Saturday, June 11, 2011

Beautiful Songs, Rejection, Family, and Jezebel

1. Had a dream that we had to escape Australia, or we couldn't go back to Australia. We try to decide where to go instead. Jack suggests Israel.  I'm not too excited about that idea.  I think about how it would probably appeal to me more if I believed in Jewish-Christian-Islam mythology.

Why were we trying to escape?   I think the reason is connected to my other dream...the one about the business owner who seemed really nice; but then it ended up that he was a cannibalistic restaurant owner.  It also turned out that he was one of those villains that was nearly impossible to kill.

I think the dream was unfortunately inspired by reading about the breast milk cheese. No, I don't equate breast milk cheese with cannibalism, but I saw article comments yesterday that did make the association.  I think these misguided ideas creeped into my subconscious.    

2. Found old June 2006 dream about Nicole Kidman.  I am sitting at a table with Nicole Kidman. Next to her is Tom Cruise (didn't think about their connection until I woke up). They are completely ignoring me. I feel invisible. But then Tom Cruise notices me and nudges Nicole Kidman to talk to me. I am no longer ignored. She then asks to eat something on my plate. Some kind of Asian-like roll. I give it to her, saying I'm tired of it. But I think I kind of am not tired of it—just want to be nice.

I wonder if this was before or after they divorced. Probably after, right?  Okay yeah.  Lord Wiki said their marriage ended in 2001.  

Anyway, 2006 was one of the years that I was on my extreme-diet. I had a lot of food-related dreams in those days.

3. Watched the One Night the Moon clip.  I haven't watched it in a long time. I love the song. 

I wish it didn't have to be part of such a tragic story.   

4. Watched a video called Parachutes.  It's with a group called Sweet Jeans, made up of Sime Nugent and Alice Keath.   

This is one of those rare songs that I love the first time I hear it.  

I found the song via Sime Nugent's Facebook Page.   I became a fan the other day when I saw that Gina had become a fan.  I love Nugent's song Gently As She Goes.   I wonder if Gina's the one who introduced me to that song.  When I first started this blog, a lot of people had music recommendations for me.  "Gently as She Goes" was one of the songs.  I can't remember who recommended what though.

5. Started crying when I saw this photo while listening to "Gently as She Goes".   I'm not sure if it's the photo, the song, or the combination of both.  It's not the first time I had a tear over the photo.  I saw it a few days ago, and had a tear.  That's why I saw it just now.   I got a Facebook notification that someone liked my comment.  So me a little tear.   I had to follow the link to remember what this was referring too.  I saw the photo and then I had more tears.   

I think there shall be lots of Harry Potter tears around the world in the next few weeks.  

6. Wore my new Zazzle shirt to the lake house. I checked  my old Zazzle shirt this morning; the one I attacked with my berry tie-dying experiment.  It didn't turn out so great, unfortunately.   It just looks dirty.  But it's an okay kind of dirty.  I'd be okay wearing it around the house, at least. Prior to the experimentation, the stain was the type that would make me not want to wear it at all.  It's not that it was gross.   It's just....

Well, it's hard to explain.  Now the shirt's dirtiness is more consistent. It's dirty all over instead of one big blob of dirtiness.  

7. Had sudden huge urge to go to Australia while riding to the lake house.  It came after Tim talked about those times when you're so hot you can drink a lot and not have to pee.  You sweat it all out instead. Why did I associate that with Australia?   I have no idea.  Maybe it's because Australia is hot sometimes?    

We talked a bit about our future trips to Australia.  I said I'd like to go in 2012, and then back again when I'm 50 0r 55—if I'm still alive.   Tim said we should go when I'm 50 then. I told him that was a bit rude. Well, because it sounds like he was saying I'd be dead before I'm 55.  Then he said no, it will just be better because I can move around then.  I reminded him that my parents are in their 60's, and they move around fine!  

Anyway, I said we should go when I'm 52 because 5+2 is 7, and that's my favorite number.  

8. Went to the website for SBS's Go Back To Where You Came From, because Bernadette mentioned it on my Facebook page.  This is the reality program about asylum seekers.   I was weary of this show when I first heard of it because reality TV usually annoys me.  But now I'm very interested in asylum seekers, so I'm sort of wanting to see it.   Will I be able to see it?  That's the big question. I have some hope since I was able to watch The First Australians on SBS, a few years ago.  

9. Heard from my brother-in-law that he watched Underbelly.  He said he liked it. He was very impressed with the level of violence.  

10. Looked more at the Go Back To Where You Came From website.  The girl wearing the white shirt in the paused video clip looks like Kate from Lost

I'm going to watch the clip.  It's just a promotional thing.  It makes me groan a bit. The announcer says, Unstaged.... unscripted.... But I bet it's not unedited.

With editing, you can take footage and tell the story you want to tell, whether it's 100% accurate or not.

The title of the show is good.  I'll definitely say that.  It's such a powerful statement, and so representative of the situation.  Go Back To Where You Came From.     

It's such a cruel thing to anyone.  I mean even if someone is just a tourist, or if they're fortunate to be the type of migrant who's not in a desperate situation; it's still cruel and unwelcoming.  But it makes it even worse when the place the person came from was not a safe place to be.

11. Started to take quiz on the Go Back To Where You Came From website. 

12. Did very very bad on the quiz.  

13.  Found out from the Australian Dictionary of Biography that my Australian of the day is George Albert Allnut.

14. Found out at the pool that my sister likes Keith Urban.  I  might have already known that.  

15.  Started to read about George Albert Allnut.  He was a farmer, born in Melbourne.  He worked with wheat. He also bred horses and pigs.

George also did some politics. He was part of a party called the Country Progressive Party.

George wasn't very popular because he had uncompromising opinions and a caustic tongue.   I like the words they use to describe him.

Could those words describe me at all?  I'm trying to decide if they do.  I have strong opinions, but they're not uncompromising.  I change my opinions a lot, based on whatever new information comes into my brain.  I do have a caustic times.  But I think it's less caustic than a lot of other people's tongues.

16. Read one last thing about George.  He had bad luck with fire.  Two of his properties had fire damage.  Or maybe they were totally destroyed.   The Australian Dictionary of Biography says his properties were burnt out.  I'm guessing maybe that means they were destroyed.

17.  Went to Tallygarunga.  Last night I joined in their chatroom for the first time.   I signed in with my name (Dina) to say hello. Someone said hello back. Then I tried to say something else, and I couldn't use my name again.   I got the message it was protected.   It turns out you can register your name, so no one else can use it.  Apparently, between me saying hello and them wanting to say something else, some other person registered my name.  Some people, in the chatroom, suggested that it might have been a troll.

I had to pick a new name so I chose Dina (Confused).  And I registered that one. So now I'm OFFICIALLY confused.

18. Decided to read the continuation of Satisfy Your Soul.   This is the story with Reade and Arti in Melbourne.  The last I saw them they had ordered food from Reade's favorite burger restaurant.  

Arti doesn't want to eat a lot at the restaurant.   She's saving her appetite for dessert later at the hotel.  She's a chocolate fan.    I am too, but I guess that's not too shocking.  It's more shocking when women aren't chocolate fans.  Chocolate is the thing that unites most of us.   AND it's a good remedy for Dementor attacks.

19. Didn't understand this line from Arti.  If I was really that self-conscious about my weight, I think I would be anorexic by now.  

What does that mean?  I'm thinking of the possibilities.

A) She has a very fast metabolism, and if she tried to lose weight, she'd lose too much.
B) She's the type who would have an eating disorder if she started to seriously diet.

OR maybe it's something different all together.

20. Tried to remember if I read Jezebel Blair's biography, or not.

I don't think I did. I just skimmed through, and there was stuff I'm sure I would have remembered if I already read it.

Jezebel was part of the family dinner scene I read the other day.   She's the daughter of Adele and someone else.  At one time, she was pregnant.  That's about all I know. Now I'll learn more.

She's a Half-blood, born in Melbourne.  I'm not sure where the Half-blood bit comes in. Which parent is a Muggle?

Jezebel is very tall.   5'9.

She's an actress, and has the beginnings of a career in Hollywood.  Does she fly there in a plane? Or does she use magic to get across the sea?

21. Liked these lines about Jezebel because they remind me so much of Jack.  ....hyperactivity in the woman means she often has an expression of permanent excitement; or happiness accompanies consistent bouncing or fidgeting.

When Jack is excited, he's totally bouncy.  I mean he literally bounces.   He was so excited the other day when we went to my parent's house for a big Wii bowling tournament.  He was like Tigger.  He couldn't keep still.

There's some people who are very subtle about their happiness. Jack's not one of them.  If he's happy or excited, he's usually bouncing off the walls.

22.  Learned that Jezebel has multiple personalities, otherwise known as dissociative personality disorder.   I often feel I'm one step away from having this.  Or does everyone feel that way?   I really don't know.  I'm wondering if it's more common in people with strong imaginations?   And there's the fact that I have different accents pop out of my mouth.   I also have these different sides of myself that conflict with each other.  But maybe we're all like that?  Or most of us are like that?  

23. Liked what was said about Jezebel's multiple personalities.   This development was due to a young child's way of dealing with problems involving dreams and nightmares in her sleep that she didn't understand at an early age, and years of therapy as she grew up helped her come to terms with it. Its simply a part of her and that's simply it.

It's very positive and matter-of-fact.  And I like that the word "disorder" is left out of the biography.   I don't know if I'd see it as a disorder.  I'd probably see it as a coping method.—a very talented coping method.  

I'm guessing parts of it would be hard, probably the memory issues.

What's it called again?  Memory lapses? Is that it?  There's some other term, though.  

Fugue.  That's it. I had that in my mind, but I had to look it up to make sure I was right.

I think this is where you do something, but you're in a kind of trance.   An example that most of us can relate to is going off to do a chore, and then later not remembering if you did the chore or not.   It's when we're on automatic pilot.

Well, I may be wrong.  Lord Wiki says it's more of an extreme thing.   It's when you totally lose track of time.   One minute it's Monday and the next moment it's Friday.   I thought there were average/normal fugues and then more extreme unusual fugues. But I guess fugue doesn't refer to the more milder moments of automatic pilot.

Anyway, the difference between someone like me, and someone who has official multiple personalities is that I do NOT have fugue states. The different sides of me are all very much aware of each other.  One part of me doesn't wake up suddenly and think What happened?  Why am I wearing this dress?   Sometimes I feel like someone else; but at the same time I feel like me.

24. Fascinated by Jezebel.

I'm going to read about her two personalities now. There's Jezzie and Jaz.

25. Decided not to read about Jezzie and Jaz yet. I think I need to help with dinner.  I'll read later. I want to take my time on all this.

26. Put the toppings on my pizza.   I used VERY light cheese.  I wonder if it will be good or not.   I think I'll miss the cheese a bit.  I used a ton of black olives, so maybe that will make up for the cheese.

27. Went back to reading about Jezzie and Jaz.

Jezzie is the fun and crazy one. She's also the vegetarian one. I guess Jaz eats meat then.

Jaz likes to eat unhealthy food, including hamburgers. I wonder if she's gone to Reade's hamburger place.

I guess Jezebel counts as a third personality, because it says here that....Jaz (who only ever responds to 'Jaz') is/was perhaps the bluntest, roughest, and sometimes scariest of the three.

So there's three rather than two. 

I can sort of maybe see a little of myself in Jaz.   She's competitive, gets frustrated, and doesn't like bullies.  Jaz is devious when dealing with bullies.   I think I'm more upfront.   Now I'm just talking about online stuff really.  I have no idea if I'd be the type to step in the middle of a physical fight.   But if I feel like someone is being treated unfairly online, I'll sometimes speak up.  Or maybe it's more "often" than "sometimes".   Sometimes I'll scold the person who's being unfair or mean.   Other times I'll just say something supportive or in agreement with the person being wronged.  

28. Learned that Jezebel worked on an Australian soap opera. Was it Neighbours?   Home and Away?  McLeod's Daughters?  Something else? 

If I'm understanding things right, Jezebel's acting talent partly grows out of her multiple personalities.  That's neat.  

I think it's wonderful if we can take what's weird about us and turn it into something positive.  One of my weird traits is I get very obsessed with things.   I've written before about the email-pal who was concerned for me and my my Australia obsession.  She thought I might have something like Aspergers. Heaven forbid!   She saw it as negative...a disorder.   It's not normal to be obsessive.   It's not healthy.  SOME obsessions can be unhealthy (like obsessing over calories), but I think some obsessions can be wonderful.  I love being obsessed with Australia.   It's brought me many fantastic things; and only a few bad things.  

27. Learned that once Jezebel learned the identity of her biological mother, the other personalities stopped taking over. That's very intriguing.

28. Learned that Jezbel's personalities come from her childhood sleep issues.  Am I reading that right?  This is all so interesting.

29. Read that Jezebel was the child of Stuart and Tanya.   But I think that's what was originally believed.  I think later it was revealed that she was Adele's daughter. 

Stuart and Tanya are the ones with the triplets.  Tim Tam and Tom. 

30. Wondered if multiple personalities would be less difficult once the personalities were aware of each other.   As long as all personalities are cooperative, they can keep in touch with each other.   One personality could email the other personality.  Hey, I canceled the doctor's appointment.   It's rescheduled for next week. Oh and if you have gas, it might because I ate a burrito for lunch.  

I think if your personalities are cooperative and like each other, it might be like having siblings. 

31. Read more and more stuff that makes me think I could totally love Jezebel. 

She has lucid dreams, and can go into other people's dreams.  I love dream stuff. I have lucid dreams.  As far as I know I don't go into other people's dreams.  Nor am I telepathic, like Jezebel.

Jezebel is awesome. 

32. Saw that Jezebel's Aussie soap opera is Neighbours

33. Liked that Jezebel is hopeless at domestic duties.  That reminds me of me.   I have though recently improved at scooping the cat litter.  It turns out the job is much easier if you get a sturdy metal scooper thing.  A plastic broken one makes things very difficult.   

34. Received an annoying email.   I don't mind people correcting me when I make mistakes.  In fact, I'm grateful for it because it helps me learn.   But this email had one of those attitudes of, how-dare-you-miss some information!   How dare you not know everything I know!   Look...when I was doing those biography posts, they were one day projects. It's not like I was spending months upon months researching people. They were brief glimpses of people, not comprehensive biographies. 

Anyway, I think the main thing is my views are way too left for this person.

35. Realized there's a difference between telling someone they made a Bourke vs. Burke.   Pointing that out is helpful to me.   But please don't tell me I've missed something.   Of course I'm going to miss things. I'm not a walking encyclopedia.