Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Jealousy, Recruiting New Fans, Bottling Up Feelings, and Trying to Delete Problems

1. Dreamed that I'm with a group of adults and children. There's talk of a current theater project. The kids and their parents are happier with this one, that's happening in the US, than they were with the last one in which they went overseas. They weren't very satisfied, because the kids didn't get big parts in the play.

I'm curious and ask one of the parents where they went. She says something, but I don't understand. Then she repeats herself, and I hear it was Sydney.

I take a walk, and realize I'm bothered that the theater group went to Sydney. I'm jealous that all these other American families went to Australia. I'm wondering why I feel this way, because lately I've been better about not being jealous when other people visit Australia. I think about how my dad has recently visited Australia, and how I wasn't jealous.

Note: My dad hasn't really gone to Australia lately.

Then the dream changed. I'm still walking. But now I'm walking in Australia. It's my last day there. I'm heading to the airport. 

I start thinking that maybe I don't actually need to fly home. Maybe I can just kind of live at, or around, the airport. 

I end up getting to the gate, though. But then I can't find my airline. I also realize that I've left my luggage behind somewhere. 

2. Had a thought about the jealousy thing. In the dream, I was jealous of people who didn't have a positive experience in Australia.

In real life, the times I was most jealous was when my cousin moved to Australia and my sister went on a vacation there. My cousin didn't want to move to Australia. My sister wasn't excited about going to Australia. Her husband was the one pushing the whole thing.

3. Tempted to think it's less about jealousy and more about being annoyed about people getting to go to Australia when they don't even want to be there.  

However, it could also be that my sister and cousin went to Australia at a time that my obsession was very intense, and I actually felt possessive of Australia.

I still love Australia. I'm still obsessed. I still get jealous. But it's all with a little less intensity.

I do still get more jealous about other Americans visiting Australia or moving there than I do about people from other countries visiting Australia. I'm not sure why.  

4. Thought about how this contradicts with my desire for Americans to like things from Australia. I want my family to watch Australian TV shows. I want them to listen to Australian music. I get excited to see other Americans watching Australian TV shows on Hulu.  

5. Thought about the night I got my family to watch Wentworth.  The way we were all acting—it felt like I literally had made the show with my barehands. I was on edge about whether they'd like it or not. Then when they started praising it and talking about wanting to watch more of it; I think I had this look of pride on my face. My brother-in-law and I kind of joked around about that.  

6. Wondered, though, if it's not about Australia, and more about us humans having this drive to get other people to watch, listen, and like what we like.

Maybe I was just as eager to get my family to watch Modern Family. I was quite pleased when they ended up becoming fans.

My parents often push us to watch a certain TV show or a movie they've recently liked.

Most everyone in my family likes showing each other songs and videos that we like. It's a great feeling when someone else ends up liking it too. And I feel disappointed and somewhat rejected when the people seem bored or unimpressed by what I've shown them.  

7. Started to watch an episode of Neighbours

8. Saw that Imogen (Ariel Kaplan) is not happy that Daniel kissed her despite having a crush on him. She's very angry.

I can't blame her. I think it would be incredibly confusing.  He told her awhile back that he doesn't see her in that way.  Yeah, things change. I guess if someone isn't attracted to you, there's no guarantee the lack of feelings will last forever.

I think the biggest thing is that very recently he was madly in love with Amber. Now he's gotten over her so quickly. If someone has intense feelings about someone; then quickly gets over them, and moves onto us; there'd likely be worry that they'll get over our relationship quickly as well.  

9. Realized that Daniel falls in love quickly, and he also falls out of love quickly.

10. Pleased to see Brad (Kip Gamblin) being reasonable. Even though, in yesterday's episode, he told Terese (Rebekah Elmaloglou) that she's paranoid regarding Paige (Olympia Valance) trying to break up their marriage; he does go talk to Paige about it.  

To my surprise, Paige didn't try to deny it. She confessed that it's true.

I hope Brad apologizes to Terese for calling her paranoid.

11. Found myself reluctantly agreeing with Paige.

Brad asks why she did it. She says Brad seemed unhappy with Terese and happy with Lauren (Kate Kendall).

It's true.  I think Brad is a happier and nicer man when he's with Lauren. He's an ass when he's with Terese.

Now there's the chance that Brad is better with Lauren, because he's not in a committed relationship with her. When you're married to someone, there's pressure to get along, and that can lead to conflict. 

On the other side of the argument, maybe Brad and Lauren are a better match. Maybe they're soulmates, and Terese is an obstacle to that. Maybe Brad is Terese's obstacle in finding her soulmate or other forms of happiness. 

12. Went back to thinking Brad is awful. 

He has Paige apologize to Terese, which was nice. 

Terese was not very accepting of the apology, and when Paige left, Terese told Brad she suspected Paige is still scheming. That was NOT very nice.

Brad, though, bitches Terese out for not telling him immediately about her suspicions against Paige. Well, why should Terese feel safe doing that?  When she finally did come forward, Brad called her paranoid. What's to say he wouldn't have called her paranoid if she told him earlier?

13. Thought of a family member who has done that to me. I get mad about things and bottle them up, mostly to try to avoid conflict. Sometimes the bottle explodes and I end up sharing my feelings. This certain family member will then get mad at me for not coming forward sooner.  But the person's responses to my grievances involves anger, defensiveness, and manipulation. I have no evidence that they'd be better about the issue if I told them earlier. 

Then again, I can't think of a time that I immediately told this person that something was bothering me. Maybe I'm wrong, and if I told them right away, they'd be civil about the whole thing.  

14. Wondered if things would be better if I got in the habit of immediately saying things like That's not very nice;  That bothers me; That hurts my feelings; Please don't say stuff like that; etc.

Would the family member apologize and/or try to understand where I'm coming from. Or would they say something bitchy? Would they roll their eyes? 

I really have no idea.

And if Terese told Brad right away that she found out Paige is trying to break them up, would he have been more receptive?  Would he have skipped calling her paranoid?

14. Liked storyline with Nell (Scarlett Anderson) and her parents (Eve Morey and Ryan Moloney). 

It might be because I think Nell is absolutely adorable. 

Her parents are adorable too.  

Nell's biting storyline isn't big epic drama, but it's funny, cute, and realistic.  

I also like that Toadie is a Back to the Future fan.  I like fanboys. 

15. Wished Mark (Scott McGregor) would talk more about his Doctor Who love.

16. Thought that Toadie and Sonya were a bit foolish about the biting thing.

Amber (Jenna Rosenow) is babysitting Nell, and sees her playing a game where a bee bites flowers. She gets the idea that Nell has picked up the biting habit from the game. This makes sense. Good job, Amber.

Amber shares her hypothesis with Toadie and Sonya. They love her for figuring this out. Then they delete the game from the tablet. 

Okay? Do they think deleting the game on the tablet is going to delete the game from their daughter's head?  She's still going to remember the game. She's old enough that out of sight doesn't equal out of mind. 

I think it would have been better to talk to Nell about the game and biting. Maybe distract her with other games...if possible.  

I think deleting the game is just going to lead to a tantrum, not to less biting.

17. Started watching an episode of Water Rats 

18. Relieved to see the drowning bus driver rescued on Water Rats.

Although then I started thinking, what if it's one of those things where the bus driver wanted to drown? Maybe he was committing suicide and taking innocent passengers with him.

I argued with myself. The rescuers gave him an oxygen supply while he was stuck in the bus, and he took it. If he wanted to die, he'd refuse it.

But then I questioned that. Maybe even if you want to die, the natural desire to breath wins out.

19. Looked at the crew of this episode of Water Rats. There are so many people—a script coordinator, a nurse, an engineer, a caterer, a marine coordinator, a title designer, etc. 

I'm going to pick a random person on the crew, and see if I can find anything about them. 

20. Ended up with Bronwen Strokes, thanks to

Bronwen Strokes was the assistant to Hal McElroy, who was one of the creators of Water Rats.

Bronwen Strokes first acted as assistant to McElroy when McElroy worked on a 1994 movie called The Sum of Us.  McElroy was the executive producer of the movie, which was a comedy-drama about a gay man and his father.  

21. Saw that Rebekah Elmaloglou was in the movie!

22. Saw that Russell Crowe was one of the stars. I think he played the gay son.

23. Saw that McElroy was one of the creators of Blue Heelers. Strokes assisted him on that as well.  

24. Saw that Strokes worked on Water Rats only in 1996.

Then he doesn't have another credit for his filmography until 2002. He worked as an assistant to the executive producer for the TV show Young Lions

I wonder why he didn't pursue a career in film/television. Did he decide it wasn't for him?  Could he not find more work?  Is he no longer alive?  

25. Saw a website for a Bronwen Strokes in South Africa. 

It's a woman, not a man.

I assumed Bronwen was a male's name for some reason.  Oops.

So, this Bronwen Strokes who assisted McElroy was probably a she, not a he.

26. Thought the Bronwen Strokes in South Africa looked too young to be the one who was assisting a television crew back in the 1990's.  UNLESS she was assisting as a child laborer.

27. Wished I could find more about Bronwen Strokes.

For now, I'm not having much luck.  

28. Saw that this episode is about spontaneous human combustion.

I have no idea if that phenomena is accepted as fact, or if it's seen as something that MIGHT be true.

29. Consulted Lord Wiki.

From what he says, I get the idea that it's controversial.  Some people believe it happens. Other people believe, it might look like the person burned themselves up all on their own, but there is probably another explanation.

30. Learned about Paronella Park from the 1 Year Off Blog.

Paronella Park was built in the 1920's by an immigrant from Spain.  It was supposed to be a pleasure garden type thing.  

The park met with various horrific disasters in the 1940's, and then in the 1990's, new owners came along and tried to restore the whole thing.

It looks quite beautiful.

It's expensive, though.  It's $43 for adult tickets. That's a lot, in my opinion. In a way, it kind of looks like a botanical gardens. I don't think botanical gardens are usually that expensive.

The one near us is free, unless you want to visit the Japanese gardens. And that's only about $2 dollars per person.  

31. Saw that I'm wrong. The Japanese gardens, at the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens, cost five dollars for adults. Still, that's much lower than $43.  

32. Saw that the Paronella Park website says that the ticket is good for twenty-four months. Does that mean you can visit as much as you want within two years. Or do they mean, once you buy the ticket, you have twenty-four months to use it. Then once you use it, you can't use it again?

33. Saw that admission includes multiple tours.

So, maybe that's not too bad. It's not like you have to pay an admission price, and then pay extra for tours.  

34. Went to the Triple J 2014 list.

Today I'm going to listen to the 39th song which is "Two Bodies" by Flight Facilities, featuring Emma Louise. 

Have I listened to a song of theirs already?  

I kind of feel like I have, but I'm not sure. 

35. Checked to see if they have a song higher on the list.

I don't see anything. But I'm feeling weird right now and not in a good way. My brain might not be working to it's full capacity. 

AND...Seeing that my brain doesn't usually work at high levels; if it's not working at full capacity, you really can't expect much from me.  

36. Checked to see if I have Flight Facilities on my Spotify lists.

I don't, as far as I can tell.

37. Saw that I DO have Emma Louise on my Spotify list. She's the one who sings the song that plays at the funeral on Offspring.

37. Started to watch the video for "Two Bodies"

38. Watched a man and woman dancing together in their underpants.

It's kind of like a creepy dark version of Dirty Dancing

39. Did not like the song or the video.

I'm starting to think Triple J doesn't usually have my type of music.  

Or I should say my taste doesn't match those who do the voting. There haven't been many songs on the list that I like.

Although I know some Lorde songs were on the 2013 list, and I like her a lot.  

40. Consulted Lord Wiki about the Triple J Top 100 list.

He has the top ten songs from the last several years.  

"Wonderwall" was the top song in 1995.  I like that song. Is there any fan of Lost that doesn't?

41. Saw that "Frontier Psychiatist" was a top song in 2000. I loved that song a few years ago. I used to have it on my Spotify list, but then I guess it was taken off Spotify. Maybe it's back on. I should check. 

42. Saw that "Frontier Psychiatrist" is back! I added it to my Spotify list.

The video is awesome too.  I don't usually like videos, but I like that one.  

43. Saw that "Riptide" was the #1 song in 2013. I love that song; and I also love the #2 song: "Royals".  So maybe I was more in synch with Triple J voters in 2013 than I was in 2014. 

44. Started to watch a Neighbours backstage video

This one stars Colette Mann, and it deals with her fantasies about Paul Robinson (Stefan Dennis). Well, it deals with Sheila Canning's fantasies about Paul Robinson.  I don't know if Colette Mann has fantasies about Paul Robinson. She might. Or she might have them about Stefan Dennis?

45. Loved Stefan Dennis's laugh. He's adorable.

46. Reminded by video that Sheila was also having fantasies about Lou Carpenter (Tom Oliver).