More journal stuff.
Note: The blue is what was printed in the journal. The green was what I wrote (probably in 1996)
This page is about high school.
Where I went and when-North Springs in Atlanta 1987-1990
Hillsboro High School in Nashville 1990-1991.
I was a late 80's teen. It makes me feel kind of special, since 80's nostalgia is such a big thing now. I feel like I should brag when watching things like Stranger Things. BUT so can millions of other people. Or billions?
Still. I feel kind of cool for being an 80's kid and teen.
Oh! And I also feel cool for living in Atlanta, since that was popularized by The Walking Dead.
There were no zombies in my day.
Did I fit in? I fit in with all the other outcasts No. Maybe I didn't fit in anywhere. I was too dumb for the gifted students and the other "slower" students thought I was some kind of genius.
I think there's a trope in 80's stories where marginalized people find each other, form a group, and have a strong, beautiful bond.
Goonies
Stranger Things
It
I'm guessing there are others. AND I imagine the trope extends to other decades as well.
I didn't have that.
I didn't have some wonderful group that provided loving and consistent support.
I had friends, but the level of closeness and support depended on the year, month, day, etc.
Every so often, we'd form a group, but the group wouldn't last long. Maybe it's because we didn't have a treasure to find or an evil clown to fight.
As for what I said about intelligence. It seems I felt I was too much in the middle to fit in anywhere.
I would go through the same thing in my early years of parenting, especially with homeschooling.
We chose to do unschooling which made us seem like crazy radicals to those who chose traditional schooling for their kids.
But then when we'd encounter unschoolers, we felt so overly traditional. And the unschoolers were too out there for us. I wanted them to be our tribe, but they very much weren't.
That's often been my issue. I have struggled to find my tribe and haven't managed to do it.
Maybe I'm too picky? Maybe I want people who are too similar?
To be fair to myself, though. It's not just about me being picky. It's about feeling judged by potential tribe-members.
You know what, though. I think I've found contentment by lurking amongst tribes rather than trying to join.
I love looking at Disney accounts on Instagram. But I don't want to try to become one of them. I don't want to try to compete. I don't want to be judged for not going to Disney often enough or for going too often.
Also, I read a lot of epilepsy message boards. I did this even before the doctor told me my EEG showed seizure activity. I like hearing about people's experiences. It makes me feel less alone, and sometimes I find valuable insight and/or information. But I don't want to join in. Because then I'll feel judged. Then I'll get the, Oh you're so lucky. I wish I had your type of seizures! AKA I need 100% of the attention, so let's pretend you don't have problems, because I don't want you to steal any of my drama-limelight. I hate dealing with that, and I also don't want to be bombarded with advice. You should take this medicine. No, you should take that medicine. You're taking too big of a dose. You're not taking enough. You should go off medicine and try the natural approach. Stop eating so much chocolate!
Okay. Yeah. I'm rambling here. And I have even more to say.
Back when I was the big Australia-fan, I got an email from another Australia fan. Cool! My tribe.
Wait. No. Not quite.
She totally attacked me for not liking Australia as much as her.
Yeah. I got hate mail from another Australia fan.
Moving on.....
New responsibilities-I was now responsible for learning algebra.
I'm still learning algebra.
I was doing it for homeschooling reasons, and now I'm mostly doing it for myself.
I feel it's good for my brain.
And new realities-My biggest introduction to that scary real world was was a fellow 9th grader friend who had been to drug rehab, lost her virginity in 8th grade, had belonged to a cult, and belonged to AA.
I've had vague memories of her. I didn't realize I knew her in 9th grade. For some reason, I thought it was later.
This was a case of someone totally NOT being in my tribe, but still...I think we enjoyed each other's company.
For some reason, I connect this friend with Pet Sematary. Did we see it together? I thought the movie came out later, though.
Maybe I was reading the book when I was friends with her?
I don't think the friendship lasted very long. I don't remember knowing her for a long time.
And sadly, I don't even remember her name.
Well, I just Googled and saw that Pet Sematary came out in April 1989. I would have been in 10th grade then.
So, maybe I read the book when I was friends with her? Or I had a dream about the book when I was friends with her?
OR...maybe my memory had been a bit off when filling out the journal in 1996. Maybe I had been friends with her in 10th grade and NOT 9th grade.
What I learned-Not to trust people so easily.
I think this was in reference to my ouija board (fraud) drama, and not the friend with the wild, troubled life.
I don't think she broke my trust in any way.
Best times at school-Writing novels, talking to friends in class.
Though I didn't have a strong social life outside of school, I did have some classroom friends. So, that's good at least.
And worst times-Having no one to go out with on the weekends. The ouija board and Dawn's accident.
I think there were times I wanted the classroom friendships to extend to outside the classroom, and couldn't figure out how to do that.
How I began to change-Between 11th and 12th grade, I gained more confidence because I started writing my novels and my grades improved.
What I'd like to say to the girl I was-Life will get better.
Ah, but not as good as you are hoping.
That girl expected to be a successful novelist.
Note: The blue is what was printed in the journal. The green was what I wrote (probably in 1996)
This page is about high school.
Where I went and when-North Springs in Atlanta 1987-1990
Hillsboro High School in Nashville 1990-1991.
I was a late 80's teen. It makes me feel kind of special, since 80's nostalgia is such a big thing now. I feel like I should brag when watching things like Stranger Things. BUT so can millions of other people. Or billions?
Still. I feel kind of cool for being an 80's kid and teen.
Oh! And I also feel cool for living in Atlanta, since that was popularized by The Walking Dead.
There were no zombies in my day.
Did I fit in? I fit in with all the other outcasts No. Maybe I didn't fit in anywhere. I was too dumb for the gifted students and the other "slower" students thought I was some kind of genius.
I think there's a trope in 80's stories where marginalized people find each other, form a group, and have a strong, beautiful bond.
Goonies
Stranger Things
It
I'm guessing there are others. AND I imagine the trope extends to other decades as well.
I didn't have that.
I didn't have some wonderful group that provided loving and consistent support.
I had friends, but the level of closeness and support depended on the year, month, day, etc.
Every so often, we'd form a group, but the group wouldn't last long. Maybe it's because we didn't have a treasure to find or an evil clown to fight.
As for what I said about intelligence. It seems I felt I was too much in the middle to fit in anywhere.
I would go through the same thing in my early years of parenting, especially with homeschooling.
We chose to do unschooling which made us seem like crazy radicals to those who chose traditional schooling for their kids.
But then when we'd encounter unschoolers, we felt so overly traditional. And the unschoolers were too out there for us. I wanted them to be our tribe, but they very much weren't.
That's often been my issue. I have struggled to find my tribe and haven't managed to do it.
Maybe I'm too picky? Maybe I want people who are too similar?
To be fair to myself, though. It's not just about me being picky. It's about feeling judged by potential tribe-members.
You know what, though. I think I've found contentment by lurking amongst tribes rather than trying to join.
I love looking at Disney accounts on Instagram. But I don't want to try to become one of them. I don't want to try to compete. I don't want to be judged for not going to Disney often enough or for going too often.
Also, I read a lot of epilepsy message boards. I did this even before the doctor told me my EEG showed seizure activity. I like hearing about people's experiences. It makes me feel less alone, and sometimes I find valuable insight and/or information. But I don't want to join in. Because then I'll feel judged. Then I'll get the, Oh you're so lucky. I wish I had your type of seizures! AKA I need 100% of the attention, so let's pretend you don't have problems, because I don't want you to steal any of my drama-limelight. I hate dealing with that, and I also don't want to be bombarded with advice. You should take this medicine. No, you should take that medicine. You're taking too big of a dose. You're not taking enough. You should go off medicine and try the natural approach. Stop eating so much chocolate!
Okay. Yeah. I'm rambling here. And I have even more to say.
Back when I was the big Australia-fan, I got an email from another Australia fan. Cool! My tribe.
Wait. No. Not quite.
She totally attacked me for not liking Australia as much as her.
Yeah. I got hate mail from another Australia fan.
Moving on.....
New responsibilities-I was now responsible for learning algebra.
I'm still learning algebra.
I was doing it for homeschooling reasons, and now I'm mostly doing it for myself.
I feel it's good for my brain.
And new realities-My biggest introduction to that scary real world was was a fellow 9th grader friend who had been to drug rehab, lost her virginity in 8th grade, had belonged to a cult, and belonged to AA.
I've had vague memories of her. I didn't realize I knew her in 9th grade. For some reason, I thought it was later.
This was a case of someone totally NOT being in my tribe, but still...I think we enjoyed each other's company.
For some reason, I connect this friend with Pet Sematary. Did we see it together? I thought the movie came out later, though.
Maybe I was reading the book when I was friends with her?
I don't think the friendship lasted very long. I don't remember knowing her for a long time.
And sadly, I don't even remember her name.
Well, I just Googled and saw that Pet Sematary came out in April 1989. I would have been in 10th grade then.
So, maybe I read the book when I was friends with her? Or I had a dream about the book when I was friends with her?
OR...maybe my memory had been a bit off when filling out the journal in 1996. Maybe I had been friends with her in 10th grade and NOT 9th grade.
What I learned-Not to trust people so easily.
I think this was in reference to my ouija board (fraud) drama, and not the friend with the wild, troubled life.
I don't think she broke my trust in any way.
Best times at school-Writing novels, talking to friends in class.
Though I didn't have a strong social life outside of school, I did have some classroom friends. So, that's good at least.
And worst times-Having no one to go out with on the weekends. The ouija board and Dawn's accident.
I think there were times I wanted the classroom friendships to extend to outside the classroom, and couldn't figure out how to do that.
How I began to change-Between 11th and 12th grade, I gained more confidence because I started writing my novels and my grades improved.
What I'd like to say to the girl I was-Life will get better.
Ah, but not as good as you are hoping.
That girl expected to be a successful novelist.
