Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Fearlessness, Siany, Great Ocean Road, and Negativity

1. Realized I was wrong in my last post when I said I was brave for singing on YouTube.   To be brave, you have to have fear.  And I don't in that particular case.  What I have is fearlessness.    I started thinking this because my friend emailed me in response to my post. She said I'm brave for having this blog.  But I'm not.  It's like, with this blog, my inhibitions (or most of them) disappear.

When I was young, I was afraid to sing in front of most anyone.  There were very few exceptions to that.  When I participated in school choruses, I was there in body only; not in voice. I just moved my mouth for the most part.  Once in awhile, I'd quietly mumble.  I didn't want to be like that. I wanted to sing in front of people. I wanted to be brave that way.  But I was too shy...usually.

I did do a few school musical auditions; or at least one.  Well, I remember just one.  I went into a room, and sang for the audition judging people. I'm sure I was terrified, but I did it anyway.  THAT was brave.

I'm rarely brave.  I'm more often fearless.  It's like the fear in me goes on pause.  I think when I did the bridge climb and the shark dive, it was a matter of fearlessness.   It's probably the same way other people act when they're drunk. Once we started climbing the bridge, I looked down and became a bit afraid.  Despite this, I continued. I suppose that was brave.

On the other hand, asking to turn around and be taken back off the bridge...that would probably take much more bravery for me.  

2. Thought more about bravery and fearlessness.  Is one better than the other?   Well, bravery is more noble.  It's fantastic to be scared of something and do it anyway.  But maybe in some cases fearlessness is more effective.  When I'm scared, I go into freeze mode or avoidance mode.   It's also hard for me to think straight.  If other people are like me, I'd say it would better to have a fearless person trying to defuse the bomb rather than a brave person.

3. Loved another Siany video.  She sings with Kia again.  They're brilliant and adorable. They should become famous.  Why? Because I love them.   

Kia is so cute when she starts laughing at 2:47.

4. Watched Siany sing a song in honor of her father.  She says it's a song he often sings.  It's very sweet that she did that for him. 

5. Watched Siany sing Soul Sister.  

6. Watched Siany play the piano and sing In My Life.  In the info area, she says she sang too high.  At first I agreed with her, but then her high singing started to grow on me.  

Her singing isn't perfect all the time, but in a way it makes the songs more beautiful. Siany has a very good voice, and she also has a great...what do you call it?   Spirit?    You can have a fantastic voice, but if you don't have the spirit to go with it; then it's kind of crap, probably.  

7. Watched an Elliot Freeman video that I love. 

8. Sent Elliot Freeman and Siany videos to my family.  I want them to become fans too.

9. Found another Australia related thing in my old dream journal archives. This one is from January 2006.  It's not a dream, but a hypnagogic thing.   Something about Sydney Australia. Trying to find it on map. I am thinking it should be lower on map, but someone is showing me it is higher.
I am not sure if that means anything.

10. Saw a Facebook link to Malcolm Turnbull's same sex marriage survey results.   Only 7.2% of people in the survey are against gay marriage and gay civil unions.  72% are for gay marriage; and 16.8% are against gay marriage but support civil unions.

The people have spoken, or at least the people in Turnbull's electoral district. What is his again?

Oh...okay.  It's Wentworth.  I'm ashamed to say I had to go look it up to see where it was.

It's pretty much Sydney's Eastern Suburbs— Bondi, Rose Bay, Double Bay, Bronte, etc.

11. Filled with hope for Australia, America, and the world.  I think gay marriage will become legal in our countries within the next few years.  It won't come without a continued fight; but that's okay because I don't picture people giving up on this.  

12.  Read depressing news about Qantas.  Their fare prices are increasing again. They're saying it's due to fuel reasons. 

We're probably not going to fly Qantas exactly.  We're probably going to fly Jetstar which is part of Qantas.  So their prices will likely increase as well.  

13. Read Andrew's post about traveling to Adelaide.  He talks about accommodations jumping in price.

I'm fearing that our Australia trip is going to have to be one of those imaginary ones.  We'll plan it out, then sit home in Texas, and I'll write about our pretend days in Australia.  

14. Received a trip report about The Great Ocean Road from my friend. I skimmed through it.   It's great that he sent it, because I'm still not sure where to stay and stop. My initial choice was Warrnambool.  Then I switched it to Port Campbell.  The article suggests Port Fairy and Apollo Bay.  I'll have to look more into all of those.   

15. Started wondering (from reading the travel article) if we should stay in Robe, South Australia instead of Mt. Gambier.  It looks like a really beautiful coastal town.  We could stop in Mt. Gambier, look at the lake, and then move onto Robe. We could stay there two nights, and then drive to Adelaide.

16. Changed our plans on the Google Calendar.  I think it will be better this way.

Another thing I need to find out is where's a good place to eat and pee on the way from Robe to Adelaide.  

17. Rearranged my Australia-related bookmarks.  I bookmark sites I want to go back to, and then visit them in the order that I bookmarked them.  I decided to change that, and put the travel-related sites on top.  I need to give those priority right now.  I'll do the others later. 

18. Read article about a woman who called 000 before drowning in the flood. The police officer who responded to the call was far from helpful or comforting.   Instead he scolded her for driving through the flooded waters.  I have some understanding and sympathy for his situation.  I can imagine they got many calls, and it must be incredibly frustrating and stressful to deal with all that.  But it' so sad to think of someone in horrible danger, and being treated that way.

What gets to me is the police officer says he didn't think she was in danger. Why?  There was no panic or distress in her voice.  

I really think doctors, police officers, and anyone with jobs that deal with pain and fear should stop  depending on the level of drama in someone's voice.  People react to crisis in different ways.  Some people will be in the midst of a life and death crisis and act eerily calm about the whole thing.  Other people will sprain their ankle and act as if it's the end of the world.

19. Read article about a young child suffering severe brain and organ damage from the flu shot.  The family is seeking compensation from the government.  She's not the only child to have problems from the vaccine, and because of the injuries, Australia stopped giving vaccines to children under five.

It's scary.  And yes, it's also scary when children die of diseases that could have been stopped by a vaccine.

I don't know.  From my limited knowledge, both types of deaths and injuries seem to be rare.

In the end, I guess it's a matter of choosing your poison.  We chose the vaccine route, but I can't say with certainty that this is the right way to go.   It probably is. I think those who don't vaccine are kind of getting a free ride from those of us who do get the vaccines.  What if everyone stopped getting vaccines?   Would all the diseases return?

But I DO think parents have a right to be weary, and they have a right to ask questions.  They have a right to demand adequate testing of vaccines.  Shame on those who respond to those questions with hyperbole accusations.

20. Looked at website for Bimbo on Brunswick Street.  It's a pizza place that one of my email-pal's recommended.   It costs only $4 for a pizza.  That's amazing.  I'm going to assume they're individual sized.

They have 11 vegetarian pizzas.

There's a kangaroo meat pizza.  I can imagine Jack liking that.

21. Looked at website for Trampoline ice-cream on Brunswick.  I'm not sure if my email-pal was recommending it.  I think maybe she was warning me about the prices.

22. Liked that Trampoline has allergy and ingredient information you can download. That's helpful.   Some of their products have eggs, and some don't.

23. Read more of The Prosperous Thief by Andrea Goldsmith.   Once again we return to the subject of Jewish denial during World War II.   This time it's not American or Australian Jews denying that atrocities are happening.  It's a German Jew.   Her husband sees the danger and wants to flee Germany.  She believes everything will be okay. They just need to wait it out. She doesn't want to go far away to Australia, America, or any such places.  

Denial is a good ingredient for fearlessness.   In some cases, denial is beneficial.   It would be hard to get anything accomplished in life if we constantly stopped to think about all that could go wrong.   I'm hungry.  I want to eat that bagel. But what if I choke?  What if I have an allergic reaction?  What if I somehow get food poisoning?

Sometimes fearlessness puts us in danger.  Why did the Queensland woman drive into flooded waters?  Probably because she was fearless; and she was fearless because she was in denial.   I'm rarely scared when there's a tornado warning and we have to hide in the bathroom.   I do the safety stuff out of obligation.  But I have no sense that a tornado is going to actually hit us.

24. Had some deep thoughts about negativity.  If two people dislike something, they can be negative about it together.   Let's say two Australians move to America and find each other there. They both hate America, and are very homesick for Australia.   They can totally bond on this commonality.   They can spend hours complaining about American attitudes, American television, American food, American weather, etc.

The problem occurs when one person is negative about something and the other is not.  Then there's usually friction, antagonism, and awkwardness.  I've been on both sides of the fence. There are times that I don't like something or someone; and I'd really like another person around that will gripe with me.   It's especially annoying when other people are overly positive about what I dislike. I kind of wait around, hoping that the others will eventually see what I see.

It's probably wrong for me to hope that.  

I've had other times where I absolutely loved something and someone else around me kept complaining about it. With some of these situations, if you say something good about the thing the other person dislikes, they'll point out why it's actually not that good.   If you try to be agreeable and show that you're willing to take off the rose-colored glasses to say something somewhat negative; you're likely to open up a floodgate. The negative person might imagine you're on his side, and he'll ramble on and on with various complaints.  

25. Liked this passage from The Prosperous ThiefHe used to believe that people, good people, had a limited tolerance for behaving badly-How to live with oneself?   How to justify one's brutality?  What to say to one's children?-but today's good Germans were showing a remarkable tolerance and breath-taking stamina.  Such strength they displayed and how it crushed.

I can relate to that.  I was in denial about evil in the world until fairly recently.  Like Anne Frank, before she went sent to a concentration camp, I believed most people were good at heart.   I knew there were bad people, but I thought they were rare.  I knew a lot of people did bad things, but I thought most of them were good people who weren't strong enough to make the right ethical choices.

Good people contribute to the mistreatment of animals on factory farms. They crave that bucket of KFC, and are too weak to say no.

But it goes beyond that.  There are people out there who actually ENJOY torturing animals. There are people out there who enjoy ridiculing their classmates and have no cares that they might drive someone to suicide. There are people who roam the Internet and write disgusting and hurtful things, just so they can cause a family in pain even more pain.   

26. Looked at the website for Vegie Bar.   One of my favorite Australians sent me a Facebook message about it.  It's going to be hard to choose between this place and the Bimbo pizza thing. I guess we'll have to eat at Brunswick at least twice.

27. Looked at Vegie Bar on Andrew's map website.  There's a used bookstore right across the street!   The Trampoline ice-cream place is right near the Vegie Bar as well. The Bimbo pizza place should be around there too, but I can't find it.

28. Decided we should probably just spend most of our time eating on Brunswick Street.  It looks like a fun and yummy street.

29. Showed Tim my new travel plans, and fretted over the fact that there doesn't seem to be many towns on the route between Robe and Adelaide.   

I can't go without peeing for four hours.  And no I'm not peeing on the side of the road.

30. Found Trip Advisor board about the drive from Robe to Adelaide.   There are suggestions there about stopping at Meningie.   It's a half-way point.  That's pretty good. I can probably go two hours without having to pee.  Hopefully.  I AM scared our car will break down, and we'll be stalked by a serial killer.

31. Started to question my plan to drive via the Great Ocean Road.   This website says, The reason this takes so long is that the Great Ocean Road is very slow driving because of all of the curves, however if you have the time, the views are stunning.  Yeah.   But I'm going to be so scared and carsick.  I won't enjoy the views!

Who told me that The Great Ocean Road doesn't have a lot of curves?  Or maybe they said it doesn't have a lot of cliffs.  I forgot.   

32. Read this Lonely Planet website which gave me the idea that we can do the Great Ocean Road for a few hours, and then switch to an inland ride.   Maybe?  

33. Looked at map, and decided I don't like that plan.

34. Read the Hedonism, Vinyl and Thread Blog and REALLY questioned the whole Great Ocean Road thing.   BrittanyAmanda is very positive about the drive.   She says, the sights were insanely beautiful, endless beaches, with powder fine sand and the brightest turquoise blue water. Waves crashing up on shore and upon huge rocks that have been there since the beginning of time.   Just before that though she says, the driving was awesome, very fun and scary, like a roller coaster ride.    Yeah.  The thing is....I do NOT have fun on roller coasters anymore.   Jack and Tim don't like them either.

In a previous post, BrittanyAmanda says, It was pretty scary going so fast around the sharp bends and passing other cars, but we were definitely not the fastest drivers on the road, the locals with trucks would zip around like maniacs, overtaking like 3 or 4 cars at a time, which was crazy because it's just two lanes, and a lot of the time it's dangerous to pass because there's a turn in front and you can't see any of the vehicles coming ahead.

I am beginning to like the idea of the Great Ocean Road less and less.  This is one of those times where I'm going to opt for virtual travel.  I shall look at a beautiful photo of The Great Ocean road, and enjoy that.   

Remember early in the post where I talked about the difference between courage and fearlessness.   This is one of the times where I say no to both. I'm not fearless when it comes to scary twisty roads.  And I have no interest in being brave.    This is one of those times where I'm going to be a coward and change our whole damn Australia trip.  I don't mind that though.  I love planning.

I just don't know what to do.

35. Considered the options.

A) We could continue with our plans to drive to Adelaide, and just go via Horsham.
B) We could skip Adelaide and spend a longer time in Melbourne.  We could rent a car and stay in a nearby town like Ballarat.
C) We could drive from Melbourne to Sydney, which would save us a flight.  But that might involve just as many scary roads.

36. Saw on Google Maps that we can skip over the Great Ocean Road by going from Melbourne to Ballarat to Mt. Gambier and then to Adelaide.

37. Felt great relief and happiness because I suddenly and finally realized that Google Maps doesn't even have us going on the Great Ocean Road.   I thought it did, but it doesn't!

Google Maps has us taking the Princes Highway. I know some of you daredevil Great Ocean Road fans will try to give me grief about that.   Oh well.  I'll just pretend to ignore you.

Okay.  We pass through Geelong, which is good.  Our friends have a history there.  And I think Alex still lives there. We'll grab him and drag him to Adelaide with us.

38. Saw that if we go to Port Campbell that WILL take us on the Great Ocean Road.  If we opt for Port Fairy, we'll skip the Great Ocean Road. The downside is that Port Campbell has the Twelve Apostles.

39. Watched a video of the Twelve Apostles to get it out of my system.   I feel satisfied.  To be shamefully honest, I've seen so many pictures of that place, I'm already tired of it.   I love coastal scenes, but I don't think famous ones are that much better than underrated ones.  One of the most beautiful places I've ever seen is Kiama.   The blowhole didn't really rock my boat too much.   I just loved the area near that.....all the rocks and the wild sea.

Here's a photo.   

I think it's so incredibly beautiful.   I think we'll see sights like that in Port Fairy and Robe.   And I'll probably like them better then the Twelve Apostles.

The thing about famous sites....in a way, they're kind of like tabloid celebrities.  They get over- exposure, and then I lose interest.   

The Great Ocean Road is Nicole Kidman.  The rocky shore at Kiama is Claudia Karvan.

Really.  I'm just trying to justify not driving on the Great Ocean Road.  All I really need to say is it will make me terrified and nauseated.  This would be our conversation.

Jack:  Is that it?
Tim: Yep.
Jack: What's so great about that?
Tim: I don't know.   Dina, why is this famous?
Dina: I don't know, but I feel really sick.
Jack: Are you okay?
Dina: No.
Tim: Are you ready to leave?
Dina: No, and I think we'll have to stay here forever because I'm not getting back into the car.