Someone Tried to Gaslight Me This Morning

My dad tried to gaslight me this morning.

I'm really not sure what he was trying to pull.

For the most part, I'm guessing this was a case of him being incredibly stupid and ignorant.

In the past, I can understand a smart person having the delusion that this tactic might protect their reputation and self-esteem from being tarnished.

Well...I was going to talk about how gaslighting is the top word in some dictionary ranking this year. 

But instead I should report that my dad told me that he learned about gaslighting from my blog. Though to be fair, despite "reading" my blog, he didn't seem to understand what it meant.  Or at least he didn't seem to get my intended message that gaslighting is an abusive tactic used by people who care more about protecting their image than protecting the mental health of their loved ones. For him, it seemed the best use for the word was applying it to how the media treated Ron DeSantis.

The gaslighting this morning:

I expressed concern for someone's weight loss. They looked unusually thin.

I was told this person is fine; healthy; no worries.  They take good care of themselves.

My dad did a text lecture on how both extremes are bad and said: I remember when we were VERY CONCERNED about Dina on the other end. Too thin.

I'm guessing my dad imagined that this sentence would magically erase my memories of what really happened.

A) My family members being very encouraging about my weight loss, my dieting, and my obsessive exercising.

B) My dad passing on compliments about my weight and beautification that were given to him by a friend.

C) My younger sister being the one person in the family to reach out and suggest I might have an eating disorder.

D) Finally realizing that my sister and the bitchy know-it-all on Livejournal might be right about me having an eating disorder.

E) Writing to my family a heartfelt email about my struggles and my plans to stop the eating disorder behaviors...asking for their support. 

F) The response to my heartfelt email: Crickets for the most part.

G) My dad sounding not concerned or compassionate about my eating disorder but annoyed/angry that I confessed to skipping out on some family events because of my eating issues.

H) Gaining back all the weight I had lost. My mom talking about Jenny Craig. I considered it but then said I worried about my eating disorder issues.  My mom told me I didn't have an eating disorder. I just had yo yo dieting.  People with eating disorders weigh 40 pounds (or maybe 80) and are in the hospital with tubes.  This was incredibly upsetting to me.  

I) My mom responding to my anger over all this by taking me out to dinner; then awkwardly asking.  How's your weight issue?  She eventually let me know she was talking about my eating disorder.  At some point, she gave me the Everyone has an eating disorder.  Or almost everyone?  I can't remember exactly.

J) My family NOT making any attempt to mend their ways by educating themselves and learning what to say or not to say to someone who has an eating disorder or recovered from an eating disorder.

My sister (the one who at one point seemed supportive of me not having an eating disorder) fat-shaming her very thin self in front of me.

My mom feeling the need to comment on the sugar content or calorie count of food people planned to eat. 

My mom using the term "She let herself go" regarding a character on Sex and the City who had gained a bit of weight.

My family commenting on who has lost and gained weight when looking at photos.

My family complimenting me on my past photos where I was much younger and much thinner.  

My mom saying things like: are you trying to be good?  In reference to people's eating choices and behaviors.

K) About nine years after the eating disorder, I once again lost a ton of weight.  This time it wasn't  about an eating disorder. It wasn't dieting and exercising.  I lost my appetite.  I don't mention this weight loss to my parents who were traveling...mostly because I had learned to try very hard to avoid telling them things.  

I ran into my dad at the grocery store.  He beamed when he saw me; told me I was looking good.

What kind of person would be VERY CONCERNED about their daughter's weight loss and then not be concerned when their daughter had lost weight again?

This really is so incredibly shitty.

I keep thinking...WHY? 

It seems to me that it would be just as easy to take the time to type something along the lines of.  We now realize our mistake in not taking your eating disorder more seriously. We are so sorry.  

I often feel that I whine too much on my blog. I complain too much. I'm too negative,

But right now, thinking of all the toxic shit I've put up with in the past fifty years....I'm feeling that I don't complain enough.