Monday, April 6, 2009

Yes! No! Maybe?

On Friday night I was blog-stalking an ex-friend. One link led to another and I found myself staring at a Qantas ad that said 60% off.

Jack and I can fly to Australia in December for $1766. That's the cost for BOTH of us. I think usually that's about the price for one person.

I never imagined I'd be returning to Australia so soon. This would be 2009! But it was too good of a deal to ignore. I asked Jack how he felt about returning to Australia. He was happy with it. I asked Tim if it would be okay with him if we went. He said it was fine. He also said he thought we could afford it.

I didn't purchase the tickets right away. I thought about it a lot that day. I tested out different dates and time; trying to get the cheapest price.

Tim and I talked about what we'd do about hotels. We came up with two options that would work pretty well for us.

I still have our passes to Wildlife World and the Aquarium. If we went back, we could put them to good use.

I can see the friends I love.

Everything seemed perfect.

We watched Lost on Saturday night. The plan was after the movie, Tim would help me buy the tickets. I wanted him there with me to make sure I didn't make some stupid mistake. I wanted him to read the prices for me; make sure I'm not imagining something or missing the fine print.

Before I did this, I emailed Tracey to tell her the news. And I wanted to make sure I could spend a weekend with her in Launceston. I didn't want to go all the way to Australia and not see one of my best friends. It's not that I didn't think she'd want to reject me. It's just with it being December....I didn't want to intrude on extended family time.

She emailed back. Yes we could definitely stay with her.

We were all ready to buy the tickets.

Then I decided to check one more time with Jack. I asked him if he wanted to go, and this time he hesitated a bit. He didn't seem so sure. And he had said something earlier...something like Tim MIGHT come, right? We had to explain to him. No, Tim was definitely not coming.

The thing is when he showed this hesitation, I wasn't disappointed. I was relieved! I felt like this huge burden was lifted off of me.

I realized I didn't want to go. How could that be? I'm the damn girl who wishes she was Australian? How can I be this person and not want to go to Australia? What the hell is wrong with me?

I do know some of the things that scared me.

1. The typical guilt of spending money on something that would make me happy.

2. Guilt about taking Jack away from his father for over two weeks. It's ridiculous though. Tim has been out of the country and away from us for weeks. Why is that okay to me; but for us to take a trip out of the country is not?

3. I think the change of plans in itself bothered me. We had said we were returning in 2011. I felt weird about changing that. Am I messing with destiny? Or is coming back in 2009 are true destiny?

4. Fear of having a bad time. The first trip was great. The second trip was super amazingly great. What if the third trip totally sucked?

5. Fear of being on a 15 hour flight....and in economy class! It was so much better breaking it all up with a trip to Hawaii in between. How the hell would we manage to sit for 15 damn hours? How would I keep Jack entertained? Even if he managed to sleep 7 hours, that still leaves us with eight more to go! And on the plane he usually sleeps only 4-5 hours.

6. Superstitious stuff. I found the deal while looking at a blog of someone I strongly dislike. Is that a bad omen?


I felt I should go to Australia.

I felt I should WANT to go to Australia.

And I thought I did want this. But as soon as I felt that relief when Jack hesitated, I knew what my true feelings had been. This past weekend, I had kept asking Jack if he wanted to go to Australia. He'd say yes and I'd keep asking if he was sure. I'd warn him Tim wouldn't be there. I'd warn him about the long flight. I kept trying to get him to say he didn't want to go. Then I could be off the hook.

I felt so relieved last night.

We'd go to Australia in 2011 as we originally planned.

We'd go to Hawaii in 2010.

All was right in the world.

But the story doesn't end there.

Several times today, (yesterday by the time I post this) I forgot that we weren't going back to Australia in December. I keep thinking we're going and then I'd think.... Oh yeah. We didn't buy those plane tickets.

Now I'm a little disappointed.

Now I'm having second thoughts.

Today, I started thinking. Hey, if Qantas if having awesome deals, maybe Jetstar is too! Maybe Jack and I can fly through Hawaii. Then we won't have the 15 hour flights.

Well, I checked out the flights. They DON'T have deals. And seeing how much flights usually cost has really made me realize how huge of a deal this Qantas thing is.

Now I'm back to square one.

To go or not to go. That would be the question.

I don't know.

I really don't.

You know what this is like? It's like when I took the pregnancy test with Jack. I wanted to be pregnant. I took the test and it came out negative. I was so relieved. And then a little bit later, I was horribly disappointed. I took the test again later and had an answer that filled me with ecstatic joy.

I think I'm just going to give myself sometime to figure things out.

I think the deadline for the deal is April 15. A part of me is thinking I should wait. They might have another deal later on. They might have an even better deal. And if they don't, maybe it was meant to be.

24 comments:

Fe said...

What a dilemma!!!!

I have been looking at the deals from this end (not as good as yours, I've got to tell you) and wishing I had the dough to take advantage of it.

It's much easier not to even have to question it. If I were in your position, I'd be in the same agony.

You know, if you and Jack did get here, I'm sure I could borrow an airbed or something so that you could sleep in my living room for a few nights. Just saying!

Not that I'm trying to make your decision more difficult or anything. xoxo

mscherrylane said...

haha you strike me as a horribly indecisive libran...but wait...are you a libran?? if not maybe it's your venus...I'm exactly the same...horribly indecisive...but according to TCM it's something to do with our gallbladders LOL

Dina said...

Fe: Thank you for being SO supportive and understanding. I was kind of nervous posting this because I feared what the comments would say. I was nervous people would either push me one way or the other and not understand that I can be very indecisive.

And thanks for inviting us to stay a few nights : ) That would be cool.

And if you ever come back to America and are crazy enough to come to Texas...you're welcome to stay with us : )

mscherrylane: Not Libran so I guess it's the Venus thing? The thing is I feel I can't be at peace now. The question is just hovering here. I think what we're going to do is NOT decide. I'm not ready to make a commitment. I'll probably pass over the deal. And then see in a few months if they have another deal. If they don't...oh well.

traceyleigh said...

Well, you know how I feel :-)

Either way I'm sure you will be ok with your decision in the end.

Need to get Tara off to school but will be back for a lazy computer day to talk.

xxx

Dina said...

Tracey,

Thank you : )

Well, today we're leaning towards yes....

I guess we shall figure it all out eventually.

Gina said...

Personally, I think you & Jack coming back in December is a wonderful idea, and the first half of your post had me very excited!

That being said, I totally understand why you'd think twice.

Deidre said...

aww, god i feel your pain!

I am trying to decide if i should apply for residancy or not and I flip flop EVERYDAY sometimes moment to moment. Right now, i feel like I could never leave Melbourne. Hopefully it will all become clear to you ASAP - be patient.

Dina said...

Gina: We made a pro and con list today about returning to Australia. You were definitely one of the most important things on our "pro" list.

Deirdre: I'm glad someone can relate! It's really stressful, isn't it? It seems your decision is much bigger than mine though ; )

Gina said...

Oh, thank you, that's very sweet!

Do keep me posted!

G xx

Mistress B said...

That's quite a dilemma!

I was disappointed that the past few months have been so crazy and your visit had been and gone before I got my butt organised to think about how I was going get to Sydney to meet you.

Whenever you come again - be it later this year or 2011, if you want to taste aussie country life you can come crash at our place! lol

I'm sure you'll figure it out. On April 15th. ;)

Dina said...

Gina: Of course I'll keep you posted : )

Mistress B: I regret we didn't get together too!! Thanks for the invite! That's awesome. If I'm alone with Jack, I'll probably stick with Sydney and places I've been before. I'm already chicken enough about going alone with him to another continent... BUT the next time all three of us are in Australia, we'd love to come out and visit you.

If Jack and I come alone, is there any chance you might be able to come to Sydney. No pressure, of course!

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

The airfare is so good I was thinking about going to FL in July-- but it seems a little to soon to make such a big trip-- big decisions!

Dina said...

Laura,

Yeah. I keep going back and forth about the whole thing.

I'll be interested to know what you decide.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Were're not going to do it, three weeks is too short a visit for all that flying with the kids... I'm almost positive.

Dina said...

Laura,

Yeah. If we go, it would be probably less than three weeks.

I'm nervous to fly alone with Jack for that long. Have you flown alone with the kids before? I thought you did, but then I remembered your mom was with you that one time. And your friend the other. How about when you came back in January? Was Doc with you? Or did you do it alone? If you did it alone, how was it?

I keep telling myself that moms fly with their kids alone all the time. But I'm still feeling cowardly about it.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

I've done domestic flights alone with child, (before the little one was born== actually I was newly pregnant, found out I was preggers right before the return flight).

Personally, I would have no hesitation flying alone with ONE of my kids-- but definitely-- no way with both -- especially this length of flight.

Dina said...

Laura,

I've done domestic flights alone with Jack...and holidays alone with him. I'm totally fine with that.

It's the 15 hour flight thing. I don't like it...even if we do have two parents.

I guess we could try it and if it's really horrible, Jack and I shall just stay in Australia permanently. We'll just say "Sorry...can't come home." Then I'll change my blog name to "The Girl Who is Stuck in Australia Cause she Aint getting back on that Damn Plane"

Dina said...

Laura,

So who flew with you back to Australia?

Sorry, I'm just nosy.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

The husband flew back to Sydney with us... it was our first Australia flight together!

Dina said...

Laura,

Cool! Glad to know Doc made it back home for awhile!

If I don't buy the tickets for December, we're thinking next time we ALL go to Australia, we'll do one flight with Tim, he'll go home early, and Jack I will fly back alone. That way I only have to do one flight with just me and Jack.

Michael said...

I don't think anyone should impulse buy a flight.

Says me who leaves Melbourne for Rockhampton with a family of six tomorrow after seeing a cheap deal in November :)

Dina said...

Michael,

It's really hard to pass up those cheap deals.

What's hard is I know I won't be able to feel settled with either decision. If I say yes, I'll be nervous/apprehensive the next eight months.

And I can't say no and just forget about it. Australia is too much in my face everyday. I'm CONSTANTLY reminded.

Aussie in the USA said...

Gooooo! :) Prices are soooo crazy at the moment...make the most of it. You'll be fine traveling with your son...he'll handle it. I do the trip right through from DFW without my hubby usually, with our three kids, without a worry...I find it good to get out of my comfort zone...kids surprise you too. Cheers! :)

Dina said...

AussieintheUSA,

I should have done an update on that post.

We're not going.

It was a REALLY tough decision.

There were a lot of factors.

A) I realize it doesn't matter if I have one kid, two kids, three kids, four kids, etc. OR whether I fly alone or have adults with me to help. I HATE that fourteen hour flight. I never really want to do it again. I'd much rather fly through Hawaii--break it up like we did last time. If money is ever a HUGE issue in our life and that's the only way we can get to Australia, I'll do it. But I'd rather just go in 2011 via Hawaii.

B) I realized that just because something is on sale--it doesn't mean it's cheap or that we should take advantage. I could go to the store today and find a thousand dollar dress. If it goes on sale for five hundred dollars, should I still get it? If I have a special occasion coming up and have no other dresses...maybe?

But I just went to Australia. I don't feel it's right for me to go back so soon. When I imagined getting the plane tickets, I felt incredibly spoiled. If I was an expat, I'm pretty sure I'd feel differently. I'd feel OBLIGATED to go back home. I mean if I was living in Australia and there were cheap tickets back to Texas. I'd feel I really need to go.

I AM sad about missing an opportunity to see my friends again. But we're seeing some in Hawaii next year. And some of my other friends might come visit me here. Then we'll return in 2011 to Australia. I feel it's best to stick to our original plans. I feel time will go by fast.

Sorry for this horribly long reply!