Saturday, October 9, 2010

Sunset

I just watched another fun clip on the Australian Screen Website. It involves a single mother looking for love. Kate talks about how she saw an idyllic sunset with her son. She wished she had someone (besides her offspring, I suppose) with whom to share it.

Sometimes I feel single people idealize romantic partnerships.  

Life will be perfect...a fairytale....once you find that special someone.

A sunset will be more special if you share it with someone you're in love with.  

Reality doesn't always match the fantasy.

Two people walk on a beach with the perfect sunset. It's a dreamlike setting. But maybe one of the two is yapping away about the novel he's writing, and the other is wishing for peaceful silence.

Maybe one of the two doesn't even notice the sunset or his partner. He's too busy emailing his friend on his Blackberry.

Maybe one of the two is madly in love with the other. Maybe the other has become secretly indifferent. Maybe the other is having an affair, and is thinking about his other lover.

Maybe the two feel this pressure to talk to each other. But they have nothing to say. And it's not that so-called comfortable silence. It's an awful silence. The cause? They're bored with each other.

Yeah.  Sometimes people DO have a fantastic time as they watch a sunset with their significant other.   It can happen.  But can't it also be enjoyable when you're alone? With your son? With your best friend?

I used to go on cruises with my family.  We went on the first one when I was fifteen or sixteen. At that time, I had never had a boyfriend.  I had never been kissed. I totally idealized love. I imagined the cruise would be SO much better if I had a romance going on.

Later I did have a man in my life....and he went on cruises with my family.  It was much different than I had imagined.  I don't remember Tim and I spending a lot of couple time together on cruises. It was much less romantic than I would have expected when I was a teenager.  Maybe it was because we were with family?  Tim adores my family, and they adore him. He ends up spending a lot of time with them.   That's nice, but at times I have felt a bit neglected.      

I witnessed another cruise couple who pretty much actualized my idealistic cruise romance.  They pretty much did everything together.  They were joined at the hip. It all looked very romantic. I envied them, and wondered why Tim and I never acted that way. Even before having a child, we were far from that vision.  But then one half of the couple had a rare moment alone.During that time, they confided that despite loving their partner, they kind of wished they had more space.

I thought that was pretty funny.  

Relationships never quite work the way you want them to, or the way you imagined in your adolescent fantasies.

That being said.....

I do think I prefer being in a relationship to being alone.  

I love having a husband. I love having a child.

Marriage doesn't completely prevent loneliness.  Sometimes I feel incredibly alone. Sometimes I feel lost.  But I think back to my days before Tim, and I was much more lonelier back then.

Then again, it could be because I didn't have a lot of close friends. I had a fairly active social life in college, but I was still a bit on my own.  For most of the time, I didn't have anyone I was very close to.  Then for one semester, I had a VERY intense friendship with someone.   It was almost like we were married.  So at that time, I wasn't lonely.  Maybe then it's not about having a romantic partner.   Maybe life is better simply when you have people who are there for you on a consistent basis.

I hate those times in life where you think.... I could electrocute myself in the bathtub, and it might take days for people to notice I'm dead. That's a really lonely feeling.  

I do like my space. There have been times where I've imagined I'd be happier if I was single.  But in the end, I think I'd be lonely. I like my alone time, but after a few hours....I'm eager for Tim and Jack to return.  I don't like being away from them for too long.

Maybe I'm less of a loner than I imagine.  

I probably wouldn't mind seeing a sunset on my own. But I'd prefer to experience it with Jack and Tim; even if Tim is busy typing on his Blackberry and Jack is talking up a storm about our upcoming trip to Disney World.  Eventually, Tim stops typing. Jack ends his monologue and writes in the sand.  Tim and I watch, and have one of those parental bonding moments. Sometimes it's incredibly wonderful.