Showing posts with label Podcasts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Podcasts. Show all posts

ChrisCaresNone Might Help My Self-Esteem (Hopefully)

This morning I left a comment on a podcast I listen to.

I felt good posting it.

About ten minutes later, I was outside gardening and felt my usual mix of dread, self-doubt, self-disgust, and most of all regret.

I was embarrassed for what I wrote and wished I hadn't wrote it.

Then I remembered ChrisCaresNone and felt better. 

ChrisCaresNone was on Jonah Platt's podcast to talk about food, his life, his story as an ally to the Jewish people, etc.

One of the things he talked about was his life philosophy/mottos.

He has a saying that is something along the lines of the treasure you seek is in the cave you're most afraid of. 

I'm kind of cynical about motivational stuff.

But like many Jews, I adore ChrisCaresNone so much, I found myself willing to be less cynical in his case.

I tried to imagine how this would apply to my life.

My biggest fear is vomit. So does this mean, in order for my life to take a better turn...I need to go in a cave vomit?  (Metaphorically speaking, of course).

I think I kind of dropped the subject in my mind after a few minutes of thought.

Later, like many Jews, I did some wonderful armchair traveling to Israel via ChrisCaresNone's Instagram.

In one of his Instagram Reels, ChrisCaresNone circled back to the cave thing. He seemed rather nervous and then admitted that though he loves Jews; he also loves Palestinians.

For me, this made me love him even more.

I don't think it's that helpful for Jews to have allies who hate Palestinians.

I think we need allies who will help build bridges.

I'm not alone. Some of the comments show that.

And the Likes. There are over 10,000.

But I know there are going to be some people who hate the comment.

There are going to be people who see him as a traitor or no longer useful to the Zionist cause.

There are going to be people who already hated him, because he doesn't hate Israel and that he actually had the nerve to visit Israel.

This is what helped my self-esteem.

My problem is sometimes being too scared to enter the cave (Or spending weeks willing to enter the cave but being plagued by such bad anxiety I start thinking I might rather die in the next few days than have to deal with the cave)

But often I fearlessly and almost mindlessly run into the cave only to later hate myself for entering the cave.

ChrisCaresNone helped me feel better about my going in the cave.

I remembered that yes there will be people who read my comment and roll their eyes. There will be people who think I'm weird (in a bad way) or that I'm an awful person.

There will be someone reading this post who thinks my writing is atrocious; that I'm not funny or interesting; that I'm a horrible human being for supporting Israel; that I should quit writing; that I should quit living; that I should get over myself.

But there are also people out there who will like my comments and my blogposts. The universe can maybe connect me to them and them to me if I have the courage to say things I want to say.  

So...I'm going to try to remember this: 

In order to find people who like you, you have to jump into the cave that will also have people who think you're a piece of shit.  

Zionist Sisters Have Sussman Synchronocity

Today my sister texted me about some Israeli chef drama.

She didn't say much about it, and other stuff and other conversations went on in my life.

While gardening and getting most of my blood sucked out from mosquitos, I listened to one of my favorite podcasts: Ashamed to Admit 

It's Australian!

And Jewish!

On the episode I listened to this afternoon, Tami Sussman interviewed the popular Instagrammer JewishMemesOnly. 

After listening to the podcast, I went to look at the JewishMemesOnly account, because I rarely run into it in my feed.

(The thing is, I follow a shitload of people but try not to go on Instagram too often, so I miss a lot of posts)

When I went to the account, I saw that there was a video clip of the podcast episode I had just listened to.

I saw a comment from Tami Sussman. I followed that to her account and started following. 

Because although I've been listening to the podcast for a few months, I hadn't thought of seeking out her Instagram account...or an account for the show.  

Anyway....an hour or so after this happened, I get a text from my sister who shared some more thoughts about the Israeli chef drama.

My sister told me she started following the chef.

What's the chef's name? 

Adeena Sussman!!

I went ahead and followed her too. Of course.

Anyway, I thought that was fun synchronocity.

And also...it brings me joy when Jewish/Zionism and Australia intersect. (I mean when it's in a positive way...not when it's a one-of-my-favorite-Australians-turned-out-to-be-antisemitic way)

Another also: I now know for sure that my special interest in Australia is not dead. Because my sister told me that my nephew liked the song "Big Jet Plane" by Angus and Julia Stone, and I was overly excited and spent the next hour or so hyper-fixating on making a playlist for them with all my favorite Australian songs.  

Unfortunately several of the songs were by a singer who has turned out to be anti-Israel.

But...such is life.

It's fine.

I was getting kind of tired of his songs anyway.  

I don't mean that in a defensive-insulting way. His songs are great. It's more the fact that I tend to love songs; listen to them repeatedly; and then as time goes by...listen to them much less often or not at all.



Blocked

I had a thing happen yesterday.

I was looking at a wide variety of Instagram profiles for a reason I might one day write a post about....

I looked up the profile of a celebrity I'm a fan of and saw that his Instagram was gone.

My busy brain found that interesting for about three seconds and then moved onto other things.

Until a short time later when my phone was charging, and I was doing my laptop stuff.

I started to worry.

What if he hadn't deleted his Instagram account?

What if he had blocked me?

I Googled his name along with Instagram. His account was still there.  

Since I'm not signed into Instagram on my laptop.....

Here it was.

What I had feared.

He had blocked my account.  

* * *

I went on doing my laptop stuff...or trying to.

Trying to concentrate while trying to figure out what to do about this.

I would need to carve him out of my life. Right?

Probably yes.

I'm not good at separating the art from the artist. I'm really not.

This was going to be quite a challenge, though.

With the last two celebrities I wrote about, it was less of a challenge.  

With one, his acting career didn't play a huge part in my life. He's been on one show important to me, but he probably won't be on anymore. I loved one song of his, but I'm not too emotionally attached.  Plus, with songs, I tend to listen to them a lot for a particular section of time; then I rarely if ever listen to them again.  

With the other celebrity, I loved him on one show, but the show is over. It's pretty easy to move on.

BUT with the celebrity of yesterday's drama. His role in my life is much more pervasive. I had a LOT of his music on my 2024 playlist. His TV show is one of my favorites. I even subscribe to a fan-created YouTube account.

I think, at this point, my mind was working a strategic plan of erasure while feeling a mix of mild shock, anger, and hurt.

While also wondering about the WHY of it all.

I suspected it was an anti-Zionist thing...

OR he had searched for his name and found my blog...and was frightened by my weirdness.  

I started having an Inside Out scenario in my head...with Sadness telling me it was okay to feel sad about this and don't do that thing of bottling up your feelings. And Joy was whispering something like, If he came to your blog...isn't that kind of cool? You were noticed!

Well...

Anyway....

I'm not sure why.

I don't know what type of Inside Out character jumped in here next. But something suggested that I should maybe recheck the blocked thing. Maybe I had just typed in the wrong name. Or Instagram search had been a bit wonky.

So when I was back with my phone, I searched on Instagram and saw that I was NOT blocked by this celebrity.

That was quite a relief.

* * *

I also saw I was not following this celebrity despite being a fan.

I considered following but then decided not to.

Why?

Not sure.

I'm weird about following celebrities on Instagram.

Sometimes I follow my favorites. 

Often I don't.

After what-didn't-actually-happen yesterday....I'm thinking I should lean into not-following-favorites.


* * *

I've been sitting here for about 30 minutes trying to come up with a conclusion to this post that's honest but doesn't make me sound pathetic or shitty.

Something along the lines of avoiding the artist as much as possible, so I can be safe in enjoying the art.

This makes me sound shitty, though...as if I'm bound to be disappointed and disillusioned by the artist's life and/or personality. It makes me sound and feel very intolerant.

Then, to my relief, I realized none of this is true.

Months ago, I listened to a long interview with the didn't-block-me-celebrity on a podcast. The interview made me like him more. Not less.

I realized it's not about the person behind the Instagram account...whether famous or not.

I just tend not to like what people show of themselves on Instagram. Or how they show themselves.

Shit. It's hard to explain.

I'm going to stop trying.

I need to pee. 

* * *

This post would probably be more entertaining if I named the celebrity.

But I'm paranoid he WILL someday Google himself and end up here...and then the whole blocking-thing could become reality.

* * *

I am reminding myself that if I don't search for a celebrity on Instagram, I won't have to ever see that they have blocked me. Or mistakingly believe they've blocked me.

Or see that they hate Zionists.

But curiosity often gets the best of me.

Or the hope for reassurance or a happy surprise.

I once looked up a singer before adding her song to my 2024 playlist. I wanted to make sure she didn't hate Jews.

It turned out she was Israeli...AND Australian. And not only that. She wasn't one of the many Jewish celebrities keeping quiet about October 7.  

* * *

I still haven't peed.

And another thirty minutes have passed.

* * *

I also try to avoid but sometimes fail to avoid the temptation of commenting on celebrity social media accounts.

It's that embarrassing desire to be noticed and liked.

Or the urge to speak out about something.

OR worse...a combination of the above two.

Let-me-be-brave-enough-to-disagree-with-you-or-question-you-while-also-hoping-this-makes-you-notice-me-and-like-me.

* * *

I'm thinking....

It's probably actually not that horrible or weird to reach out hoping to be noticed.

It's probably quite common....

What's probably less normal and less healthy is my fear of disappointment with the response or lack of response...and worry that the disappointment will make me lose love for the artist and then lose love for the art.

And I hate losing the art.

The art is so important to me.  

* * *

Realizing....

This is not just a celebrity thing.

But a people in general thing.

And the reason why I tend to prefer spending my time with content (books, TV shows, songs, movies, podcasts, blogs) over social interactions.

* * *

I thought this was going to be a short funny post, turning a few moments of inner turmoil into something positive.

But instead it's been a shitty hour...

Over an hour 

With me facing all my angst.

And worse.

Sharing it with the world.

* * *

I hate blogging sometimes.

 


 

Tim Cook's Cover of Ball Park Music's Surrender

I just rewatched one of my favorite YouTube cover performances.

It's from Tim Cook Music, so I'm guessing the singer's name is Tim Cook.





I looked and saw that I have already commented twice on his video.  Six years ago and then one year ago.

Looking at Tim and friend....

If I hadn't seen photos of Holly and Matthew from the Weird Crap in Australia podcast, I could kind of picture them looking like this.  

* * *

I am guessing I've written about this cover on my blog before. I tried to search "Tim Cook" "Cover of" and "Surrender" and haven't easily found anything.  A lot of posts come up.  I tried to wade through a few and gave up.

* * *

Tim Cook has a link to the account of his singing partner.

I was quite disappointed to see that Eleanor Arthurson doesn't have any videos.

Her account is pretty much blank.

* * *

I tried...for a few minutes

to find anything about what Tim Cook and Eleanor Arthurson are up to these days.

I came up empty.  Except for a Linkedin page.  

Eleanor Arthurson might be doing law stuff these days.  

* * *

If Arthurson and Cook are alive and relatively okay....I hope they get back to doing music.  If they're not already doing so.  

Unless making music makes them unhappy, of course.   

* * *

Maybe Cook and/or Arthurson are still singing...but under a different name?

If they were, it would be helpful if they added a link to all that on their YouTube channels.

 

Sunflowers

The first summer we lived in our Carrollton house, one sunflower randomly grew in our front yard.  I was very delighted.



A photo of a large sunflower in the front yard of a suburb in Carrollton Texas
2022


In the fall, I collected some of the seeds and planted them in the backyard.  Which often equates to me throwing seeds into the air and hoping for the best.  

We ended up with about 5-7 big sunflowers.  Some were probably from the front sunflower and others were likely from bought seeds and/or uneaten bird/squirrel food. 



 
Sunflowers growing in a fenced backyard in Carrollton Texas
2023


In the Spring of 2024, many, many baby sunflowers started sprouting up.  

Young sunflowers growing in a backyard. The flowers haven't appeared yet.
2024



Though it's hard for me to do, I aborted quite a few of them.  

But we still ended up with a forest of sunflowers.


A backyard crowded with sunflowers
2024


It was beautiful but messy.

In terms of wildlife, it was wonderful.  Especially in terms of bees. 

In terms of being able to walk in our backyard...not so great.

In terms of Tim being able to move the lawnmower through the backyard to get to the front from the garage...not so great.

We got a stern letter from the HOA at one point.  I had to trim things down a bit.  Which I had planned to do anyway...as the weather got cooler.  Our HOA tends to have unpleasant timing.  

This next spring, I'm going to try to thin things out much more.  And I'm expecting a shitload of babies.

My aim is to have a small section of the yard crowded with sunflowers but have other areas where we can walk, let other things grow, etc.

As for the dead sunflowers, I've been working a lot to cut the remnants into small pieces, leaving them in the yard...rather than filling bags and bags and bags and bags of landscaping bags.  I love doing it.  It's a great thing to do while listening to audio books, podcasts, Neighbours, etc. 

The Lovecraft Investigations

 I’ve started to listen to the podcast The Lovecraft Investigations for the third time.

Why?

I find the voice actors and the characters very comforting.  I might want them in my life forever. 

And….

My brain just can’t keep up with all the different characters and information.

I think I will need to listen to it at least five times before I fully 

understand what’s going on.  

Different Kinds of allies to Jews

This is something I've thought about before, but after listening to a podcast with Jonah Platt and Van Jones, I was inspired to think about it to an extra degree.

It's that...

I do appreciate white, right-wing people who support Israel. But I can't give them a lot of admiration.  Being pro-Israel is very popular in their groups, so it shouldn't take a lot of courage for them to express pro-Israel sentiments.  An exception might be if they're in the artistic community.  But if that's the case, they're probably already used to going against the tide.  I'm guessing they've already built up some tough layers of skin.  

I appreciate people who standing with Israel.  But my admiration goes to the people who are part of communities where the more popular thing is hating Zionists;  

Van Jones scoffed at Jews who whine that Black people should stand for Jews, because Jews protested for George Floyd.  He talked about how it had been popular to stand with George Floyd. There was no threat of being ostracized.  In fact, it was the cool thing to do.  In contrast, Black people are taking a big social risk/sacrifice by standing up for Jews.

I think Van Jones made a very good point, and I hope it will stop some Jews from whining about that.  

But, I think it only applied to those of us Jews on the left.

Being for BLM wasn't popular on the right.  So if a right-wing Jew did speak up against the killing of George Floyd and/or other victims of police brutality, they would have likely faced a lot of backlash.

Thinking about this has made me feel a little bit more generous towards people who have not spoken up against antisemitism. For some people, depending on which communities they belong to, simply not speaking up AGAINST Israel and Zionism, is an act of courage.  

And yes.  I very, very, very grudgingly admire the people who are antisemitic if they belong to communities where that sentiment is seen as unacceptable. But, of course, I surely don’t appreciate their hate.  




Countries

My heart is split between countries.  Mostly four.

The United States

Israel

New Zealand

Australia.

So...today...for example.

I listened to some of Liz Cheney's very patriotic book about the January 6 horror.

I spent time in our family room where our fireplace mantle is (almost) entirely Australia-themed.  

For my birthday, Tim bought be a whole set of Bluey stuffed animals.  I put those up there and added other Aussie stuff we own—a touristy didgeridoo, Dorothy the Dinosaur, Henry the Octopus, Wags the Dog, a book about Australian Prime Ministers, and a Sydney Swans hat.  

(Okay, and we also have the boxes with our cats ashes, because I felt wrong moving them. But besides that, everything else is very Australian)

I listened to te reo Māori music in the morning and spent a lot of time working with a wonderful new Māori app.  I mean it's new to me. I'm not sure how old it is to the universe.  

As for Israel, I listened to podcasts about Israel and antisemitism while doing garden work and housework.

I know this would be a better post if I actually listed the app and the podcasts.  But it's all on my phone and my phone is charging while I write this post on my laptop.

Sorry.  

If anyone feels the need for more specific info, comment below, and I can be more specific.  I mean as long as you do it soon.  In a few months.  Or weeks.  I won't have any idea what app or podcasts I was referring to.  


ETA 12/5/2024-I realized later I accidentally lied.  Our Fireplace mantle also has two pieces of very lovely antique dishware that my sister-in-law gave to us.

My New Special Interest

I have a new special interest.

I've come to realize this is the first special interest I've had post Australia; and all the other things in-between that I believed were special interests were actually NOT special interests (see next post)

I'm not sure how to name it actually.

Technically we could say it's New Zealand.  But I don't want to, because it's very much not like my Australia obsession.

It's very different.

With Australia, it felt spiritual (and I still very often believe it is/was).  And I was obsessed with all of it—the land, the map of it, the history, the government, the people, the animals, etc.  I wanted to live there.  And "want" seems like an insufficient word for how I was feeling.  

With New Zealand, it's mostly the music and the language...and the Taika Waititi/Jemaine Clement filmmaking ventures.

It's kind of jumped around.

It started with us watching Legion and Tim and I both thinking that Jemaine Clement looked familar.  We IMDb'd and I saw/realized he was the singer of one of my favorite songs ("Shiny"); had major involvement in What We Do in the Shadows, and was part of Flight of the Conchords.  

We decided we should next watch Flight of the Conchords.  It was something we had both vaguely heard about though the years and had an ongoing sort of interest in watching it....someday.  Or at least that's how I felt about it. 

I had a very normal level of liking for the show during the first season and maybe for most of the second.  Then at some moment, somehow, I went from liking to obsessively loving.

After watching Flight of the Conchords, I had us rewatching What We Do in the Shadows, because A) Didn't realize Jemaine Clement was one of the stars since I hadn't been too aware of his existence prior to watching Legion  B) I couldn't remember what actually happened in the movie.

Then I had us re-watching the episodes of the TV show that had cameos of Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement.

We next watched Our Flag Means Death.  Or maybe we watched that before What We Do in the Shadows?  I'm not entirely sure.

I loved  OFMD. I think it's the most romantic show I've seen in a long time.  I don't often have intense shipping-feelings these days. But with that, I did.  

Through doing decent IMDb research, I learned about the existence of Wellington Paranormal.  I find it odd that as people who watch and love What We Do in the Shadows, we hadn't realized the show existed.  Is this mostly about our ignorance? Not enough marketing?  Or just the over-abundance of content out there?

Anyway, we watched that too and very much enjoyed it.  

Meanwhile and after, I started diving into the music side of things. And with that, one thing kept leading to another thing and then another thing.

For example, through reading a bit about Brett McKenzie, I learned about the Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra and started listening to their music on Spotify. Also I listened to the Flight of the Conchords charity song, "Feel Inside (And Stuff Like that)".   Both of these things led me to learning about Brooke Fraser.  

I listened to McKenzie's new not-funny album and loved that.  Plus, I was delightfully surprised to learn he wrote the Muppet songs.  I never had much of an interest in seeing The Muppets Most Wanted but now have been loving the music.

I especially love the demo songs and really want to know if Brett McKenzie is doing all the different voices on the song.  If anyone knows the answer to that, please share your knowledge with me.

I listened to Jemaine Clement sing on the Rio soundtrack and learned he played the Cockatoo.  I think MAYBE in the past I was a bit bigoted against him. Because during my very steep obsessed-with-Australia years, I vaguely remember feeling cheated that the Australian bird was played by someone not actually from Australia.  It's not that I was some kind of purist.  I watched many Aussie TV shows and movies with Kiwi actors.  But I think probably the one thing that made me feel motivated to watch Rio was the Australian character.

Also while going down the Jemaine Clement music rabbit hole,  I ended up listening to the albums from the children's TV show Kiri and Lou.

Shit. The songs from that are SO deep and relatable.  It's very cathartic but sometimes also painful.  

I learned that the writer of the songs from that is Don McGlashan.  I've listened to some of his other music.  

Okay...then on a separate branch.

Meanwhile....

I became quite obsessed with learning te reo Māori.

I think one of my signs that a special interest is going to be a major one is I have some sort of resistance to it.  This happened here.

A few months back I had bought a lifetime account to the Drops language App.  I was using it to learn French, Danish, and Hebrew.  My plan was to do little bits of French and Danish and a lot of Hebrew.

And then I had this sudden strong desire to learn te reo Māori.  I resisted, because I felt I was already learning enough languages. Plus, I think there was the whole special-interest resistance thing that I mentioned above.  (Also I had worries about cultural appropriation which I think was actually racist and ignorant of me...I might go into that in a future post)

I gave in a little and made a rule.  Along with the music people mentioned above, I had also added a few Māori songs to my Spotify playlist.  My rule was that if Spotify Shuffle chose to play a Māori song for me; then I could do a te reo Māori session on Drops.  

I soon dropped that rule and added te reo Māori to my list of daily languages.  And it soon went from: I will do one session a day to: I will try to do many many sessions a day; plus listen to lots of music; plus watch learning videos on YouTube, and download other te reo Māori apps.

I also ended up adding another language to my daily sessions.  Because at some point, Tim asked if Hawaiian was similar to te reo Māori.  I decided the best way to figure that out is to start learning Hawaiian as well.  

In awhile, I'm going to temporarily drop French or Danish and start learning Samoan too. Because I'd like to see the similarities and differences there as well.  

This post has taken much up much more space and time than I wanted.  But in the future, I might do a post listing the apps and YouTube channels I've been using.  It will mostly be about the channels, because although I have downloaded four or five apps, I'm only using one for now.  (I mean besides Drops).  

If you are a person who, like me, has no Māori background and isn't in or from New Zealand, but you're learning te reo Māori, I'd love to hear from you.  And if that doesn't apply to you, I'd still love to hear from you.  IF you're not a bot advertising something.  If you're a lonely bot just wanting to talk...I'm here for that.

I still have more to say, although this is getting long. Sorry.

I probably don't want to go to New Zealand.  Ironically, Tim brought up the idea a few weeks before we watched Flight of the Conchords.  He told me Jack had mentioned going. I probably said something like, I hope you guys have fun.  Meaning I shall stay happily back at home.

My OCD has gotten worse through the years.  That along with my fear of vomiting and general travel anxiety has made long-long-haul traveling a no for me.

I had told Tim and Jack that they're going to have to do the via-west-coast international traveling without me, including Oceania, East Asia, and South East Asia.

I feel Europe is the farthest I can manage.  And even with that, I made things difficult. I managed to get to Copenhagen but had us spending a night in Boston and stopping in Iceland.

If time was not an issue, I would have us spend time in California; time in Hawaii, and then fly to New Zealand.  But I would feel weird about not going to Australia.  I would feel like I'm committing a huge, huge awful betrayal of my past self.

I guess if time was very much not an issue, we could do this super long trip where we spend time in California, Hawaii, New Zealand, and Australia.  I'd also maybe add in various South Pacific Islands.  

For now, though, we're talking about using our DVC points to go to Hawaii.  

So though I can't point to a manu in Aotearoa, I can do so in Hawaii.

I also don't want the anxiety and pressure of trying out my teo reo Māori abilities on actual people.  During some of my Instagram Zionism adventures, I ended up talking to a Māori Zionist.  I was about to type Kia Ora to him and suddenly started to panic...worrying that I didn't know how to spell it right.  Even though I've seen it written out a zillion times.  

So I think I'm just going to go through life using the language to talk to apps and...mostly just to myself.

I talk to myself all the time. It's lovely doing it in a second language.  

The last thing I want to talk about is that I at first thought it was very funny that I ended up becoming obsessed with New Zealand. 

There has actually been worse bigotry than the Rio thing.  For example, there was a brief time that I had this intense but sadly short term friendship with a woman in Australia. Though I thought she was wonderful and imagined I loved her (in a platonic way), I was a bit disappointed that she was actually from New Zealand and not only that, loved her home country much more than Australia.  (It's not why our friendship faded away, though)

I also found it quite hilarious that I jumped from one Oceania country to another. Though if it had been a direct jump, it would have been much less funny.  It would have felt more like an extension rather than the universe playing a joke.  

It's probably much less funny to other people.

Anyway, now...it also brings me comfort and joy, because there are a lot of connections between Australia and New Zealand, including with music and TV/film.   

I've often very much missed being obsessed with Australia. And New Zealand is helping to reconnect me.  

Though besides the NZ path, I also frequently reconnect with Australia via Neighbours...which I watch religiously.  And I very much enjoy listening to the Weird Crap in Australia podcast.

Speaking of podcasts, I also listen to The Wellington Paranormal Podcast.  Which shit...gives more to ramble about.  

Going back to the traveling issue....

I did have a tiny bit of me opening up to the idea of traveling to New Zealand...maybe with the help of lots of therapy and meds.

But today I was listening to the WP podcast and Mike Minogue told a terrifying story of getting food poisoning in Shanghai and vomiting copiously on the airplane. Vomit on airplanes is one of my biggest fears in life. And it's the main reason I don't want to do long flights. I want to avoid using airplane bathrooms, because I'm afraid there's going to be vomit cooties in there.  

Okay if that wasn't bad enough...I'm reading Jannette McCurdy's beautiful, amazing, wonderful book.  And today I read the chapter with her doing bulimia on the airplane.  I think it was fourteen times?

I feel that all this today is the universe telling me my ass doesn't belong on an airplane heading to New Zealand.  

  


Various Thoughts about our 2024 Trip to Disney World

1. It was very crowded, the most crowded we've experienced as our family of three.

2. Eventually what was once new and exciting becomes old and less exciting.  I enjoyed Rise of Resistance much less the 6th time I went on it than the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th time.

My reduction of enjoyment might not have been due only to becoming too habituated to the ride but also because I had gotten it into my head that I wanted to use the early morning low wait time to retry Rock-n-Roller Coaster. 

 Also, there was much less actor-enthusiasm from the cast members.  

3. After doing some research, I undid my vow to avoid Guardians of the Galaxy.

From what I read, the aspect that seems to cause the most motion sickness is the visual stimuli.  My plan was to go on the ride if we could do it with the virtual cue, and I'd close my eyes the whole time. I told Tim and Jack that I wouldn't pay extra to go on the ride, because it would be a waste of money to go on such a ride with my eyes closed the whole time.

Jack either didn't listen to what I had said, or he misunderstood me.  Or he was overexcited and pressed the wrong buttons.  He bought Individual Lightning Entries for all three of us. 

Thank Heavens.

Thank Jack.

I still closed my eyes the whole time.

The ride was one of the most fantastic experiences of my whole life.

I almost cried in the middle of it...not out of joy but out of sadness that it would soon end.

I later did actually cry.  Or maybe I didn't cry but just felt kind of depressed.  I can't remember exactly.

What was my problem?

It was the feeling that no other Disney ride could come even close.  So what was the point?

It was kind of similar to the feelings of trying to enjoy other books after reading Harry Potter. 

And yeah.  That's another reason why I was blah about Rise of Resistance.  It had been the best Disney ride...until Guardians of the Galaxy came about.

4. At one point, we had considered canceling our Hollywood Studios reservations for another day at Epcot. So we could go on Guardians of the Galaxy again.

Then we decided not to do that and ended up with the tentative plan of Jack using his Park Hopping ability to go to Hollywood Studios AND buy a Lightening Pass for Guardians.

Tim and I had made the choice not to get Park Hopping tickets this trip.

I guess there was that parental feeling of being satisfied enough to have our child have the wonderful experience even though we would not.  

Unfortunately that plan was thrown out the window, because Jack became ill by the end of our Epcot day and ended up going to neither Epcot nor Hollywood Studios the next day.

5. I regretted not going on Guardians of the Galaxy on my birthday trip in 2023.  In my ignorance, I had had absolutely no desire to do so. 

6. Tim and I sat together on Guardians of the Galaxy.  Jack sat in front of us with a very enthusiastic and friendly stranger.  She told us she had gone on the ride many times.  

When we were parting, she told us to have a magical day.  I realized she was probably an off-duty cast member.  It felt like a movie moment...you know when someone finds out the person they were talking to was actually God or an angel or someone with some kind of secret identity.  

7. I didn't join Tim and Jack on Tron.  I had planned to but changed my mind when seeing the ride vehicles.  I don't like lying prone or bending forward for too long.  It tends to make me feel unwell.  

8. I have stopped enjoying the slow/dark rides. Sadly.  

I am totally burned out.  

I go on them not for enjoyment but just out of a kind of pilgrimage/obligation kind of feeling.

What I've decided is that while I'm still healthy enough to go on thrill rides (and my travel companions are as well) I'm going to put most of my concentration on those.  

I'm thinking what I might do is not stop the slow rides all together, because that pilgrimage push is too strong to ignore all together (I still feel uneasy about skipping Spaceship Earth this trip).  Instead maybe I'll make a rule of one slow ride per park per trip.  

Not including Living with the Land for Epcot, because I HAVE to go on that ride every single trip, and I'd therefore end up never again going on Nemo, Spaceship Earth, The Mexico Ride, etc.

9. I'm not sure if Soarin should be considered a slow ride or thrill ride.

But I think I shall count it as a slow ride for my plan.

10. Russia was my favorite soda in Club Cool this year.

11. Back to Rock-n-Roller Coaster.  I had tried it many years ago and had felt an uncomfortable feeling in my chest during the launch.  

Since then, I've slightly considered trying it again.  After riding Guardians and being okay with that launch, my motivation to retry Rock-n-Roller Coaster was increased.

But while I had been alone for the rope drop the first three days, Tim joined me on the fourth, and I felt the need to let him decide which rides to go on first.  And by that...I mean the two or three rides we'd go on before the park got way too crowded and we'd stop with the rides, soak up the atmosphere, eat, take photos, and then make our exit.   

Tim picked Rise of the Resistance and Mickey Mouse.

Oh!  Also there was the fact that I had been to Hollywood Studios in 2023 and he hadn't gone since May 2022.  So I felt it was more fair to let him pick.

We did line up for Rock-n-Roller Coaster for our third ride...at that point when most waits have become quite long.

The wait time was posted for 90 minutes.  

I do like the experience of waiting in Disney lines but prefer lines that are 60 minutes or less.

Still. We decided to endure.

Unfortunately our efforts didn't pay off.

The ride closed down.  

There have been times, faced with that situation, where I have waited around for a ride to re-open.  

We didn't do that this time.  Instead we went to get lunch.

Since it was our last park day, I kind of regret that we didn't try harder to go on the ride.  

12. Rides I went on more than once this trip:  Expedition Everest and Living with the Land. With both, I went on alone during early entry and then again later with Tim and Jack.

13. I've become quite militant about being there for rope drop.  I now have this feeling that if I'm not there at least twenty minutes before early-entry; then there's actually no point in going to the parks at all.

I'm thinking these feelings are going to end up leading to some sort of recurring anxiety dream.  

14. We used Genie Plus for The Magic Kingdom.  I loved using it on my birthday trip.  It was much less great on this trip.  What I've learned is it doesn't help all that much when the park is very crowded.

Or it could have been that Jack had mentioned wanting to go on The Jungle Cruise. I used it for that which was had one of the longest wait-windows.  So by the time we were able to pick another selection, there wasn't much left. Because I didn't want to be at the park in the evening.  

I think Genie Plus is good if you plan to be at the park from morning to closing...or if it's not overly crowded and there are a couple of moderately popular rides you want to go on.  OR if there's a popular ride that you're highly motivated to ride.

Our motivation to ride The Jungle Cruise was due mostly to the fact that we hadn't gone on it on our last trip.  

And maybe the trip before?

15. If I was going to redo our Magic Kingdom Genie Plus experience, I would have used it to go on Big Thunder Mountain.

16. We ate at one table service restaurant all together: Tiffins.  I liked it, especially since they have a salad called The Land Salad that is made up of produce from The Land in Epcot.  I wish more restaurants had food that was labeled as being specifically from The Land.

Tim and Jack ate dinner at The Flying Fish together while I rested in the room. 

I don't much like going out at night. 

17. I had my beloved Lefse in Norway.  That might be a necessary every-trip tradition for me.

18. I have become much less excited about Disney snacks.  And since the loss of The Magical Express pushed us to rent a car, I had the idea of doing less over-priced Disney snacking and more fun room-snacking.

This is a change for me.  I'm usually wanting to limit the snacks we buy at the grocery store with the idea I want to use our calories (and tummy real-estate) for super special Disney food.  

We bought home a container of six delicious cupcakes that were...I think cheaper than one Disney cupcakes. 

We also bought bagels, crackers, cheese, apples, vegetarian nuggets, cookies, olives, etc.

19. One of my proudest food moments: I considered getting a Dole Whip before leaving the Magic Kingdom but realized I was just craving something fruity.  I decided to wait and have an apple when I returned to our Beach Club room.

And I truly think I enjoyed the apple more than I would have enjoyed the Dole Whip.

20. I actually didn't buy any food at The Magic Kingdom.  I ate some candy clusters I had brought from our room and also some olives.

We did make reservations to eat at the Jungle Cruise restaurant, but that got all messed up with the Tron Virtual Cue, and we had to cancel.

21. If I'm remembering correctly, the only park treat I bought and ate was the Lefse.

22. Outside the parks, though....

Tim and I got ice-cream twice; once at The Fountain at The Dolphin and another time at the Boardwalk ice-cream place.  

23. One of my favorite places at Disney World lately is The Swan and Dolphin.  I love how they look at night.

24. One of my favorite things to do at Disney World this trip (and my previous solo one) is walk around the Epcot Resort area while listening to an audio book.  

On the last trip, I listened to Never, Never by Serana Valentino.  

This trip I listened to King of Shadows by Susan Cooper.  

I also listened to an episode of the Harley Quinn and the Joker podcast.

It's hard to explain but I love the mix of audio books and podcasts with my own personal setting/experiences.

It's like both the place where I'm listening AND what I'm listening to becomes more special to me.

I was kind of blah about King of Shadows until I started listening to it while walking around the Epcot Resort area.  Then the book started feeling magical to me and the Epcot resort area became even more magical.

25. It turns out Jack has Covid.

And Tim is sick now as well...probably with Covid.

I'm wondering if I will join the club.

I hope not.  

26. Our song for Guardians of the Galaxy was "Everybody Wants to Rule the World".  Tim found a playlist of all the possible songs.  He played some of it for us as we drove back to the airport.  

I'm glad we got the song that we did and am thinking I might be dissatisfied if we get one of the other songs the next time we go on the ride.  

27. I might be sort of okay with "One Way or Another"

28. It's been four days since we went on The Guardians of the Galaxy ride.  

The feelings have kind of faded.  

I mean I've forgotten why I loved it so much.

I guess it's kind of like the way mothers forget the pain they felt while in labor.

It's like we remember in a cognitive sense but not emotionally/physically.  

It's almost like I'm confused and mystified by my intense feelings from four days ago.  Was it really THAT amazing or had I been overreacting?  

29. It's official.  Tim has Covid too.

I feel snotty.  It seems likely to be Covid but who knows....


 

Read my novel: The Dead are Online


Sorry This Isn't Holiday Related Nor Holiday-Cheerful

I am functioning pretty okay today.

But underneath the functioning, I feel a mix of

anxiety

despair

dread

guilt

shame

embarrassment

uneasiness 

disillusionment

Ah....now I'm thinking that the last one might be the cause of the ones above it.

I think what happens is I sometimes feel great joy and excitement about small things.  Then I suddenly realize those small things aren't as good as I imagined they would be.

OR...

Is it the opposite?

Are the other feelings causing my joy-for-small-things to fade?

* * *

In other feeling-news, I think I'm torn between three plans.

A) Stop creating new content. Give up as much as possible.  Fade into the background. Spend the rest of my life being more of a listener and content consumer. (though still planning to make book-books from stuff I've already written in case it's my destiny to be more appreciated after I'm dead)

B) Keep creating content but expect and be okay with rarely having readers, listeners, viewers, etc.  And also that nagging feeling that the little attention I receive is probably hate-reading or pity-reading.  

C) Keep creating content.  Maybe this will be my year.

C feels incredibly doubtful to me.

A feels the most comfortable to me, but I keep failing at it.  Like for example: I'm writing this post.  

B is depressing and stressing.  It kind of makes me spiral.  Because I tend to have this belief that it's my destiny to fail. 

I tend to imagine that it's my destiny to create stuff that rarely gets seen and when it does get seen, it's almost always going to be disliked and/or rejected.

And I think that's actually kind of narcissistic, because maybe (I hate to admit this) there's that underlying feeling of: I make good stuff but the universe is punishing me for some reason and no matter how brilliant my creation is, I will continue to be rejected, because....

I'm cursed or something.

You know...instead of having the mentally healthy and reasonable stance of: The content I make is not total shit, but it's a little shitty.  Keep working and one day, it might be good...or great.

No...never mind that mindset doesn't work for me.

If I was younger, maybe it would.

Now I'm old and feeling that if, after all these years of writing, I'm not good enough...I will never be good enough.

I mean it's not like I'm a cute little 50-year-old woman that suddenly decided to pick up a writing-hobby.  I've been doing this writing and failing thing since the age of twelve.  

If I'm a bad writer, it's NOT from a lack of practice and training.  

* * *

I have a lot of ageism.

Or maybe it's realism.

I know that people are successful in their 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, etc.  I know old people can do great things.  But I think usually they were already very successful...or they were at least nicely climbing their way up to success.

I don't think there are many cases of people being failures and then suddenly past 50, they're suddenly successful. Sure. It does happen.  But it's rare enough that when it does happen, somewhere someone is probably going to write an inspirational article about it.  


* * *

I'm actually now thinking (hoping) that maybe my delusional feelings aren't narcissistic.  I think with narcissism, there's a belief that we're brilliant and superior; but other people, because they are inferior, are unable to appreciate our wonderfulness.  

I don't feel that. 

My feeling is more along the lines of: the content I create is good enough.  Like all content, it's going to be brilliant, mediocre, or terrible...all depending on who is reading or hearing it.  And not because they are superior or inferior to me but just because we all have different likes and dislikes.

(For example: The Sandman is a 9 to some.  For me, it's like...a 7)

What I imagine is, I will continue to fail, because it's my destiny to create stuff that's usually not seen or heard at all.  And in the rare cases that it is seen and heard, it's going to be seen and heard by people who don't like me or my creations.  

* * *

I think a lot of autistic influencers write angsty stuff like this.

Woe is me.

I'm awkward.

I don't feel loved enough.

I'm a failure.

I've always been unpopular.....

Their content is very relatable to other autistic people. 

Then one day it becomes: Oh cool! I have a few followers.  This is SO wonderful.

Then: Oh wow!  I have two hundred followers.  People like me!

Then: If you're interested in supporting me, please join my Patreon.  It will give you access to my private chat group. 

When they get to the point of being successful influencers, does it make sense for them to continue to take on role of the lonely, rejected, angsty, awkward, autistic person? That's been their shtick.  Should they keep on with that?  

This is something I've thought about lately but am not personally worried about.  Because A) I don't have much hope in being successful B) If my curse and my destiny changes; (yeah, I'm going to fall back on that narrative) even though I have a fair bit of angsty posts like this, I have other stuff as well)


* * *


I turned off comments on this post, and I think I'm going to turn off comments on any future angsty posts like this.

Because 

A) I worry, that in parts, it sounds like I'm fishing for compliments.  

B) I HATE getting compliments, reassurances, pep talks, etc. when I'm in this kind of mood.

C) If I leave comments open; I see people reading; and no one is saying anything, the automatic assumption is that they hate me, I'm a burden, my blog's a burden, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  


 * * *

I wish I could say that writing this post has made me feel better about things.

But really...it just makes me feel stressed and behind with the various things I meant to get done today.  


* * *

(Edited to add)

I think I might be coming up with a plan for myself.

I'm going to make it public, because it will push me to stick with the plan.  Because breaking private plans is hard enough.  Breaking public-made plans is humiliating.

So....

My plan for 2023 is to.....

A) Take a year-long hiatus from blogging.  I'm going to publish my 2022 What-I-Watched post and maybe that will be my last post until I do my 2023 What-I-Watched-Post.  

I say maybe because if my curse is lifted and a miracle happens; if my blog suddenly becomes popular, I give myself permission to exit the hiatus.  

B) I'm going to try to post less on social media—spend more time consuming than creating.  This will save me the angst of wondering, why are my cousins never liking or commenting on my posts.  And...Did this person really like my post or are they just going to my profile and quickly liking the last few posts?  

C) I'm going to make four more episodes of my podcast before completely giving up.  If I still have only 1-2 listeners per episode, I give myself permission to label that venture a failure.

Note: I'd be totally happy with having only one or two listeners.  But I'm pretty sure the listeners I'm seeing listed in stats are just my own self.

Note 2: I just got back to doing my podcast. I did two episodes in May and gave up.  Then I realized that if a miracle happens and someone does see my podcast listed and it IS a subject they're interested in, they probably won't listen to it if they see that there are only two episodes and that I haven't made any new episodes for seven months.  But today, I did a third episode, and I plan to do four more in the next few weeks or more.  

D) I don't need to feel guilty about my hiatus, because I am going to be working on making a concrete, tangible Lulu version of one of my novels and some of my blog.  So it's not like I'm abandoning my creative side all-together.  

E) I'm trying to ignore the nagging voice that's saying I should at least create the content that promotes other content.  AMPLIFY VOICES!   But I have such low influence. My weak promotional whispers aren't really amplifying.  And I'll be at least quietly amplifying the books I read with the little Goodreads widget to the right.  

F) I will be honest and brave enough to admit that there's a part of me that believes I AM cursed and the cure to this curse is to go on a year hiatus.  I will spend some parts of this next year swimming in this delusion.  But mostly, I'm going to replace my content-creating time with content-consuming.  I'm going to hopefully read more, watch more, and listen more.   



The hardest thing will probably
be not sharing all my AI art.
But someone on Mastodon 
said something that made me think.
They said that
There's so much art being created and
probably not enough eyes to see it all.
So we should probably just make it
for our own eyes.
Plus, I know the concept of AI art is
terrifying and offensive to some.
So I feel somewhat uneasy
when I post stuff. 

 



Read my novel: The Dead are Online 

Eleanor Roosevelt and the Jews (Part 5)

If you want to start at the beginning of this messy project of mine, click here.


If you don't want to start at the beginning: Brief summary:  I'm reading through some of Eleanor Roosevelt's My Day columns to see her views on Jews, the Holocaust, and Israel.  

For this post, I'm going to try to open way too many windows at once.  Because I'm going to look up four words—Palestinian, Shoah, Jew, and Israel...for the years 1953-1962.

 I'm going to try to read the columns in order.

Well, there are no results for Shoah.  So that makes things a little easier for me.

There are a LOT of results for Jew—ten pages worth.

The same for Israel. Yikes.

The results include Palestine when I look for Palestinian.  I'm not sure why.  But I do see a few mentions of Palestinians.

* * *

I'm going to do one year at a time...starting with 1953.

I came up with seventeen columns; a mix of Jew and Israel.  There was no Palestinian.

I was putting the column windows in order and saw I had two May 5's.  I was wondering why and then realized it's because May 5 must have been a result for both Israel and Jew.  After realizing that, it seems strange that more columns don't have both Jew and Israel.

Or it could be some kind of glitch.

Or I'm missing something?

* * *

It's the next day and instead of working on this post as I had planned, I have spent way too much time trying to change the appearance of my blog.

I had thought of changing my theme/layout a few weeks ago and kind of forgot about it. Then I was listening to the Imagineer podcast about Mary Blair.  There was a brief mention of pink and orange as a color scheme, and I suddenly became obsessed: I want to wear pink and orange clothes! I want to redo one of our bathrooms pink and orange!  I want to make my blog pink and orange!

Now....

I don't know if I like it or not.

I didn't like the old layout, because I felt it was hard to find anything.

But I'm worried this new layout is too busy.

I do like the pink and orange, though.  

* * *

Getting back to Roosevelt....

I think I'm going to go through the windows I have open and eliminate posts where Israel or Jewish is mentioned just in passing.

* * *

Yay!  I was able to eliminate a few.  

One I kept, despite Israel or Jew, being mentioned just in passing.  BECAUSE Roosevelt talks about Australia.  

I may not still be obsessed with Australia.

But I'm definitely still interested in Australia.  

Note: When I say mentioned in passing, it usually equals Roosevelt mentioning a Jewish event she went to but she doesn't really say much about the event.  

* * *

I'm considering doing one post for each of the remaining years.

It might be better to have many short Eleanor Roosevelt posts rather than one or two more super long ones.

What I worry about is ending up with nine more posts and each of them super horribly long.

* * *

In her January 15, 1953 column Roosevelt talks about a growing movement against the United Nations.

She writes:

Day after day it is becoming more evident that a well-organized and well-financed campaign against the United Nations is coming to light. It is tied now and then with hatred of the New Deal and my husband and it sometimes appears to be an offshoot of isolationism. But whatever its roots, the results are bad.

The President of the League of Women Voters had given Roosevelt some samples of anti-UN materials.

Roosevelt describes some of the propaganda and says: And when they proceeded to say that this was the day the old Jewish plot to control the world was going to be carried out, I recognized some of the signs of the old pro-Fascist and pro-Nazi literature that I have read before.

Wow.  Roosevelt says some very timely things.

Some of the old people are carrying on in the same name of anti-communism and pro-Americanism the same campaign they waged in favor of fascism. The sad thing is that though they fight communism they play into the hands of the Communists. The Communists want to create suspicion and disunity among the people of the United States, and much of this anti-U.N. literature is designed to do exactly what the Communists want, but under a cloak of saving us from communism and fostering patriotism and religion in this country.

* * *

Roosevelt also writes in the January 15 column, Unless the truth, however, gets out to people, how are they going to know that this nonsense that is handed to them is not based on facts?

It was much harder to get information out to people in those days and probably also much more difficult to see their reactions to it. I wonder if people were as resistant to fact-checking in those days.

For me, it feels naive to imagine someone allowing facts to sway their opinions about things. But I think I felt differently a few years ago.  Back then, I would have expected people to accept the facts and then adjust their opinion—not necessarily switching political parties or other allegiances but making at least some changes to their viewpoint of things.

Roosevelt says,  Unless our vast media for spreading information accepts this responsibility, the people of the country may well wake up to find that they have made decisions on false information. That will be a sad day for all of us.

Sad. Yeah.  But what's worse is watching people not wake up...even when the media is providing the information.

And yes I AM very aware that MAGA people reading this would feel that I was the one not awake.

We're really living in two realities now.  And with the ease of faking things, it's going to get harder and harder to prove our side is the correct one.

* * *

In my temporarily missing (not yet unpacked) novelization of Poltergeist, the tagline on the cover was Some things have to be believed to be seen.  That's a perfect way to describe the situation we are in right now with reality.

I'm not sure if that was also a tagline for the movie?

I think it might be a famous quote that was used for the book.

* * *

According to the Brainy Quote website, it was said by a guy named Ralph Hodgson.

* * *

I hope we still have the Poltergeist book in one of our moving boxes. I'm kind of worried it's been lost.

* * *

On February 9, 1953, Roosevelt writes about a shortage of doctors.  She writes:

 One of the things which has always troubled me greatly is the fact that it is so often impossible to find a place for a boy to study medicine in this country. As you may know, New York City is about to build its first medical school in 54 years; this is one of the three new schools to be projected in the entire country in the last 25 years. The new college of medicine is sponsored by Yeshiva University, and though it is a Jewish university admission is on non-sectarian lines. No one attending is asked his race, color or creed.

Uh...but I guess that they do ask about gender.

I think Roosevelt was pretty forward-thinking when it comes to gender equality.  It makes me wonder if the idea of a woman becoming a doctor in those days was so rare that it was too outlandish for even Roosevelt to seriously consider it.  

* * *

Googled.

The Yale School of Medicine shows that various women-as-doctor milestones had occurred before Roosevelt wrote her column.  

Close to a hundred years prior, Elizabeth Blackwell earned a medical degree.

In 1864, the first Black woman got a medical degree.

The Saturday Evening Post says that in 1950, around the time that Roosevelt wrote her column, six percent of doctors were women.

That's not a huge amount. But I would think it would be enough for Roosevelt to not write about doctors as being a boy thing.

Or maybe in those days, there was an understanding that "boy" didn't necessarily mean only boys?

I'm tempted to go deeper into the rabbit hole about this.  But I'll stay above ground for now.

* * *

I did a bit of Googling about Yeshiva University School.

It's called the Albert Einstein College of Medicine.  

Roosevelt was one of the honorary chairpersons.

* * *

On February 11, 1953, Roosevelt writes about the United Jewish Appeal meeting/event.

Ruth Gruber was the narrator of a dramatic presentation.

I think she's the one who gathered up the refugees for Fort Ontario.

Yeah...just searched my blog for her name.  I wrote about her in part 2 of my series on the Safe Haven documentary.

Anyway....Roosevelt describes the presentation.  They used a map in the background.  Roosevelt said it moved to the area being discussed.  I'm not sure how that worked.  

I'm guessing she meant that, somehow, the area being discussed was highlighted on the map.

The stories shared took place in Japan, Barnard college (New York) Morocco, and Israel.  

I'm wondering if the stories were acted out or described by the actual people who experienced them.  Or did Gruber tell the stories while the areas on the map were (somehow) highlighted?

* * *

On February 14, Roosevelt talks about Russia and Israel.

I see that Russia has broken off relations with Israel. I suppose this should be no surprise, and yet I am sorry to see this nation, which talks so much about wanting peace, encourage war. Quite obviously, this is a play for Arab following and sympathy. Russia feels that if she becomes the enemy of Israel she will automatically garner all the Arab votes to her side. Among the Arabs there are some very astute politicians, but they may think that they will get more out of the U.S., Great Britain and France if they seem to be leaning toward the Soviets.

I wonder if that was the actual intent of Arab countries.

I have no idea.

* * *

I consulted Lord Wiki to get a spoiler/reminder of when Russia and Israel got back together.

He says it was 1991.

BUT he says they didn't break up until 1967.

Maybe the 1953 thing was a false alarm?  

Maybe they didn't break up.  Maybe they were just on a break.

* * *

Also in the February 14 column: Roosevelt talks about fraternity bigotry at William's College in Massachusetts.

Well...wait.

I thought it was a stain on William's College.  But they actually took a stand against bigotry.  Their fraternity lost it's national standing, because they allowed the "wrong" kind of person into a fraternity. Wrong being NOT white, full-blooded Aryans.

Commentary, the right-wing Jewish magazine I wrote about in an earlier post, has an editorial about the fraternity story.  

I'm going to read it, because A) I want to learn more about the incident B) I've been wanting to know more about what goes on in the minds of right-wing Jews.

* * *

I'm now confused about whether this is a recent editorial talking about the past or if it's actually from their long-long-ago archives.

James Rorty writes, According to a 1949 Roper survey, 60 per cent of all American students are opposed to any group rejection by fraternities.

I would think if it was more recent, he'd use past tense.

* * *

I just looked closer.

The page is labeled as 1956.

So...it's old.

Also, I Googled James Rorty.  Lord Wiki says he was a radical.  And he was against McCarthyism.  So he was a left-wing radical.

I guess this was before Commentary turned right-wing.

So much for getting a right-wing opinion.

But I'll still read it, so I can learn about the fraternity drama.

* * *

I love this from Rorty's editorial: A sorority with a Greek letter name at the University of Missouri excluded students who looked and were Greek.

Some of Rorty's editorial goes over my head...mostly because I'm reading quickly and trying not to fall into rabbit holes.  But the general idea I'm getting is that young college students were open to being more inclusive, but the older alumni had opposing feelings about that.

Now I'm slowing down my reading a bit, because Rory talks about the origins of the KKK.

He says it started in the 1860's by some Confederate officers who were also fraternity men.  The organization was originally called Kuklos for the Greek word for circle.  They later added Klan to the name, and it became the Ku Klux Klan.

Rorty writes: The Ku Klux creed of white supremacy, nourished by the “Aryanism” of Gobineau, Madison Grant, and other racist ideologues, left a significant residue in the rituals of some of the college fraternities; witness the constitution of Phi Delta Theta, written in 1912, which provides that “only white persons of full Aryan blood, not less than sixteen years of age, should be eligible.

So...did the term Aryan come from the United States and not Germany?

Rorty says that by 1928, more than half of fraternities and sororities had membership rules regarding race and religion.

* * *

Lord Wiki is telling me that the history of the term Aryan is quite long and complicated.  But no.  It didn't start with Hitler.  Nor did it begin with the KKK in the United States.

I'll add it to my topic list.

* * * 

In her March 14, 1943 column, Roosevelt says she went to a press conference and meeting regarding the Israel Bond Organization.  She says, At the press conference I met Dr. Frank Kingdom, who was to share the platform with Dr. Dov Joseph and myself. Dr. Joseph is Minister of the State of Israel. He made a most interesting speech on the development of Israel.

She doesn't say what he said in his speech.  So I guess...I'll move on.  I could have probably included that in the skip-this-column group.  

Then again...it's not Jewish or Israel related, but there's this:

I had a good example the other day while talking to a gentleman of how inaccurate our memories are. He told me that while he distinctly held the impression that these two Senators had made unfounded attacks on various Americans he could not remember specific things that had been said by them.

That is a natural characteristic of ours as a nation. We get impressions and then promptly forget how we attained them. But I find one of the best ways to refresh one's memory is to keep a file of the Congressional Record and refer to it now and then. One can always find the Senators' original statements and then frequently the modification of those statements.

That reminds me of me with my family.  I used to have to rely on memory and gut feelings when it came to drama, trauma, disagreements, etc.  But now very often, I can just search through texts and find evidence to back things up.  Though I've learned this evidence doesn't help me win arguments.  The audacity of one text made me so angry that I sent a screenshot of it multiple times.  I SO wanted the writer of the text to say something like, Oh wow. Did I say that?  I was wrong. I'm so sorry.

I didn't get the reaction I wanted.

But I like having the validation for myself.

* * *

The one downside of keeping records and relying on records is when there are no records, it becomes hard to believe my own memory.

There are two solutions to this:

A) trust my past self.  If it's a new memory that pops out of nowhere, it's probably a good idea to be skeptical.  But if it's a past memory that's been passed consistently forward by all my various subsequent past selves, I should trust all those past selves even if my current self is dissociated from the memory. 

B) Write as much down as possible.

* * *

In her March 23 column, Roosevelt talks about an antisemitic pamphlet she read.

It is a two-page pamphlet issued by an organization called The Christian Nationalist Crusade, with a post-office address in St. Louis, Missouri. The pamphlet rehashes an old anti-Semitic story published by some groups a number of years ago who wanted to whitewash Hitler and Fascism and to make people believe that the Jews were plotting secretly to control the world. The story was proved at the time to be completely untrue, but apparently this group is sure that people can be fooled again.

And the attempts continue.

The Roosevelts were given roles in this exciting storyline.

The pamphlet has an additional touch in the form of a map of Mexico purporting to show the location of a "super-palatial hideout" that was supposed to have been built for my husband. The map, they say, was published originally in a California newspaper in 1951, along with a story about this "secret hideout.

What is a super palatial hideout?

Googling....

The dictionary on Google says palatial is: resembling a palace in being spacious and splendid.

That sounds nice.

Later in the column, Roosevelt says: But this type of lie is always written on the supposition that no one is going to try to run down the truth. 

Now the lies can be told knowing that even when someone tries to bring the truth, people are going to refuse to listen.

Again: Some things have to be believed to be seen.

What is fact-checking to some of us is left-wing propaganda porn to others of us. .

* * *

Roosevelt writes about Israel's fifth anniversary in her April 24, column.

I just Googled and saw Israel's birthday is April 25.  

So I guess they celebrated a bit earlier.

As a Jew, I should know Israel's birthday.  It's just that controlling the world takes up a LOT of brain space. For instance, we need to memorize all the secret codes that gets us into the various underground palaces around the world.  

And also the one on the moon.

Anyway....

Roosevelt says this nice thing about Israel.  

The people of Israel and their friends can reap great satisfaction from the development going on in their country and from the spirit with which these people face their many problems and hardships. They are not at war and yet along their borders there is constant war activity. There is no friendly spirit surrounding them, so they must be constantly watchful. Yet, the country grows economically and spiritually.

If they become less watchful, will there be more friendliness surrounding them?

Will there be more friendliness surrounding them if they became less watchful?

* * *

Roosevelt's May 5 column is mostly about Russia and Jews stuck in the Soviet Union. 

She writes: 

 At the moment the most urgent concern is for the safety of the 2,500,000 Jews behind the Iron Curtain. The fund is helping escapees from Eastern Europe, giving them relief and resettling them in democratic societies, principally in Israel.

And....

The Soviets strongly condemned Hitler for his anti-Jewish actions but now, at least up until very recently, they seem to have been following a similar policy. Since the changed attitude on the Soviet doctors was announced, however, there is hope of a changed policy not only in the Soviets, but in the satellite countries.

I think condemning antisemitism is sometimes less about defending Jews and more an excuse to attack the opposing political group.  

Someone said it well on Twitter the other day.  

Well...I tried to find the Tweet and haven't had any luck.

But I've found many others along the same vein.

For example, Allison Josephs Tweets: 

Antisemitism comes from every group but if you only call it out when it aligns with your politics, you’re not actually a Jewish ally you’re a supporter of your own political party.

Joel M Petlin Tweets:

The silence to Antisemitism really is loud. But part of that silence comes from those who only criticize it when it comes from their political adversaries.The real challenge is for people to call out Antisemitism when it comes from the members of  their own political team.

Julia Jassey Tweets:

It’s so apparent how political antisemitism has become. The right attacks antisemitism on the left and defends it in their own backyard. The left does the same. I’ll be the first to call out antisemitism among my political “friends”—if you don’t, you’re keeping bad company.

Ariella Kimmel Tweets: T

The problem is so often when people do speak up on antisemitism it’s only to “own” the opposing political view, rather than calling it out wherever it festers

And if we want an example of all the above,  Mehdi Hesan Tweets: 

Here’s a thought: neither the political party nor the TV network that excused or ignored Trump’s antisemitism, Greene’s antisemitism, Gosar’s antisemitism, and now Kanye West’s antisemitism should probably never be taken seriously again on the issue of antisemitism.

Somewhere in history, Hesan might have spoken up against antisemitism on the left.  But when I did a search, I didn't see anything of the sort in the top results.

* * *

It's the next day.

I spent a lot of the afternoon watching the January 6 hearings.

Knowing that I have family members who still ride the Trump train...

It makes me want to scream.

* * *

In her May 7, 1953 column, Roosevelt complains about the lumping together of the "Jewish Gestapo" "New Dealers", and Communists.  She encountered a propaganda postcard from a Christian nationalist organization.  

She says:  That first sentence reveals a dishonest effort to make it appear (1) that there are Jewish Gestapo organizations, which is, of course, untrue. The Jews were the victims of Hitler's Gestapo. They have no such organizations of their own (2) By tying these three groups together, they try to make it appear that New Dealers and Jewish organizations are tantamount to Communists. This also is entirely untrue. Accomplishments made under the New Deal were not communistic. They met the needs of the people, which had been allowed to become desperate under the previous Administration. But they were not Communistic.

It's sad that the Republican party is still playing this exact same game of trying to tie Democrats to Communism. 

Yes. Some Democrats are Communists. I think it's a pretty small number.

But if you believe that anything outside of 100% support of pure capitalism = communism.  Then yeah...pretty much all of us are communists.  

* * *

The postcard said that there's a campaign to replace Christian tradition with Jewish tradition.

Jews will not replace us!!!!!

The times really haven't changed much, have they?

Reading all this...I feel like we're redoing the 1950's but with the Internet.

* * *

Roosevelt says interesting things about interracial marriage.  I don't really understand it fully.

There is no moral law which forbids intermarriage between different races. It is custom and habit, and where people wish to break these rules it is their right to do so, even though they may suffer as a result of the fact that many of us are governed by the customs and habits and conventionalities under which we live. To make it appear, however, that this is a moral code which should not be broken is, I think, un-Christian.

I guess what she's saying is it's not morally wrong to marry someone of another race but those who do so might face challenges, because of the culture we live in.

When did the Supreme Court legalize intermarriage?  I know it's Loving vs...something.

I'm guessing in some states, it was probably already legal.

I wonder if Roosevelt knew personally of any interracial marriages.

* * *

Googled.

Loving vs. Virginia was in 1967.

Lord Wiki says that in 1958, a Gallop Poll showed that 94% of Americans disapproved of interracial marriage.  Wow.

Did that include Roosevelt?

I have a feeling she'd be okay with it but that her convictions wouldn't be strong enough to speak in defense of it.

I mean she kind of did defend it but in a weak-hearted kind of way.   

* * *

I'm not sure if Roosevelt has anything substantial to say about Jews in her May 13 column.  I kept that window open, though, because she talks about Australia.

Speaking of Australia, I listened to the Australiana podcast about the opening ceremonies of the 2000 Olympics.  It was fascinating. It also gave me an extra dose of self-doubt, because they mentioned celebrities I hadn't heard of before.

 I also feel like a failure for never writing about the Olympics.  

I'm sure if I searched my blog, I'd find mention of it.  But I never did any serious research on it.  

With both my Australian podcasts, there is way too much that is new and unfamiliar to me.

Is is because Australia is so vast and impossible to know everything?  Or did I do a shitty job with having a special interest in Australia?

* * *

Getting back to Roosevelt....

She writes: 

During World War II and immediately after some of our servicemen were married to Australian girls and others who served there saw possibilities which they thought promised a better and easier future. So, they settled in the land called Down Under and, of course, their status today is interesting to read about, as I have just done. I think we are sufficiently like the Australians so that we get on well with them and living there should not be very difficult for our young people.

WHICH Australians are we like?

It's hard for me not to get racist undertones with that. 

Am I being unfair?

Overly woke?

I guess I'm just thinking...wondering...In comparison, what countries would be difficult for young Americans to live in?

For me, as a white, Jewish-American it would be easier to live in Australia than let's say...Korea.  Because I speak English well.  

But for a Korean-American who speaks fluent Korean and understands Korean culture, moving to Korea would probably be no more difficult than moving to Australia.

* * *

Roosevelt writes, Fortunately, Australia is a country that needs settlers. 

I'm sure that's exactly what Aboriginal Australians and Torres Strait Islander people were sitting there thinking. We need MORE white people.

But even for some white people, the we-need-more-settlers story is quite horrible.  When was that whole thing with British children being kidnapped for a happy, lovely life in Australia?

Note: Happy, lovely life = abuse and exploitation.

* * *

Googled.

The Australian Government admits that between 1927-1967, 150,000 British kiddos between the years of 9 months and 8 years were shipped to Canada, Rhodesia, Australia, and New Zealand to pump up the white population.

EVERYBODY is a victim of white supremacy.  Even white people. Even white cisgender straight men.  It's a really shitty thing.

(of course, there's not equality in terms of who is most victimized by white supremacy).

* * *

The Jewish part of Roosevelt's May 13 column is she forgo attending a United Jewish Appeal event, because she was very busy doing last minute things for her upcoming trip to Japan and Europe.

I feel like this should be used as an inspirational example for the whole push to have courage in declining invitations.

I see this push a lot on Instagram....probably because of who I follow.

Really, they need to have an alternate campaign that teaches people to graciously accept the declines.  That way we might have less people sending out messages like, We HAVE to make the effort to get together for holidays.  

* * *

If the United Jewish Appeal was anything like my family, the whole organization would probably shut down with blame going at least partly to Roosevelt. Because...she only made cameo appearances.  

* * *

If anyone wants to accuse Roosevelt's declining on antisemitism or apathy towards the Jews...this is also in the May 13 entry:

I was very much touched the other day to be invited to the coronation by Queen Elizabeth, and I was very sorry that, because of my commitments in Japan, it wasn't possible for me to accept.

* * *


On July 24, 1953, journeyed to King's Landing.

Roosevelt writes:  Our guide pointed out to us the windows of an old Jewish temple and told us that only seven out of the 140 Jews who had been in the city when the Germans took over, had survived but they had saved their records, which was the story time after time in these persecutions.

I wonder what the Jewish population is there now.

* * *

Lord Wiki says the Jewish population, in Dubrovnik, BEFORE the Holocaust was only 250.

Now there's around 30.

* * *

Roosevelt's September 15, column deals with communism.

A man named Joseph Kornfeder claimed to be a former member of the Communist Carty and testified that there were six-hundred Protestant clergy who were part of the Communist Party.  

Roosevelt says, It seems to me that the evidence given at times is not always convincing, even though we are expected always to believe that anything said by an ex-Communist must, of course, be true.

I would want proof that Kornfeder was truly communist. I mean it might not prove what he was saying was true. But I think it would be a good place to start.

I think the Jan 6 hearings would be much less compelling if people only claimed to work for the Trump administration.

* * *

Roosevelt says that something used as evidence against the Protestant clergyman is that they signed a petition against the execution of the Rosenbergs.

Roosevelt says,  I happen to feel that the trial had been fair and since we had capital punishment in this country there was no other sentence that could be imposed. I do not believe in capital punishment, however, and hope we will do away with it.

I think that's called...I'm going to try hard to stay on the fence about this.  I can't blame her since being against the execution of the Rosenberg's might earn her the reputation of being a communist.

Roosevelt explains herself further, Many of those who signed that petition, I am sure, did so because they were opposed on principle to capital punishment and the question of the guilt of the condemned was secondary, particularly as in peace time it is rare to give such a penalty even for such a serious offense.

That makes sense.  It might not sitting on the fence.  I guess it's more like I agree the crime was bad enough to receive the harshest punishment.  But I don't particularly support the harshest punishment.

Being against a certain type of punishment doesn't mean we necessarily support the crime or believe the culprit is innocent.

* * *

I was trying to find the word "Jewish" or "Israel" in the column; then remembered Roosevelt notes that there were also Catholic and Jewish clergy being accused.

* * *

The last entry in 1953 mentioning Israel or Jewish is October 19.

Roosevelt talks about the Internationalization of Jerusalem.

I actually hadn't heard of the concept until reading her columns. Or I heard and forgot I heard.

In this column, she says: 

I find there is considerable desire on the part of certain religious groups to push the internationalization of Jerusalem. I have no idea whether this is a wise move or not. Yet something, I am sure, must be done before long to make it possible for both the Arabs and the Jews to cross the lines in Jerusalem without question. When I was there, the university and the hospital on the Arab side were not in use because the Jewish people were forbidden to cross into the Arab part of Jerusalem and the Arabs could not cross into the Jewish part. It is obvious that the sooner the change is made which allows people to move freely from place to place, the better will it be and the sooner will the tension in Jerusalem be eased.

I'm ashamed to say, I don't know how Jerusalem is handled these days.  The only thing I really know is that Trump moved the US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.  Or he tried.

I did watch a great TV show about people living in Jerusalem.  It's like a Jewish version of Friends.

I have to Google for the name...

Srugim.  That's it.

Anyway, the show was great, but it didn't help me learn the political boundaries of Jerusalem.

* * *

I'm reading parts of an NPR article about Jerusalem.

Or maybe I should go ahead and read the whole thing.

I was looking for a quick answer.  But I should probably take the time to learn it all a bit carefully.

The article was written in response to Trump moving the embassy.

Even though the embassy was moved, the practice of putting Jerusalem on the US passports of people born there (vs a country) still remains.  

NPR says the Western part of Jerusalem is seen as belonging to the Jews.  The Eastern part has important Jewish, Christian, and Islamic holy sites. Israel captured it in 1967 and have been increasing their population there.  This is one of the places that's considered occupied territory.

Before 1948-1949, the Jews and Arabs were kind of mixed together in the city.

After a war, fences were put up.

The Jews went west and the Arabs went east.

Arabs had to abandon their homes. Jews the same. 

Interestingly, the article uses the term abandoned and fled to refer to the Palestinian's situation and expelled when referring to the Jewish situation.

Is that an accurate assessment?

If this came from a more right-leaning source, I would expect a bias.  But NPR is left-leaning, and I feel left-leaning sources tend to have more sympathy with Palestinians.

Oh!  I should mention that Jews were barred from the Western Wall which is the most holy site for Jews.  It would be like banning Muslims from Mecca.

* * *

In 1967, there was another war.

Israel captured eastern Jerusalem and refused to give it back.

The article says, But in the eyes of the U.N. and nearly all governments, it's seen as occupied territory.

However, the embassy is NOT in the area considered to be occupied.

But there is fighting over Jewish people moving into areas that are predominantly Arab.  These Jews are being labeled as settlers. But Israel disagrees, because they don't consider the area occupied.

The Palestinians think Israel is doing this as a land grab kind of thing.  I guess the idea is to have as many Israeli's in these areas as possible.  Then if there is ever a 2 state solution, Israeli's can try to claim there is more of them there, so the land should go to them.

OR something like that?

* * *

I need to learn more about the concept of Israel as occupiers.  If when people are saying that, they're referring to the land obtained in 1967, I think it's fair.  I don't necessarily agree with it.  I need to learn more about the war.  But I think it's fair to see a piece of land, obtained in a war, to be contested.   

If people are referring to all of Israel as being occupied; then I think that's antisemitism.  

And I see "Free Palestine!" a lot.  What does that refer to?  Is it the areas that the UN had originally labeled as being for the Arabs?  Is it freeing Palestinians from having to go through arduous checkpoints?  Or are they saying they want Israel to disappear completely?

It probably varies person to person.  

For those who use such a statement as their response in discussions of antisemitism, it's probably more likely the latter.   And...it might also be a bot sometimes.  


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