Thursday, February 18, 2016

Supernatural Storylines, Getting Rid of Evie, Ageism, and Hurtful Comments

1. Started to watch an episode of Home and Away.

Severely brain-injured Leah (Ada Nicodemou) is already home from the hospital, after just waking up a few episodes ago. She's walking, talking, and looks perfectly normal.

2. Saw that Leah is at least having some kind of headache. Or a dizzy spell?  It's something that's making her put her hands to her face.

3. Thought it would be fun if Leah gains some kind of psychic power from her brain injury. You know, if they're not going to make the storyline medically realistic, than at least they could something supernatural with it.

It could be like The Dead Zone.

4. Wondered if Home and Away has ever had any kind of supernatural storyline?  How about Neighbours?

My American soap operas did. Days of our Lives had demonic possession.  It was silly and stupid.

Another World had something, probably. I can't remember exactly. Maybe there was a ghost storyline?

5. Thought that Matt (Alec Snow) was kind of clever...in a dark way.

He's depressed, because of his breakup with his girlfriend.

Evie (Philippa Northeast) has been trying to help him.  Her intentions are good, but her methods seem a bit faulty to me.  Sometimes she tries to guilt-trip him into getting out of his funk. Other times, she treats him as a challenge she has to face and conquer. She tells him that no matter how mean he is to her, she's sticking by his side. Personally, I think it would be better for her to just stick by his side, and not announce that she's up to the challenge.

So, what does Matt do? He kisses Evie. She doesn't like that—the main reason probably being that she has a boyfriend.

At first, I thought maybe had Matt had some secret feelings for Evie. Then I realized he was just upping the challenge for her a bit.  She can deal with his insults? Will she also be able to deal with his unwanted advances?

The answer is no. She got angry and rushed away.

Matt got himself free of Evie.

Now the question is, did he truly want to get rid of Evie?

I have no idea.

He might need to be alone in his depression. He might just need time to mourn.

On the other hand, he might be in that state of wanting support, but needing support from someone who's strong enough to stand by him when he's at his worst.

6. Thought about how sometimes we push people away because we need our space. Other times, we push people away when we need them the most.

7. Saw that a new Australian movie has been added to Netflix. It's called Charlie's Country.

I'm going to add it to my to-watch list.

8. Continued my watching of the movie Adore.

9. Felt that in some ways, the movie is cowardly.

There's a message that it's okay for a woman to date an older man as long as she knows she has to eventually give him up and date someone younger.

I'm not saying that the older woman should refuse to let go.  Like any person being dumped, it's nice if the old women doesn't become a crazy bitch about the whole thing.  I just don't think there should be an expectation that the woman eventually give up her man.

If I remember correctly, the most recent Bridget Jones book had the same kind of message. It's fine and fun for an older woman to get together with a younger man. But then eventually they should find someone their own age.

I think this message is unfair to the woman AND the man.

10. Imagined if we had that viewpoint about ethnicity. Well, it's okay to date a black guy...but of course you're not going to marry him. Right?  

10. Read another one of Bridget Neval's blog posts, and had a lot of thoughts about it.

The title is "People Say Stupid Things".

Neval tells a story about going to her GP for an eating disorder referral.  The asshole GP responded by looking at her body and saying, Well it’s not serious at the moment, obviously. In other words, she wasn't thin enough to make him worry.  

It gets even worse. The doctor saw a scar on her arm while taking her blood pressure. He asked her about it, and Neval told him it was from cutting herself. He laughed at her.

Why do doctors like this have jobs?! Please! Tell me!  Really. I can't wait until robots take over the medical industry.

I've had few encounters with doctors that weren't ignorant, rude, or insensitive.

Anyway....

The basic idea of Neval's post is that people say stupid things. If you're in an emotionally good place, they won't bother you too much. If you're not in an emotionally good place, the statements can cause more harm.  This make sense to me.

As for people who say stupid things, Neval says,  It’s not their fault. People can’t be expected to know exactly the right thing to say to someone with an illness that’s incredibly hard to rationalise and understand even for the those who have it.

I agree with her in some instances. It seems there are so many rules to follow when it comes to saying the right thing to someone with a problem.  My dad used to use the term walking on eggshells.

There's a difference, though, between walking and stomping.

I think Neval's doctor was definitely a stomper.  His words and demeanor weren't just stupid. They were downright rude and cruel.

My feeling is I'd probably replace the term stupid with hurtful and/or rude.

When you have a medical and/or psychological problem, it's extremely likely that someone's going to say something that hurts your feelings. Sometimes they'll say it out of ignorance. Other times they'll say things that aren't necessarily ignorant. It's just they have a different opinion than your own. And opinions CAN be very hurtful sometimes, even valid ones.

11. Decided to use examples from my own life.

One day, I mentioned to one of my family members that I was concerned about trying a certain diet because of my past eating disorder issues.  Now this was NOT the first time I mentioned my eating disorders to this person.

My family member responded by telling me I didn't have an eating disorder. I had just been yo-yo dieting. They argued that eating disorders are those people who weigh forty pounds and are in the hospital.

I am pretty sure this person was speaking out of ignorance.  They had probably read little about eating disorders.  

On the other side of the coin, there's what I read from Neval herself about eating disorders. She declared that people with my type of eating issues aren't eating-disordered.  If I had been in a more fragile emotional state, that would have probably hurt me a lot.

The thing is, though, I don't think Neval was saying something stupid. I think she's well-experienced and probably very knowledgable when it comes to eating disorders. She just has a different opinion than I do.

12. Concluded that hurtful comments can be divided into ones that are ignorant and ones that are well-informed, yet in opposition to our own.

I think they also can be divided into rude/cruel and....

Shit, I can't think of what the other category should be called.

Maybe I'll just say NOT rude/cruel

I'd put Neval's GP in the rude/cruel category.  He should have just kept his mouth shut.

Why the hell would he laugh at a patient?  UNLESS it was nervous giggles, which I can have sympathize for. Otherwise, it's unforgivable.

I'd put Neval's first blog post in the NOT rude/cruel category. She just wrote her own personal opinion on her own blog.  It's not like she came over to my blog and bitched me out saying, You think you have an eating disorder? You're totally wrong about that, Loser!

Also, in her blog post she wasn't overly snarky about people she views as not-having-an-eating disorder.

13. Thought about my certain family members. I don't know if I'd put them in the rude/cruel category or the not rude/cruel category.

I'd guess I'd put them in neither.  Instead I'd put them in the willfully ignoranct and perpetually insensitive category.  Saying one ignorant thing about eating disorders is one thing.  They do it repeatedly.  And it's not just ignorance about eating disorders in general. It's ignorance about my own personal experiences.  After having an eating disorder, writing to them about eating disorders, and talking to them about eating disorders, one of them still thought it was a fine idea to compliment me on losing a ton of weight (that was NOT eating disorder or dieting related).

14. Had some deep thoughts and reconsidered things.

I think SOME of what my certain family members have said is due to ignorance and insensitivity. Other parts of it is about having a different opinion.  To me, what's bad is over-dieting, extreme-exercise obsession, preoccupation with food, and over-valuing the underweight physique.  To them, what's bad is obesity and not exercising enough.

I say this, because I'm pretty sure they HAVE read eating disorder stuff since we had our dramas. And I've talked to them about it. Even with that, though, they still say bothersome things.  I think no matter what they read, or what I tell them, they're still going to think it's more a problem if someone in our family becomes a little bit chubby than if someone starts drastically cutting calories and drops a ton of pounds.

14. Hoped some of my ramblings make sense...at least to me.

Sometimes when I go back and proofread my ramblings, I'm pleasantly surprised.

Other times I read and think, Oh...shit.

15. Tried to summarize the stuff swimming in my head.

I'm thinking...if someone says something hurtful or annoying, we should ask ourselves, is what they said ignorant? Or is it just an opinion that differs from my own?                

Then we might ask, Was it okay for them to say what they said?  Usually ignorance should be kept quiet. But there are times where someone doesn't realize they're ignorant, and they also don't realize what they say is hurtful.

As for opposing opinions, I think people should be able to express these, but it's nice to be sensitive around the people affected by the problem.

The other question is whether the person saying the hurtful thing did it on purpose.  Well, no. Of course they said it on purpose.  People don't usually say things accidentally.  What I mean is were they purposely trying to hurt us?  Sometimes people DO mean to hurt us, but it's doubtful anyone is going to readily admit to that.

Then I guess the last question is whether or not the person is making an effort to be sensitive and kind.  It's one thing not want to walk on eggshells. It's another thing to stomp away like a complete creep, and feel you have every right to do this.

16. Felt that I need to learn to be more tolerant of the dieting/weight loss opinions of certain members of my family... even if they're very different from my own, and even though they hurt me at times.

They've been too hurtful at times, but I've been too picky at times.

I personally feel they're more to blame in this particular ongoing drama, but I'm not 100% innocent.

17. Went back to watching Adore.

18. Confused by sex scene in movie, because I can't tell which woman I'm seeing.

It's either an incest scene, an older woman-young man scene, or a man with the wrong young woman scene.

19. Learned that it was an older woman-young man sex scene.

20. Finished watching the movie.

For the most part, I liked it.

It wasn't perfect, but it kept me interested, and it gave me things to think about.

21. Went to Random.org to pick my next thing to watch.

It's going to be the third season of Tangle.

I'm taking a blog break tomorrow and Saturday, so I'll probably start watching on Sunday.

22. Started to proofread and saw things that made me realize I should say Adore had a different ending than I had anticipated. I think it was strange and kind of abrupt, but less cowardly than I thought it would be.








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