical reason for them not to be), who wear masks when going into crowded indoor places, who have vaccinated their teens and plan to vaccinate their children when that becomes a possibility

Also: These parents have children who usually attend school, and they live in an a state ruled by a comic book villain.  

My state is ruled by this 
Comic book villain.
To compare him in anyway to Neanderthals
is incredibly insulting to Neanderthals.
(photo by Gage Skidmore)

My advice?

Strongly consider homeschooling!!

If you are a single parent who works at a job outside the home or you are in a dual career family, homeschooling may not be possible. I am so sorry you are in this position.  I don't have any advice for you.  But I hope everything will end up turning out okay for your family. 

If you work at home doing parenting work and/or other work, but you feel you're not qualified to teach your child. You're probably wrong about that. And if you truly are awful at teaching, there are plenty of resources online to help you.  There are plenty of YouTube videos that are probably more valuable than what is taught in many classrooms.  

I'm personally more familiar with material for teens and adults, but some of those creators also make stuff for children.  I haven't watched them personally but maybe give you could give them a try.

There's Khan academy for kids   It's free.  That link two sentences before is their website which has a link to their app.  And they also have a YouTube channel.   It seems to be for VERY young kids.  Maybe preschool and kindergarten?

I guess the regular Khan site has curriculum for older kids.  

Okay. Yes. Elementary school curriculum is here along with high school, college, etc. 

We used Crash Course a lot.  Well, and I still use it.  I'm currently following their series on Black history.  

 

Crash Course is probably geared more towards teens and adults.  But they also have a kid's channel with science lessons.  

We used IXL a lot.  They have learning activities/assignments for kids and adults of all ages.  

Here's an example of one of their preschool language arts activities.

IXL will let you try out lessons for free, but if you want something more substantial...such as more lessons and a progress tracking system, you have to pay,  It's $20 a month for four subjects for one child and then four dollars for each extra kiddo.  They have lower prices if you are willing to forgo science and social studies and even lower prices if you want only math or only language arts.  (you don't actually have to forgo science and social studies...just use a separate resource).

Another not-free thing we used to love is BrainPOP.  It's pretty pricey depending on what you want.  If you have multiple kids who range widely in age, it's probably going to cost you $430 a year.  If your kids are all in grades 3-8, you can get regular brain pop for $350.  If your kids are all on the younger end of the age spectrum, you can get the junior version for $295.

I'm pretty sure that Jack was watching the regular BrainPOP when he was much younger than third grade age.  If money is tight, I would just do the regular brain pop and maybe skip the kiddo one.

If you have only one child, then you can get regular BrainPOP for $119.

Oh!  Good news.  I just realized you can pay by month...  So with that, the bonanza choice (multiple kids and both age groups), it's $50 a month.

Note: The multiple kid thing is actually four kids.  If you have more than that....

Well, if you have more kids than that, I kind of picture you as already being a homeschooling family.  You probably have your curriculum set.  

Sorry to stereotype.  

If you're not sure about BrainPOP, they have free sample lessons.  

Here's a free video about MLK from their Black History curriculum.  

Seeing that some comic book villains are trying to make it very difficult for kids to learn about Black history and systemic racism, some parents might want to consider continuing with the homeschooling even after Covid.  Or at least parents should strongly consider supplementing their children's education.  

Other things you can do with your homeschoolers: 

Read a book together

Listen to an audio book

Play a board game

Take a walk outside

Play Minecraft or other creative/educational games

Bake something

Watch a movie

Do art stuff (draw, paint, crafty stuff, etc)

Go down a Wikipedia or Google rabbit hole

And when you are are busy doing other things, your kids can do the abiove stuff on their own or with their siblings...OR with the creepy ghost child that you haven't yet realized is living dwelling in your house.  

If you are reading this post and having horrific flashbacks to your experiences with remote learning, please understand that remote learning is NOT the same as homeschooling.

I get stressed out just imagining what some families endured with remote-learning.  

The beauty of homeschooling is that your family gets to choose what to learn, when to learn, and how to learn it.  It's very flexible.  

Are you a family of night owls?  You can have math at midnight, language arts in the wee hours of the morning and then sleep through the morning.   

Do you love family road trips?  You can say no to homeschool and yes to car school....or motel school...or RV school.  

How about boat school?

Anyway....

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will stay safe, healthy, and have joy in your life.  

Note A: The most important homeschooling tool is curiosity. And my curiosity has me Googling the person who took the photograph I used for this post.  

So...Gage Skidmore.  He's young.  Lord Wiki says he was born in 1993.  Okay, that's actually not that young.  But the fact that I thought young, as soon as I saw the date, makes me very old.  

But anyway....he's 28.  

He started his photography career at Comic Con and then got into taking photographs of REAL comic book villains.  He's done photography for Donald Trump's official website.  From what I'm reading about him, he probably doesn't see these subjects of his photography as comic book villains.  Though looking at his site, he has photographs of people from both political parties.  He might be apolitical and goes where the work takes him.  

Well...according to this interview (and Lord Wiki mentioned it) Skidmore is a fan of Ron Paul.  

Dan Kennedy, the interviewer asks, A lot of bloggers, including me, are probably at odds with you politically. Does it bother you that people may be using your work for free in order to criticize political figures you admire?

Skidmore replies: I don’t agree politically with hardly anyone that I photograph. My only allegiance is to Congressman Ron Paul and a few other liberty-minded politicians, whom I admire greatly. I don’t mind that my photos are used by some not-so-nice publications. The only thing I really care about is whether or not I was attributed.

By the way, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I had some moments of liking Ron Paul.  Years ago, I wrote a post about him.  Though I don't like Ron Paul's Covid-behavior or other current behavior, I did like stuff that he said in the past about Julian Assange.  But....I'm not sure how much of that post I'd agree with today.   

Note B: Tim has been the Cassandra in terms of Covid hitting children.  He's been the voice of doom for the last several months.

I was less concerned than him about the whole children thing...just like I was less concerned than him about Trump being president.

Sometimes Tim turns out to be very right about things.

Tim has talked about how some people won't care about Covid until it starts killing more kids. I added that it had to be the "right" kids meaning (WHITE kids).  Oh and also....apparently the lives of children don't matter if they have asthma, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, Cystic Fibrosis, etc.  How many fucking times are we going to hear things like, But it's only killing kids with pre-existing conditions?

So in order for some people to care about Covid, they will need to see lots of white children without medical conditions dying from Covid.

Even then, though.....

My parents like to quote Golda Meir when we have conversations about the Palestinian and Israeli conflict.  

She said maybe said, Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us. 

In a similar way, I'd say....the Covid pandemic will come to an end when Trump supporters love their children more than they love Trump and/or hate Democrats.    

Note C:  Note B does not apply at all to Trump supporters who have taken Covid seriously; are vaccinated; and have worn masks when the situation called for it.

Note D: My Vax-anger is directed at only people who refuse to get a vaccine.  I know there are a lot of people for whom getting a vaccine is a huge uphill battle.  I hope they will do what they can to climb that hill, but I really wish it wasn't so hard for them.

For us? We got in our car and drove for about five minutes on a Saturday to get the vaccine. We waited for about an hour. Then we came home and had a restful/fun weekend.  For the second dose, we did the same. Then on Sunday, we felt like shit and spent the day resting.  It was EASY for us.  It is not like that for everyone.  

I think it's important to distinguish between people who have extra stupidity and selfishness vs people who have extra struggles. 

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

You Totally Deserve It But I Still Feel Bad For You

Tim and I were chatting this morning, and the conversation led me to a realization.

I mentioned an article that I read in which a man made the wrong choices, used his platform to promote those choice, got sick, regretted their choices, and then died.  I said I felt no sympathy for him.   

But then I realized it wasn't true.

I DO feel some sympathy for him.

But...at the same time, I don't regret what happened to him. I feel he totally deserves what happened to him, and I'm glad Karma showed a strong display of her power.

I think I've been confused all my life, because I've had these two seemingly conflicting feelings.  A) feeling sympathy for someone B) Feeling satisfied when Karma kicks someone's ass. 

But now I'm going to try to be okay with having both these feelings. I'm going to try to be okay with the sympathy feelings and not worry about being too soft or weak. I'm going to be okay with my I-love-Karma feelings and not worry that I'm an evil, cold-hearted villain.

I am okay with bad things happening to people who make bad choices especially if they are awful about it.  The example I gave Tim is someone smoking and being obnoxious about it.  They purposely smoke in people's faces. They break non-smoking rules. They're combative about it.  They encouraged and led other people to start smoking.  If a person like this gets lung cancer, I will feel sympathy for their physical and emotional pain.  But I won't think it's wrong that this happened to them.  

It's not only about people making the wrong health/safety choices.  Sometimes it's about someone saying something that is hurtful towards me—insulting, rude, judgmental, ignorant, etc.  Or they acted in a way that was hurtful.  When Karma seems to respond by giving them a little pinch...or a big pinch, I'm okay with being okay with Karma's doings.  But I'm also okay with feeling sympathy and concern for the person. And I'm okay with going back and forth between feeling: I want to be there for this person and support them and: this person was shit towards me when I was going through something similar, so why should I be there for them?  

I was looking through my photos
to find one that might fit with the post. I
decided to use one of my test result screenshots.
My plan was to jokingly say that
in case you read my post
and think I'm evil, this test proves you wrong.
(I picked this one sort of randomly)
But then I realized the result for
this particular test is super-fitting. 
I actually made an Arya-type list
a few months ago.
I didn't plan to actually kill anyone.
It was more like a
wish list.  
Oh. Okay. I found the list.
I made it last October and 
it's actually called 
"My Arya List" 
They're all political figures, btw.
As my dad would probably see it:
a display of my "Trump Derangement Syndrome"
Just as I'm super proud of my probable autism "disorder"
I'm also very proud of having a strong case of TDS

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Not Me!

I finished listening to the rest of Liv and Mik's first episode of their podcast Living Autistically.  Towards the end of it, I found more stuff that I strongly relate to.

They talk about feeling validated in terms of being autistic; that although a diagnosis from a psychiatrist can help people feel validated, getting validation from fellow autistics can be equally or even more validating.

Validation can come from an autistic person telling us they think we're autistic, and it can also come from simply listening to autistic people and seeing how we relate so much to what they're saying.

BUT...sometimes the opposite happens.  

Sometimes autistic people say something, and we do not relate to it.  Then this can feed into our imposter syndrome.

In the podcast,  Liv says: 

Yeah.  And then I think it’s important to keep in mind that...For example, when you are listening to people that are autistic and their experiences that you can still be autistic even though you have different experience.  Because I think that happens to lots of us if we see a video of somebody saying oh I always have this when I do this. 

Liv and Mik then talk about how every autistic person is different, autism is on a spectrum, etc, etc.  

Mik then provides an example:

I had that a lot when I saw people… like a lot of autistic people cannot handle when their food touches each other; you know like when different compartments of foods touch each other.  I do not mind at all.  I love it when everything is mixed.

Liv interjects, Yeah. Me too. 

Mik says,  And I mean not if it’s a cold salad mixed with warm potatoes No please no. 

Liv seems to agree with this but then realizes they don't completely agree.  They seems to gain courage to speak their truth.  They say, oh, that can be delicious. 

Mik: Uh uh.  No.

Liv: You're not autistic. It's delicious.

I can relate to all that on multiple levels.

First, as I've mentioned in a previous post, I get the imposter syndrome when I hear autistic people talking about things I can't relate to.  

Second: I like my food mixed together.  And I'm team Liv in terms of mixing cold with hot. Although that changes sometimes if the food is in some sort of sandwich form.

I was thrilled to find a photo in my collection 
that fit well with this post 

The third thing is their joke about not being autistic...that reminds me of my own kind of sense of humor.

Anyway....

Something I've been thinking.....

When I wrote my post about autism in April, I thought I was kind of original and lonely in using the term imposter syndrome for something like autism rather than a career thing.  But no. Imposter syndrome seems to be very common among autistic people.

It's to the point that I'm wondering if imposter syndrome should be counted as an autistic trait. 

I wonder if autistic people commonly have a history of imposter syndrome with things besides autism?

I have. I had it with my eating disorder, my neurology stuff, being a writer... unschooling.

I even have it with fandom stuff.

Can I count myself as a fan of Lost? The Walking Dead?  Doctor Who?

Just as I compare myself to much-more-obviously-autistic people and feel very-much-not autistic, the same goes when I compare myself to much-more dedicated and intense fans.

Another thing I'm wondering is if imposter syndrome is more common in autistic people than allistic ones.

What if most people talking about imposter syndrome, in general...what if most of them are autistic?  

Circling back to getting imposter syndrome feelings from hearing things we can't relate to.  For me, this can happen when even ONE person says something I can't relate to.  But it's even worse when multiple people say it.  This could be two or three people on a video or podcast talking about something they have in common.  It could also be one person saying something and then many in comments agreeing with them.  

The thing I probably need to remind myself is that people who share the thing in common are probably more likely to comment than the people who don't.  But maybe this should be an incentive for people to speak up when they can't relate. Because it will help other people, who also can't relate to what was said in the video, feel less alone...and maybe stop them from having an imposter syndrome episode.  

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Last Minute Plans

 I could relate somewhat to some stuff that Liv and Mik said in the first episode of their podcast Living Autistically.  

Liv says: for example making plans with friends.  I always do that when I am feeling good and when I am feeling ready to have social contact.  But then often times even though I love them all very much, the day before I feel like what have I done?  I cannot handle it.

And a tiny bit later, Mik says: I don’t want spontaneous plans  because that’s like too spontaneous and like I’m not ready for that.  But planning stuff with people is also very difficult because you do not know how you’re going to feel on that specific day.  And a lot of time that ends up in me canceling plans and stuff.  

I don't often make friends with plans.  But I can relate in terms of A) making plans with family B) making appointments C) making doctor appointments.

I was going to make doctor appointments for the summer. I went on the app and everything; then I realized I would have to deal with the dread and anxiety between making the appointment and having the appointment.  I eventually decided to just skip the whole thing.  Although I was also thinking that if I'm ever suddenly in the mood to go to the doctor, maybe I'll see if there are last minute appointments.  

With travel, I am usually slightly full of dread when we buy tickets but also excited....and.... 

Trying to think of the word here.  

It's kind of like motivated but not that.

(let me know if you can figure out the word I'm trying to think of)

Anyway, I'll just say that my feelings are mostly positive.

But then the trip gets closer and closer, and I become stressed, anxious, scared, etc.  I kind of regret making plans or agreeing to go on the trip.

What usually happens, though, is that once I finish packing and we're all set to go....then I get excited and wish we could leave immediately.  I think this is especially the case when we have an early morning flight. I wish we could just skip the struggle to get to bed on time, wake up, etc.  Let's just go to the airport. Now!

I almost always end up loving the actual trip.  Though this isn't really what I dread in the first place.  I love being places, but I hate the part of getting there.  

Oh! And on top of all that....the biggest thing is the leaving-the-cats-anxiety.  

I don't think typical autistic people are supposed to like spontaneous plans.  But I'm not typically autistic in that way.

Now,  I don't think I could handle a very last minute international trip...or interstate trip, probably.   

In terms of smaller (close-by) activities, I like it when there's around 20-30 minutes between deciding to do something and being in the car on the way there.  

A few days ago, there was a last minute plan to go out and get cookies. Then when we were in the car, we decided to go get lunch.  I liked that.  

I think one of the reasons I'm usually good with spontaneous plans is I'm not highly dependent on routines.  I'm more on the ritual/rule side of things.  

I have things I need to do everyday and particular ways of doing things, but they don't need to be at a specific time or in a specific order.

Today we're going to a movie....not a spontaneous thing. We bought the tickets yesterday.  

I've given myself due dates of when I need to finish listening to each segment of the Ruth Bader Ginsburg audio book.  I had a segment due today. Because I knew we were going, I listened to a lot last night and have most of that segment finished.  So that was helpful.  But if we made the plans last minute and I had a lot to listen to, it wouldn't be a huge deal, because I would just do it when we got home.

Well, that's not exactly true. It would be a kind of big deal, because I'm the type who overestimates how long things will take. So I would probably be stressed at the movie with the idea that I have so much to get done, and it will be near impossible to get it all done.  But then when I actually do the stuff, it turns out I finish much earlier than expected.  

I forgot where I heard this...it might have been in a Yo Samdy Sam video, but there was a thing about whether we are the type of to overestimate or underestimate how long something will take.  I'm definitely an over-estimator which means I tend to finish work earlier than expected and arrive at places earlier than needed.  Tim, on the other hand, tends to be an under-estimator.  

Well....the other thing is.  I'm a major homebody, so whether it's planned a little ahead of time, a lot ahead a time, or totally spontaneous....my top choice would usually be just staying home in my sleep clothes all day.  BUT at the same time, I do often end up very much enjoying the places that we go.

What would be great is a future where we have teleportation and everyone wears pajamas or other super comfortable clothes.  

I'm also fine with a future where 90% of it is virtual reality.  

P.S-We're back from the movie. We saw Suicide Squad.  I liked most of it but fell asleep during some of it.  I'm not sure much happened during that time, because I didn't feel overly lost when I woke up.  My favorite characters were Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) and the King Shark (Sylvester Stallone).  

The last movie we saw before the pandemic was Birds of Prey.  Jack had the brilliant idea of having Suicide Squad be our first movie to go to after the 18 months hiatus.  But we ended up seeing The Jungle Cruise last week.  

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Long and Deep Instead of Short and Shallow

Yesterday Tim said something in the midst of our conversation that made me decide to officially join Reddit.  

I signed up and started joining various communities. 

I suspected I was joining too many and would be overwhelmed.

I checked the app a few times during the day and sure enough, I was overwhelmed.  With each community, there are usually new posts and with each post, there are comments, and with each comment, there are often comments on the comment.  

This morning I checked Reddit again and after a few minutes, I decided I would probably quit or greatly reduce my time on there.

Reddit was way too overwhelming for me.

I had already figured that out about TikTok.  

Instagram has been my favorite social media for the last several months, but I greatly cut back from that for personal drama/psychological reasons.  I've gone back on it a few times for very short visits and I end up feeling more on the depressed, anxious, lonely side rather than the happy, excited, comforted, invigorated side.  

I've decided that, for me, personally, I am better off with quantity in terms of the length of the individual content rather than quantity in terms of variety of content.  

Instead of spending  a chunk of time looking at many short videos on TikTok, I'd rather read a book, watch a movie or TV show, listen to a podcast, read a blog post, or watch a medium-to-long video on YouTube.    

Now...this could all backfire if I end up subscribing to too many channels, podcasts, etc...AND if I spend too much time reading comments, then it will end up being as overwhelming and potentially as toxic as social media.  

In terms of toxicity.  I don't think any platform is inherently toxic.  It's really about what you personally pay attention to and how you engage with it.  

One thing I am thinking is that being a follower of someone on social media rather than reading their books, listening to their podcasts, watching their longer videos, etc.... 

Well....

It's kind of like watching a lot of movie and TV trailers instead of the actual movies or TV shows.

Recently, I started following yet another two podcasts.

My four podcasts I'm subscribed to. I'm going to try hard NOT to follow anymore.

I learned about Living Autistically via their YouTube channel which I learned about , weeks ago, via Instagram.

And I actually found Disney Time during my visit to Reddit this morning.

So that's one thing social media IS helpful with—connecting us to longer forms of media.  But I think in most cases, we're too busy scrolling, liking, and commenting to have the time to seek out longer forms of media.

When I first started becoming super-interested in autism, I began compulsively following a lot of autistic accounts on Instagram.  It was too many.  And it's just a lot of little pieces. Little pieces that mesh together into one confusing blob.

I've come to realize I'd rather hear/read/see in-depth stories of a few autistic people than memes and quick images from many autistic people.

And the same goes for my other interests like Disney and politics.

I'd rather read a full editorial in the Washington Post rather than the journalist's quick, witty opinions on Twitter (plus all the comments (zingers) in response to their Tweets and the responses to the responses and....it can go on and on and on and on).  

I got a lot out of various infograms and memes about anti-racism.  But I gained a LOT more by spending close to 14 hours listening to the audio book of Beverly Daniel Tatum's Why Are All the Black Kids Siting Together in the Cafeteria?  

I have enjoyed watching random strangers sing and or dance in viral videos, but watching the wedding dance today in the finale of The Mindy Project was much more meaningful, because these are characters that I've followed for six seasons.  

Also in terms of my own content, I think someone who reads my blog or talks to me one on one is going to know me MUCH more than someone who follows me on Instagram, Twitter, or TikTok.  

There have been times that I've become more active on social media FOR the intent of promoting/networking...hoping that people will notice me and then come to my blog or novel. But from what I see from Statcounter and Google Analytics, that very rarely happens.  I don't think it's necessarily that I'm so incredibly not-interesting and not-appealing.  I think it's that people are so busy scrolling and struggling to keep up, it's hard to find the time to look at profiles, click on the links, and then actually read/watch/listen to the content. 

Anyway....

For anyone reading this and up for answering a few questions.  Do you prefer longer or shorter content?  If you use social media a lot, how do you keep from being overwhelmed? Whether it's longer or shorter content, are you like me in that you subscribe/follow too many accounts?  Or are you better at keeping things at a manageable level?

If you’re a content creator who pays attention to analytics or sales, have you found that social media brings you a significant percentage of your traffic?  In terms of consuming content, have you ever found a beloved blog, podcast, video channel, etc. by clicking on a link in a profile or a self-promotion post?  Or have you ever had a situation where you were a fan of someone, started following them on social media, and now know them more for their social media persona than their actual creative work?  

 

 

 

Having Conflicting Feelings about Squid

I'm really into building my Minecraft city.

Here's an updated photo.

This might not look impressive to you.  But it's impressive to me, because A) I'm doing it all on survival mode B) I am not good at architecture.  

As you can tell, I'm weird with windows....especially on the granite building which was my first.

The black building, on the right, may never be finished.

Why?

Because I'm dependent on squids to die for the windows.  

I try very hard not to kill (not-hostile) animals in Minecraft.  I think, in this world, I've only purposely killed one chicken.  (I needed food, desperately and had lost hope in finding an apple or watermelon in time)

Anyway, I was at the nearby lake trying to get sand for glass.  For some reason, squid started dying.  It was sad to see them turn red; then go poof.  But then I pushed my sadness away and became an opportunist.  I picked up the ink sacs.  

I eventually decided it would be cool to have a black building with black windows.

I imagined that more squids would accidentally die, and I'd take their ink sacs.

It's kind of awful, though, because then I started wishing for them to die.

The last time I went for a major sand collecting expedition, my dark, evil wishes did not come true at all.  The squid all lived.

I did do some research and learned there's another way to get black ink.  You have to get a wither rose.  I'm not sure how hard that is.  But I don't think it's easy.  

Well, I just looked. It seems to involve the Nether.

I'm very scared of the Nether.

Even if I gain enough courage, I have a problem.

For some reason, diamond mining isn't working in this world.  I tried mining some diamonds, and they just turn into dust.  So I'm not going to be able to pick up any obsidian which means I won't be able to make a nether portal.

I guess it's all fine, though.

If I want to make a city that looks at least somewhat realistic, having a building perpetually in progress will add to that realism.  

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Episode Two of Two Sides of the Spectrum

Thanks to my sister Melissa, The Imagineer Podcast is no longer the only podcast in my life.  I'm now also listening to Meg Proctor's Two Sides of the Spectrum.  

I recently finished listening to episode two. 

In this episode, she talks to an autistic autism specialist named Damian Milton, who sounds bit a like Alan Rickman. Or Severus Snape, really.  I can't remember if Rickman always sounded like Snape?

Anyway....

Here are some various thoughts I had while, or because of, listening to the podcast.  

1. I find comfort in finding some of Milton's autistic traits relatable. Part of my imposter syndrome is hearing someone's particular autistic trait that does NOT match my own experience and then immediately thinking, I'm not autistic!

 2. Milton reminded me that I have a strong aversion to tuna fish salad. I'm pretty sure I've forgotten to mention that in my blog.

Milton talked about his aversion to parmesan cheese, which strangely despite my vomit phobia, I don't have that particular aversion in common with him. I actually love parmesan cheese. Though my love for the processed powder stuff has lessened in the last year or so.

Tuna fish salad, though.  If I was starving on a deserted island, I might continue starving if the only thing available was that disgusting substance.

I'm sitting here asking myself if I'd eat a bowl of it for a million dollars, and it's actually horrifying for me to even imagine taking a bite.  

But I'd probably do it, because I'd feel guilty not doing it. 

I'd probably cry, though, while enduring it. And I'd probably end up with PTSD.

Okay. I know it probably sounds bad that I'd let myself starve to death to avoid eating tuna fish salad, but I wouldn't give up a million dollars.  

The thing is, with a million dollars...there are other people in the picture. Like charities and family.  I would feel guilty that I gave up a chance to get money I could donate. And I think I wouldn't hear the end of it from family.  If only Dina ate that tuna fish salad, we would be sitting in first class instead of economy.  

Whatever charity I gave the money to....like let's say I gave it to a charity that plants trees, I think every time I'd see a tree, I'd have flashbacks of eating the tuna fish salad, and I would end up hating trees. Or if I gave the money to a charity to help abused children, I'd end up hating all children.  

I really hope no one ever offers me a million dollars for eating tuna fish salad.  

Just having to smell tuna fish salad or look at it is dreadful to me.  

3. Milton talks about being both touch-aversion and touch-seeking. I'm this way.  There are certain fabrics I don't like touching and certain variations of that type of fabric I hate touching. I hate the feeling of having dry skin especially on my hands. I don't like wearing pants, tights, or panty house.  I don't like certain types of touch from people.  I'm very picky about underpants. I hate touching chalk and chalkboards. It's a struggle for me to get to sleep sometimes, because of touch issues.  

But I love touching certain things...like wet, squishy, slimy. Though at the same time, I don't like touching those things, because they  can ultimately end up causing my hands to feel dry. But as long as there is good hand-washing and lotion nearby.....I love the feel of lotion on my hands.

I wash my hands too often and sometimes too long. Most of that is due to my germ/contamination issues, but I also love the feel of the water and the soap.  

I love people playing with my hair and scratching my back.

4. Milton pushes accommodating sensory issues rather than desensitizing.  I like that.

I would much prefer that people not order tuna fish salad when I'm at the table rather than push me to try to get used to the smell.

Fortunately, I'm not often in situations where people order tuna fish salad.  Tim and Jack very kindly don't make it at the house. They do make chicken salad, which I don't love to see, because of the mayonnaise.  But the smell is much less offensive. 

Every so often, someone will eat it when I'm around. I don't think they know of my aversion, and I don't mention it.  I have vague memories of people eating it near me in the last few years. I don't remember being too horrified by the smell. Maybe the air circulation was good? 

I'm feeling guilty in remembering/realizing that maybe I'm not sensitive enough to other people's smell sensitivities.  Tim is sensitive to play-doh. I'm not sure I was compassionate enough about that.  My sister is sensitive to the smell of seafood.  I guess that fish smell?  And my brother-in-law has a sensitivity to fenugreek.  I probably have not been kind enough towards them regarding their issues.

I recently brought a frozen Indian meal to the lake house. Fortunately, I had grabbed the Saag Paneer which (probably) doesn't have fenugreek.  But we have other frozen Indian meals that probably do have fenugreek, and I didn't really have my brother-in-law in mind when I grabbed the less-offensive-to-him meal.

If I want people to be more sensitive to my issues, I definitely need to be more sensitive to theirs.  

5. Either Milton or Proctor (maybe both?) talk about autism as a a culture——a social model of autism vs a medical model.  I really like this and hope as time goes by that this becomes a bigger and bigger thing.  

6. Proctor talks about how she used to use the term peer model but now sees how it is problematic.  Peer model is where autistic child spend time with neurotypical children to be inspired by and learn how to act more neurotypical.  Proctor's and Milton's message is that autistic people shouldn't be the ones to do all the changing and improving.  

I think through the years, autistic people have been pushed to change so they can accommodate allistic (non-autistic) people. It's much more fair if autistic people learn to bend a bit to accommodate allistic people but at the same time allistic people learn to bend a bit to accommodate autistic people.

SO...for every autistic person put into ABA therapy so they can become more neurotypical and/or more functional, a neurotypical person should be put into a conversion therapy that trains them to act more autistic and be more functional when they are among autistics.  

7. Milton had a good analogy for the 40 hours of ABA that some children are prescribed.  He said it was like an adult admitting they hate math and then being forced to do math for 40 hours a week.  This is somewhat similar to the approach I am tempted to take with parents who force their kids to taste something, the dreadful, Just take one bite. That's all you have to do!  I want to take something they'd probably find disgusting like a dead cockroach or a handful of maggots and say, Just take one bite. It's not that hard!

Just for the record: I'd much rather be offered a dead cockroach or handful of maggots to eat, for a million dollars, than a bowl of tuna fish salad.  

Anyway...

On the subject of pushing autistic people to change..... (or taking a detour from it, actually) 

From what I've heard, one of the things autistic people are often forced to do is make eye contact.  I'm not sure if I have the eye contact issue. I don't feel great making eye contact, but I felt weirder recently when I tried not making it.  I started to wonder if I had been born with an aversion to eye contact but was taught that this is the right thing to do and so it came to the point where not-making-eye contact felt wrong.

I do often feel uncomfortable talking face to face with people. I would rather talk to someone on a walk or while we're both busy doing chores than sit across from someone at a restaurant and have a conversation. BUT if I was sitting across from someone, I'd feel weird looking past them, and if they did that to me, I think I would be thinking, You're not listening to me.  OR, at least, I would have thought that in the past.  Now I would be more sensitive to people having eye contact issues. Although that sentiment would compete with the idea that when I daydream, I stare off into space. So I might suspect the other person is doing the same.  

I guess what I'm thinking is I'm better off in situations where eye contact is not expected.  In the past, I would have attributed this to shyness and/or awkwardness.  But maybe it's is an autism thing.  

I was reading some advice somewhere from autistic people, and they talked about tricks to make it look like you're making eye contact...such as looking at someone's nose or eyebrows.  Maybe I'll start trying that.  If it makes face to face conversation easier, maybe this points to me having an eye contact issue.  

Anyway...I'm glad to have another podcast in my life, and I'm eager to listen to more of it! 

Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

First the Canary Died and then the Chairs Went All Funny

Poltergeist has been on my mind lately, because when I close our refrigerator, the clanging sound, it makes, reminds me of the bedroom scene in Poltergeist.

In my mind, I've been kind of comparing the timeline of Poltergeist to the timeline of Covid.  

Like the football game switching to Mr. Rogers and the canary dying would be learning that there's a new disease in China. It's like we paid attention...slightly, but it wasn't a huge thing.  

The chairs magically stacked on the kitchen table and Carol Anne sliding across the kitchen floor. That would be February.  It was beginning to feel like things might actually get very weird.  

March, schools and businesses shutting down, would be the attack of the tree and Carol Ann getting sucked into the closet.  

The vaccines would be Tangina visiting...and pulling gooey Carol Ann and Diane out of the ceiling.

This house is clean

Then....

Delta was the clown doll sitting on the chair, waiting.

And now it's strangling Robbie while Diane is being dragged up the wall.

I think that's where we're at now.

And soon we'll trying to run down a hallway that keeps getting longer and longer.  

I'm sure you can do this with any movie, really.

But....I like doing it with Poltergeist.

How would our world change if we knew for sure there was life after death, and it was easy for our dearly-beloved to talk to us via the Internet?   

The Dead are Online, a novel by Dina Roberts