Monday, March 7, 2016

Losing Home and Away Love, Conversations, Nice Guys, and Cinderella

1. Thought about my feeling regarding Home and Away.

I didn't like it. Then it started growing on me.

Now I'm back to not liking it very much.

Something about it seems cheap. And it's very didactic at times.

Note: I'm talking only about the 2015 episodes. I think 1980's Home and Away was good.

2. Hoped that I start liking the show again.

Maybe I'm just at a weak patch.

I plan to finish the whole season. At some part, it might get better for me.

3. Started watching an episode of Home and Away.

4. Saw Leah (Ada Nicodemou) saying that, in a way, she had it easy—being the one in the coma.

Yeah. I think it's easier being the one IN the coma rather than being the one who has a loved one in a coma.

But, when things happen in a realistic medical fashion rather than soap opera fashion, the coma patient has the hard part when they wake up. Then they have to deal with new physical limitations, mental limitations, memory issues, emotional difficulties, etc.

Dealing with a severe brain injury is not as easy as Home and Away makes it look.  

5. Started watching an episode of Agony Uncles.

This one is about going on a date.

The agony uncles advise men not to talk about themselves too much.

Why do so few people listen to this advice?

It's like the people on airplanes who seem to think that sharing their life story with a stranger is a random act of kindness.

6. Thought that conversations should be a back and forth kind of thing—like a friendly game of tennis.

Instead, too often they resemble monologues or celebrity interviews.

7. Didn't really agree with the agony uncles who said the topic of religion and politics should be avoided.

I know that's common advice, but I think religion and politics can be good deep topics—an alternative to conversations that dwell too much on our own selves.

I guess, though, it depends on how much you're wanting to impress the other person.

Is it a date with someone you're very interested in?  Or is it a just-testing-the-water kind of date?

If you have a big crush on someone you know to be on the right, and you're on the left; it might be best to kind of keep quiet on the subject. Ease into the thing slowly and gently—on a date further in the future.

If you have no strong emotional investment in the first date, talking about politics and religion might be a good way of figuring out if things should go further or not.

Being in different political parties or religions isn't necessarily a deal-breaker. But what if someone is very zealous and you're not?  Or what if someone thinks religious people are incredibly stupid, and you're a devout Catholic?

8. Wanted to say that if you're on date with a crush who asks about your political views, I don't believe you should lie to impress them. I also don't think you should pretend to agree with something.
I'm just saying if the subject doesn't come up, there's no need for you to be the one to change that.

9.  Annoyed by the stereotypical advice given on the show that a man they shouldn't be the nice guy. The nice guy doesn't get the girl.

Here's a scenario.  Let's say Denise has a big crush on Michael.  She's liked him for months. Michael isn't overly nice to her. Why?  Michael doesn't have feelings for Denise. Because Michael doesn't have feelings for Denise, he doesn't give her the attention she desires.

Then there's Todd. He's in love with Denise. Because of this, he's very nice to her. He's polite. He shows interest in her. He's available whenever she needs him. Why is he this way? Because he has feelings for Denise. It's NOT necessarily because he's a nicer guy than Michael.

10. Thought if a man believes he is being rejected because he's a nice guy, he should ask himself whether he's this nice to ALL people? Or is he only nice to the ones he has an attraction to?

If he is nice to everyone, that's awesome. But that doesn't prove he's being rejected for being nice.

There's a chance that's the case. I'm sure there are people who are only attracted to those who treat them like crap.

But I'm guessing a lot of people are not like that.

The thing is, attraction is sometimes a mysterious kind of thing. If someone is not attracted to you, being extra nice to them isn't necessarily going make them attracted to you. Then, if you jump to the conclusion that your object of affection doesn't like you BECAUSE you're nice, that actually makes you not that nice.

11. Felt impressed with the guy, on the show, who says that, as a teenager, he spoke up against a date's stepfather. The teen knew the stepfather had been mistreating his daughter, and he tried to stop it.

I think that's very brave and kind.

12. Read a blog post about Disney's Cinderella, which I think fit well with what I just saw on Agony Uncles.

On Agony Uncles, there was a discussion about how to be a hero. That included the guy who stood up against the wicked stepfather.

With Cinderella in mind, I was thinking the term "hero" could be changed to prince.

How does a man become the prince rather than the villain or sidekick?

Yesterday I saw an article about Charlize Theron. Theron was quoted as wanting a man who encourages her in her dreams and goals.

I think that's one very good way to be a prince.

I don't think a prince needs to be 110% behind all of the princess's dreams, but he should support most of them. And he should hopefully support the dreams that are most important to her.  If he often thinks her dreams are silly; if he thinks she's really not that talented; if he thinks she's making a fool of herself; than he's not really the prince in the story.

The other way to be the prince is to be protective—protect the princess from danger, protect the princess from herself, and protect the princess from things that make her unhappy.

The second thing might sound degrading and/or sexist. In extremes, it can get that way. All I'm saying is sometimes people do things to hurt themselves, and they might need a prince to come in and rescue them. For example, a prince would show concern for his girlfriend when she started drinking too much. He wouldn't cheer her on, thinking that the heavy drinking was hilarious.

13. Thought that all of this also applies to princesses trying to be a good princess to the prince.

And it also applies to princes trying to be good to other princes; and princesses trying to be awesome to other princesses.

14. Realized that sometimes protecting the prince or princess from what makes them unhappy sometimes contradicts protecting them from themselves.

For example. Let's say the princess is unhappy if she doesn't eat a huge trans-fat filled treat every morning.  The prince will have to decide if he should protect her from that particular unhappiness or protect her from an unhealthy habit.

15. Thought for every princess and prince, it's a struggle.

When do you push someone to pursue their dreams? When do you accept their desire to quit and give them comfort and support for that?

When do you intervene with their family problems? When do you stay out of it?

When do you take an active and invested role in something, and when do you say, this is none of my business?

16. Decided we can't always have the magic to make someone's dreams come true. But we shouldn't be one of the main things standing in the way of their dreams.


We can't always save someone from what is harmful and upsetting to the one we love. But we should at least try hard to not make things even worse for them.

Example: Let's say Richard is dating Craig who has major family issues. He feels his parents have always favored his older brother Perry. Perry received more love, admiration, attention, and support through out their childhood, and this continues into adulthood.

If Richard can give Craig SOME of the love, admiration, attention, and support he lacked from his family, that's awesome.  But let's say he can't...for some reason. Then at the very least, he could refrain from becoming another enthusiastic member of the Perry fan club.

17. Listened to my The Walking Dead Spotify list while putting laundry away.

A song came on that fit well with what I've been writing about today. It's called "Run Away" by Dwayne Britton.

The chorus:
Let me be your ride out of town. 
Let me be the place that you hide. 
We can make our lives on the go. 
Run away with me

Most of us, hopefully, don't need to literally run away.  We won't need a stressful life on the go.

But I do think almost everyone needs to be rescued. It could be something small, like being rescued from bad cooking and a diet of packaged ramen noodles. Or it could be something big like wanting to be rescued from feeling unloved and invisible.

18. Thought back to Cinderella, and how people often see that story in a negative light. There's the idea that only weak people need to be rescued. We need to rescue ourselves.

I get that point. And I do think that we need to do most of our own rescuing.  But I don't think there's anything weak or wrong with wanting someone at our side.

There's nothing wrong with desiring support, encouragement, and validation.

If there is something wrong with it.  If I'm wrong about all this, then really....I think we'd all be better off as hermits.