Thursday, June 18, 2015

Olympia Valance, Dying, Acland Street, and a Nomadic Lifestyle

1. Dreamed that I kissed Olympia Valance. This dream was an offshoot of a crazy and funny lucid dream.  I'm tempted to share the whole dream, but I'm doubting it's going to be entertaining to anyone besides myself.

So...I'm just going to share the part featuring Olympia Valance. Even that might end up being overly long. Sorry.

I end up in an area that has waterslides. I see a woman that looks somewhat like Sally on Coronation Street. When she's close enough to me, I tell her this. She's not pleased. She tells me she's heard this too many times. She's sick of it. She also tells me that she's been pushed to watch Coronation Street. Someone told her it has a lot of music. I think to myself that this isn't really very true.

Then Olympia Valance is with us. I tell her and Sally-look-alike that I can understand why people would get tired of hearing that they look like a celebrity. I used to be told that I look like Winona Ryder. I liked that. But if it kept happening, I might get sick of it. I think to myself, especially after the shoplifting incidents.

I kind of compliment Olympia Valance in a flirtatious way about her being in a recent zombie movie.

Then a bit later she dares me to kiss her. I do. I like it a lot. 

Soon Olympia Valance is going to be married. The ceremony is happening at a large dining table. My dad is doing the speech that is needed. I'm wondering if the ceremony could say that although Valance is marrying a man, she is free to be with whatever woman she wants.  

2. Thought about a dying child on The Secret Life of Us because my cricket is dying today.

Death and dying is so incredibly difficult and complicated...even when it's just a cricket. There's all these questions. Should I euthanize or let it happen naturally? Should I take him out of his cage now that I know he's not going to run away? Will I be sad and cry? I'm somewhat fine now, but what about later?

On The Secret Life of Us, they take the child to the beach because he's never seen the ocean. I think it was a good idea in theory, but the scene was so depressing. The child looked miserable and uncomfortable. He didn't look happy. He didn't have the energy to even smile. So then he's at the beach and gets to see all the happy and healthy people having fun. It's like the world is screaming at him. See all the stuff you have to miss! 

With that in mind, I decided not to let the cricket roam free for his last day of life. He can't even move. What's the point?

3. Started watching an episode of Neighbours. So far, my dream feelings aren't carrying over to real life. I'm not having a desire to kiss Olympia Valance.

4. Felt stressed about lost money storyline on Neighbours. Paige (Olympia Valance) Bailey (Calen MacKenzie), and Amber (Jenna Rosenow) received a fortune; then put it into some account. Now it seems to be all gone. Where did it go?  I don't know.

I guess I'll find out in the next episode.

5. Started watching The Secret Life Of Us. I don't think this is going to be a feel-good episode. It's about Kelly recovering from her attack. Or struggling to recover. 

6. Spotted an extra on the show that kind of looks like Annie Maynard from Upper Middle Bogan.

Well, she doesn't really look like it in the screenshot. But in action she does. At least I think so.

7. Saw that the first thing on Annie Maynard's filmography is an All Saints episode in 2005.  But isn't it maybe possible that she worked as an extra on The Secret Life of Us in 2003?

8. Thought is would be fun if IMDb included extra work and commercials on filmographies.

9. Thought about similarities between this episode of The Secret Life of Us and the episodes of Coronation Street I watched last night.

Evan (Samuel Johnson) is having to deal with learning his friend is a violent asshole that attacks women.  On Coronation Street, Stella has to deal with the knowledge that her newlywed husband is an arsonist and murderer.

Both will probably have feelings of guilt and regret. But I think there will also be grief. Evan has lost a friend. Stella has lost the man she loves.  It's not just the person they lost, but the idea of the person. They'll both be left disillusioned.

10. Felt outside the physical injuries that Evan's pain could be as bad as Kelly's (Deborah Mailman). Kelly can at least maintain trust in her intuition and ability to judge others. She expected someone to be bad, and he turned out that way.  Although now she might have much higher expectations of violence. She might go through the rest of her life terrified that someone is going to hit her again. And her intuition might fail her. She might become more prejudice against men—even when they're good guys and don't deserve her fear.

I think, Evan, though will have to deal with more disillusionment. I imagine he's going to have a really hard time trusting his own intuition; and he's probably going to have a hard time trusting people. Anytime he meets a new mate, he's likely to wonder, If I take this guy home, will he end up trying to rape Kelly? 

11. Decided that what I'm trying to say is that both Kelly and Evan are going to have a very hard time. Their friends will as well. How will Jake (Torquil Neilson) Kelly's boyfriend feel about her being attacked?  It's going to be hard on him. Is she going to want to kiss him? Because the last kiss she had was forced on her. How can she now kiss Jake and not think about the kissing attack?

The thing is, you don't have to be a victim of crime to be a victim of crime. Families and friends of victims are hurt as well.

12. Loved this quote from A Fraction of the Whole. That was the night I understood he was not a skeptic who doesn't believe in a six sense, but he was the uber-skeptic, who wouldn't trust or believe in the other five either.

I've been really slow about reading the book, by the way. I'm usually not like that. This is a new me.

But yeah. That's how I see many skeptics. It's less about questioning supernatural claims and more about doing everything in one's power to prove them false.

I've thought about supernatural stuff recently. Very weird things have happened to me in my life. Not ghostly sighting stuff, but amazing coincidences. I try to figure out alternate explanations. Then if and when I can't think of any, the whole thing usually drops from my mind. I often don't think about it again until I end up reading an old blog post or journal entry.

Would my life be more meaningful if I put more thought into the strange things that have happened? And WHY don't I think of them more. Is it not interesting enough to me? Do I fear if I talk about it too much, people will think I've lost my mind? Do I worry people will think I'm lying?

I don't know.

13. Wondered if I'm just lazy. Maybe I just give up thinking about it, because I can't understand how and why it happened.  It's exciting when it happens, but then after that it feels like a dead end.

14. Thought more about death, because the sick little boy on The Secret Life of Us is asking for no more life support machines. It makes me more understanding of folks who are anti-euthanasia. We have a hard enough time letting go of the person hanging off the side of the cliff. It's hard to expect people to be able to actually push the person off.

15. Liked Grant's blog post photo. He saw Judea-Christian mythology in some trees.  I can see where he's coming from. But I don't think I'd ever see it, if he hadn't mentioned it first. I would have seen just trees.

16. Felt sadness about the dying child storyline. They had flashbacks that told the story of how Tidy (Dan Spielman) first met Fergus, the sick boy (Blake Pittman). Fergus wasn't always the pitiful child suffering on the beach. At one time he ran around playing soccer. Tidy was actually friends with the child. He was more than a favorite patient to him. I didn't realize that.

So...Fergus has a brain bleed. He's not going to wake up. Tidy passes on the bad news to Fergus' family. Then Evan has one of his voice-overs. He says, how do you tell a mother things you can't bare to think of yourself?

17. Thought about how diseases, like violence, have multiple victims. One illness in one person hurts many.

18. Hoped that Kelly eventually dumps Jake for Frank (Rhys Muldoon).

Well, mostly because it's Rhys Muldoon. But also he seems like better boyfriend material.

When Kelly starts talking about her attack, Jake tells her to not think about it. WTF? Obviously she is going to think about it. Maybe she also needs to talk about it. I'm so tired of insensitive, selfish bad listeners.

Frank, on the other hand, doesn't even wait for Kelly to start talking. He simply tells her that if she needs to talk about it, he can listen. He doesn't ask questions or pressure her to talk about it. He just lets her know that he's available. That's very thoughtful and kind of him.

19. Had conversation with Jack that led me to thinking about whether I'd eventually want a nomadic lifestyle. I go back and forth on that one. And of course, I'd have to take Tim's consideration into the whole thing.

Sometimes I think I wouldn't want it, because I'm often relieved to come home after being away. But I think it's because I miss my routine and not because I actually miss having our house.

We stayed at the lake house last week, and besides missing our cat, I didn't miss home a lot. BECAUSE I made sure to keep most of my routine. I still did my blog, and I still watched my TV shows.

I think what makes travel so exhausting is the intensity and loss of routine. But if we make an effort to relax and do the things that gives us comfort at home, it might not need an ending.

20. Started watching another episode of The Secret Life of Us.

21. Saw that Gigi Edgley has replaced Abi Tucker in the credits.

22. Saw that Chloe (Nina Liu) is still in the credits. It's interesting, because her one connection to the group was with Miranda (Abi Tucker).

Well, I guess she was sort of friends with Christian (Michael Dorman). But not much so.

How is she going to stay connected with the other characters when Miranda is in Los Angeles?

23. Wondered why certain characters like Chloe, George, and Tidy end up in the credits. But people like Rex, Nathan, and Jake never did.

Is it a lottery? Do you have to sleep with someone? Promise to get them coffee everyday? What's the trick?

24. Saw that Claudia Karvan directed this episode.

Seeing that told me something about myself. I have a hard time separating fiction from reality. Because seeing her name was a bit shocking. I felt myself thinking, but how can she be directing this. She and Rex moved to London.

I guess this probably means there's a part of me that believes Joel Edgerton is traveling around the world, and Abi Tucker has moved to Los Angeles.

Then again...both of those things ARE possible.

25. Went to Abi Tucker's website. It's a bit unfinished. The templates are still in place.

What happened there?

26. Figured out how Chloe is staying connected to the group. She's Christian's roommate. I forgot that she moved in with them. I was thinking she was more like a full-time visiting girlfriend rather than an official roommate.

27. Saw that The Secret Life of Us has the same storyline as I've been watching on Neighbours—a gay man asked by a woman, in her early 40's, to be the father of her child. Like Chris (James Mason) Richie (Spencer McLaren) has a lover that might not be fully supportive.

I wonder if this happens in real life a lot. Are there a lot of women in their forties making babies with young gay men?

28. Felt a kinship to Evan with this monologue. The thing about expectations is they go up and down with your mood.  Feeling crappy, you never expect much. Feeling good and your expectations keep going up. Trouble is the gods know this. You get sure of yourself. That's the moment they'll choose.

That's totally my mindset in life. Don't be overly happy and optimistic. If you are, the universe will surely fuck with you.

29. Noticed address of The Secret Life of Us apartment. It's 14A Acland Street.  I shall have to try to find that on Google Maps.

And I need to remember where we stayed on Acland Street.  I think maybe it was 1/3 Acland Street.

30. Looked at some of my photos of St. Kilda. I wish I took more of them.

I kind of want to go back.

I didn't have a huge love of Melbourne in general. But I did love St. Kilda. I loved being on Acland Street.  And this was all before I had even watched The Secret Life of Us.

31. Started watching my first video that includes St. Kilda.

At :44, there's a shot of the apartment we stayed at. But it's us looking out from inside a gate. Maybe I can find the gate on Google Maps.

32. Thought this yellow building might be it. But Google Maps says the address is 5 Acland Street. I don't remember that being the address.

33. Started watching the next video that might have St. Kilda bits.

34. Began watching another video with St. Kilda. The beginning of this one shows the grey roof we'd see from outside our window. That might be a good hint.

I think it disqualifies the yellow building I had picked out before.

35. Saw a business called Sugar Loaf near 1/3 Acland Street. I kind of remember that. I don't know if I remember it in person, but I remember seeing it on Google Maps when we were doing travel planning.

36. Frustrated. I'm going to give up trying to find our apartment. Instead I'll look for The Secret Life of Us one.

37. Failed again. I can find it on Google Maps, but I can't see it on Street View.

38. Wondered if this is The Secret Life of Us apartment. The color seems right, but the style seems off to me.

39. Took a closer look at the building on the show.

I think it IS the same.

40. Decided to search through my Google Mail for answers about our apartment.

I was close, but wrong in a dyslexic type of way.

It's not 1/3 Acland Street. It's 3/1.

41. Continued not to be able to find it on Google Maps.

When I plug it in, it takes me to building 1A.

It's the same yellow building I saw before.

I'm just not seeing the gray roof. Where did that come from?

42. Saw that it would have been a two minute walk from our apartment to The Secret Life of Us one. We probably passed it many times.

43. Agreed somewhat with this quote, about suicide, in A Fraction of the Whole. Now I wonder why do we wish our loved ones back to life if they were so obviously miserable? Did we really hate them that much? 

I don't think it applies to all suicides. Some people commit suicide, and it's a huge mistake, because if they lived to the next morning, they would have found things have improved. Or maybe they'd need to wait a few weeks or months. Maybe a year.

I had a night that I REALLY wanted to die, though, I didn't really take any action. I just grabbed a bottle of pills and made declarations.  Effects from what caused the suicidal feelings are still with me,—twenty-eight years later. But I think the absolute despair lasted only a few days.

But anyway...I think some people have good reason to commit suicide. I'd never SUGGEST that someone do it or wish they made the choice. I'm just saying if they did do it, I wouldn't blame them. I probably wouldn't have regrets for them.

Let's take Karl from Coronation Street. He's lost his wife, because now she knows about his crimes. Out of desperation, he murdered his former lover. He started a fire that killed a firefighter. His whole neighbourhood despises him. He's a villain, but a villain with a conscience. He feels guilty for what he did. He's on his way to prison. If he decided to hang himself in his cell, who could blame him? What would be the point of using suicide prevention on the guy?

44. Decided there are short-term problems that are suicide-worthy. Like Irukandji Syndrome! If someone had that, I wouldn't blame them for killing themselves. If it was me who had it, I think I'd be very tempted.

I guess though that many people with the syndrome DO want to off themselves, but they don't have the necessary materials.  Nor would they have the energy.  I guess that's probably a good thing. Because later on, they'd probably be happy to be alive. Plus they'll end up with a story they can tell their friends, grandchildren, neighbours, coworkers, and any sucker willing to listen.

45. Talked to Tim about moving to Australia. I totally have a plan now.

In ten years, we sell everything. We become nomads.

I'm not going to mess with getting residency or anything like that. I think we'll be too old and not wealthy enough.

We'll live there unofficially. We'll get a tourist visa every year, and spend three months in Australia. Officially we'll just be tourists, but my heart will feel like it's living there.

Then for the rest of the year, we'll live at the lake house and travel around the country visiting family.
Maybe every so often we'll take a cruise or visit some exciting foreign land.

Tim was a bit worried about packing. He thought we should rent storage space. But I think that's too expensive. And I told him, what if we store all this clothes, and when we come back a year later it no longer fits us?  Better to just pack a moderate amount and do laundry.  Maybe I can bribe one of the lovely Australians we know to take care of some stuff for us. For example, Tim needs an X-Box. So someone can have our X-Box to play with nine months out of the year. And we get it the other three.

If there is an Australian who is similar to us in size and style, we can share clothes.

Anyone interested?

46. Had another brilliant idea. Maybe we can spend part of the time house-sitting for someone with a cat. Maybe an Australian who wants to do some of their own traveling....

Because I'll probably miss having a cat.