More Journal Stuff.
Note: The blue is what is what is printed in the journal. The green is how I filled it out (back around 1996)
How I would describe myself as a child—shy, skinny, pretty, afraid.
And now has a 45-year-old woman, I'm less shy, less skinny, less pretty, and less afraid.
My most beloved possessions—Sydney the mouse, Maxie the Moose, Winnie-the-Pooh, Koala, Polala, Savannah the clown, Sleepy.
I was really into stuffed animals. Sadly I don't have any of those favorites anymore.
I remember I once made this powder out of soap. I put it in Savannah's hair; then sniffed it. The soap powder went up my nose. It really hurt!
Places that lifted my spirits-Disney World, The Barnum Circus place with that fun playground. Devil's lake.
The latter two were in Wisconsin. I'll have to Google them. I think we went to the circus place only once. We stayed in some cabins. I got sick in the cabins, but I guess my illness didn't ruin my fun or my happy memories of the place.
As for Disney World, I loved it as a child. Tim and I ended up getting married there, and Jack ended up being a huge Disney fan as well. We're definitely a Disney family.
Here is the website for Circus World. It's in the Wisconsin Dells. I have some memories of going to the Wisconsin Dells but didn't know those memories were connected to the circus . I think I imagined they were two separate places. But now I'm getting that the circus place was in the Wisconsin Dells. I do remember/know that the Wisconsin Dells is one of those places with a variety of tourist attractions.
I wonder if the playground was at the circus place. Or it might have just been a random playground in the Wisconsin Dells.
I was thinking about the Wisconsin Dells and a similar place, Branson Missouri.They both have a bunch of tourist attractions. I was wondering if Australia has a similar place to that. Maybe the Gold Coast? Though I think the Gold Coast might be more similar to Orlando. The two theme parks there (Dreamworld and Movie World) remind me more of Disney World and Universal.
I think Branson and the Wisconsin Dells have more....
I don't know what to call it?
Smaller attractions?
I'm tempted to say Branson and the Wisconsin Dells have more tourist traps. But tourist trap is relative. I know some people would think of Disney World, Universal, Dreamworld, and Movie World as being tourist traps.
Now I'm looking at the Wisconsin Dells website. They're calling themselves the waterpark capitol of the world. I wonder if they had water parks back in our day and if we ever went to one. I don't think we did.
I have vague memories of going to a water show. And I connect this memory with hurting my toe in the car...like getting it caught in the seat.
There's something called the Tommy Bartlett Show. It has water skiers. Maybe that's what I'm remembering.
I kind of remember colorful water and synchronized swimmers.
I've blabbed on and on about the Wisconsin Dells, and just realized I've neglected Devil's Lake. That was a fun place. I'm not sure how many times we went. I remember going with my cousins and playing on colorful rafts. Though the rafts would probably look boring compared to all the rafts that are out there today!
Okay. I'm confused. I'm seeing that the Devil's Lake is in Baraboo Wisconsin. And I'm remembering that the circus place and cabin place was in Baraboo. At least I think it was. Is Baraboo part of the Wisconsin Dells, or near it? Or was I looking at the wrong circus place earlier?
Ah. Never mind. I went back to the circus site. It says Baraboo right there on the site.
And it's NOT in the Wisconsin Dells. It's 15 minutes away.
I need to read more carefully next time I go Googling down memory lane.
I'm looking at Google Maps now.
Devil's Lake was about 45 minutes north of our house. If we drove 15 minutes more north, we'd get to Circus World, and then the Wisconsin Dells is about 20 minutes further north.
The childhood experience that changed me most-Moving in the middle of third grade.
I'm not sure that changed me that most.
I'm not sure I had any experience in my childhood that caused a great transformation. I think there were just a bunch of medium and small things that caused small little growths...and emotional defects.
If I could, what I would say to my childhood self-Be happy. One day you will have a close to perfect boyfriend. Don't go to film school. Stop worrying so much about having friends. You weren't born to socialize.
Major in education when you go to college. Do sit-ups. You'll need them.
Don't wear that Laura Ashley dress. It makes you look pregnant.
A big surprise will happen to you when your'e older. You will actually start cleaning your room. You will be a neat freak instead of a slob.
Last but not least, one day you will feel loved and you will feel special.
Oye.
So here's what my 45-year-old self would say to my 23-year-old self.
A) Don't tell people to be happy...especially children. Life is about having a variety of emotion. Sometimes you'll be happy. But other times you'll be bored, angry, sad, worried, etc. And that's okay.
B) Your boyfriend is great, but he's not perfect. The more you're with someone, the more you'll see their imperfections.
C) There will be times you'll regret dropping out of film school.
D) You're probably right about the friend thing. You'll worry less and less about being popular and having friends as you get older.
E) You're going to end up spending a ton of money to get a bachelor's degree; then a master's degree. And you will hardly use them. I'm not telling you what to do...just saying what's going to happen.
Actually, No. I'd take that back. I DO have advice. I'd say drop the teaching; go back to working for the temp agency, and write in your spare time.
And...TRAVEL!!!
(That's not so say I didn't love teaching. I did love being a preschool teacher in NYC. It's one of my fondest memories. I'm just not sure it was worth it—money-wise. On the other hand, I think having a teacher degree does give me more self-confidence when it comes to homeschooling. I don't think it was actually needed, and I think parents can do fine without the degree. But still. It's that little extra thing that reduces some of the self-doubt).
E) They say sit-ups don't actually help that much.
Eventually you'll maybe look a bit less pregnant. Or it won't bother you as much.
Actually, I think it's just when you're bloated that you look pregnant. So, watch out for that.
F) The neat thing won't last forever. And you'll live in a messy house because that so-called perfect boyfriend is also a slob and so is the son you made together.
You'll do some cleaning. You'll do some organizing. But you'll keep failing to keep up with it all.
G) There will be moments where you feel loved, but there will also be times where you feel lonely, unloved, second-place, rejected, ignored, neglected, worthless, a failure, etc. Those feelings are just part of life. And you know who probably doesn't ever feel that way? DONALD TRUMP.
So...yeah.
What I'm trying to say is, it's OKAY to feel like shit sometimes. It's okay to have self-doubt. It's okay to have an imperfect body, and it's okay to have a messy house. All of that is better than being an ignorant narcissist with too much power.
Note: The blue is what is what is printed in the journal. The green is how I filled it out (back around 1996)
How I would describe myself as a child—shy, skinny, pretty, afraid.
And now has a 45-year-old woman, I'm less shy, less skinny, less pretty, and less afraid.
My most beloved possessions—Sydney the mouse, Maxie the Moose, Winnie-the-Pooh, Koala, Polala, Savannah the clown, Sleepy.
I was really into stuffed animals. Sadly I don't have any of those favorites anymore.
I remember I once made this powder out of soap. I put it in Savannah's hair; then sniffed it. The soap powder went up my nose. It really hurt!
Places that lifted my spirits-Disney World, The Barnum Circus place with that fun playground. Devil's lake.
The latter two were in Wisconsin. I'll have to Google them. I think we went to the circus place only once. We stayed in some cabins. I got sick in the cabins, but I guess my illness didn't ruin my fun or my happy memories of the place.
As for Disney World, I loved it as a child. Tim and I ended up getting married there, and Jack ended up being a huge Disney fan as well. We're definitely a Disney family.
Here is the website for Circus World. It's in the Wisconsin Dells. I have some memories of going to the Wisconsin Dells but didn't know those memories were connected to the circus . I think I imagined they were two separate places. But now I'm getting that the circus place was in the Wisconsin Dells. I do remember/know that the Wisconsin Dells is one of those places with a variety of tourist attractions.
I wonder if the playground was at the circus place. Or it might have just been a random playground in the Wisconsin Dells.
I was thinking about the Wisconsin Dells and a similar place, Branson Missouri.They both have a bunch of tourist attractions. I was wondering if Australia has a similar place to that. Maybe the Gold Coast? Though I think the Gold Coast might be more similar to Orlando. The two theme parks there (Dreamworld and Movie World) remind me more of Disney World and Universal.
I think Branson and the Wisconsin Dells have more....
I don't know what to call it?
Smaller attractions?
I'm tempted to say Branson and the Wisconsin Dells have more tourist traps. But tourist trap is relative. I know some people would think of Disney World, Universal, Dreamworld, and Movie World as being tourist traps.
Now I'm looking at the Wisconsin Dells website. They're calling themselves the waterpark capitol of the world. I wonder if they had water parks back in our day and if we ever went to one. I don't think we did.
I have vague memories of going to a water show. And I connect this memory with hurting my toe in the car...like getting it caught in the seat.
There's something called the Tommy Bartlett Show. It has water skiers. Maybe that's what I'm remembering.
I kind of remember colorful water and synchronized swimmers.
I've blabbed on and on about the Wisconsin Dells, and just realized I've neglected Devil's Lake. That was a fun place. I'm not sure how many times we went. I remember going with my cousins and playing on colorful rafts. Though the rafts would probably look boring compared to all the rafts that are out there today!
Okay. I'm confused. I'm seeing that the Devil's Lake is in Baraboo Wisconsin. And I'm remembering that the circus place and cabin place was in Baraboo. At least I think it was. Is Baraboo part of the Wisconsin Dells, or near it? Or was I looking at the wrong circus place earlier?
Ah. Never mind. I went back to the circus site. It says Baraboo right there on the site.
And it's NOT in the Wisconsin Dells. It's 15 minutes away.
I need to read more carefully next time I go Googling down memory lane.
I'm looking at Google Maps now.
Devil's Lake was about 45 minutes north of our house. If we drove 15 minutes more north, we'd get to Circus World, and then the Wisconsin Dells is about 20 minutes further north.
The childhood experience that changed me most-Moving in the middle of third grade.
I'm not sure that changed me that most.
I'm not sure I had any experience in my childhood that caused a great transformation. I think there were just a bunch of medium and small things that caused small little growths...and emotional defects.
If I could, what I would say to my childhood self-Be happy. One day you will have a close to perfect boyfriend. Don't go to film school. Stop worrying so much about having friends. You weren't born to socialize.
Major in education when you go to college. Do sit-ups. You'll need them.
Don't wear that Laura Ashley dress. It makes you look pregnant.
A big surprise will happen to you when your'e older. You will actually start cleaning your room. You will be a neat freak instead of a slob.
Last but not least, one day you will feel loved and you will feel special.
Oye.
So here's what my 45-year-old self would say to my 23-year-old self.
A) Don't tell people to be happy...especially children. Life is about having a variety of emotion. Sometimes you'll be happy. But other times you'll be bored, angry, sad, worried, etc. And that's okay.
B) Your boyfriend is great, but he's not perfect. The more you're with someone, the more you'll see their imperfections.
C) There will be times you'll regret dropping out of film school.
D) You're probably right about the friend thing. You'll worry less and less about being popular and having friends as you get older.
E) You're going to end up spending a ton of money to get a bachelor's degree; then a master's degree. And you will hardly use them. I'm not telling you what to do...just saying what's going to happen.
Actually, No. I'd take that back. I DO have advice. I'd say drop the teaching; go back to working for the temp agency, and write in your spare time.
And...TRAVEL!!!
(That's not so say I didn't love teaching. I did love being a preschool teacher in NYC. It's one of my fondest memories. I'm just not sure it was worth it—money-wise. On the other hand, I think having a teacher degree does give me more self-confidence when it comes to homeschooling. I don't think it was actually needed, and I think parents can do fine without the degree. But still. It's that little extra thing that reduces some of the self-doubt).
E) They say sit-ups don't actually help that much.
Eventually you'll maybe look a bit less pregnant. Or it won't bother you as much.
Actually, I think it's just when you're bloated that you look pregnant. So, watch out for that.
F) The neat thing won't last forever. And you'll live in a messy house because that so-called perfect boyfriend is also a slob and so is the son you made together.
You'll do some cleaning. You'll do some organizing. But you'll keep failing to keep up with it all.
G) There will be moments where you feel loved, but there will also be times where you feel lonely, unloved, second-place, rejected, ignored, neglected, worthless, a failure, etc. Those feelings are just part of life. And you know who probably doesn't ever feel that way? DONALD TRUMP.
So...yeah.
What I'm trying to say is, it's OKAY to feel like shit sometimes. It's okay to have self-doubt. It's okay to have an imperfect body, and it's okay to have a messy house. All of that is better than being an ignorant narcissist with too much power.
