Saturday, February 4, 2012

Good-bye

I think I'm going to quit blogging.

I feel bad since I'm in the middle of the big pretend trip project, but I'm starting to feel uncomfortable about the project.

I won't go into details about that. It's too hard to explain, really.

Just in general, I'm tired of having a public life.  

I want to just LIVE and not think, Will I blog about this?  And how should I talk about it?

I want to be free.

This decision came to me, all of a sudden, during dinner.   But I think I've been leading up to it since November.  I've been in a state of discontent.

I can't say this decision is easy for me. Of course I'm crying right now. A lot. 

I feel like I'm losing a huge part of myself.  But I feel like it's a part of myself that I need to lose. As they said in Lost.  I need to let go.

I think the thing that scares me is that I'll lose Australia. Because instead of getting my wish of moving there, I got this blog.  I worry that, without this blog, that part of my life will fade.

I don't want to lose it. I'm afraid to lose it.  

Yet sometimes I've worried that the reason I continue to love Australia is so that I can have a reason to continue my blog.

I think I need to figure all this out.  

Instead of figuring out if I'm a man or a Muppet; I need to figure out if I'm a person who blogs because she loves Australia, or a person who loves Australia so she can blog.   

Maybe by next week, without the blog, I won't care about Australia anymore.

OR....

Maybe letting go of the stresses and insecurities of blogging will give me a chance to relax and love Australia even more.

I don't want to be the weird American who's obsessed with Australia anymore. I just want to be Dina...who loves Australia, but doesn't need to write about it all the time.

I am REALLY scared right now.

But I think I'm going to be okay.

Thank you for reading.



P.S-If anyone is curious/interested and wants to keep up with our lives....I have a bunch of stuff on the blog sidebar (Flickr, Shelfari, YouTube, Jack's video game blog, etc).   That should give some idea what's going on in our lives; and you won't need to worry that we've dropped off the face of the earth.

15 comments:

Martin said...

I wish you good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Dina said...

Martin,

Thank you so much. For now I have to get through the crying stage.

Then I'll figure out what happens next....

Kate Sparkles said...

It's a hard decision to make I'm sure.
But Australia will always be here with or without your blog. And if you choose to forget about Aus for a while, well I'm sure we'll forgive you and welcome you back later on ;)

You need to do what's right for you.

Michael said...

Sorry to hear of your anguish and I'll be sorry to lose your writing, if that's what you decide.

Andrew said...

I've learnt an awful lot from you, especially about Australia, so thank you. Just take a break. One day you might feel like coming back.

Jackie said...

Been loving your blog. It has really made me smile. My Canberra computer will miss you!

Ann O'Dyne said...

Are you a man ... or a Muppet?
Wasn't that just wonderful.

Of course you need a break - your posts are so detailed and researched that I have learned stuff about my own country I hadn't known before.
You can easily resume and we will all find each other again when you want to.
Best wishes for your situation X X

diane b said...

Maybe you just need to take a break and return at a later date.

Dina said...

Kate: Thank you. My brain might forget a few things...very likely, actually. But I don't think my heart will.

Michael: Thank you. Sorry.

Andrew: Thank you. And thank you for suggesting the break thing. It's kind of less terrifying to look at it in that way.

Jackie: Thank you and give my love to your Canberra computer ; )

Ann O'Dyne: The Muppet/Man song was hilarious. I guess you saw the movie. Did you like it? Thank you so much for your kindness.

Diane B: Thank you. It IS easier to think of it as a break rather than a good-bye forever. We'll see what happens.

Gina said...

I'll miss reading your daily updates. But I'm glad we'll stay in touch in other ways xxx

Dina said...

Gina,

Cool : )

Michael Fuery said...

Hey there, Dina, you never know: a break might be good for you - it's very 'Buddhist', if I may say! Nothing is forever, as was demonstrated to me by a visiting group of Buddhist monks who spent two painstaking weeks constructing a stunning sand mandela, only to sweep it up and pour it into the Murray River. Time away will no doubt give your readers an opportunity to support you by becoming your correspondents. Hang in there and enjoy a well-deserved break. You are inspirational through your writing and shown many Aussies what it means to have a sense of national pride. Take care :)

Dina said...

Mike,

That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

I REALLY appreciate it.

Thank you.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Of course I respect your decision, but I do hope it doesn't mean you're going to stop READING about Australia??

Dina said...

Red Nomad Oz;

For as long as I continue to be obsessed with Australia, I will continue to read about Australia.