Will anyone ever want to read this? I doubt it. I'm not even sure I like reading my old dreams. But I'm throwing most of my old dream journals away, and I think I might feel better if I save some of the stuff that seems sort of significant.
Also, there might be SOMEONE out there who likes reading about other people's dreams
Unfortunately, I already threw two or three journals away before getting this idea of putting it on my blog. Oh well. I did, at least, read them one last time before tearing them up and putting them in the recycling bin.
Also, there might be SOMEONE out there who likes reading about other people's dreams
Unfortunately, I already threw two or three journals away before getting this idea of putting it on my blog. Oh well. I did, at least, read them one last time before tearing them up and putting them in the recycling bin.
.
4/9/01- Mom and Dad bring us an Australian man. I'm excited to meet him because I think of the guy from Charmed. Melissa hangs out with him. I need to change my clothes first because I have stains. When I go to talk to him, I'm not that impressed. I don't even like his accent. I decide the accent sounds sexier when they try to hide it.
I listen to Singing in the Rain. It makes me want to do somersaults which I do although I shouldn't since I'm pregnant. I stop and feel dizzy but then I feel okay.
We have Darcy with us on a vacation. We go out to dinner at a Mexican buffet and leave her with a babysitter. I feel I haven't spent enough time with her yet.
I love this because I love seeing old dreams about Australia. My Australia-obsession began officially in 2007. Or really that's when I started going public about it. I think it was swimming around in my head, though, a few years prior to that.
The dream was kind of mean. I feel slightly guilty about that.
In real life, I WAS pregnant with Jack. He'd be born about 4 months later. My sister was pregnant with Darcy. She'd be born 2 months later.
4/15/01-My room is haunted and a Poltergeist clown is always trying to kill me. I don't tell anyone, because I don't think they'll believe me. But then Mom and Dad see it for themselves and are very sympathetic. They say I can sleep in their room.
I think this shows I have an inner child that's alive and well. Or alive and not-so-well. I was 28 when I dreamed that, but the character in the dream seems like a child. Right?
The storyline reminds me a lot of what I've dealt with lately regarding my neurological symptoms. When the myoclonus started becoming quite noticeable to me, I kept it a secret for awhile. It wasn't just the prospect of not being believed but also having it trivialized or misunderstood. And yes. A less petty and more caring side of me also wanted to keep it secret, because I imagined there was a chance it would be taken seriously and that I'd cause people to worry.
I eventually told some people. Both Tim and my parents seemed very disinterested. I eventually showed my anger regarding this, and they temporarily changed their tune. BUT...now Tim never mentions it and never asks about it. Yeah. I've been keeping track. And it's been over 10 months.
Could part of the reason be my symptoms are hard to see? Most of my myoclonus is quite small. Little twitches in my toes and hands. But even when they're more substantial, it might be hard to tell that I'm not purposely making the movement.
Would my parents and Tim be more concerned if the symptoms were obviously visible to them? Is it something they need to see with their own eyes?
Maybe.
But should it have to be like that?
Should I not be able to depend on people, like my parents and husband, to believe me?
5/23/01- I put my baby in daycare, because people pressure me into it. Then I insist on visiting the baby which I haven't seen in awhile. They take me to Kindercare and spend a long time taking a picture of the older kids. I get impatient and go to see my baby. It has a lot of hair and am shocked to learn it already speaks in full sentence.
Prodigy babies is one of my recurring dream themes; though I don't think I have those dreams much anymore. That's probably because I don't currently have any babies in my life. My own son is 18 and my youngest nephew is 6.
5/24/01-I get involved with a computer game and forget to feed Mushu and our other cat all day. Mushu can talk and when I see him, he tells me the other cat is almost dead. But the other cat ends up being okay.
And another recurring dream theme—forgetting to feed the pets. I had one recently where I forgot to feed some lizards.
5/28/01- Fred has the power to turn into different animals. He is nervous about meeting our family so he turns into a cricket. This worries me because I'm afraid we'll accidentally kill it. I beg him to turn into something else. He turns into a pig/dog and is not too friendly.
Fred was my sister's boyfriend at the time. He's now her husband and the father of my three nephews.
5/30/01-I worry that I will fail the classes I haven't been attending or doing work for. I try to tell myself if I don't graduate, I can come back and finish. But I wonder how I'll do that with kids.
Very common dream theme for me...and I think also for a lot of other people.
6/17/01- With my family. I miss a party they are having and I miss seeing Darcy again. I complain to Dawn in the morning. She's very nice about it and says I can meet Darcy now. She's in the kitchen in her high chair. I hear her crying as I walk down the stairs. Then I see her. She looks like she's about 3-years-old.
Darcy was born ten days before the dream. She's my sister's first child and the first grandchild in our family. I think I had some stressful/guilty feelings, because everyone else in the family met her early on. I wouldn't be able to meet her until after my son was born in August. I think because I didn't want to fly in the third trimester of my pregnancy.
I'm not sure if the pressure to visit came mostly from within or was it provided by my family? And my not wanting to fly late in the pregnancy....was that something that's medically advised? Or was it my own paranoia.
Well, I just Googled. From what I'm seeing, it IS okay to fly late in pregnancy (prior to 36 weeks). So I probably would have been medically okay to visit my niece.
It was probably more of a matter of me being stressed, lazy, and cheap.
Actually, though. Darcy was a month early. She should have been born in July which would have been even closer to my own due date.
I did have preaclampsia later in the pregnancy. That would have led to me needing to cancel the plane tickets IF I had planned to go around my sister's due date. I'm not sure when the preeclampsia began, though. It might have been weeks after I would have visited Darcy.
6/17-I learn there is going to be a 3rd Gremlins movie and it stars Gillian Anderson.
Maybe that will happen one day, and I can feel psychic.
6/17-I am walking in a forest and know it's a dream. I call out for Jack and tell him we share the dream. I hear a baby crying and follow the noise to a tree. I find a nest/baby bed. I feel like it will be a trick and a monster, not Jack. I go to it anyway and it is a monster. I carry it around with me.
After Jack became an out-of-uterus child, I'd have lucid dreams where I felt we were in a dream together. And I think I'd try to tell him this. I didn't realize I also had dreams like this BEFORE he was born.
6/19/01-I call over Dawn's house, where my family is, on February 22. I forget to say happy birthday. Dawn even mentions something about Becky wishing her a happy B-day. Later I try to call, but I can't find a phone with working batteries.
I have a fair bit of anxiety about forgetting birthdays. I lose track of my mother-in-law's birthday almost every year.
Once I forgot my dad's birthday.
I forgot my brother-in-law's birthday. I think I remembered over a month later.
I forgot my niece's birthday (Ellie's sister). I felt so guilty! I think I sent my sister flower's in the hopes that this would lessen any amount of wrath that might be thrown my way. I don't remember her acting angry, so maybe it worked.
More recently, I forgot my nephew Roberto's birthday. I remembered after night after he would have gone to bed. What's awful is I had a texting conversation with my sister (his mom) earlier that day.
Anyway...
So there are those mistakes. And then there are the random times that I suddenly panic and think, Is there a birthday coming up? Was there a birthday, and I missed it?
I don't think I've ever gotten into a big drama about forgetting a birthday, so I'm not sure why I have this anxiety.
6/22-I try to get my job back at Habonim until the baby is born. I see Gillian and Lauren in the classroom. Seeing them makes me so emotional that I'm almost frozen. At first Barbara is really nice to me. But when the kids leave and I mention working there, suddenly she acts like there might not be a job for me.
I STILL periodically have dreams about trying to get my preschool-teacher job back at Habonim.
6/25/01-I start going into labor. My parents take me to the hospital to see how dilated I am. I am trying to decide if I should call Tim now or wait.
I wonder what dream-Tim was doing while I was in the hospital.
6/30/01-I ask Melissa to go on a walk with me. As we are heading out, to be nice, I ask Dad to come with. I don't expect him to say yes, but he starts thinking about it. Melissa gets annoyed and tells him not to come. I feel bad for him.
It's very interesting to read that, because recently Melissa and I got in a fight about my dad! She's very close to him and I'm estranged. So kind of IRONIC to read that dream.
For most of our lives, Melissa has been the golden child of the family, and I've been the scapegoat. But there have been exceptions. One of those would probably be while I was pregnant with their first grandson.
7/3-My parents have tons of poodles, some they hardly remember that they own. Melissa and I are taking care of them.
I'm in labor. Tim's not there. I decide I don't want any men. The only women around are actresses (Nicole Kidman, Gillian Anderson, Meg Ryan, and Lisa Kudrow). They become my cheerleaders. My dad comes in the delivery room. I try to get him out and he won't budge. I throw gum at him.
Yeah. That's my dream-Dad for you. He goes on walks even though we were only inviting him to be polite, and he won't leave the damn delivery room.
7/6/01-I put on tons of black eyeliner, silver eyeshadow, and glitter.
That dream is SO deep.
7/10/01-Mike D. is stalking me and I'm paranoid about him finding me. I tell Tim and then see a man in a police car who looks like him. It ends up being him. He kidnaps me and other people and takes us to a camp. I get away and then I'm Phoebe from Charmed. I go to where Cole lives. Instead of being a demon, he is a vampire. I get Cole to save me from Mike D.
Glad Vampire Cole showed up, because Tim would probably not notice that I was kidnapped. Or he'd assume I was just hanging out with friends. Or...something like that.
7/12/01-We have some kind of partnership program with Al Gore and his family which involves us going to his house and then giving us gifts. There is unspoken tension between both our families. Then I get annoyed with something and the tension gets out in the open. There is a lot of name-calling. It has something to do with cleaning.
Interesting....
7/15/01-I have this idea for Survivor, that instead of getting a new group for the 3rd show that they get people from the 1st and 2nd show and combine it. 8 from Survivor 1 and 8 from 2.
Kind of like The Hunger Games.
I'm wondering if they also eventually did that for Survivor...or any reality TV show.
4/15/01-My room is haunted and a Poltergeist clown is always trying to kill me. I don't tell anyone, because I don't think they'll believe me. But then Mom and Dad see it for themselves and are very sympathetic. They say I can sleep in their room.
I think this shows I have an inner child that's alive and well. Or alive and not-so-well. I was 28 when I dreamed that, but the character in the dream seems like a child. Right?
The storyline reminds me a lot of what I've dealt with lately regarding my neurological symptoms. When the myoclonus started becoming quite noticeable to me, I kept it a secret for awhile. It wasn't just the prospect of not being believed but also having it trivialized or misunderstood. And yes. A less petty and more caring side of me also wanted to keep it secret, because I imagined there was a chance it would be taken seriously and that I'd cause people to worry.
I eventually told some people. Both Tim and my parents seemed very disinterested. I eventually showed my anger regarding this, and they temporarily changed their tune. BUT...now Tim never mentions it and never asks about it. Yeah. I've been keeping track. And it's been over 10 months.
Could part of the reason be my symptoms are hard to see? Most of my myoclonus is quite small. Little twitches in my toes and hands. But even when they're more substantial, it might be hard to tell that I'm not purposely making the movement.
Would my parents and Tim be more concerned if the symptoms were obviously visible to them? Is it something they need to see with their own eyes?
Maybe.
But should it have to be like that?
Should I not be able to depend on people, like my parents and husband, to believe me?
5/23/01- I put my baby in daycare, because people pressure me into it. Then I insist on visiting the baby which I haven't seen in awhile. They take me to Kindercare and spend a long time taking a picture of the older kids. I get impatient and go to see my baby. It has a lot of hair and am shocked to learn it already speaks in full sentence.
Prodigy babies is one of my recurring dream themes; though I don't think I have those dreams much anymore. That's probably because I don't currently have any babies in my life. My own son is 18 and my youngest nephew is 6.
5/24/01-I get involved with a computer game and forget to feed Mushu and our other cat all day. Mushu can talk and when I see him, he tells me the other cat is almost dead. But the other cat ends up being okay.
And another recurring dream theme—forgetting to feed the pets. I had one recently where I forgot to feed some lizards.
5/28/01- Fred has the power to turn into different animals. He is nervous about meeting our family so he turns into a cricket. This worries me because I'm afraid we'll accidentally kill it. I beg him to turn into something else. He turns into a pig/dog and is not too friendly.
Fred was my sister's boyfriend at the time. He's now her husband and the father of my three nephews.
5/30/01-I worry that I will fail the classes I haven't been attending or doing work for. I try to tell myself if I don't graduate, I can come back and finish. But I wonder how I'll do that with kids.
Very common dream theme for me...and I think also for a lot of other people.
6/17/01- With my family. I miss a party they are having and I miss seeing Darcy again. I complain to Dawn in the morning. She's very nice about it and says I can meet Darcy now. She's in the kitchen in her high chair. I hear her crying as I walk down the stairs. Then I see her. She looks like she's about 3-years-old.
Darcy was born ten days before the dream. She's my sister's first child and the first grandchild in our family. I think I had some stressful/guilty feelings, because everyone else in the family met her early on. I wouldn't be able to meet her until after my son was born in August. I think because I didn't want to fly in the third trimester of my pregnancy.
I'm not sure if the pressure to visit came mostly from within or was it provided by my family? And my not wanting to fly late in the pregnancy....was that something that's medically advised? Or was it my own paranoia.
Well, I just Googled. From what I'm seeing, it IS okay to fly late in pregnancy (prior to 36 weeks). So I probably would have been medically okay to visit my niece.
It was probably more of a matter of me being stressed, lazy, and cheap.
Actually, though. Darcy was a month early. She should have been born in July which would have been even closer to my own due date.
I did have preaclampsia later in the pregnancy. That would have led to me needing to cancel the plane tickets IF I had planned to go around my sister's due date. I'm not sure when the preeclampsia began, though. It might have been weeks after I would have visited Darcy.
6/17-I learn there is going to be a 3rd Gremlins movie and it stars Gillian Anderson.
Maybe that will happen one day, and I can feel psychic.
6/17-I am walking in a forest and know it's a dream. I call out for Jack and tell him we share the dream. I hear a baby crying and follow the noise to a tree. I find a nest/baby bed. I feel like it will be a trick and a monster, not Jack. I go to it anyway and it is a monster. I carry it around with me.
After Jack became an out-of-uterus child, I'd have lucid dreams where I felt we were in a dream together. And I think I'd try to tell him this. I didn't realize I also had dreams like this BEFORE he was born.
6/19/01-I call over Dawn's house, where my family is, on February 22. I forget to say happy birthday. Dawn even mentions something about Becky wishing her a happy B-day. Later I try to call, but I can't find a phone with working batteries.
I have a fair bit of anxiety about forgetting birthdays. I lose track of my mother-in-law's birthday almost every year.
Once I forgot my dad's birthday.
I forgot my brother-in-law's birthday. I think I remembered over a month later.
I forgot my niece's birthday (Ellie's sister). I felt so guilty! I think I sent my sister flower's in the hopes that this would lessen any amount of wrath that might be thrown my way. I don't remember her acting angry, so maybe it worked.
More recently, I forgot my nephew Roberto's birthday. I remembered after night after he would have gone to bed. What's awful is I had a texting conversation with my sister (his mom) earlier that day.
Anyway...
So there are those mistakes. And then there are the random times that I suddenly panic and think, Is there a birthday coming up? Was there a birthday, and I missed it?
I don't think I've ever gotten into a big drama about forgetting a birthday, so I'm not sure why I have this anxiety.
6/22-I try to get my job back at Habonim until the baby is born. I see Gillian and Lauren in the classroom. Seeing them makes me so emotional that I'm almost frozen. At first Barbara is really nice to me. But when the kids leave and I mention working there, suddenly she acts like there might not be a job for me.
I STILL periodically have dreams about trying to get my preschool-teacher job back at Habonim.
6/25/01-I start going into labor. My parents take me to the hospital to see how dilated I am. I am trying to decide if I should call Tim now or wait.
I wonder what dream-Tim was doing while I was in the hospital.
6/30/01-I ask Melissa to go on a walk with me. As we are heading out, to be nice, I ask Dad to come with. I don't expect him to say yes, but he starts thinking about it. Melissa gets annoyed and tells him not to come. I feel bad for him.
It's very interesting to read that, because recently Melissa and I got in a fight about my dad! She's very close to him and I'm estranged. So kind of IRONIC to read that dream.
For most of our lives, Melissa has been the golden child of the family, and I've been the scapegoat. But there have been exceptions. One of those would probably be while I was pregnant with their first grandson.
7/3-My parents have tons of poodles, some they hardly remember that they own. Melissa and I are taking care of them.
I'm in labor. Tim's not there. I decide I don't want any men. The only women around are actresses (Nicole Kidman, Gillian Anderson, Meg Ryan, and Lisa Kudrow). They become my cheerleaders. My dad comes in the delivery room. I try to get him out and he won't budge. I throw gum at him.
Yeah. That's my dream-Dad for you. He goes on walks even though we were only inviting him to be polite, and he won't leave the damn delivery room.
7/6/01-I put on tons of black eyeliner, silver eyeshadow, and glitter.
That dream is SO deep.
7/10/01-Mike D. is stalking me and I'm paranoid about him finding me. I tell Tim and then see a man in a police car who looks like him. It ends up being him. He kidnaps me and other people and takes us to a camp. I get away and then I'm Phoebe from Charmed. I go to where Cole lives. Instead of being a demon, he is a vampire. I get Cole to save me from Mike D.
Glad Vampire Cole showed up, because Tim would probably not notice that I was kidnapped. Or he'd assume I was just hanging out with friends. Or...something like that.
7/12/01-We have some kind of partnership program with Al Gore and his family which involves us going to his house and then giving us gifts. There is unspoken tension between both our families. Then I get annoyed with something and the tension gets out in the open. There is a lot of name-calling. It has something to do with cleaning.
Interesting....
7/15/01-I have this idea for Survivor, that instead of getting a new group for the 3rd show that they get people from the 1st and 2nd show and combine it. 8 from Survivor 1 and 8 from 2.
Kind of like The Hunger Games.
I'm wondering if they also eventually did that for Survivor...or any reality TV show.
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