Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Who Wants To Be Weird Like Me? Or Should I Be Weird Alone?

I have just started reading Thursday's Child by Sonya Hartnett.   I love it so far.   It's beautiful, surprising, and thought-provoking.    In the book, a little boy begins hiding under the house.  He digs holes in the dirt and makes tunnels.  He's like half human and half rabbit.  I mean not literally.  It isn't a fantasy novel.  Well, at least I don't think so.   I think it's more historical fiction.

But anyway, he has this gift of digging tunnels, and spends most of his days alone and under the ground.   Some adults worry about him and feel what he's doing is wrong.    Other adults (such as his father) are amazed, supportive, and provide tools to help him along.

In some ways, I feel it can be symbolic of Aspergers or mild Autism.   Some people, such as some psychologists, look at Aspergers as a disorder.  It's a problem that needs to be fixed.  These children are difficult and not normal.   Other people, see it not as a disorder but just a difference--not any worse than the neurotypicals.  Their attitude is let's give these children help for their behaviors that cause problems for them and others.  But let's be thankful and celebrate the aspects of these children that are amazing.

Last night I had a lucid dream about being weird.

It started out with me suddenly being in this neighborhood that looked so familiar.   The neighborhood was on a hill and I knew I had been there before.  But as I thought about my real (waking) life and all the neighborhoods we've lived in, I knew we had never lived in this neighborhood.   I then understood that I must have dreamed about this neighborhood before.  This clued me into the fact that I must be dreaming.   I got all excited because if I know I'm dreaming, I can go all lucid and have one of those fun exciting dreams.

I made my way out of the neighborhood and into a place that had a pool.   I had clothes on and no swimming suit, but decided to swim anyway.  I don't remember actually swimming.  I do remember standing close to the pool.  Maybe my feet were in it?   And I thought about being lucid.

 I thought about the different levels of lucidity while being in a lucid dreams.  To me (in the dream) it proved to me how lucid I was.   It was very metacognitive.

Later in the dream, I decided I wanted to find out more about the people in my dreams. Were they real like me? Other dreamers? Did they know they were in a dream?   I went about my research/exploring by approaching a handful of people and asking them.  Do you know what a lucid dream is?

The first few people I asked were completely clueless.   They looked at me like I was really weird.

I'm not clear on what happened next, but eventually I found people who were willing to learn about this whole lucid dream thing.    I was going to show them how they could fly in this world.    But then I started thinking, do I want them to be able to fly?   Right now I'm the only one here who can fly and that makes me special.   Do I want to lose that?   I think I decided that I did.   I thought about my lucid dreams and how I often feel so alone.   If there were others like me, I'd feel less alone.

I started to fly for them.  At first I didn't get too high and I was a little embarrassed.  Would they even believe me that I could fly?  But then I flew high.   I wonder what the symbolism is there.   ?????

Speaking of symbolism.   Can anyone interpret this one?   In my lucid dreams, I often go to this place I call The Dream City.   In this place, there ARE people like me  .Or so it seems. I mean it SEEMS to be a place for people who know they are dreaming.   It's almost feels like a club.  I don't know?    The thing is the people there seem a bit snobby.  I feel I'm with people who are like me, yet I feel alienated in this place.  Despite this feeling.... in the majority of my lucid dreams, I seek this place out.  It's like I know I need to go there.  

Anyway,  It seems I usually need help getting there.   I'll often go outside and call out into the world for help.   Once a helicopter came down to pick me up.   Another time I was picked up by a dwarf riding a motorcycle.   Or maybe he was riding the helicopter?  I'm pretty sure it was the motorcycle. 

The other night I clung to some kind of bird, but I was dragging  him down.   And then he stopped to take a shit.   I think I lost my ride that time.    Sometimes an invisible force will pick me up and take me.

Last night, I was with this old man in a house.  I wanted to get out of the house, but there was a bike in the way.   Then a young man appeared and it ended up the bike belonged to him.  The young man was very nice and friendly.    He was very easygoing and I liked him.  He offered to give me a ride on his bike to the Dream City.  I don't think he was going there.  I think it was more like he would drop me off.    I said yes at first, but then worried it might be dangerous riding on the back of the bike.   I suggested that they could ride and I'd just follow behind by flying/hovering.

The three of us went off on our way.  I was behind them.   I noticed the man's butt and thought something like Wow.  He has a nice ass.   But then I thought it was a bit odd that I could see his ass.   I then realized that the the ass I saw was the old man's.   The young man's ass was properly covered.

I have no idea what that meant.

Oh well....  Maybe it means it's better to have a properly covered ass and be modest than to improperly display a really nice ass.

I don't know.

Anyway, today I will continue to read Thursday's Child and find out what happens to little Tin.  Will he continue to enjoy his life of being alone and special?   Or will he decide it's better to be less special and have more companionship?