Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Who Wants To Be Weird Like Me? Or Should I Be Weird Alone?

I have just started reading Thursday's Child by Sonya Hartnett.   I love it so far.   It's beautiful, surprising, and thought-provoking.    In the book, a little boy begins hiding under the house.  He digs holes in the dirt and makes tunnels.  He's like half human and half rabbit.  I mean not literally.  It isn't a fantasy novel.  Well, at least I don't think so.   I think it's more historical fiction.

But anyway, he has this gift of digging tunnels, and spends most of his days alone and under the ground.   Some adults worry about him and feel what he's doing is wrong.    Other adults (such as his father) are amazed, supportive, and provide tools to help him along.

In some ways, I feel it can be symbolic of Aspergers or mild Autism.   Some people, such as some psychologists, look at Aspergers as a disorder.  It's a problem that needs to be fixed.  These children are difficult and not normal.   Other people, see it not as a disorder but just a difference--not any worse than the neurotypicals.  Their attitude is let's give these children help for their behaviors that cause problems for them and others.  But let's be thankful and celebrate the aspects of these children that are amazing.

Last night I had a lucid dream about being weird.

It started out with me suddenly being in this neighborhood that looked so familiar.   The neighborhood was on a hill and I knew I had been there before.  But as I thought about my real (waking) life and all the neighborhoods we've lived in, I knew we had never lived in this neighborhood.   I then understood that I must have dreamed about this neighborhood before.  This clued me into the fact that I must be dreaming.   I got all excited because if I know I'm dreaming, I can go all lucid and have one of those fun exciting dreams.

I made my way out of the neighborhood and into a place that had a pool.   I had clothes on and no swimming suit, but decided to swim anyway.  I don't remember actually swimming.  I do remember standing close to the pool.  Maybe my feet were in it?   And I thought about being lucid.

 I thought about the different levels of lucidity while being in a lucid dreams.  To me (in the dream) it proved to me how lucid I was.   It was very metacognitive.

Later in the dream, I decided I wanted to find out more about the people in my dreams. Were they real like me? Other dreamers? Did they know they were in a dream?   I went about my research/exploring by approaching a handful of people and asking them.  Do you know what a lucid dream is?

The first few people I asked were completely clueless.   They looked at me like I was really weird.

I'm not clear on what happened next, but eventually I found people who were willing to learn about this whole lucid dream thing.    I was going to show them how they could fly in this world.    But then I started thinking, do I want them to be able to fly?   Right now I'm the only one here who can fly and that makes me special.   Do I want to lose that?   I think I decided that I did.   I thought about my lucid dreams and how I often feel so alone.   If there were others like me, I'd feel less alone.

I started to fly for them.  At first I didn't get too high and I was a little embarrassed.  Would they even believe me that I could fly?  But then I flew high.   I wonder what the symbolism is there.   ?????

Speaking of symbolism.   Can anyone interpret this one?   In my lucid dreams, I often go to this place I call The Dream City.   In this place, there ARE people like me  .Or so it seems. I mean it SEEMS to be a place for people who know they are dreaming.   It's almost feels like a club.  I don't know?    The thing is the people there seem a bit snobby.  I feel I'm with people who are like me, yet I feel alienated in this place.  Despite this feeling.... in the majority of my lucid dreams, I seek this place out.  It's like I know I need to go there.  

Anyway,  It seems I usually need help getting there.   I'll often go outside and call out into the world for help.   Once a helicopter came down to pick me up.   Another time I was picked up by a dwarf riding a motorcycle.   Or maybe he was riding the helicopter?  I'm pretty sure it was the motorcycle. 

The other night I clung to some kind of bird, but I was dragging  him down.   And then he stopped to take a shit.   I think I lost my ride that time.    Sometimes an invisible force will pick me up and take me.

Last night, I was with this old man in a house.  I wanted to get out of the house, but there was a bike in the way.   Then a young man appeared and it ended up the bike belonged to him.  The young man was very nice and friendly.    He was very easygoing and I liked him.  He offered to give me a ride on his bike to the Dream City.  I don't think he was going there.  I think it was more like he would drop me off.    I said yes at first, but then worried it might be dangerous riding on the back of the bike.   I suggested that they could ride and I'd just follow behind by flying/hovering.

The three of us went off on our way.  I was behind them.   I noticed the man's butt and thought something like Wow.  He has a nice ass.   But then I thought it was a bit odd that I could see his ass.   I then realized that the the ass I saw was the old man's.   The young man's ass was properly covered.

I have no idea what that meant.

Oh well....  Maybe it means it's better to have a properly covered ass and be modest than to improperly display a really nice ass.

I don't know.

Anyway, today I will continue to read Thursday's Child and find out what happens to little Tin.  Will he continue to enjoy his life of being alone and special?   Or will he decide it's better to be less special and have more companionship?


  1. are you a certified genius? just wondering...often people who are "weird" are just super intelligent ;)

    gotta admit...WEIRD! LOL

  2. mscherrylane,

    No, definitely not! I took an IQ test once and got very average scores. I also did not-so-well on my college entrance exams.

    I am smart in certain areas. I read and write very fast. I have a pretty good imagination. But I'm pretty awful at the stuff that is seen traditional intelligence. I'm horrible at stuff like puzzles, chess, logic problems, etc. I'm even bad at puzzles for preschoolers. I was a preschool teacher and hated when the kids asked me for help with puzzles. I dreaded that.

    I think Jack is a prodigy though. He could find most countries on a map/globe before he was 2 1/2. You could say things like where's Pakistan and he could find it.

    Personally, I think the most important thing about intelligence is motivation and curiosity. Jack and I both have tons of that. Obviously, you do to.

  3. 'Their attitude is let's give these children help for their behaviors that cause problems for them and others. But let's be thankful and celebrate the aspects of these children that are amazing.'

    And that's exactly how our amazing children should be treated, with grace and gratitude. If no-one was different from each other wouldn't the world be a boring ol' place! :)

  4. Bettina,

    I strongly agree : )

  5. Heh, I can relate to the rabbit boy. When I was a kid, I spent hours and hours in my room spinning around and listening to music. I was in my own world and I was happy, but my folks were shocked. Not surprising, then, that I was diagnosed with AS as an adult. I still don't care much for human contact ordinarily and don't really do conversations well with people I don't know. I can talk to you here on the 'net just fine though. :)

    But reading some of the psychological "advice" is a scream. One of my lists actually suggested to tone down the things that make you "too different". LMAO, down with individualism indeed! hehehe.

    Maybe that's why I like your posts. They're very stream-of-consciousness, like the way I think.

    I have no idea what your dreams mean, but it sounds like fun... Dream City. :)

  6. Tors,

    I wonder if a LOT of people who live on the Internet have Aspergers!

    I've never been diagnosed, but when I read the reminds me a LOT of me. Jack also fits it quite well.

    I'm much more outgoing and social on the net then I am in real life.

    BUT I think I'm now much more outgoing and social in real life than I used to be. I think being on the Internet gave me more confidence so now I'm much less shy.

    I don't know.

    I think the down-with-individualism idea is really sad.

    You've grown to be a very nice and VERY intelligent woman. So, does it really matter that you liked to spin around your room and listen to music??? Yeah, it's weird, but maybe it was FUN. Instead of knocking it, maybe all the "normal" people should try it.

  7. Yeah, the AS affects everyone differently. I probably could not have this conversation with you in real life, unless I knew you very well. And sadly, that's an improvement on my childhood social skills (ie. run and hide).

    One very common trait is narrowly-defined interests, usually bordering on obsession. ;)

    Thanks so much for the compliments! You are very kind. *blush*