Monday, January 5, 2015

Dreams and Thoughts about Australia Love

I had more dreams about Australia last night. Sorry, but I feel compelled to share them. I'm not sure that's a good idea, because they're not exactly coherent. They jumped around in time. Actually, it jumped back in time only once. Maybe I'll just skip that part.

Don't feel you need to read the dreams. I write them down...mostly for my future self. Well, and that's kind of silly, because I've already written them down elsewhere.  So maybe it's not mostly for my future self. Maybe it's because I imagine, though, most people aren't interested in hearing other people's dreams, there are people out there who do like it. Maybe one of those people will find my blog. Someday.

There were two dreams:

In the first: I'm having some kind of Star Wars adventure. Then suddenly, I'm in a car with Tim. And I mention this, the sudden change of scenery. We talk about the threat of 14-year-old werewolves out on the prowl. Tim see them as funny and harmless. I'm thinking yes, they're young. But their werewolf status might make them a bit of a threat.

Then we're in the water. Either the sky or water is very blue. Maybe both. Very briefly I get that special magical feeling I used to get about a certain past dream. I try telling Tim about it, asking him if he remembers me talking about it. Then I remind him that I had thought that this past dream might have a connection to Australia.

A new feeling comes along. Terror. Because there are huge crocodilian creatures in the water with us. After some quick thinking, I decide to face the animals face on. I swim towards one. I grab it's snout-thing so it can't bite me. Then I climb on it's back. I ride on it.  Then (maybe) together we go after some other type of creature that seems to be a threat.

I'm unclear about the ending there. It's vague in my head.  I think one thing I felt, but didn't actually think about in the dream is the question of whether the crocodilian thing and I were friends. Did I conquer it and make it my pet? Did my bravery in approaching him make him respect me?  Or was he not eating me simply because I was on his back and he couldn't reach me there?

The other dream is long and complicated. And it's the one that jumps back in time. I'll try to make it as simple as possible.

We're in Australia with my parents. I believe we have to leave soon, but then learn we have time to go somewhere first. I am thinking we should go to this museum I really like.  I start to think, though, that it's not the actual museum I love, but the area around the museum. I don't know where it is, though. I'm wondering if it's Darling Harbour.

But then we end up going to another museum. At this museum, my mom demands to know where's the monkey. She expects there to be a real live monkey greeting us at the entrance. But instead there's just a small person in a bear costume.  

So...since we went to that museum, I'm not sure if I want to go to another museum.  I decide instead that I'd like to go to the beach. I consider Manly, but then decide on Bondi. And I mention to someone that we could see crocodiles there.

Our Australian friends are also in the picture, and involved with the plans. I think about how I should consider what they want to do as well. Though they're Australian, they're not from Sydney. They're tourists too.  

I actually forgot about the monkey-bear thing when I wrote down the dream earlier.  So maybe it is GOOD for my future self that I have the dream written down twice  And in the go-back-in-time thing, I call my Australian friends from Texas at 9 pm my time and 2 pm their time.  Well, I might be making that up. I know there was a 9:00 and a 2:00. My dream self might have had it mixed up, though.  Whatever.  My waking self is putting it right...in case it was wrong.

But...I almost forgot the important thing about the phone call. I called them using a teddy bear phone. So there were two bear things in this particular Australian dream.

I guess my subconscious had bears in it.

We did see bears the night before on An Idiot Abroad.

There are other things I wanted to say about the dream.

1. The museum and Bondi beach were not about real-life memories of a museum or Bondi Beach. They're connected to memories of past dreams. Often when I dream about visiting bodies of water, there are little crocodiles or alligators swimming around. So that's why I told someone there'd be crocodiles at Bondi Beach.

2. In the dream, there was this sense that I didn't know when we'd be leaving. I had an idea the beach or museum. would be our last thing before going home. But I don't think I was 100% sure. And my guess is I didn't ask because I didn't want to know.  I think I had this small bit of hope that we had much more time left. By asking, I'd lose that hope.  Well...unless I was told we'd be staying for several more days.

If I wake up and think something about the dream that wasn't actually in the dream, is it still partly valid? Because it comes from my imagination, right? So am I allowed to infer things about the dream. Or is that cheating?  The other thing is, maybe I DID actually think those things in the dream, but when I woke up I forgot that I had thought about them.

3.  In the past few days, I've felt kind of disturbed and stressed about Australia. I started questioning whether I truly still love Australia, and whether I'm really obsessed. Or do I just continue with all this because I feel obligated?  Maybe I refuse to let go because I have already put so much work and passion into all of it. Plus, we've spent a ton of money on my Australia-love.  But my dream seems to be saying that yes, I do still love Australia. It's still very important to me.  Or at least it's still very important to my subconscious.  I just know that in my dream I really liked being in Australia, and I was relieved/happy to know that we had some extra time there.

I have a lot jumping around in my head right now.

One thing I was thinking, is that if I truly wanted to see if my conscious self was over Australia I might forbid myself to do any Australian-related stuff for a few weeks. Don't watch Australian shows. Don't listen to Australian music. Don't look at Australian photos. Don't read Australian news.  Then I can see if I miss any of it. But I don't want to do that. Why? Is it because I'm afraid of the answer? Or is it because I don't even like the IDEA of taking a break from Australia?

The other thing I'm thinking is a part of me is unliking Australia because of envy. I thought I was over all that, but I think I was wrong. My cousin and her family moved back to Australia. I think they'll be living there permanently maybe. I pretend to be fine with that, but yeah...I think I'm pretending.  I also get envious of all these people taking photos on Instagram.  Some live in Australia. Some are traveling through Australia. They're there. I'm not.  I think there's an irrational part of me that feels Australia has accepted all of them, but rejected me.  It's silly, though, and I'm being greedy and unfair.  There are other non-Australian fans of Australia and they might see me as being lucky for visiting Australia three times. Maybe they don't have the means to visit at all.  Plus, it's not like we tried to visit Australia and Australia said, No. Sorry you can't come here.  We've always been able to get the needed visa.

So in summary, I still love Australia, but sometimes my love for Australia makes me sad. That's why it's probably good that I also have love for things not Australian.  You know the whole...don't put all your eggs in one basket.

One more thing: I think one of the reasons I've been questioning my love for Australia is lately I've been reading my Livejournal entries from 2008. I was SO obsessed back then...maybe to the point of being a bit mental. I was somewhat depressed.  I desperately wanted to move to Australia,and I hardly had any interests outside of Australia.  I'm not as obsessed now as I was back then. So I think I was feeling like I had failed, because I haven't managed to maintain that level of passion. But now I'm coming to my senses and seeing that I still love Australia, but at a more manageable level.  And that's likely a very good thing.  Otherwise, I'd probably be crying my eyes out every night about my cousin living in Australia...instead of just feeling my little twinges of envy.