Thursday, May 28, 2020

Karen, Please Don't Sit So Close To Me

I had a Covid 19 dream.

I think this is my fourth or fifth.

So in this dream.....

We are siting in the den. Tim tells me he and his sister are planning to take a trip together in July. I'm annoyed, because he has been so careful about the whole quarantine thing. So why now does he think traveling will be okay by July?

Our friend Karen is there. She comes and sits close to me. I don't want to make a fuss, so I just discreetly move to another seat. Then she follows me there as well. 

I move away again and remind her about social distancing. She sheepishly tells me she keeps forgetting about that.

Based on my other dreams and conscious feelings, my guess is that the dream is 90% about coronavirus anxiety.  Though I think I might actually be more scared of the people than the virus.  I think the virus has just awakened something in me that I was somewhat suppressing.

I see people talking about wanting to get back together and hug their friends. I have no such desires!  And I really thought I liked hugging.  I thought I was a hugging type person.

Well, I'll see how I am after the pandemic has ended.  Maybe it's just a temporary aversion that I'll get over. 

Note: I'm happy to hug my husband and son.  But the thought of touching anyone outside that small circle and getting close enough to smell them....it just makes me feel yuck.  And I wasn't like that before.

Anyway, I'm going on a tangent again. 

I'm wondering if the other 10% behind the dream was Karen-related. I've had anxiety lately about whether or not I'm a Karen.  I haven't called the police on any black people or bothered a black person for simply taking up space.  Which is the worst aspect of a Karen. 

I don't have the Karen-hair.  Nor am I demanding a haircut. I haven't gotten a professional haircut in about 16 years, actually.

I don't ask for the manager.

BUT....I have been an assertive, complainer at times.  The main times were when I had problems with neurologists and neurology centers. There's a question of where do we draw the line between being rightfully assertive and being a Karen.

And maybe you can have rightful indignation but handle it in the wrong way.  For example, at the third neurologist, I spoke out because their bathrooms had zero soap.  And I went to two of them.  I thought that was quite disgusting. I complained to the front desk. I didn't yell at them, but I think I acted kind of Karen-like.  I've been thinking...was it really their fault that the soap was out?  I could have probably talked to them in a more gentle way. 

Earlier with the second neurologist, I demanded an apology for how they treated me. I definitely still think they owed me major apologies. But was it too Karen to demand the apology?  And would things have turned out better if I hadn't demanded the apology. Or would they have still walked all over me?

Anyway, I'm going to have to learn how to balance sticking up for myself with not wanting to be a Karen.

All that being said, the dream could have also been due to the simple fact that I don't have a huge social circle and three people in that circle are named Karen. There's family friend Karen (the one in the dream), my mother-in-law Karen and cousin Karen. And it's not unusual for me to dream of these Karens...even before Karening became a thing.