ChrisCaresNone Might Help My Self-Esteem (Hopefully)

This morning I left a comment on a podcast I listen to.

I felt good posting it.

About ten minutes later, I was outside gardening and felt my usual mix of dread, self-doubt, self-disgust, and most of all regret.

I was embarrassed for what I wrote and wished I hadn't wrote it.

Then I remembered ChrisCaresNone and felt better. 

ChrisCaresNone was on Jonah Platt's podcast to talk about food, his life, his story as an ally to the Jewish people, etc.

One of the things he talked about was his life philosophy/mottos.

He has a saying that is something along the lines of the treasure you seek is in the cave you're most afraid of. 

I'm kind of cynical about motivational stuff.

But like many Jews, I adore ChrisCaresNone so much, I found myself willing to be less cynical in his case.

I tried to imagine how this would apply to my life.

My biggest fear is vomit. So does this mean, in order for my life to take a better turn...I need to go in a cave vomit?  (Metaphorically speaking, of course).

I think I kind of dropped the subject in my mind after a few minutes of thought.

Later, like many Jews, I did some wonderful armchair traveling to Israel via ChrisCaresNone's Instagram.

In one of his Instagram Reels, ChrisCaresNone circled back to the cave thing. He seemed rather nervous and then admitted that though he loves Jews; he also loves Palestinians.

For me, this made me love him even more.

I don't think it's that helpful for Jews to have allies who hate Palestinians.

I think we need allies who will help build bridges.

I'm not alone. Some of the comments show that.

And the Likes. There are over 10,000.

But I know there are going to be some people who hate the comment.

There are going to be people who see him as a traitor or no longer useful to the Zionist cause.

There are going to be people who already hated him, because he doesn't hate Israel and that he actually had the nerve to visit Israel.

This is what helped my self-esteem.

My problem is sometimes being too scared to enter the cave (Or spending weeks willing to enter the cave but being plagued by such bad anxiety I start thinking I might rather die in the next few days than have to deal with the cave)

But often I fearlessly and almost mindlessly run into the cave only to later hate myself for entering the cave.

ChrisCaresNone helped me feel better about my going in the cave.

I remembered that yes there will be people who read my comment and roll their eyes. There will be people who think I'm weird (in a bad way) or that I'm an awful person.

There will be someone reading this post who thinks my writing is atrocious; that I'm not funny or interesting; that I'm a horrible human being for supporting Israel; that I should quit writing; that I should quit living; that I should get over myself.

But there are also people out there who will like my comments and my blogposts. The universe can maybe connect me to them and them to me if I have the courage to say things I want to say.  

So...I'm going to try to remember this: 

In order to find people who like you, you have to jump into the cave that will also have people who think you're a piece of shit.  

Zionist Sisters Have Sussman Synchronocity

Today my sister texted me about some Israeli chef drama.

She didn't say much about it, and other stuff and other conversations went on in my life.

While gardening and getting most of my blood sucked out from mosquitos, I listened to one of my favorite podcasts: Ashamed to Admit 

It's Australian!

And Jewish!

On the episode I listened to this afternoon, Tami Sussman interviewed the popular Instagrammer JewishMemesOnly. 

After listening to the podcast, I went to look at the JewishMemesOnly account, because I rarely run into it in my feed.

(The thing is, I follow a shitload of people but try not to go on Instagram too often, so I miss a lot of posts)

When I went to the account, I saw that there was a video clip of the podcast episode I had just listened to.

I saw a comment from Tami Sussman. I followed that to her account and started following. 

Because although I've been listening to the podcast for a few months, I hadn't thought of seeking out her Instagram account...or an account for the show.  

Anyway....an hour or so after this happened, I get a text from my sister who shared some more thoughts about the Israeli chef drama.

My sister told me she started following the chef.

What's the chef's name? 

Adeena Sussman!!

I went ahead and followed her too. Of course.

Anyway, I thought that was fun synchronocity.

And also...it brings me joy when Jewish/Zionism and Australia intersect. (I mean when it's in a positive way...not when it's a one-of-my-favorite-Australians-turned-out-to-be-antisemitic way)

Another also: I now know for sure that my special interest in Australia is not dead. Because my sister told me that my nephew liked the song "Big Jet Plane" by Angus and Julia Stone, and I was overly excited and spent the next hour or so hyper-fixating on making a playlist for them with all my favorite Australian songs.  

Unfortunately several of the songs were by a singer who has turned out to be anti-Israel.

But...such is life.

It's fine.

I was getting kind of tired of his songs anyway.  

I don't mean that in a defensive-insulting way. His songs are great. It's more the fact that I tend to love songs; listen to them repeatedly; and then as time goes by...listen to them much less often or not at all.