Friday, March 11, 2016

Oblivious People, Agony, Self-Interested People, and Opened Windows

1. Started to watch an episode of Home and Away.

2. Felt sad for Oscar (Jake Speer)  He seems to be worried about having an exercise addiction relapse from working at the gym, and his boss, Andy (Tai Hara) is completely oblivious.  Hannah (Casey Howarth) was very supportive towards Oscar, the other day.  She made him feel he could come talk to her at any time. So, Oscar made a lunch date to discuss his problems. Then she canceled. Now Oscar is looking so sad.

I can totally relate to this kind of thing. I often feel I have to struggle with my issues on my own.  People are completely oblivious to what I'm going through—sometimes because I don't tell them, but more often because they don't listen, they forget, or they don't believe me.  Then there have been times where I've reached out to people. They didn't have time to write back, or they talked to me for awhile, but then had to rush and go somewhere. That's fine, of course. People have busy lives. But it would be nice if they came back to me eventually.

3. Remembered the other thing that happens a lot. People act very sympathetic and do take the time to be with me during my problem. But then they talk about themselves and their problems for most of the conversation.  There's usually about 10% listening to me, 50% sharing their life story and situation, and 40% giving me advice.

4. Worried I do that with Jack sometimes.

Actually, I know I do.

I'm very ashamed of it.

I need to remember to listen well.  It really should be about 90% listening, 9% advice, and 1% sharing your own life story.

5. Saw that maybe Oscar isn't upset about the exercise addiction.

He talks to Hannah about how Andy is annoying him by pressuring him to have a career at the gym.

I've encountered people like that. They're not pushy in an explicit bossy way.  It's more like they're overenthusiastic about turning you into a little-them.

Let's say they like trains and they catch you reading an article about trains. Then they'll keep sending you suggestions about how you can get even more involved with trains.

6. Thought if I was like one of those people, the only thing I'd ask people is about their experiences related to Australia.

7. Wanted to say that I'm not talking about people who are autistic or have autistic traits. They can sometimes get focused on a subject, and have a hard time moving away from that topic.

I'm talking about people who are more on the narcissism spectrum  than the autism spectrum.

8. Decided it's still possible Oscar is upset about the exercise addiction stuff.

I think maybe he's nervous about that, AND annoyed with Andy's enthusiasm.

9. Started watching an episode of Agony Uncles.

10. Saw from IMDb, that there have been six seasons of Agony Uncles. Hulu has only the first.

11. Saw that season two is actually agony aunts instead of uncles. It deals with the same topics as the first season of Agony Uncles, but with a female perspective.

12. Saw that season three is a mixture of "aunts" and "uncles". It deals with the various stages of life.

13.  Saw that season four is about manners.

Season five had only one episode, and it was about the mind.

Season six had a variety of topics, including God and school.

14. Wished I could see more episodes.  I think the other seasons interest me more than the dating-topic of the first season.

That makes me sound really ungrateful.  I should be happy to Hulu for whatever they're kind enough to give me.

15. Agree with what Kick Gurry says on the show—that relationship issues should be taught at school.

Or maybe they are?

Maybe health classes deal with that to some extent?

Are there classes that talk about emotional and social issues, such as bullying and suicide?

16. Liked the advice that one uncle gives about breaking up. Don't turn to cults or self-help books.

I can see why it might be tempting to do so.

17.  Learned that the guy who I dislike most on the show is named John Elliot. He's the one who said he never gets jealous, because there are other fish in the sea.

Lord Wiki says that Elliot is a businessman who used to be president of the Liberal Party. Apparently, the guy has a reputation for being abrasive.

18.  Amused. Because I had paused the show to Google Elliot's name. I wanted to learn more about him.  And I did.

 Then when I unpaused, the show started talking about his involvement with the Liberal Party.

19.  Heard the guys talk about the benefits of being single.  I realize I can relate to some of it, because Tim is out of town a lot.

I kind of get the best of both worlds.  I'm single part of the week, and have marital companionship the rest of the week.

Then when Tim is home, he plays his video game most of the time, so I have a lot of freedom there as well.

20. Thought that I would really not do well in a relationship with someone who desires a lot of companionship.

I need a lot of space.

I love to be with people, but in small doses.

21. Remembered that in the beginning of my relationship with Tim, I might have wanted more companionship than what occurred.  I think I longed for more attention, and more togetherness.  But I'm past that stage now.

22. Wondered if THAT is the key to some longterm relationships—give each other a lot of space.

It probably doesn't work, though, with people who don't like being alone.  If you're the type of person to whom alone equals loneliness, you're probably not going to appreciate being given a lot of space.

23. Heard from two uncles on the show that the way to tell if you've been single too long is if you have the time to watch a lot of stuff, and if you're overly self-interested.

I watch a lot of stuff. When I'm alone, I watch stuff. Then with the small amount of time that Tim and I spend together, we usually watch something.

As for self-interested. I'm very self-interested on my blog, and I'm in a relationship.

I know people who are very self-interested in conversation and email.  Except for one, they're all in marriages.

24. Re-counted. Two are single. The rest are in marriages.

25. Decided to count the married people I know that seem very self-interested.

26. Ended up with five.

Then I know other people who are self-interested, but not as bad as the five mentioned above.  They talk a lot about themselves, but they do make some effort to show interest in other people.

27. Loved Waleed Aly for saying maybe there's no such thing as being single too long.

The important thing is to be happy.

Amen to that!

28. Annoyed by the uncle on the show who says if a woman's online profile says she's a professional, this means she's a bitch.

Really?

29. Thought that this episode is getting repetitive. A few minutes ago, they asked the uncles how do they know if they've been single too long. And now they're asking, how do you know when you're ready for another relationship?

How are those two things any different?

30. Liked Waleed Aly's philosophy.  You're ready for a relationship when you can take it or leave it.

It makes sense to me. If you're desperate for a relationship, you're more likely to settle for someone who's not right for you. Or you might not be right for them.

31. Heard some of the uncles say that you should seek out a relationship when you're in a happy place in your life.

It made me remember that I first started emailing Tim around the time that I was in fight with my best friend. I'm not sure if I sent the first email when we were having the fight, or if we had our first phone call when I was having the fight.

I think, though, that I was probably lonely and trying to fill a hole.

So, sometimes you don't need to be in a happy place in your life to start a new relationship.

32. Thought of that saying, when God closes a door, he opens a window.

That IS true sometimes.  But often, we have to stay in the locked room for a period of time.

Sometimes the room is windowless.
 
It's the days where I'm feeling the most rejected, the most invisible, the most lonely, and the most down on myself that I wish someone or something would come along and be my savior.

I want to find a new fantastic friend. Or I want to see from Statcounter that my blog is suddenly popular. I want to go to my Kindle page and see that people are buying one of my bovels.

It usually never works out that way.

33. Realized that's not always true.

Monday night I was feeling pretty depressed.

I had good dreams, which was a nice gift.  That lifted me up quite a bit. Then, for the first time ever, I ended up writing a fairly popular Tweet. It got favorited thirty-three times! That's really a lot for me. Usually, my Tweets get favorited zero times.

34. Went to Random.org to pick my next show.

It's season two of The Code.

35. Saw that Netflix doesn't have season two of The Code yet.

Oops.

I'll have to pick something else.

36. Ended up with Sleeping Beauty.

From what I remember, the movie was written and/or directed by Julia Leigh, the woman who wrote The Hunter.

37. Looked at IMDb.

Julia Leigh wrote and directed the film.

38. Saw that Michael Dorman is in Sleeping Beauty.

So, is Joel Tobeck. He plays "Business Man 1".  It's kind of sad to see an established actor having such a small role.

Or, maybe it's not that small of a role.  Maybe the character has some substance despite not being named.

39. Looked again at the cast and saw most of the characters are not named.

There's a Lucy, Clara, Thomas, and Sophie.  Then the rest of the people listed as things like waitress, man 1, dinner guest, guy with ticket, work colleague, etc.