The Blog that Used to Be About Australia

These are the things I hope to gain by labeling myself autistic.

1. Find like-minded people in terms of having special interests, sensory issues, awkwardness, etc. Though that's not to say every autistic person is going to be more my type of person than a neurotypical one. A so-called neurotypical fan of Coronation Street is going to be much more my type of person than an autistic person obsessed with cars or gardening.

2. Have a pathway towards being more understanding and sympathetic towards my current self and past self.

3. Have a pathway towards being more understanding and sympathetic towards other people whether they are autistic or not. Although I have be careful this one, because sometimes it leads me back to the path of excusing toxic behavior AND hating on myself instead of the person who is being toxic. I don't want to get myself into the mode of Okay. Yeah. He's gaslighting me. But this is because blah, blah, blah...and it's really sad for him. And why have I not been more tolerant. Is it because I'm a cruel, selfish person? Blah blah, blah.

I'm talking more about not judging people for forgetting to do something they said they were going to do, interrupting a lot, not liking spicy food, only reading nonfiction.... That kind of stuff.

4. Learn more about brainy stuff; learn new cool words like alexithymia and aphantasia.

5. Have a new set of vocabulary that explains aspects of my life such as special interests (which sounds better than obsession), hyperfocusing, info-dumping, stimming, etc.

6. Participate in advocacy that pushes the idea of autism is a difference and usually very cool rather than autism is a disease that needs to be cured, treated, overcome, etc.

7. Embrace aspects of autistic behavior and culture that I highly value such as pursuing special interests; avoiding small talk and pushing for more engaging conversation; being honest and open; stimming, etc.

8. Be okay with not wanting or not being able to do certain things...such as driving, wearing jeans, and often going to social gathering. BUT also be okay with not being okay with not being able to do certain things...and work on improving those things. For example, I've lost a lot of ability to multi-task, and I'd like to be able to gain some of that back.

9. Love my autistic self but also be welcoming and accepting when I'm feeling unusually neurotypical. Yesterday I had a strong desire to stand outside with the neighbors to watch the fireworks together. I usually don't like hanging out with neighbors or watching fireworks. But yesterday I felt differently about all that. I embraced it and had a good time.

And

This is what I want to NOT do or feel with labeling myself as autistic

1. Have an Us vs Them mentality when it comes to autistic vs neurotypical or neurodivergent vs. neurotypical or disabled vs abled.

2. Get the idea that people need to be more sympathetic and tolerant towards me because I have the label of autism...or even (someday) an official diagnosis. People should already be accepting of my quirks. Just as I should be accepting of theirs.

3. Worry that I'm not autistic enough. As in.... fretting that I like grocery stores and people playing with my hair (if they have clean hands!)...or like the other day when I felt shame, because I tried not having eye contact while talking to someone, and I realized that made me even more uncomfortable than eye contact.

4. Get the idea that my sensitivities and challenges are more valid and important than those who do not label themselves as autistic AND/OR believe that getting an official diagnosis will especially make my sensitivities and challenges more valid and important.

5. Change my (rather controversial) set of values and beliefs in pursuit of being more likely to be accepted by the popular people in the autistic community. I want to embrace their teachings that I agree with, consider their teachings I'm not sure about, and reject their teachings that I disagree with.

6. Us~~e my autism as an excuse for why people randomly and mysteriously reject so I can feel less bad about myself....and avoid those borderline-personality-disorder-type-feelings.~~

No. Fuck that. Every time someone ghosts me, stops following me on Instagram, doesn't respond to my last message, fails to include me on something, etc. I'm telling myself it's because they don't like autistic people. As one of my MANY former friends once taught me. Sometimes delusions are good for our mental health.