Saturday, February 4, 2012

Good-bye

I think I'm going to quit blogging.

I feel bad since I'm in the middle of the big pretend trip project, but I'm starting to feel uncomfortable about the project.

I won't go into details about that. It's too hard to explain, really.

Just in general, I'm tired of having a public life.  

I want to just LIVE and not think, Will I blog about this?  And how should I talk about it?

I want to be free.

This decision came to me, all of a sudden, during dinner.   But I think I've been leading up to it since November.  I've been in a state of discontent.

I can't say this decision is easy for me. Of course I'm crying right now. A lot. 

I feel like I'm losing a huge part of myself.  But I feel like it's a part of myself that I need to lose. As they said in Lost.  I need to let go.

I think the thing that scares me is that I'll lose Australia. Because instead of getting my wish of moving there, I got this blog.  I worry that, without this blog, that part of my life will fade.

I don't want to lose it. I'm afraid to lose it.  

Yet sometimes I've worried that the reason I continue to love Australia is so that I can have a reason to continue my blog.

I think I need to figure all this out.  

Instead of figuring out if I'm a man or a Muppet; I need to figure out if I'm a person who blogs because she loves Australia, or a person who loves Australia so she can blog.   

Maybe by next week, without the blog, I won't care about Australia anymore.

OR....

Maybe letting go of the stresses and insecurities of blogging will give me a chance to relax and love Australia even more.

I don't want to be the weird American who's obsessed with Australia anymore. I just want to be Dina...who loves Australia, but doesn't need to write about it all the time.

I am REALLY scared right now.

But I think I'm going to be okay.

Thank you for reading.



P.S-If anyone is curious/interested and wants to keep up with our lives....I have a bunch of stuff on the blog sidebar (Flickr, Shelfari, YouTube, Jack's video game blog, etc).   That should give some idea what's going on in our lives; and you won't need to worry that we've dropped off the face of the earth.