Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Erotomania, Stalkers, Skeletons, and New Maps

1. Worried about becoming a stalker from reading Robert Drewe's Grace.   It's such a good book; but it's a bit scary.  Grace had a stalker in Sydney.  That's why she has run off to the Kimberley.

I could relate to some bits of the stalker profile described in the book; delusional and immature social loner.  I'm definitely socially immature.  I might be a loner. Sort of.  Sometimes?   And I have been known to get infatuated with people.  I'm also very delusional. I get all types of wacky ideas, and I sometimes believe they might be true.

But then I thought, I'm 38, and I haven't been anyone's stalker yet.  If it hasn't happened by now, it probably won't happen.  I think what separates me from stalkers is I'm delusional, but also skeptical.   Someone like me thinks, Oh, he glanced my way a few times.  He flirted with me.  Maybe he's in love with me....but probably not.  I shouldn't get carried away. A stalker would probably think,  She glanced my way a few times. She's madly in love with me. We're meant to be together.

I'm also way too lazy to be a stalker, and not social enough. From what I'm reading in the book, if you want to be a stalker you have to be very socially active.  You also have to be good at sending gifts.   I'm horrible at sending things to people.  You have to send lots of emails. You have to call people. You have to visit them a lot.   I'm not good at any of that.

2. Worried about GETTING a stalker from reading Robert Drewe's Grace.  This seems more likely to happen than me becoming a stalker.

I feel vain when I talk about getting a stalker.  But it's not like that.  Anyone can earn themselves a stalker.  It has nothing to do with having stalker-appeal.  At least I don't think so. From what I'm reading though, putting your life up for the public to see, might increase your chances.   The more people who know about you, the more likely you'll collide with a stalker.

Now I personally think there's such a thing as innocent-stalking.  This is where someone is a bit obsessed with you.  They think about you a lot.  They wish they had you in their life. They might pass by your house every so often. They visit your website a lot.  They secretly write poetry about you.  Every so often, they might send you a quick email in hopes that you'll write back.  Personally, I would find all that very flattering.  As long as someone doesn't try to relentlessly force themselves into my life, I'd be okay with it.

The stalker in Robert Drewe's book isn't like that. He is SCARY, and the whole situation is incredibly creepy.  One of the sad things is Grace doesn't get a lot of sympathy from people.  They think she led the guy on.  They think she shouldn't worry because he hasn't done anything bad to her. When she talks about it, they think she's just bragging about having an admirer.  

3. Found another Australia related thing in my old dream archives.  This one is from December 2005.  It wasn't a dream.  It was hypnagogic; those things that pop into your head when you're half awake and half asleep.  I wrote, Something/something trying to promote Sydney Australia. Like a tourist commercial kind of thing.

The entry is marked as ETA (edited to add) Australia related.  So I must have gone back and read it at some point, after becoming obsessed with Australia.  I may have already written about it in this blog.


4. Felt incredibly grateful to Andrew because he sent me more helpful Melbourne advice.  He's amazing.   AND he sent me an alternative map site.  He says it's more helpful than Google. Well, at least for certain cities.   I did a quick glance at it, and it does look more detailed.  For example, it shows the names of the bridges.  I don't think Google does that.

5. Gave the Street Directory site a closer look.   It doesn't provide walking directions, from what I can see.  I think I'll use Google for that. Then once I have walking directions, this site will be good for getting a better look at what's on the streets where we'll be walking.   

6. Saw article about former NSW Liberal Premier supporting gay marriage.  Nick Greiner says, Self-evidently [it is] a matter of natural justice. It in no way stops religions or individuals acting in accord with their conscientious views.  I don't know why there's brackets around "it is".  I thought you did that when someone's quote needed clarification.  But it doesn't sound right when you leave it out.    Oh well.   It's not important.

I agree with Greiner.  Legalizing gay marriage is not about saying all religions have to accept it or like it.  It's saying that people who want a gay marriage, and are not against it, can go ahead and get one.  It's about freedom and anti-discrimination.  You can be pro-freedom and anti-discrimination while hating the idea of gay marriage.  But if you advocate for laws against gay marriage, than I can't see how you can claim to be pro-freedom and anti-discrimination.  People who dislike gay marriage simply have an opinion. And we're all entitled to our opinion. People who want laws against gay marriage are FORCING their values and ideas onto others. I don't like that.

7. Decided I might love this Greiner man.  I love his quote here.  Also [it is] not a left-right issue. Support for the proposal is consistent with conservative support for marriage and for stable long-term relationships as well as individual freedom.  Greiner is my hero of the day. Well, unless someone else comes along.

8. Put our Australia trip on Google Calendar.   I'm never used it before.  Anyway, that was fun. Tim wanted me to do it so he could have easy access; and then we can work on finding hotels and stuff.

9. Consulted Lord Wiki about erotomania, because it's talked about in Robert Drewe's Grace.  The stalker is an erotomaniac.   I'm not sure whether or not all stalkers are erotomaniacs.   There could be other types of stalking.

Lord Wiki says it is NOT the same as obsessive love or unrequited love.  

Erotomania is when a person wrongly believes another person is in love with them. They believe this person is sending them secret messages of love via the media, telepathy, signals, etc.  Then the person with the erotomania issue will try to respond with letters, gifts, visits, etc.   They won't accept rejection. They'll believe their victim is simply playing the game of let's-hide-our-forbidden-love from-the-world.

10. Read this article about the erotomaniac stalker.   They say, The erotomaniac intrudes on your privacy, does not respect your express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores your emotions, needs, and preferences. To him - or her - "love" means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of being abandoned). He or she may even force himself (or herself) upon you sexually.

I've never had that in my life, and I hope I never do. It's very easy for me to feel suffocated.

The article does give some advice.  They say the best thing to do is IGNORE the erotomaniac; avoid all contact.  If you try to get rid of them by saying hurtful or rejecting things, they might either get crazy angry, or they might refuse to interpret your words in the way that you meant them.   

11. Consulted Lord Wiki about different types of stalkers.  They're not all erotomaniacs. 
There're rejected stalkers.  They stalk people who have rejected them.  This might be a person hurt by divorce.  

Resentful stalkers are angry about something.  I've done some minor resentful stalking on the internet.  I don't contact people or try to cause harm.  It's more along the lines of obsessing about them, and visiting their blog or Facebook page.  What's that bitch up to now?  Yeah.  That kind of thing.  Fortunately, I don't do it very often.  It doesn't hurt them, but it's definitely a huge waste of my time.   

There're intimacy stalkers. They're seeking love....their soulmate.  I guess erotomania fits in here.   I think many of us have the wish or delusion that certain people are our soulmates.   I don't think it's a problem unless we literally go after the person.   Then it's a huge problem.  Well, I shouldn't say that.  Sometimes people go after someone, and it turns out that the person really IS their soulmate.  Or at least the feelings are mutual.  What IS a problem is when someone goes after their imagined soulmate, gets rejected, and keeps trying.  Persistence is good. Knowing when to give up is good as well.  

Lord Wiki says there's a type of stalker called the incompetent suitor.  I really don't understand the difference between this and the intimacy one. So I'll just skip over it.

Predatory stalkers are one in which someone is planning an attack. It's not about love. I guess this would be like a serial killer. 

12. Saw that Lord Wiki says not all accusations of stalking are accurate.  Sometimes people say they're being stalked, when in reality they have a delusion of persecution.  I can believe that.  But I think it would be hard to prove. What if the stalker is just really good at hiding?

It sounds like a movie thriller. I'm sure it's been done before.   Someone thinks they're being stalked.  No one believes them.  They're accused of being delusional. But it turns out they really are being stalked.  Oh. You know what.  It was an episode of Charmed!  Prue thinks a demon is after them.   Her sisters laugh at her.  They think she's being silly. Then in the end, Prue is almost killed by a stalker.   There was a twist though.  It wasn't a demon after them. It was an obsessive human co-worker.

Rosemary's Baby also has a similar plot.  She's led to believe she's just being paranoid.  But it's not really a stalking issue. 

13. Continued to read Grace.  So far, I think it's one of my favorite Australian books.  Now it's dealing with archaeology.  Or is it palaeontology?    Which deals with human bones? 

Ah!  I found it in the book.  It's a paleoanthropologist.  The characters find a skeleton of a young woman.  They believe it's 60 thousand years old.  I don't think that's happened, so I guess it's fictionalized.

This website reminds me of the old skeletons found in Lake Mungo.  It says they're thought to be over 60 thousand years old.   So that part is based on a true story.   However, Lake Mungo is in New South Wales.  In Grace, the skeleton is found in the Great Sandy Desert, which is in Western Australia. 

14. Decided to work on planning another day in Melbourne. That way I can play around with the map site Andrew gave to me.

I'm going to work on our day #3.   I have us going to the Melbourne Museum, the Royal Exhibition Building, and the Royal Arcade on Bourke Street.   Will it work out?  I don't know.

I'm doubting that we'll do anything at the Royal Exhibition Building.  I could be wrong, but I'm picturing it as something we look at, take pictures of, and them go on our way.  

First I'm going to look on Google Maps

As someone told me on my Facebook Page, the museum and Royal Exhibition Building are right next to each other.  On the way to or from the museum, we'll pass the REB and wave to it.  

The walk to Bourke Street is about 20 minutes.  Google Maps has us walking south on Nicholson Street, and then west on Bourke.  It looks like we'll pass a lot of interesting things: St. Vincent's Hospital, St. Patrick's Cathedral, and the Parliament House. 

Now I'll look at Andrew's map site.   

15. Tried to figure out what all the symbols on the map mean.  What are the black dots? 

I've lost Bourke Street.

Oh!  Now I see Street View.  I couldn't find that before either.   The problem is I don't know how I got to it.  It kind of magically appeared.

I see David Jones and Myers.  

Andrew's right.  The street view here is better than the one on Google. 

This is fun!   It feels like you're really there.  We don't even have to go to Australia.  We can just play with this map all day.

Now I see Parliament....I think?

I'm just making my way down Nicholson Street, and then I'll turn on Bourke. 

I'm thinking we won't see St. Patrick's Cathedral unless we make an actual detour. We probably won't do the detour, but I'm fairly sure we'll run into it at some point in the game.

I see a karaoke bar on Bourke Street.  I need to do more karaoke bars.  I like singing with people, and I like watching people sing.

Now I see a tram with happy bees on it.  It's pretty cool.

I see David Jones again.  Does it have a food court? Maybe we'll eat there.  We love the food court in Sydney.   

16. Saw that the Melbourne Museum has a very reasonable price.  It's eight dollars for adults, and free for kids under 16. That's awesome!  

17. Looked at the David Jones website.   They have a foodhall.  I think that would be the food court.  We'll probably eat there.

18. Looked at website for the Royal Arcade.    

They have a candy store there called Suga.   It's a hard candy type thing.

There's a chocolate store called Koko Black.   Oh!  It's one of those chocolate restaurants.  We might have to get dessert there. 

There's a game shop.   I'd love to find an Australian-themed game.  Maybe trivia?  Although I worry it will be big and hard to fit into the suitcase.    I shall try not to give into my temptation to buy an Australia Monopoly game.  We have to many Monopoly games already, and we rarely play them.

There's a witch store.   Cool!  That should be fun. 

19. Learned about Wyatt Roy.   Lord Wiki says he was the youngest ever person to join the Federal Parliament.   He was born in 1990.   That does seem young to me.   But it's probably because I'm getting old; or I'm clinging to the past.   I still think of people born in the 1980's as young.  The kids I took care of at the Cystic Fibrosis camp were born in 1980-1982.  They'd be in their 30's now. Time flies.

20. Learned about Philip Ruddock.  He's been in Parliament since 1973.   That's a very long time.   I was born just a year before.   Lord Wiki says he's currently the member of the House of Representatives that's been there the longest.