Saturday, April 11, 2009

My Secret

Jack was listening to Disney Music today.

One of the songs he played was "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Hercules.

The last line of the song reminded me so much of my Australian obsession.

Meg sings At least outloud, I won't say I'm in love.

I officially became obsessed with Australia in the middle of August, 2007. That's the day we bought the plane tickets. Australia became a gigantic part of my life. I read about Australia. I talked about Australia. I thought about Australia.

Australia. Australia. Australia. I should have just made it my middle name.

But....I was secretly in love with Australia before that.

I just didn't tell anyone.

I'm not even sure I admitted it to myself. I knew something was up though.

As the lyrics say, You swoon. You sigh....

That was how I felt every time we went to the Fort Worth Zoo and visited the Australia Outback section. I'd get weak at the knees every time I saw the big map of Australia.

Those secret feelings began early in March 2005. I'm not sure why I kept it a secret for over two years; why I was in denial about it all. I think I did leave hints here and there. I remember talking to Tim one day about visiting Australia someday. I said the plane ride wasn't worth a holiday.  But I said I had this feeling that one day we'd live there. I also remember going to the zoo with a spiritually-minded friend and confessing to her that I felt a connection to Sydney.

I might have mentioned Australia here and there to a few people. But I think I was very casual about it.

Once we bought the plane tickets, it's like the floodgates open. My secret love was no longer a secret. I let it all out.

So, what about you guys? Have you ever had a secret love and/or obsession that you later revealed to others?

I'm wondering if I just felt embarrassed to be so passionate about something.

My other guess is that deep inside I knew this particular obsession would completely change my life. I might have known it would have a huge effect on me, and maybe a part of me was scared of all that.

My other huge life-changing obsession was Cystic Fibrosis. That ultimately led to me finding my husband. It had a HUGE effect on my life. And I resisted that obsession as well.